10 crazy things my mother has done on Facebook.
posted August 2nd, 2010 by EverywhereistI’ve started this post about four times. I kept trying to find a way to tie the topic matter to travel, and frankly, I couldn’t. It has nothing to do with travel.
Instead, this post has everything to do with me. Or, more specifically, my mom.
See, she’s just discovered Facebook.
Since joining, she immediately friended one of my ex-boyfriends, posted half a dozen links about the existence of extra-terrestrial life, and called me every five minutes for days on end, asking me if I had seen her recent status updates and what I thought of her new profile picture.
The result is awkward, yet somehow endearing. To my mom, the internet is a new and strange place. She’s been an immigrant before, and now she’s a digital immigrant, to boot. She’s traveling in a strange new world, and only vaguely understands internet etiquette. She says things on Facebook that I wouldn’t in a million years consider posting.
And yet, there’s nothing wrong with that. Because when you explore new lands, there’s no right or wrong. It’s kind of like travel (HOLY CRAP, I AM MANAGING TO TIE THIS POST TO TRAVEL). You may not know all the customs. You may do things that other people find strange, or weird. But as long as you’re open-minded, willing to make friends, and your heart is in the right place?
Things will be just fine.
So, without further ado, some crazy/delightful ways my mom has used Facebook, and a few faux pas she’s committed.
1. Here are three posts from her in a row. Tell me if you see a pattern.
Did you find the pattern? That's right: each post starts with a consonant.
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2. Quizzes are apparently as worthwhile and legitimate as sworn testimony. My mother found out which 18th century philosopher she was, posted the results, and then proceeded to do a ton of research on said philosopher. Upon discovering that there was something she disagreed with, she immediately deleted the results of the quiz, freaked out that her friends will now think she’s bonkers, and posted roughly half-a-dozen status updates about how she really doesn’t believe in a categorical imperative. Somewhere therein? I received a frantic phone call about the incident.
No one is going to take the results that seriously if they involve Jessica Rabbit.
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3. She and my Auntie P. bicker on Facebook. I’m not gonna lie: This is pure awesome, and I occasionally have been known to egg them on.
They insisted walking me home, otherwise I'd "get murdered."
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4. She takes things far too literally. So if you ask, “What’s on your mind?” as Facebook prompts people to in status updates …
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5. She doesn’t realize when a phone call is better. When my brother’s cat died (he had left it with my mom a few years ago because his then-girlfriend-now-wife was allergic), my mom announced it on Facebook before telling anyone. Actually, she didn’t so much announce it as vaguely reference it (which she felt would be easier on everyone), leaving us to make our own conclusions …
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6. Movie quotes? Yeah, she ain’t gonna catch those. Still, it’s pretty cute how encouraging she is, given that out-of-context, my brother sounds nuts..
If you can immediately guess the movie, then you are a bigger dork than I.
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7. Sometimes, she makes sense. These are the scariest moments of all.
You wish your mom was this awesome.
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8. She makes up emoticons. I have no idea what this means:
I think this is a chicken being urinated on.
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9. She … Well, this is just awkward:
But still, I kind of love her for stuff like this.
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10. She takes a stand against the most random things. Don Quixote has his windmills. My mom has sidewalks.
Don't get her started on the douchey crosswalk.
Crazy, right? And yet, so damn delightful. A lot like my mom, actually. After all, I might complain or tease or poke fun, but honestly, if she used Facebook like everyone else did? I’d be miserably bored. Remember that next time you’re traveling, and are fairly sure the Italians (or the French, or the Germans, or whoever … but mostly the Italians) are nuts. If we were all the same, it would be so damn dull.
Plus, I’m sure if I looked hard enough, I might find something inappropriate that I had said on Facebook …
Okay, fine. I didn't have to look hard at all.
Wow. I’m kind of an asshole.
Tags: Family, Lost in Translation, Top Ten
August 2nd, 2010 at 10:48 am
Brilliant. All of it.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 11:25 am
This is so funny! My daughter is more likely to post inappropriately, or she will think it inappropriate when she has her own children. Wish I could get my mom on facebook at all!!!!
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August 2nd, 2010 at 11:31 am
The quote is a movie quote, but it originated in a book. specifically, Dune by Frank Herbert. It’s part of a Bene Gesserit litany against fear.
Oh, right. this is about our parents learning to use the internet. amazed at how much I related to this regarding my parents and aunts/uncles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bene_Gesserit
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August 2nd, 2010 at 11:45 am
you did! you tied it thrice to travel.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 11:46 am
Haha, that’s awesome. My mom uses Facebook primarily to get “news” from conservative sources like The Heritage Foundation. Fun! btw, you forgot to blank out your last name in #3.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Just in case you hadn’t noticed, but you totally left a full name & last name in the third image. Prolly want to redact that one, too!
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Everywhereist Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Thanks, Goody – I changed it, but I’m not too concerned, as it was only my last name (which most people know, anyway).
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August 2nd, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Wait until your unattached older relatives start complaining to you about their Facebook relationship drama. You’ll wish Facebook came with an age cap.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 8:01 pm
My Mom has forced me to change my whole password retrieval process simply by using her maiden name In her Facebook profile. Up until she joined I had used her maiden name to retrieve passwords for everything from email accounts to banking. Not anymore. Thanks Mom.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Ah, my mom has been conspiring with her friends about getting a facebook. This is probably a good look into my future, haha.
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August 2nd, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Can we trade moms?
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August 3rd, 2010 at 10:41 am
So funny! My mom’s on Facebook, but she’s a lurker. I forget she’s there, then she’ll call up and reference something I put on Facebook. Throws me off every time.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 12:49 pm
So hilarious!
This justifies why I refused to be friends with my mom on FB. She took it well, if “Well fine!I’m hardly on there anyway!”is considered well. I just couldn’t have her questioning my status updates every day! It’s bad enough that my dad reads things but pays no attention to the dates so he’s all confused. Maybe I’ll start POOF – Parents off of Facebook! Though I’d hate to ruin your fun.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 12:51 pm
The day my mother gets a Facebook account, I’m out. The FW:FW:FW:FW:FW emails with kittens and prayers and American flags are quite enough.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 1:21 pm
My mom’s favorite thing to do on the phone is remind me that she is NOT on facebook and therefore does not know what I’ve been up to since the last time we talked and I therefore need to tell her what I’ve been doing (which is usually not much). Then she’ll say “I probably don’t need facebook, right?” sounding like she really actually wants me to tell her that she ought to join.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Carbzilla – I will join your FB group in a second. Because while I love my mom, most of my status updates are hidden from her.
Philip – I get those, too. Sometimes my aunt will forward it to me and my mother, who will then forward it BACK to me.
Laura – Aww … I would be friends with your mom on FB. Though my updates would probably traumatize her.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Thanks for the family facebook album. My mom is on facebook (and my grandparents, and aunts and uncles and…) and always sends me hard hitting political news stories and medical advances(thankfully we lean the same way) and I keep telling her “mom, this is really too heavy for FB material”. I have had to give her examples of appropriate staus updates. “Efficacy of EPIC systems updates for large scale medical centers, result promising” = NO. “sunny day – I’m going for a long walk today” = YES
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August 5th, 2010 at 8:31 am
I’m laughing my face off right now, my mom is much the same way. Except more private, and she gets horribly offended when I write something too personal on my FB that might give people the impression I’m an alcoholic.
Your mom is awesome.
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March 21st, 2011 at 9:01 am
I live in OB and am pretty sure this woman lives near me. She’s a fair representative of the rest of us Obecians. We’re all a little “off” somehow. Aliens, Conspiracy Theories and *just awful* sidewalks we actually love because it gives us something to complain about other than our neighbors. Rock on, crazy momma.
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Everywhereist Reply:
March 21st, 2011 at 9:26 am
Avery – my mom doesn’t actually live in OB, but she frequently visits my aunt who does live there. So if you see two of these crazy ladies roaming around, please say hi.
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Avery Reply:
March 22nd, 2011 at 1:34 pm
They sound lovely! My college-aged daughter told me the other day, “You’re a really good mom, and an amazing person, but not many people “get” you.” Don’t I know it.
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