10 photos from Florida …

Posted on
Jun 22, 2010
Posted in: Photos, Top Ten, WTF

I’ve noted before on the blog how strange my upbringing in Florida strikes me sometimes. Compared to Seattle, it is a radically different place: flatter, more conservative, and somehow weirder.

I remember being devastated when we moved away in the middle of my freshman year of high school (this will remain a sore spot in family history for decades, but that’s another story). And while I wish that certain things had played out differently (because walking into a cafeteria as a freshman in the middle of the school year and knowing no one is absolutely terrifying) I am very, very happy that I no longer live in Florida. Not because I don’t love it or the people, but because so much of the stuff I see when I travel down there is so ridiculously jacked up, that I have to take photos.

And that’s just time consuming.

Behold some of the crazier sh*t the hubby and I saw on our last trip.

1. Tea baggers, Ft. Lauderdale, Fl.

Real-life teabaggers! I wish we had photo-bombed them with a sign that says, "Honk if you're scared of black people."

I wish we had photo-bombed them with a sign that says, "Honk if you're scared of black people."

2. Strip mall sign near Tampa, Fl.

Well, I guess consigning your baby is better than just giving it to the Goodwill.

Well, I guess consigning your baby is better than just giving it away.

3. Back of Publix-brand chocolate raisin packaging

I am SO glad they included this. I can't tell you how many times I've bought a bag of candy and thought, "NOW what the hell do I do?"

I am SO glad they included this. I can't tell you how many times I've bought a bag of candy and thought, "NOW what the hell do I do?"

4. Denim Place, Orlando, Fl.

Please, before my head explodes, just explain to me why it's not called "More than just Denim Place."

I had some crack about why it's not called "More than just Denim Place", but now all I can think is that "denim" is a weird word. I mean, it looks weird, right?

5. Bag of Passover plagues, Publix grocery store.

Bubbe either has a wicked sense of humor, or she's had another stroke.

Bubbe either has a wicked sense of humor, or she's had another stroke.

6. Cosmetic surgery office, strip mall near Celebration, Fl.

It was next door to a bar.

It was next door to a bar.

7. Chinese Buffet, Orlando, Fl.

I guess this is slightly preferable to 158 "items".

I guess this is slightly preferable to 158 "items".

8. Nautical Flea Market and Seafood Festival Sign, roadside near Naples, Fl.

If there's one word I like to see in combination with "seafood", it's "flea".

If there's one word I like to see in combination with "seafood", it's "flea".

9. Bill Wong’s strip mall, Orlando, Fl.

You had me at "Massage Tattoo."

You had me at "MASSAGE TATTOO."

10. DayTime TV show, seen at our friends’ house in Tampa. (Yes, the show is actually called DayTime).

This is a drag queen named Dixie Longate. She was being interviewed by, I shit you not, Lindsay from MTV's The Real World: Seattle.

This is a drag queen named Dixie Longate. She was being interviewed by, I shit you not, Lindsay from MTV's The Real World: Seattle.

My brain now hurts. I think I need a massage tattoo.

Leave a Comment

  • I didn’t realize “cheap sunglasses” was a Passover plague.

  • Weird. Funny. Strange. That’s Florida for you. Great collection of pics, Geraldine (and I love the new haircut too, by the way).

  • Everywhereist

    Thanks, Joanna!

  • 1) I was uprooted from my highschool during freshman year too! How can parents bring themselves to do such a horrifying thing to their children?!

    2) Laughed out loud at “bag of plagues” HAHA! So weird.

  • Everywhereist

    Meesh – I know! I can’t figure out if it’s ironic or what … (p.s. – I love your blog!)

  • Picture #1 is even funnier when you know: (a) Florida has one of the lowest per-capita tax burdens of any state (so what do they have to complain about, really?), and (b) these folks are really on the fringe, because Fort Lauderdale is one of the most liberal counties in the country (high # of Democrats, largest per-capita gay population, huge immigrant communities).

  • “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought a bag of candy and thought, “NOW what the hell do I do?”

    Baaahahaha. For real.

  • Pingback: The Everywhereist » Blog Archive » The Old South Meeting House (and the Real Tea Party)()

  • I live in Tampa.
    I would totally love to see a drag queen on TV, but I think the Tea Baggers have taken over…

    Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve driven by the “baby consignment” strip mall.

    *sigh*

  • Jen

    As a Floridian who now lives elsewhere, it is so much easier to recognize how bizarre Florida is.

    And props for not one but TWO Publix references. Floridians <3 Publix.

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • Digging the vest.
  • My life is characterized by following this gent through the winding backstreets of foreign cities and I am entirely okay with that.
  • Non ho proprio voglia di andare a casa. I'm just going to stay here.😗🇮🇹
.........
.........
.........
#italia #italy #venice #travelbloggerlife #travelblogger #wanderlust#venezia
  • After the last train leaves, Venice becomes a ghost town. It's creepy and wonderful and obviously haunted.
..............
..............
#italia #italy #venice #travelblogger #travelphotography #wanderlust
  • Went to visit Mandova today, where a rich nobleman built a palace for his mistress. This room was where he took guests before the orgies. This revelation caught me by surprise, but Rand noted that there wasn't a lot else for rich people to do in the 16th century. It was mostly food and orgies.
..........
#italia #mandova #cyclops #fresco #italy
  • And then the cute little old couple walked into the scene and life felt like a movie.
  • I will never get over the fact that hundreds of years ago my ancestors built a city on water, and it is still here. Next time I doubt myself, I need to remember that anything is possible if you are willing to get your feet wet.
. . . . 
#italy #venice #venezia #italia #wanderlust #travel
  • Uh-oh. It appears he's gone Italian. Gonna be hard to drag this dapper gentleman back to the states.
  • Church floor tiles. Bergamo, Italy.
  • My beloved surprised me with a trip to Bar Luce, a cafe designed by Wes Anderson in a far corner of Milan. I am still reeling from the perfection of the place, from the pinball machines that only accept lira to the chocolate buttons on a perfect piece of cake, bearing the cafe's name. #Milan #barluce #wesanderson

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.

BE AWESOME. BUY IT.