I’ve noted before on the blog how strange my upbringing in Florida strikes me sometimes. Compared to Seattle, it is a radically different place: flatter, more conservative, and somehow weirder.

I remember being devastated when we moved away in the middle of my freshman year of high school (this will remain a sore spot in family history for decades, but that’s another story). And while I wish that certain things had played out differently (because walking into a cafeteria as a freshman in the middle of the school year and knowing no one is absolutely terrifying) I am very, very happy that I no longer live in Florida. Not because I don’t love it or the people, but because so much of the stuff I see when I travel down there is so ridiculously jacked up, that I have to take photos.

And that’s just time consuming.

Behold some of the crazier sh*t the hubby and I saw on our last trip.

1. Tea baggers, Ft. Lauderdale, Fl.

Real-life teabaggers! I wish we had photo-bombed them with a sign that says, "Honk if you're scared of black people."

I wish we had photo-bombed them with a sign that says, "Honk if you're scared of black people."

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2. Strip mall sign near Tampa, Fl.

Well, I guess consigning your baby is better than just giving it to the Goodwill.

Well, I guess consigning your baby is better than just giving it away.

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3. Back of Publix-brand chocolate raisin packaging

I am SO glad they included this. I can't tell you how many times I've bought a bag of candy and thought, "NOW what the hell do I do?"

I am SO glad they included this. I can't tell you how many times I've bought a bag of candy and thought, "NOW what the hell do I do?"

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4. Denim Place, Orlando, Fl.

Please, before my head explodes, just explain to me why it's not called "More than just Denim Place."

I had some crack about why it's not called "More than just Denim Place", but now all I can think is that "denim" is a weird word. I mean, it looks weird, right?

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5. Bag of Passover plagues, Publix grocery store.

Bubbe either has a wicked sense of humor, or she's had another stroke.

Bubbe either has a wicked sense of humor, or she's had another stroke.

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6. Cosmetic surgery office, strip mall near Celebration, Fl.

It was next door to a bar.

It was next door to a bar.

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7. Chinese Buffet, Orlando, Fl.

I guess this is slightly preferable to 158 "items".

I guess this is slightly preferable to 158 "items".

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8. Nautical Flea Market and Seafood Festival Sign, roadside near Naples, Fl.

If there's one word I like to see in combination with "seafood", it's "flea".

If there's one word I like to see in combination with "seafood", it's "flea".

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9. Bill Wong’s strip mall, Orlando, Fl.

You had me at "Massage Tattoo."

You had me at "MASSAGE TATTOO."

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10. DayTime TV show, seen at our friends’ house in Tampa. (Yes, the show is actually called DayTime).

This is a drag queen named Dixie Longate. She was being interviewed by, I shit you not, Lindsay from MTV's The Real World: Seattle.

This is a drag queen named Dixie Longate. She was being interviewed by, I shit you not, Lindsay from MTV's The Real World: Seattle.

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My brain now hurts. I think I need a massage tattoo.

Full list of categories:  Photos » Top Ten » WTF
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Comments (10)

  1. 22. Jun, 2010 / philip:

    I didn’t realize “cheap sunglasses” was a Passover plague.

    [Reply]

  2. 22. Jun, 2010 / JoAnna:

    Weird. Funny. Strange. That’s Florida for you. Great collection of pics, Geraldine (and I love the new haircut too, by the way).

    [Reply]

  3. 22. Jun, 2010 / Everywhereist:

    Thanks, Joanna!

    [Reply]

  4. 22. Jun, 2010 / Meesh:

    1) I was uprooted from my highschool during freshman year too! How can parents bring themselves to do such a horrifying thing to their children?!

    2) Laughed out loud at “bag of plagues” HAHA! So weird.

    [Reply]

  5. 22. Jun, 2010 / Everywhereist:

    Meesh – I know! I can’t figure out if it’s ironic or what … (p.s. – I love your blog!)

    [Reply]

  6. 22. Jun, 2010 / Christine:

    Picture #1 is even funnier when you know: (a) Florida has one of the lowest per-capita tax burdens of any state (so what do they have to complain about, really?), and (b) these folks are really on the fringe, because Fort Lauderdale is one of the most liberal counties in the country (high # of Democrats, largest per-capita gay population, huge immigrant communities).

    [Reply]

  7. 23. Jun, 2010 / Candice:

    “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought a bag of candy and thought, “NOW what the hell do I do?”

    Baaahahaha. For real.

    [Reply]

  8. 04. Nov, 2010 / Kristen:

    I live in Tampa.
    I would totally love to see a drag queen on TV, but I think the Tea Baggers have taken over…

    Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve driven by the “baby consignment” strip mall.

    *sigh*

    [Reply]

  9. 02. Jul, 2011 / Jen:

    As a Floridian who now lives elsewhere, it is so much easier to recognize how bizarre Florida is.

    And props for not one but TWO Publix references. Floridians <3 Publix.

    [Reply]

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  1. The Everywhereist » Blog Archive » The Old South Meeting House (and the Real Tea Party) - 03. Nov, 2010

    [...] this ties to a bunch of old white men protesting on the side of the street in Florida 200 years later is somewhat beyond me. But focus, children! FOCUS! This was history! This was the [...]

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