I have never really liked Las Vegas.

That statement may sound like blasphemy to some of you. And it’s almost a surprise to me, too. After all, Vegas is an entire town built around the Seven Deadly Sins – and you guys know how much I love those. I try to incorporate at least four of them into every single day (fact: I have eaten 3 desserts in the last 12 hours). But despite this, Vegas never managed to strike a chord with me.

I’m not a gambler, for one. I hardly drink. And for women in Vegas, the dress code seems to be as follows:

  • Velour track suit with some sort of word emblazoned across the posterior, revealing clues as to the wearer’s inner psyche: “JUICY” is what I most often see, but “PHAT” or “PINK” or “SLUTTY” or “I MISS MY ESTRANGED FATHER” also seem to be popular choices.
  • Black cocktail dresses which may in fact simply be orthopedic support hose worn around the body.
  • Shorts.

Friends, I spend my days eating cupcakes. I do not need pants which are designed to draw attention to my already-more-than-ample butt. And my proportions are such that I do not look good in teeny tiny cocktail dresses. Have you even seen a sausage heated until it’s about to burst from its casing? It’s kind of like that.

Let us not even speak of shorts. I own two pairs, reserved for days on which I want to torture myself.

Nor am I a fan of the dichotomy that Vegas creates, simultaneously appealing to lowest common denominator (“LOOK! GINORMOUS MARGARITAS YOU CAN DRINK THROUGH A BENDY STRAW!”) while at the same time cultivating an air of exclusivity (Rand and I tried to get a bite to eat inside the Bellagio without a reservation. Do not attempt this, ever).

And yet, even in the face of my own long-standing (and Rand’s even longer-standing) disdain for Vegas, holy crap, did we have fun on our last visit.

Credit goes exclusively to Gray Cargill of SoloFriendly. I emailed Gray right before our trip, and she gave me a heap of suggestions – the first four of which were tips on where I could get decent desserts (I couldn’t love her more for that).

I promise to share of Gray’s advice in painfully exhausting detail, and the adventures that ensued. But right now, I’m at the tail end of another trip, and a wee bit too knackered to do a full write-up, so I hope these photos from our trip to Vegas will tide you over until I get around to it.

  1. Hazy sky on the flight in.
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  2.  Spicy chili pork dip with veggies, Lotus of Siam restaurant.
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  3. Deconstructed signs, the Neon Boneyard.

    All the king’s horses and all the king’s men …

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  4. Hanging out at the Mob Museum, downtown Las Vegas.

    Where Rand and I are found guilty of dorkery in the first degree.

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  5. Ginormous bees, the Bellagio Conservatory.-
  6. HOLY-CRAP-IT’S-A-CHOCOLATE-FOUNTAIN, Jean-Phillippe Pastisserie.-
  7. New York in miniature.
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  8. Street art, downtown Las Vegas.

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  9. A breakfast waffle which, in hindsight, seems like it should have killed us.

    Yes, there’s tons of nutella and whipped cream, but there’s also bananas, so, you know … it’s HEALTHY.

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  10. Obligatory making out photo, the Bellagio.

    Vegas, baby.

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Full list of categories:  City Guide » Photos » Top Ten
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Comments (24)

  1. 20. Jun, 2012 / A Montrealer Abroad:

    You made my way with your estranged father comment. Seriously. Love this post :)

    [Reply]

    Kate Reply:

    back when there were lots of ‘baby on board’ signs in car windows, I saw one once that said ‘ex-husband in trunk’. …that it was in the back window of a station wagon hit me as twice as hilarious!

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  2. 20. Jun, 2012 / Kristina Cline:

    my way was made with “all the kings horses…”

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  3. 20. Jun, 2012 / Ms. HalfEmpty:

    I’m with you on not liking Vegas. It always makes me wonder why. But obviously it’s working for some people.

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  4. 20. Jun, 2012 / Taryn:

    Another fun post!

    Vegas would never be my first choice of places to visit, but we’ve all gotta go there at least once to see what all the hoopla is about.

    [Reply]

  5. 20. Jun, 2012 / Sarah In Illinois:

    I love that someone else detests shorts. I just don’t like to wear them. Ever.

    Seperately, someday I want to visit the Neon boneyard if nowhere else.

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  6. 20. Jun, 2012 / Noelle:

    I have only been once, not in a rush to see it again. Places where people puke on the street – which we saw twice – isn’t in my top 10.

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  7. 20. Jun, 2012 / Akshata:

    Estranged father LOL! I’ve seen the ‘Vegas women ‘ in the teeny cocktail dresses on streets in freezing December. My jaw would’ve dropped if it wasn’t frozen shut!

    [Reply]

  8. 20. Jun, 2012 / Angie:

    I’m really looking forward to the next installment of this Vegas trip, because I’d like to know what your approach was this time around. I’ve only been to Vegas once and I ended up changing flights to leave a day earlier than originally planned. Yep, loved it THAT much. I’m not a big fan of losing money, and I’m no good at winning it. I’m not a big boozer either. And those dudes snapping stripper cards at everyone up and down the strip …. All that being said, I am glad I went and it was definitely a worthwhile experience. I’ve said many times that I’m sure I could go back and have a great time if someone else was “sponsoring” my trip.

    [Reply]

  9. 20. Jun, 2012 / Wo:

    I go to Vegas once a year for a trade show and def have a love/hate relationship with the joint. LOVE Lotus of Siam!

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  10. 20. Jun, 2012 / Katie:

    Oh my gosh – I want a bite of that breakfast waffle! But I’m almost afraid it sets the bar too high for the day – if that’s breakfast, what’s dessert???

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  11. 20. Jun, 2012 / cosmoHalliton:

    That Neon Boneyard is right up my alley. I love goofy stuff like that. And the waffle – YUM! Bananas totally make it healthy.

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  12. 20. Jun, 2012 / Natasha McEachron:

    That chili pork dip would hit the spot right about now. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person that doesn’t really like Vegas. It’s one of those places that you visit for a weekend at most and then you don’t need to return for at least another decade, if ever.

    The only bright spots of my one visit were a delicious ridiculously large ice cream cone and the buffets. I’m always worried about not liking what I order at regular restaurants and being stuck with the food so I love buffets and thoroughly enjoyed the ones in Vegas. I’ve thought about returning just for the buffets but figured it would make more sense to visit somewhere new that I’m actually interested in exploring.

    [Reply]

  13. 20. Jun, 2012 / koko:

    I never really thought I would be a fan of Vegas but it’s definitely grown on me :)

    [Reply]

  14. 21. Jun, 2012 / Lynda Milina:

    I have never been. I am told that you must go atleast once. We will see…. Love that waffle!

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  15. 21. Jun, 2012 / Mark:

    I am not a huge fan of Las Vegas but I do go about once a year in March for my birthday and watch basketball all weekend. I generally stay just off the Strip and find out of the way places to eat. I don’t gamble or drink much but it is a nice place to get away from cooler weather in March. I look forward to the rest of your thoughts on this latest trip.

    [Reply]

  16. 21. Jun, 2012 / Gray:

    Yay! I’m so glad you had fun! I had a feeling you’d love that chocolate fountain…. :-)

    [Reply]

  17. 22. Jun, 2012 / Abbey:

    Vegas is not nor will it ever be a favorite destination for me. Like you I’m not a gambler nor much of a drinker, the only reason I have to visit is Cirque du Soleil which I love. Being able to take in three different shows in a couple of days makes the Vegas hype almost bearable!

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  18. 22. Jun, 2012 / Lois Mazza:

    All I can say is I hope to God it was REAL whipped cream on the Nutella-Banana waffle. Nothing ruins a food fantasy faster then fake whipped cream!

    [Reply]

  19. 22. Jun, 2012 / Tara:

    I am so jealous that you got to go to the Neon Boneyard. I was in Vegas for the first time just earlier this month and my friends and I did not know of the limited accessibility of the place and didn’t make arrangements ahead of time. I did take some pictures through the locked gates. If I ever go again, I will plan ahead. I, too, had much fun of the very tame kind in a land where others are swimming in a different kind of entertainment.

    My friends and I did have luck getting a bite to eat in the Bellagio without a reservation after 2 or 3 attempts, because someone at Olive took pity on us and directed us to Hyde, where they only serve appetizers and drinks. It was too early for Hyde to be in nightclub mode (maybe it was 8PM) and there were only a few people in the place. We didn’t realize it was in the very middle of the lake, but that gave us a fantastic view of the dancing waters while we snacked on our expensive Kobe sliders prepared by the kitchen at Circo next door. It felt like a little haven in the middle of all the people and the gambling and the debauchery.

    BTW, this is my first time reading your blog. Someone just told me about it today and I felt like I had to check it out!

    [Reply]

  20. 25. Jun, 2012 / CeCe:

    I think I hated Vegas more when my friends ex boyfriend said, “Why do I need a passport, I can just go to Vegas and everything is there.” Yo buddy, Celine Dion and Elton John do NOT sing at the real Colleseum, and it’s not St Marks Square if their are no pigeons jumping all over you.

    I’m definitely gonna have to check out the Neon Boneyard during my next visit. Anyways, I’m a new fan and will be back. :)

    [Reply]

  21. 27. Jun, 2012 / Joy Springer:

    The first time my husband and I went to Vegas, we had absolutely no interest in being there other than the fact the I’m a dork and I love Celine Dion and I HAD to go see her show. Otherwise, we don’t gamble. The fact that this is a town where one feels obliged to look perfectly up together 24/7 made me dread it even more. So I mean really, what did Vegas have to offer me? And much like you, I was shocked by the answer. Granted, 90% of what I loved about Vegas is its abundance of kitchy, Roadside America-esqness, but hey, I have the Roadsie America app, so apparently, Vegas is right up my alley. Plus, we developed this great system of putting $5 in a slot machine, getting a free $5 beer, and feeling pretty decent about breaking even while “gambling”. And where else can you fling yourself off the side of a 1000 ft high building?! Granted, I won’t be spending all my vacations here, because I am still not a Vegas girl completely, but when I do find myself there, there is oh so much to keep me entertained.

    [Reply]

  22. 04. Jul, 2012 / JoAnna:

    Ah, Vegas. If it’s any consolation, I live in Las Vegas and only own two pairs of shorts – both of which are for running purposes only. You might be interested in trying the frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity 3 when you visit again. A fun dessert for sure.

    [Reply]

  23. 30. Jul, 2012 / Rober tLowdon:

    ah the “velour tracksuit”, hilarious.

    [Reply]

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