A letter to Carl’s Junior about multi-culturalism
posted December 1st, 2009Dear Carl’s Junior,
We live in a melting pot. Did you know that? I swear, it’s true. I have friends from every part of the world. It’s awesome. They teach me things all the time (like that in England, “Friends” is considered funny!). And they have adorable children. Here we are at our wedding with some of our world-savvy friends:
That right, kids - I've made you poster children for multi-cultural awesomeness.
Their daughter is friggin amazing, and fluent in Japanese and English. She’s wonderful, and I’m not just saying that because her dad is one of the four readers of my blog (Hi, assface Philip!). They also blog about their adventures with their super-cute kid, which I suggest you check out).
Not enough cuteness for you? Here’s a photo of my husband (on the day that he became my husband) holding my cousin’s little girl (she’s, like, 500 different ethnicities, including Italian):
Ouch. My uterus.
It’s like a friggin Benetton ad, right? I totally love it. My whole family is like that. I have cousins (siblings to one another) with different accents. Can you even imagine? It’s wonderful.
Not to say that I’m perfectly culturally enlightened or anything. Nooooo. I say offensive things all the time. It’s kind of my schtick, actually (welcome to my blog). So when I find something offensive, it’s a problem. Which brings me to this:
Um, WHAT THE HELL?
Just so we’re clear, the whole “we’re selling a bastardization of Italian food, so let’s make an mafia-commercial” thing is kind of tired. Besides being offensive, how exactly is a dead guy at all appetizing? You’ve equated your marinara sauce to blood. Quite literally. I know the whole vampire thing is big right now, on account of that lady writing a book about hot teenagers not having sex (FICTION!) – but people don’t want to think of food as blood. I don’t want to shout here, so I’m just going to use italics, and hope you’ll understand me, okay?
Dead men don’t sell burgers.
I am not even going to go into what my dear Italian-born-and-bred auntie thought of this commercial. She has a heart condition, jerks. Has anyone on your marketing team even MET an Italian person?
You keep this stuff up, and you’d better watch your back, Carl.*
Sincerely,
The Everywhereist
*No, I’m not really threatening them. It’s ironic. Cause I’m Italian. And pretending that I have connections. Get it? Good.
Tags: Commercials, offensive
December 1st, 2009 at 9:58 am
I like how they call it an “authentic” sandwich. WTF does that even mean?
December 1st, 2009 at 10:03 am
@Vanessa – I think it means that it meets all the requirements of being a sandwich. A gyro, for example, would NOT be an authentic sandwich.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:15 am
I think the ad is ridiculous, and I agree with your assertion that it represents the worst aspects of our society. But the ad is aimed at people that think that sort of thing is funny. A large demographic, to be sure. You can bet your bottom dollar for that for the three of us that hate it, there are ten that like it. Jen I are constantly amazed by how products are sold to us, I find most ads aimed at women completely patronizing, ads aimed at men make us all look like sex fiend buffoons. But the worst is the ads aimed at Eva. Ads made by adults to manipulate children, it literally turns my stomach.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:33 am
Wait – let me get this straight. Your entire family is comprised of amoral crime machines who buy off judges and politicians so they can run their meatball-importing/pasta-farming/white-silk-tie-distribution business free from the watchful eye of Johnny Law, and you’re complaining about the accurate portrayal in third-rate fast food ads? I think you’re just sensitive because Carl’s Jr. execs hired more Joisey muscle than youse.
Also – that sandwich looks authentically delicious. I demand you make me one when you get home.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:16 am
Without seeing the script, I’d guess that “authentic” describes the chicken. So, there’s that.
Thanks for the kind words about our little blog and our little kid and for making us poster children of something. Seal and Heidi Klum have nothing on us.
And in regards to your lead-off photo and how it relates to the second photo in yesterday’s post, that’s how you do a double-chin. Make a note of it.