Ask the Everywhereist

Posted on
Aug 6, 2009

Dear Everywhereist,


How did you decide that “Everywhereist” should be spelled “Everywhereist” and not “Everywherist”? Are you ever worried that people with Germanic tendencies will pronounce it “Everywhere-iced”?

Also, what is the appropriate formula for computing how many pairs of shoes one should pack, given the length (in days) of one’s trip? If the desired number of shoes would force you to use a larger suitcase than you would otherwise require, should you pack them all anyway, or limit yourself to only as many as fit into the smaller suitcase?

-Footloose in Fargo


Dear Footloose in Fargo,

When my great-grandfather started this site in 1914, the spelling was indeed “everywherist.com”. As you can imagine, the influx of new websites to the United States during this time created a lot of xenophobia. He felt pressured to Americanize the name, and thus changed it to its current spelling. I’ve kept it, because it’s printed on all my business cards. And since those with “Germanic tendencies” (is that a PC way to say German?) pronounce everything funny, I’m not really concerned.

As for how many shoes to bring, my motivating factor is what I will be doing on my trips, rather than how long my trips will be. I generally shoot for one pair of heels, a pair of casual walking shoes, and a somewhat dressy pair of flats, to cover all eventualities. Of course, you still might not be prepared. After all, you never know when you might need a pair of slutty thigh-high boots like the ones Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman (what can I say? Iceland is weird).

These would be perfect if you were going fishing with whores.

Because who knows? You might need to go fishing. With whores.

My general rule is that you should always bring two pairs, and if you are going for more than three days, bring three pairs. Unless you have really huge feet, this shouldn’t require a bigger bag.

Yours Everywhere,

The Everywhereist

———-

Dear Everywhereist,

Why are knitting needles on the list of TSA allowed items, but sometimes they randomly decide to take them away from you? Either allow them, or don’t; don’t make us guess whether we can safely travel with our knitting, or whether a TSA agent may randomly decide to pull needles out of a work-in-progress, ruining weeks of work (and throwing away a perfectly good set of $15 needles).

Sincerely,

Susan


Dear Susan,

Have you considered buying a DS?

Because the TSA is intentionally vague on the subject. Basically, knitting needles are allowed, but “security officers have the authority to determine if an item could be used as a weapon and may not allow said item to pass through security.” That’s all it takes. You are at the mercy of a power-hungry idiots making $10/hour. Good luck with that.

Yours Everywhere,

The Everywhereist

———-

Dear Everywhereist,

  1. Why was I always randomly screened when I traveled with a New Zealand passport, but once I got a Washington driver’s license, I was not specially screened again for four years?
  2. What is it about my belt that could be used for evil?
  3. (Special British edition) Why are there two security checkpoints at Heathrow? What could I have picked up in between checkpoint one and checkpoint two that could possibly be on the List?

Sincerely,

Jane


Dear Jane,

  1. Because to most TSA agents “New Zealand” sounds made up.
  2. The buckle.
  3. I’m going to go with mad cow. Or possibly nunchucks.

Yours Everywhere,

The Everywhereist

———-

Do you have a question for The Everywhereist? Leave it in the comments section or this post, or send an email to contact-at-everywhereist-dot-com.

Leave a Comment

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • Rand insisted on organizing our books by color *after* I had organized them alphabetically, AS ONE SHOULD. I suspect this is the closest I will ever come to divorcing him. I can't find a damn thing. But yes, it does look nice. #bookstagram #booklove #colorcodedbooks #bookshelf #shelfie
  • Four flights in five days. So sleepy. Finally heading home after a wonderful few hours in Ashland seeing @demeritt's incredible one-man show.
  • Why yes, I did run off to Ashland for a hot minute with the most handsome man in the world. What did you do today?
  • Thank you, Minneapolis, for reminding me that we can be pretty, even in the rain.
  • Stumbled upon these paranoid stone benches in MSP and they are speaking to my soul.
  • And to think, all this time I've been telling myself I pecan't.
  • Packing. Home in shambles. Accidently broke my own arm off of this wedding gift a dear friend made us. The symbolism is not lost on me.
  • This absurdly handsome man bounded across the stage in his "Nevertheless, She Persisted" t-shirt and talked about how he doesn't always adhere to gender norms, and that's okay. #soproud #inbound17 #latergram
  • Oh, okay, fine, I'll keep him. (Off to the Inbound conference, where I expect to trounce this fool with my speaking score.) #thisagain #randaldineselfie #selfiesonaplane
  • I sent @randderuiter to the housewares store by himself and this happened. I am the luckiest woman in the world. #christopherwalken #davidbowie #bowiepillow #walkenpillow

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.

BE AWESOME. BUY IT.