Let me begin with an apology.
First, to all of you who came here looking for travel advice today, I am sincerely sorry. You will find little of it in this particular post (and probably in this blog in general).
And secondly, let me apologize to Todd, who’s never really given me any shit in his entire life, and is a dear friend. Todd, this post is likely going to embarrass the hell out of you. I’m doing it not out of spite or malice, but because it’s really, really funny.
On the other hand, the jokes we make about your mom are out of spite and malice. I’m not at all sorry about those, because they, too, are really, really funny.
Anyway, before apologizing becomes a habit, on to the post …
Rand and I were returning home from our anniversary trip in Oregon, when we stopped in the metropolis of Applegate, OR, about 30 miles outside of Ashland. Here’s Rand in the center of town, which consists of a coffee shop/tractor repair facility.
I tried to find population info on Applegate, but no one lives there.
We walked into the coffee shop. The waitress advised us to get our order in quickly, because the staff who cooks breakfast was about to leave, and once they did, all hope of getting French toast would leave with them. So we stuck our noses inside our menus and ordered as quickly as we could. After we had a chance to get our bearings, we discovered the counter was all kinds of awesome. A TV in the corner was playing Fox News, and in the room adjacent to us, there was a Tea Party meeting. While I was still taking in all this right-wing magic, Rand suddenly said to me, in a hushed whisper, “Oh my god. Todd Malicoat‘s hillbilly cousin is sitting at the counter.”
“No way,” I said, laughing.
“Just turn around,” Rand insisted. “You have to see him.”
And folks, I turned around. And I saw him. AND IT WAS TODD MALICOAT’S HILLBILLY COUSIN. The rest of our breakfast was spent trying to take photos of Bizarro Hillbilly Todd, who was sitting just over my right shoulder.
Attempt #1 was a failure. Not only can you see nothing behind me, the angle at which this photo was taken makes me look like I have the neck of a linebacker.