I Tried Every Shelf-Stable Pumpkin...

10th Nov, 2015

As a lifelong pumpkin aficionado, I have a special place in my heart for the baccanalian gourd-fuckfest that is fall. From the end of September until Thanksgiving, I ingest so…

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Halloween 2015: The Princess Bride. Of...

2nd Nov, 2015

There are spans of time in my life that can be characterized by a theme (there was The Beatles Period in the late 90s, The Carey Grant Epoch in the early…

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Predictions for the Aftermath of the...

4th Aug, 2015

  If you live in anywhere along the western seaboard of North America, but particularly in the Pacific Northwest, you’ve probably heard about the massive earthquake that’s going to kill…

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I Poked All of My 615 Facebook Friends....

31st Jul, 2015

I spent yesterday morning – the better part of two of hours – poking every person I know on Facebook. Every single person on my friends list. The seeds for this…

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WTF Weds: I Just Want a Chicken Suit. Is...

29th Jul, 2015

For the last few weeks, I’ve been searching for two very specific items that I am sure will improve my life in all sorts of unimaginable ways. The first is…

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Rand Finds The Last Eyebomb.

11th Jun, 2015

Last week, I put googly eyes on a bunch of Rand’s stuff around the house, in order to teach him a lesson about … I can’t remember. But I’m sure…

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Dear Nestlé: We Have to Talk About...

7th Jun, 2015

Dear Nestlé Corporation, I am writing to you on behalf of my husband, Rand, even though he has disavowed any knowledge of this letter, and refuses to be held accountable for…

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I Torment My Husband By EyeBombing All...

3rd Jun, 2015

Someone once told me that the key to any lasting marriage is honesty, which is maybe true for, like, the Pilgrims, or any other archaic religious group that doesn’t believe…

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How to Freeze Homemade Cookie Dough for...

6th May, 2015

When people learn of my vast and all-consuming love of sweets, they are often surprised to learn that dessert was largely absent from my childhood. My mother is not a…

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