Laura and I were in a terrible statistics class our senior year of high school. It was a requirement for the IB program, and I think it’s safe to say that both of us hated the class. One day the teacher, Mr. Jacobson (who had just become a father) asked our table a question.

Laura, who was generally rather quite in class, mumbled something.

“What was that?” Mr Jacobson asked.

And so Laura repeated what she said, this time louder, and with an Australian accent.

“THE DINGO ATE YOUR BABY.”

Mr. Jacobson stared blankly at her for a few minutes.

Finally he replied, “No it didn’t.”

He then went back to teaching class, and gave up on engaging us in conversation. It was awesome.

Just like Laura.

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I assure you, dear readers of Everywhereist, that I thought long and hard about what I should write for what I hope is only the first of at least several guest blog posts that you will bookmark in your web browser of choice and cherish forever. (Well, a girl can dream, can’t she?) My topic for today is how to avoid common pitfalls when traveling to an athletic event in which you are competing. I tried to re-word that to make it sound more exciting (or at least shorter), but all other descriptions were too vague for my attorney brain to handle.

Several years ago my husband and I began competing in races. I’m not sure what you think of when you hear the word “races”, I guess you might think of Nascar or the Kentucky Derby. I’m mainly talking about triathlons, but we also swim and run without the biking part. One time we biked without the swim and run part, but it is something of which we do not speak because it resulted in a very silent car ride home.

At any rate, much to my husband’s chagrin, some of our races have taken us out of town. I have now been banned from scheduling any races more than half an hour away from our house without prior approval. Luckily for you, my husband was slow to catch on and I picked up on a few things that could make your life easier if you are planning any destination races.

Tip #1 – Use a packing checklist

Duh. Yes. I know. This is very simple. Here is my added, bonus, very special, tidbit of advice: use a checklist specific to your event that you did not create yourself. I know for triathlon there are a lot of lists out there and suggestions for what you need in your “tri bag”. I assume the same goes for most other types of athletic competitions. My membership to the USAT actually came with a laminated checklist that I keep in my bag so I always know where it is. If you make the list yourself you might forget something. If you use a list that a professional made you a) can be pretty sure that it is complete and b) have someone other than yourself to blame if you pack everything on the list and still don’t have everything you need.

Hard to believe he forgot anything when you look at that pile of crap.

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The importance of this tip varies depending on what kind of activity you have planned. Last summer I showed up on Cape Cod for the Falmouth Road Race without a running shirt or sunglasses. There was a relatively easy (although, of course, overpriced) fix for that at the race expo. However, if you are doing something that requires special equipment or something that needs to be broken in before it is suitable for use in competition you could be literally up a creek without a paddle. You also can’t discount the possibility that whatever you need might not be available for purchase at your destination or maybe it is just going to be a pain in the rear to find a replacement.

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Tip #2 – Check the top of your car

If you have a bike, kayak, skis, or anything else on the top of your car, be vigilant about your clearance. This may also seem like a no-brainer, but when you are focused on finding your way to a new place or are either in vacation mode or in pre-race anxiety mode you might be prone to make the mistake of driving into a parking garage with your bike on the top of your car. It doesn’t matter how fast you can ride your bike or paddle your kayak (what is with me and the kayak references today?) if it doesn’t make it to the start line in one piece.

When traveling with something on your roof, use the earth’s natural qualities such as the sun and subsequent shadows to create a handy reminder that there is expensive athletic equipment right above your head, like so:

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And remember: no matter how cool you are in real life, the people behind you in the drive thru line at Wendy’s will not think you are cool when you have to back out of the line because you remembered that your bike was up there at the last minute.

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Tip #3 – Do not underestimate the power of making a hotel reservation a year ahead of time

If you know that you are competing in an event at a given time, in a given place, there is simply no reason (other than a hotel not taking reservations that far ahead, in which case you should find out what day they will start taking them and call that day or get on a waiting list) not to make your plans for accommodations as well.

In one of my first big, destination race experiences I waited until about five months before the event to make a reservation. After the first two chain hotels I called were full, I started frantically dialing the phone without regard to what the reviews on TripAdvisor said. Dead rats in the bathroom? I didn’t care. Cigarette smell in a non-smoking room? No problem. (Anyone else a little surprised that I put “dead rat” and “cigarette smell” in the same category of grossness? Yeah, me too…) Everywhere within an hour drive that had a name I recognized was full.

I had to think outside the box and outside my comfort zone. I turned to bed and breakfasts. Luckily we were headed to the Finger Lakes and there were plenty around. The Finger Lakes Bed & Breakfast Association has an awesome website that was invaluable in this endeavor. Many had vacancies the night after the event, but not the night before. I briefly considered a Jetsons-themed room at a “gay-friendly” B & B even though it was only available one of the two nights I wanted just because “how fun is that?”

We ended up in a bed and breakfast with only two guest rooms about twenty minutes from where the race was called The Hayward House. The proprietors were friendly (and Penn State alumni!), but quite disappointed that we would not actually be around for breakfast. The upside was that it was quiet, away from the craziness of what might have amounted to an athletes’ village feel at a big hotel closer to the start and the Amish neighbors were unlikely to steal our aforementioned expensive bikes out of the barn where we stashed them. The downside (at least at first glance) was that there was no television or phone and no bathtub, which might have been nice after the race. I have to tell you (because it is the first thing I tell anyone when we’re talking about this trip) I have seldom slept as soundly as I did at the Hayward House.

Short story, long, whatever your preference is: convenience to the race start despite lack of character or need for ear plugs or a Jetsons-themed room at a charming B & B, make your reservations early – and by early I mean, much earlier than you think you need to. If any of you out there are ever planning to do an Ironman that means the same day you register for the event.

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Tip #5 – Clean up your gear (or roll down the windows)

Do not under any circumstances leave your used athletic clothing or items like towels and wetsuits in your car while you get cleaned up and pack the rest of your stuff. You would be surprised at how quickly the interior of your vehicle can become funky and how long it can take to de-funkify your car after making this mistake.

Even the power of the chili pepper cannot dispel the funk.

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Tip # 6 – Embrace the journey

Both racing and travel should be fun, but can be stressful. Breathe deeply (unless you have not followed tip #5) and enjoy! Combining racing with traveling can increase the amount of potential stress you might experience. One minute you’re keyed up, anticipating how you will feel when you cross the finish line and the next you realize you have no idea what freeway you are on.

But you’re an adventurous person: that’s why you like racing and also why you like to travel. So unless you are about to miss your event entirely because you got lost (and maybe even if that’s the case) you might as well enjoy the wrong turns as best you can. Or buy a Garmin … which is what we did when we got lost on our way to the Finger Lakes.

I’ll tell you now – I’m absolutely no good at coming up with outfits that would work for everyone, especially since so many of you gals out there insist on wearing skinny jeans. I can not wear those. My hips were designed by some miserable higher power with one thing, and one thing only in mind: to ensure that I will never be able to wear skinny jeans (I bet you thought I was going to say childbirth, huh? Don’t be stupid). BUT, I am great at coming up with lists, and picking out some great pieces that will help you put together stellar outfits. They’re perfect to wear on a plane, and are great must-haves for any trip you take. In fact, I can’t remember when I left home without most of these items securely packed into my suitcase.

So I sincerely hope this list helps all of you. Even those of you who can wear skinny jeans. Sigh. Like you need any help.

1. The little black dress. Yes, yes, it’s ubiquitous, but it is so for a reason – because it’s absolutely perfect for any occasion.  Pair it with sandals for a walk along on the beach. Add a pair of fun heels and wild jewelry for a night out. Or simply pair with a blazer for a professional event (I’m speculating here. I’m unemployed, remember?).
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   Where to buy: Anywhere. Really. You probably have six of these already in your closet.
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   These two lovely ladies were at my wedding (the one on the right is my doppleganger, I know).

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2. The pencil skirt. The most essential and completely underrated piece of clothing in any woman’s closet. Seriously, what other item of clothing is so damn versatile (you can dress it up or down, just based on your shoes and choice of a top), and makes you feel a little bit like Joan Holloway (nee Harris) when you wear it? American Apparel actually makes a version out of jersey material, and it’s brilliant: the fold-over waist transforms it from knee-length to just above, so you essentially have two skirts in one (provided you can afford to have two-layers of fabric covering your waist. Which I’ve just decided, I cannot). Be warned, though, AA’s sizes are completely heinous. I wear a size Large or Extra-Large in their clothing. And I’m a size 6 (on a bad day). WTF.
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   Where to buy: American Apparel. And that’s the only thing you should get there.
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   This is the LEAST whorish photo I could find. Thanks, American Apparel!

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3. The statement jacket. I recently had a revelation. A stupid, obvious, life-changing revelation. If I simply swapped my dingy old hoodie with a tailored little jacket, I looked instantly more dressed up. And I was essentially just as comfortable. Plus, the jacket proved more versatile over the course of my trip (I could wear it over dresses, with skirts, and over jeans without looking like a hobo or an over-aged college student). It has, sincerely, changed my entire life. Which may either be very inspiring, or very depressing. Either way, I look better.
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   Where to buy: Nordstrom, Anthropologie, or your local thrift store (seriously).
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   Want.

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4. The dark jean. My husband will frequently ask me where my pants have ended up. Because where as most people like to take off their shoes to get comfortable, I like to take off my pants. Fortunately, I have learned that this is not entirely acceptable behavior around guests, and manage to keep my trousers on until after they leave. Why am I bringing this up? Because jeans are more comfortable than pants. And if you get a dark wash with a slight bootcut, they will look nearly as professional and polished as trousers, with less of a chance that you’ll tear them off mid-flight.
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   Where to buy: Anywhere. Just go for dark, solid washes with no weird lightening.
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   If you are endowed with a wide fundament, like myself, I suggest Pine IVs. They make your ass look like a peach.

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5. The cardigan. I don’t know why it took me forever to warm up to the idea of cardigans. Perhaps because I immediately associated them with sweater sets (which, let’s be fair, are totally unholy), I shunned them for years. But cardigans are brilliant – elegant, flattering, and they can be worn more than once – a  necessary quality for something taking up space in my suitcase. Layer one under a jacket for added warmth (because planes are freezing and weather reports LIE).
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   Where to Buy: Anywhere. Ann Taylor Loft and Old Navy have some great inexpensive options, if you’re stumped.
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   My gorgeous Auntie P. shows how great a cardigan can look.

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6. The dressy sneaker. It is hard for me let go of my Converse, and I suspect I’ll never truly say good-bye (somewhere is my closet is a pair I’ve had since the 7th grade. I intend to be buried in them). But alas, sometimes you need to dress things up – just a weensy bit. And frankly, Converse (and sneakers in general) can’t do double-duty – wear them with anything but jeans, and you’ll look like someone stole your luggage. Enter: the dressy sneaker. Comfortable enough to wear all day, and dressy enough that you can wear them with nice trousers and a jacket without looking like you suffered an ankle injury … or head trauma.
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   Where to Buy: Check out the selection of Clarks or Ecco at Zappos.com.
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   I am so cheating on my Converse with this pair.

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7. The cowboy boot. Am I insane for even suggesting something as trendy as this? Perhaps. A little bit. But hear me on this: cowboy boots are brilliant. I usually wear mine on flights, so they don’t crowd my suitcase (and they slide right off when I’m going through security). They can be paired with all manner of dresses (from summer to cocktail) and the heel is usually low enough that you can actually walk in them. Plus, they fit perfectly under boot-cut jeans (hence the name). Or, for you miserable lot who can wear them, cowboy boots can fit over your skinny jeans. There. Don’t say I never gave you nothing.
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   Where to Buy: I got mine from Nordstrom Rack (they’re made by Frye). Check discount stores that now summer is approaching – you might find some deals.
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   I found these at the Rack in a hideous color for 60% off. So I dyed them to something akin to the picture.

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8. The colorful flat. A co-worker once said that she started wearing flats after she saw me do it. Before then, she considered them too casual. This will forever be a point of pride for me – that I was able to change someone’s opinion about a whole style of shoe. And with good reason, because flats are awesome. They’re exceeding comfortable, which is important when you need to do a lot of walking in a new city. They slip right off, which is great in the security line. And they add a bit of life to any plain outfit – especially when you pick a pair with some color.
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   Where to Buy: I like Biviel, Gentle Souls, and Sofft. And like I noted above, I’m a Zappos loyalist.
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   Hello, lover.

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9. The holy-crap-that’s-awesome blouse. Let’s face it: historically, blouses have sucked. Even the word, “blouse,” is pretty lame. It rhymes with mouse.  And it brings to mind over-sized floral disasters that your friend’s mom wore in middle school (before she had that mid-life crisis and started dressing like a slut. Which was awesome for your friend, because after said crisis, she got to borrow mom’s clothes). But recently, I’ve noticed a new wave of blouses that are, frankly, awesome. Flattering styles (like empire-waists, ruched, or wrap-arounds that look great on everyone), bright colors (so they go with any basics you’ve got in your bag), and versatile enough to wear with shorts, pants, jeans, or skirts.
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   Where to Buy: Basically anywhere. But I’m a sucker for Anthropologie.
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   Pro: It's adorable. Con: It's expensive. Conclusion? My love-hate relationship with Anthropologie goes on.

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10. The who-cares-what-else-you’re-wearing jewelry. I am a magpie. If it’s shiny, I fluttered right over to it. I can’t help it. I love jewelry. Inexpensive, huge, colorful jewelry. It’s my $18 a month habit. I need help. But let’s face it: accessories make an otherwise boring outfit amazing. A plain t-shirt and jeans suddenly becomes a statement. And they take up virtually no room in your suitcase. So if you’re prone to overpacking, start with your jewelry roll.
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    Where to Buy: You don’t own any already?! Sigh. Forever 21 and H&M have loads to chose from, and it’s all stupid-cheap.
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    We ladies know how to accessorize.

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11. The wrap. Or the shawl. Or the pashmina. Whatever you want to call it, big, thin, wrap-them-three-times-around-your-neck scarves are awesome. They brighten up any outfit while actually serving a purpose – they keep you warm. Drape one over your shoulders with a summer dress. Place it over your eyes to block out light on a red-eye flight. Or toss one dramatically around your neck and make tasteless jokes about Isadora Duncan (I do this often. I am going to hell.) Rarely has something so inexpensive been so damn useful.
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    Where to Buy: Anywhere. Street vendors seem fond of carrying these, and with good reason. Oh, and now Old Navy has a pretty good selection, but I usually wait until their on sale. More than $6 for a scarf is too much.
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    My dear friend Lisa and I in our scarves.

    
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12. The over-sized handbag. On our last trip, a friend of mine stared blankly at my bag. “That,” she said, “cannot be your purse. What is that?” Clearly, my huge shoulder bag had her reeling. But when I travel, it’s a must. I can fit everything I need – water, snacks, a camera, my phone, and a dozen other things that I absolutely will not leave home without. Pick something rugged that sits well on your shoulder (and switch arms so that you don’t kill your back). A zippered top and a cross body strap (to deter theives) are musts for me. A slash-proof strap is a bonus.
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    Where to Buy: I love discount stores, because frankly, I don’t really see bags as “seasonal” anyway. Try T.J. Maxx or Ross for huge selection and good deals. If theft-proof is a must, check out Pacsafe’s line of bags (but unfortunately, I don’t find them that cute).
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    Me and Auntie P. show off our cross-body bags - these are small by my standards.

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So that’s it – the contents of my suitcase – and sartorial soul – laid bare. Ideas on what to wear on flights, what to pack in your bag, and what to buy.

Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I have to go shopping.

I have no problem traveling for people’s weddings – and, in fact, actually love to do so. We went to two weddings last month, and had to travel to vastly different places for each. I had a blast. There’s something wonderful about being in a place that’s new and different, but finding yourself surrounded by familiar faces. It’s like a field trip for grown-ups.

But, sweet merciful heavens, do I hate having to pack for a wedding. It’s near impossible: you need extra shoes, a dress, and all the accoutrements that go along with dressing up. This usually means a lot of space taken up in your suitcase by stuff that will only be worn once, plus knowing that regardless of how much you pack, you will inevitably forget something really, really important that you’d rarely otherwise need (for me, it’s usually a dressy cardigan and a clutch purse. However much I try, these are always left on my dresser).

As of late, though, things have gotten easier on the packing-for-wedding (and any other formal event) front. I’ve been creating a list of rules in my head, and they’ve proved so useful, I figured I’d pass them on to you …

1. You deserve comfy feet. Yes, yes, you should look nice for the wedding, no doubt. But that doesn’t mean you have to wear six-inch stilettoes in which you can barely walk. Plus, if you allow a few days to explore a city, you’ll need well-rested, blister-free feet before and after the wedding. Pack something you can safely dance and move in, and you’ll be much, much happier. Sofft and Gentle Souls are my favorite brands for comfy, dressy shoes.
2. Pack a spare. This piece of advice seems absolutely crazy, especially given the new trend of packing absolutely nothing for a trip, but I stand by it. My mother always says it’s a good idea to bring a spare dress (or dress shirt) – in case something happens to the one you planned on wearing. A spare doesn’t take up that much room, and if you suddenly have a change-of-heart at the last minute, you’ll have options.
3. Bring a semi-dressy outfit, too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told about a last-minute dressy brunch or party before the wedding, only to find my suitcase contains one dress, and a half dozen t-shirts. Lately, I’ve been tossing in another semi-dressy outfit just in case (after all, I’ve already taken up space with dress shoes, an extra purse, and other accessories, so a spare dress doesn’t actually take up that much more room). I almost always end up wearing it, and it can double as my spare dress.
4. Bring a sweater. I seem to forget that, on our planet, at least, as the night progresses, the temperature drops. I’ll pack a perfect dressy outfit and neglect to bring any sort of warm cover-up. If you’ve shivered your way through a reception (like I have), try packing a simple cardigan (that you can wear throughout your trip) or a pashmina wrap (that can double as a scarf later). They take up hardly any room, and they’re worth it.
   

   Notice my shoulders are not bare, and consequently I am less likely to steal someone's jacket.

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5. Make sure it’s travel-proof. Ah, yes, the paper-thin silk dress you’ve got is gorgeous, but it’s going to look disasterous after it’s been crammed into your suitcase for a few hours. And hotel irons are so unpredictable, you run a good risk of ruining your dress (see: what happened to me in New York the week before last. R.I.P., blue ruffle dress. I hardly wore ye.) Try packing something that can withstand a good folding: thicker fabrics, cotton-synthetic blends, jersey-material, and anything with a lace overlay has worked great for me in the past.
   

   This dress is completely comfortable and wrinkle-resistant. I'm pretty sure none of the fabrics used to make it derive from natural products (unless you count dinosaurs).

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6. Try it on beforehand. There’s nothing worse than digging out a dress or outfit you haven’t worn in a while and discovering that it doesn’t fit … it’s even worse when that happens 20 minutes before the event-at-hand. Give your outfit a trial run (even if it means wearing it around the house for a bit) or a the very least, try it on a few weeks before the event. If it doesn’t work, you’ll at least have time to pick something else.
   

   This photo is horribly unflattering, but it made me laugh like hell.

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7. Don’t forget the accessories. One of my most difficult trips was the one where I forgot my jewelry roll. I literally felt naked for a week, as I wandered around sans earrings, necklaces, or even a headband to keep me company. Make sure you’ve considered all the accessories you’ll need for a dressy outfit: not just jewelry, but a wrap, a clutch purse, hair barettes, stockings, etc.
   

   After all, you'd hate to have to buy something last minute ...

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8. Don’t check it. I once talked to a bride who had traveled to Vegas to get hitched, and promptly had her suitcase stolen off the carousel. Fortunately, as she explained, she had her dress and her husband’s tuxedo with her: “Never check what you’re going to wear,” she said. And she’s absolutely right: whether it’s a wedding, bridesmaid’s dress, tailored suit, or other item that can’t easily be replaced, be sure to carry it on.
9. Think about what goes underneath. I am, weirdly enough, the sort of person who wears a strapless bra regularly (what? I have nice shoulders. Shut up). So I usually remember to bring one with me on trips. For those less inclined to wear tube tops (I said, SHUT UP), don’t forget to consider what sort of underwear you’ll need for your dress: whether it’s a bra sans straps, one of a different hue, or those enigmatic stick-on thingies.
   

   ... or just bring a friend who will tell you when your bra straps are showing.

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10. And if all else fails … and you end up looking insane (or a little disheveled), don’t worry. Before my friend Laura’s wedding (in which I was a bridesmaid) I took a vicious fall while hiking, and ended up scraping my leg, my arm, and bruising my entire right side. I was worried how she’d feel having Frankenstein for a bridesmaid, but Laura couldn’t care less. She passed on one of the best (and most relieving) pieces of wisdom I’ve ever received: “It’s not like they’ll be looking at you. They’ll be looking at me.” Duh – of course they’ll be looking at the bride. So quit worrying.

And if you’re a bride who’s taken a spill, or looks otherwise amiss? Well, trust me, they’ll say you look beautiful, anyway. And believe me, you will.