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We weren’t cool enough for The Woodsman Tavern, and we knew it. We’d found ourselves at the Portland restaurant at the recommendation of our friend Matt. We’d tried to go to Broder, but it was a Sunday morning and they were mobbed. Matt explained that The Woodsman had just started serving breakfast. We could probably get in.

But he warned us: it was a hipster Mecca (this sketch from Portlandia sums up the vibe there quite well). And my husband and I? We are not hipsters. Not by a long shot.

So we faked it.

We tried not to stare at the collection of thrift store paintings that lined one side of the restaurant.

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We acted as though our ergonomically-sadistic, spring-loaded, reconstructed elementary school desk chairs were absolutely comfortable. We ignored the searing sciatica that the chairs aggravated, because back pain is SO last year.

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We pretended to take artistic photos.

I love how you can almost hear me saying, "What the HELL, Fishkin?"

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I even practiced speaking Hipster.

Frightened Rabbit has gone downhill since The Midnight Organ Fight, don’t you think?”

and

“Have you read The Hunger Games? BECAUSE I CERTAINLY HAVEN’T.”

and

“God, I hate hipsters.”

But then our food arrived, and we gave up on any hope of being cool.

Rand got a half-grapefruit with burnt honey. Which is just like a regular grapefruit, but slightly sweeter, smokier, and more awesome.

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He followed that with the pan-fried trout, served with potatoes o’brien, scallions, and bearnaise sauce.

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Savory. Salty. Studded with thyme.

I got a dutch pancake with ricotta, orange marmalade, and almonds. It was a daily special that wasn’t always on the menu.

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But it should be. Oh, man. The tartness of the fruit, tempered by cool, creamy globs of ricotta …

I might have licked the plate. That’s not really “in”, is it? I also might have experience such epicureal bliss that I began giggling over my breakfast – a sure sign of dorkiness if ever there was one.

We drew stares from other diners. I don’t really blame them. We tend to make a scene. Especially when we’re happy.

No, we certainly weren’t hip enough to eat at The Woodsman Tavern. Not in the slightest. But that doesn’t mean we won’t be going back.

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Full list of categories:  City Guide » Food » Food Porn Friday » Restaurants
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Comments (9)

  1. 1
    Audra McGee says:

    Bravo to you for tolerating those chairs. The food looks like it made up for them, BIG TIME! Too bad I’m on the east coast….but your pictures make me want to go for breakfast this weekend.

  2. 2
    Diana says:

    I love how Rand, despite being a VSIP (Very Serious and Important Person) in his own area of expertise (and outside of your blog), just smiles a lot and poses and goes along with all your tomfoolery, and thus contributes towards great content for your blog :-) True love! Sigh.

  3. 3
    SaSa says:

    It sounded like a dive until the food came. Looks absolutely delicious!

  4. 4
    Paige Willey says:

    Psh. Have you seen the glasses you wear, Geraldine? Those scream of hipster aesthetic. As does Rand’s beard.

    And I hope you don’t really believe Frightened Rabbit has gone downhill since TMOF, because The Winter of Mixed Drinks is a brilliant album.

  5. 5
    Jason says:

    I can name two more hipster aspects to your day:

    1. You are in your 30′s.
    2. You posted pictures of your food.

    From a 40-something several levels above you in nerddom :)

  6. 6
    Adl says:

    As a chef, can I just say, I am so stealing that pan-fried trout, served with potatoes o’brien, scallions, and bearnaise sauce dish. I’m just saying…. there’s no new dishes out there, just reworked (aka “borrowed”) ones from the great beyond.

  7. 7
    Jeanette says:

    i wish i were cool, but alas, i will just giggle at your adventures and continue eating my ice cream in my jammies.

  8. 8
    Melissa says:

    Seeing all these restaurant reviews for Portland made me wonder if you’ve heard of, and/or tried Screen Door restaurant in Portland? Haven’t been there myself, but drooled over some pictures some friends of ours took of their dinner there – it’s down home Southern style mixed with Portland’s knack for local, organic, yada, yada, yada – the menu looks pretty amazing – and I want your review of it!

    oh, also, by the way, confession – I’ve been stalking you via FB since seeing a mutual friend post about the whole Steve situation last month, just hadn’t commented until now, but have been obsessively reading through your archives :) It’s been a while but you may remember me (April’s OTHER Italian friend from good ole’ high school days) – those memories of get togethers allow me to really hear your voice when reading your posts – I can picture the screeching “GAH!” pretty perfectly! Hope you’re feeling better each day – thanks for letting me live vicariously through your travels!

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