I Went Paleo and Now I Hate Everything.

Recently, I went pseudo Paleo.

I say pseudo, because, like most things in my life, I’ve jumped in headfirst without putting any thought or research into it (this is also how I ended up taking a workout class called “Insanity.” Afterwards, I was drooling and delirious. So I guess it delivered).

This is supposed to be a cookie.

So, despite being totally unclear on what Paleo entailed, I figured I would try it because the hot guy from the gym told me I ate too many carbs.

Parenthetically, I really should stop listening to people just because they’re attractive. If Jeff Goldblum told me to get a bowl haircut and rob a bank, I totally would.

As far as I can tell, Paleo is based off of the premise that humanoids were never sexier or healthier than when they were cavemen. Even though they had no birth control or Penicillin or dental floss, and everyone was probably covered in lice, they were super cut and sexy and that’s a lifestyle to which we should aspire. Behold:

CavemanLawyer

And:

fred-flintstone_2
Creating an unhealthy body image since 1960.

The Paleo diet demands that you only eat what cavemen did, which means that you need to chew raw woolly mammoth meat for hours with a mouth full of rotting teeth, and wash it down with a nice refreshing gourdful of mud.

I KID! I kid. Apparently with Paleo, you need to eat a lot of protein, in the form of meat, seafood, and eggs. Plus a ton of veggies. A crazy quantity. Like, “the neighbors will start asking if you are in trouble with the local CSA-mob” number of veggies. “You might be having an affair with the guy from the farmer’s market” quantity of veggies.

This has curious side effects, especially gastrointestinally. Without going into too much detail, some days are … biologically slower than others. And some days … on some days things flow way too quickly. Like, I’m basically a human Play-Doh press.

 

Paleo also requires you to give up processed food, refined sugars, and alcohol, which makes sense because those things are wonderful. But you’re also supposed to avoid grains, starches, and natural sweeteners (like honey), and you are supposed to limit your fruit intake. It’s sort of like the Inquisition, but less fun.

In some respects, it’s worked: being Paleo has killed my will to live, so I’m too sad to snack. My abs look pretty damn good, but I suspect that’s from all the nights I spend wracked with sobs because I can’t eat anything fun. I would take a selfie to show you, but this isn’t Facebook and I’m not your misguided teenage niece.

To give you an idea of the waking nightmare that is my life, I’d like to walk you through today’s Paleo abomination, in which I endeavored to make something called “carrot cake cookies” – a name which is at best a misnomer, and at worst a cruel mockery. The recipe describes them as “savory cookies” which is something that, if your blood sugar is low enough, you can almost pretend is a real thing.

But it’s not. Savory cookies do not exist. There are real, honest-to-god cookies, which are filled with sugar and flour and all sorts of wonderful things that some random hot guy said I can’t eat. And then there are crumbly pucks of carrot and nut that are held together by the indelible resilience of failure and good intentions. I ate three in a matter of seconds. And you know what? They weren’t bad … though they were seasoned by a bit of forbidden honey and the salt of my own tears.

Carrot Cake Cookies (a.k.a., Pucks of Suffering)

Ingredients:

  • Carrots
  • The salt of your own tears
  • Nuts or something
  • Ennui
  • You know what? It doesn’t matter what I list here. You should not make these.

If you want to go Paleo, you’ll probably need a food processor, which doesn’t really make sense, because cavemen didn’t even have pants, so they obviously didn’t have food processors or ovens or organic coconut oil. Take your ingredients, none of which are even remotely cookie-like, and grind them in the food processor until they resemble cat vomit.

(This is the first and only time in my life I didn’t want to eat the cookie dough.) Take the mushy chunks and form them into little patties of sadness.

Bake them in the oven for 30 minutes at 350, or just toss them directly into the trash because life is meaningless.

I have no words to describe these unholy abominations.

Remember when we cared about things? Remember when our great aunt sat us on the counter of her kitchen in Rome and we watched her fold tortellini by hand, which she made just for us? And how she smiled as we sat there, staring intently at her hands?

Remember that little girl? Who spoke Italian effortlessly and ate carbs with abandon? What would she think of all this?

“We forgot the taste of bread, the sound of trees, the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name.”

The cookies look exactly the same before they are digested as after. They are eternal and unchanging. As time passes, they don’t decline in quality or taste because they can’t. They’ve already started out at theoretical zero on that scale.

I weep as I take a bite. These cookies will outlive me unless I destroy them.

Seriously, what the hell have you become? You traded your soul for nice abs.

Tomorrow, I am getting a slice of cake from the French bakery down the street and eating the entire thing. Then I will eat a plate of pasta, and think of people I loved who are no longer with me. Tomorrow, I will do this. And the cookies will be waiting, watching.

Fucking Paleo.

P.S. – You don’t want the actual cookie recipe. You don’t. But here it is.

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  • http://everything-everywhere.com Gary Arndt

    WHY are you trying to make paleo cookies??? That is like trying to make a vegan steak.

    I try to avoid sugar and grains and I have no problem with it. Most meals are some meat dish with vegetables. I keep it simple and don’t try to make it something it isn’t.

    If you want cookies, then once a week go nuts eating cookies.

    • Paleo Moxie

      I’ve made plenty of paleo cookies. Lots of health benefits. No problem with a little local raw honey here and there, of course depending on the person. I’ve had some amazing cookies that were healthy/paleo!

    • Caitlin Fitzsimmons

      Um, because she is a writer and figured she could get a funny column out of it. It’s the only good reason, and also, probably, the actual reason.

      • Everywhereist

        GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CAITLIN.

        • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

          Any chance of a new take, perhaps on the old fashioned meat an 3 veg without too much salt an hold the sugar type article, with your wicked wit swirled thru??. Or Maybe a list of the most decadent treats you scoffed on your travels to far flung places.. You certainly stirred some Gr8 db8 with the Food Fads.. :)) This post has been a blast, but alas its a bit long to navigate at over 250 posts now and the troops are taking sides and rattling sabres.. Gr8 read, with a few muffled chuckles to boot.. Well Done :))

    • Kiki Fogg

      I constantly see vegan cooks try to make burgers & quesadillas & such.

  • Ariana Adams

    I’ve tried Paleo, Whole30, and Sugar Detox Diet. They are all pretty much the same. They encourage you to suck the fun out of life in favor of “health” and “abs”. Whatever. After doing a month of each, at different times, my boyfriend and I decided, No more Special Diets! We restrict breads, alcohol and sugars to special occasions and focus on portion control most of the time. But don’t take my word for it, I’m not a hot guy with cut abs.

  • http://www.downshiftology.com/ Lisa Bryan

    Completely agree with Gary. It’s not about trying to recreate and rejigger previously unhealthy foods into healthy yet lifeless versions of their former glory. Stick to real, healthy, whole foods. Then, when you want to indulge in a treat…do so. And savor every little crumb.

    But as always, your post had me laughing! If you need healthy food inspo (that doesn’t taste like cardboard), I’ve got a few recipes on my website you might like. 🙂

    Oh, and PS – honey is paleo. 😉

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Hey Lisa Bryan, I would be interested in your healthy wholefood recipes for an Ebook titled “Teenz Greenz” which is aimed at teaching kids to learn to eat more Lean and Green and healthy like, we did back up country in the ole days. Take care

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        There is no need to eat lean foods or green vegetables.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      “honey is paleo”

      However, honey should be limited, the same as any other added sugars.

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Oh, and PS – honey is paleo. 😉
      Could not agree more, as well a having every known vitamin and mineral and is natures most powerful antibiotic. Raw honey on a wound has been used for so many centuries and I can remember my dear old Granpa strapping the cuts on his trotting horses shins as a quick healthy cure. For your poster to decry your statement by claiming “However, honey should be limited, the same as any other added sugars.” perhaps is merely a reflection on the sum total of their knowledge on the sublect as opposed to your correct assumption.
      We should however all “Think for yourselves, and allow others the privilege to do so, too” despite the constant contradictions from the same source. Have a good day one and all 🙂

    • Kiki Fogg

      “honey is paleo” AHA! Thank you! I need to go shove that news in the face of an obnoxious acquaintance who insists that paleo is “meat, plants, water, & nothing else”.

    • Mia

      Honey can be as paleo as you want, the chemical composition doesn’t make it much different than sugar – it’s just as un/healthy, in the appropriate amounts.

  • Brianne

    I can’t stop laughing. This is my new favorite post.

  • Jimmy Winskowski

    This was hilarious. I, too, have made the most terrible “cookies” that could ever be concocted in the name of “eating clean.” It was terrible. Far, far worse than simply eating nothing.

    I’ve become a fan of Whole30. The emphasis falls on eating meats, veggies, some fruit, and nuts without trying to concoct dessert abominations out of “clean” ingredients. In the end, it seems to work out that eating 90% Whole30-approved foods and 10% whatever-I-bleeping-feel-like-eating helps me stay more balanced. 🙂

  • deborahsnelson

    OMG SO HILARIOUS! I agree with Lisa. Trigger foods cannot and should not be reproduced! Keep it simple. FRUITS and VEGGIES. I eat fresh local fish every once in a while. I am satiated and rarely think of sugar or cookies, even though I used to be a sugar junkie. I gave them up in favor of being UNADDICTED to sweets!

    • flutiefan

      But my friend said no fruits!

      • Paleo Moxie

        Totally depends on the person. I have no problem with them. I eat a variety, but not a lot, and focus on low GI.

      • Paleo Huntress

        What is your friend’s paleo expertise?

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        I don’t agree with that one. I think fruit is fine. Maybe, you could make the case that weight loss would be quicker without fruit. The Princeton diet said to abstain from bananas and grapes. Everything else should be fine.

  • Paul Ramsay

    This was the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thank you 🙂

  • http://docsheldon.com/ Doc Sheldon

    Dammit, Geraldine! I think I may have ruptured my spleen! People aren’t made to laugh that hard!

    So, did you smile, roll your eyes, go Mmmm… and trick Rand into eating one? (if not, you’re slipping… it would’ve been a great opportunity!)

    • everywhereist

      I really should have. But I sort of want to keep my marriage intact. 🙂

  • http://micheleelys.wordpress.com/ MicheleElys

    Sounds similar to the Atkins diet,,,,,focus on the word “diet” In a couple of years watch those who have high cholesterol counts!! Veggies and fruits, with honey are great, personally moderation on rice and NO process food,, OOPPPS dang that sweet creamy (processed) coffee stuff I must have each morning in my TJoes Smooth and Mellow decaf coffee, oooppss is that processed also. Well the honey bees are not processed, maybe I will dine with my Arabian horses…………… ;D MicheleElys

  • http://westchesterrealestateblog.net/ J Philip Faranda

    Wait.
    Cavemen didn’t have pants ?
    My whole life has been a lie.

    • Everywhereist

      See: Flintstone, Fred.

  • creativenomad

    hilarious! Have passed this article on to a few of my “think too much about my abs” friends. Love your work!

  • http://corpina.org/ Danny

    Hilarious read! Thank you for the laughs.

    On a heavier note, any diet that brings more stress to your life isn’t worth the effort. Seems like you’re getting by just fine, though. 🙂

    • The Dude-bro Consortium

      A diet high in sugar and other refined carbohydrates, significantly and substantially increases the risk for type 2 diabetes, obesity, heart-disease and cancer. I would call that a stressful diet.

      • Vince Metzler

        No one is recommending anyone cram down a bucket of Oreos every five seconds. What’s wrong with you?

        • peekaboo2011

          Know what counteracts oreos? Running. I’ll take your oreos if you’re not going to eat them. 🙂

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            “Know what counteracts oreos? Running.”

            No, it doesn’t. The risk for diabetes increases 11 fold for every 50 grams of added sugar consumed per day, irrespective of anything else you eat or do. Americans, on average, are consuming 125 grams of added sugar per day. You can’t jog off the effects of smoking; and, you can’t jog of the effects of sugar.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          That’s a straw-man argument.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          “No one is recommending anyone cram down a bucket of Oreos every five seconds.”

          I suppose not. But, they are making claims like “everything in moderation.” What is moderation, exactly? What is a moderate intake of a known liver toxin? I can tell you its less than one soda per day.

      • Quinn Harbin

        I’m always so curious about the sort of people who debate in only black and white terms. Accord to you if someone objects to a healthy diet so demanding that it’s stressful, then they MUST support an extremely unhealthy diet. There is a whole world of gray out there, Dude.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          “Accord to you if someone objects to a healthy diet so demanding that it’s stressful, then they MUST support an extremely unhealthy diet.”

          That is a straw-man argument. The fact is, sugar is a hepatotoxin AND it is abused. A can of soda has an equal and negative impact on liver function and metabolism as a can of beer. No amount of snark or ideology will change that fact.

          “… people who debate in only black and white terms… There is a whole world of gray out there, Dude.”

          The assumption that there must be some middle-ground between two extremes is a logical fallacy. I suppose I could express my curiosity about people who make fallacious arguments.

          • Kiki Fogg

            I’m not trying to put words in your mouth, but rather simply trying to summarize your own posts, & the summary I’m seeing boils down to: “you either remove all sugar from your diet, or you will get a chronic illness.”
            Those are two extremes, & there is anecdotal evidence of a middle ground existing between them, since there do exist people who have eaten sugar throughout long, healthy lives who have not gotten any chronic illnesses.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            “there do exist people who have eaten sugar throughout long, healthy lives who have not gotten any chronic illnesses.”

            The same can be said for smoking.

            What I and others are suggesting is that, sugar needs to be treated similarly to tobacco. Sugar availability needs to be reduced. It should not be marketed to kids. And, it should be taxed to offset the associated health-care costs. Sugar needs to handled the same as any other substance that is both toxic and abused.

          • Mia

            No mention of alcohol? Salt? On a lighter note: what about your control issues? Are those the healthiest?

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            Salt is not a problem. Decades of research has failed to show any negative impact to high salt consumption.

            “what about your control issues?”

            That is a meaningless and ineffective attack on my character.

            Calorie for calorie, alcohol and sugar equally toxic.

            ” fructose is unlike glucose. In the hypercaloric glycogen-replete state, intermediary metabolites from fructose metabolism overwhelm hepatic mitochondrial capacity, which promotes de novo lipogenesis and leads to hepatic insulin resistance, which drives chronic metabolic disease. Fructose also promotes reactive oxygen species formation, which leads to cellular dysfunction and aging, and promotes changes in the brain’s reward system, which drives excessive consumption. Thus, fructose can exert detrimental health effects beyond its calories and in ways that mimic those of ethanol, its metabolic cousin.”

            http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pm

          • Mia

            Alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen, sugar is not. Funnily enough, tee-totaler tend to live less than those who drink some alcohol – because biology is complicated and entwined with the social environment.

            Sugar is toxic as any other thing: depending on the dose.

          • Kiki Fogg

            Your previous post did not suggest that at all. Yay for backpedaling!

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            yeah, i guess

          • Michelle Januse

            this is where Personal responsibility comes in to play, we cannot keep getting involved in the personal choices of humans. We can however, make healthcare premiums more expensive for those who are blatantly no compliant with their Doctor’s advice, ie smoking cessation, uncontrolled diabetes, BP meds… just like there are drug contracts out there for chronic drug seekers. Let us also not forget that there is a psychological component to obesity that often times goes undiagnosed or un treated. People with psych issues and other health issues are also given medications that cause weight gain, so the risk vs. benefit comes into play. If you are going to keep re using the big words that you keep throwing around, along with your empty statistics, perhaps you should look at the entire picture before spewing such a single sided argument.

  • http://peafritters.wordpress.com/ Pea Fritters

    Love it!! Laughed out loud multiple times! Had a paleo/cross fit friend come stay with us for a week. It was seriously un fun. Such intenseness!

  • Megan McGready

    This is the bestest, funniest thing I’ve read in ages. Cheers!

  • http://www.somethingsaturdays.com/the-blog.html Elizabeth @Something Saturdays

    AMAZING… And my favourite point is that cavemen didn’t have food processors. You just put paleo to shame.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      They had food processors. Its called a mortar and pestle. It runs on muscle rather than electricity. Paleo-humans ground many foods with “food processors.” In any case, that is a straw-man argument.

      • Global Netizen

        … and using ‘that food processor’ and similar things were the real reasons behind their abs and muscles. not just pretending to live like caveman using all the comforts (or say lack of physical effort) in day to day living..

        • Paleo Huntress

          What does that have to do with anything?

      • MrsDi

        And women to do all the work for them eh?

        • Neta Dubois

          Yeah, the women washed the mortar and pestle along with the loincloths and the men made sure the dinosaurs had an oil change regularly. smh…

      • Jer

        Um, no, that is not a Strawman argument. It’s pointing out something obvious for humorous effect. What you’re doing is being impervious to humor, which, ironically and unintentionally, also has great humorous effect.

        • Everywhereist

          Hee.

      • Aelfgifu

        Yep, they used them to mash grains.

        • Paleo Huntress

          A few, I’m sure. But the energy needed to make them edible was greater than the energy they provided. So they likely only ate them when there absolutely nothing else. If we all ate grains like early man ate grains we’d be in good shape. Paleo isn’t about duplicating paleolithic foods, it’s about eating from the same food groups. If you want to eat the equivalent of a single loaf of bread per year, go for it. That’s pretty paleo.

          • MrsDi

            You’ve never actually engaged in basic food prep have you? 🙂 This is what it looks like: https://face2faceafrica.com/article/mortar-and-pestle-uses There are more.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Yes, I’m the dumb one.

            http://www.beyondveg.com/cordain-l/grains-leg/grains-legumes-1a.shtml http://thepaleodiet.com/dr-cordain-comments-on-new-evidence-of-early-human-grain-consumption/ http://www.jstor.org/stable/1940354?origin=crossref&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
            Optimal foraging theory:

            “In view of the substantial amount of energy required (as just outlined) to harvest, process, and eat cereal grains, optimal foraging theory suggests that they generally would not be eaten except under conditions of dietary duress [Hawkes et al. 1985]. It seems likely that during the Late Paleolithic and before, when large mammals abounded, our ancestors would almost have never consumed the seeds of grass.”

            “[I]t should be pointed out that consumption of wild grass seeds of any kind requires extensive technology and processing to yield a digestible and edible food that likely did not exist 105,000 years ago. Harvesting of wild grass seeds without some kind of technology (e.g. sickles and scythes which are not present at this time) is tedious and difficult at best. Additionally, containers of some sort (baskets, also not present at this time), pottery (not present) or animal skin containers are needed to collect the tiny grains. Many grain species require flailing to separate the seed from the chaff and then further winnowing (baskets (not present), or animal skins) to separate the seeds from the chaff. Intact grains are not digestible by humans unless they are first ground into a flour (which breaks down the cell walls), and then cooked (typically in water – e.g. boiling (technology not present)) or parched in a fire which gelatinizes the starch granules, and thereby makes them; available for digestion and absorption. Because each and every one of these processing steps requires additional energy on the part of the gatherer, most contemporary hunter gatherers did not exploit grains except as starvation foods because they yielded such little energy relative to the energy obtained (optimal foraging theory).” Loren Cordain

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          • Michelle Januse

            wow, someone know how to research to make himself look edumicated

          • Paleo Huntress

            Wow, you are one triggered lady.

            I didn’t realize that putting effort into becoming educated and then sharing it with others had become something to denigrate. Yes, someone knows how to research to become educated.

            As someone with metabolic syndrome and insulin resistance who reversed T2D and cured PCOS <–(gender hint there) while eliminating "visceral fat" on a Paleo diet, I know that we can, in fact, "lose poundage" even with metabolic disorders.

          • Aelfgifu

            Not even close to true, dude.

      • ladybugmom

        OMG, I’ve been reading all your comments. Calm down.

        • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

          Exaxaree Fair lady, some posters are getting a bit edgy me tinks. Time for some meditation and a glass of live and let live juice. 😉

      • B Carlson

        You really like that phrase “straw-man argument.” I haven’t read all of the comment, or all of your comments, but even I, just scanning, saw that one phrase three times. Awkward.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          Its not awkward. Straw-man arguments are common, therefore, labeling arguments as such, becomes common.

          • Kiki Fogg

            You are just delightful to be around.

  • Wine, Wood & Waffles

    So gross (the cookies, not your post). Thanks for quelling that little voice in my head telling me I needed to be “making a change” and that “paleo might work”. Crisis averted, thank you!

    • Everywhereist

      Well, to be fair, I HAVE lost five pounds. But I don’t know if it’s entirely worth it. 🙂

  • http://thedistrictfox.com Casey

    This was too funny, I had to email it to my roommate who recently tried Paleo. Thank you for making me laugh on this stressful Monday!

  • TheSoy

    I really enjoyed this. You’re a very entertaining writer.

  • http://www.amorequietplace.com/ Federico

    They look pretty good, though!

    • Everywhereist

      No, Frederico. They look like something pulled from a diaper.

      • Paleo Huntress

        I’m guessing you don’t have children?
        From: Disqus
        To: paleo.huntress@yahoo.com
        Sent: Monday, June 8, 2015 6:19 PM
        Subject: Re: Comment on I Went Paleo and Now I Hate Everything.

        #yiv0007125892 #yiv0007125892 a:hover, #yiv0007125892 a:hover span {color:#1188d2!important;}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892button-cta:hover {color:#ffffff!important;background-color:#1188d2!important;}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892button-cta:hover span {color:#ffffff!important;}#yiv0007125892 #yiv0007125892 #yiv0007125892 #yiv0007125892outlook a {padding:0;}#yiv0007125892 body {width:100% !important;}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892ReadMsgBody {width:100%;}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892ExternalClass {width:100%;display:block;}#yiv0007125892 @media screen and ( _filtered_a ){#yiv0007125892 html {}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892content {width:100%;}#yiv0007125892 table {border-collapse:collapse;}#yiv0007125892 h2.yiv0007125892headline {font-weight:700;font-size:20px!important;margin-bottom:5px;}#yiv0007125892 .yiv0007125892button-cta {display:block!important;padding:0!important;}#yiv0007125892 div.yiv0007125892header {padding-top:20px;}#yiv0007125892 div.yiv0007125892footer {padding-bottom:20px;}}#yiv0007125892 #yiv0007125892 p.yiv0007125892mod-tools a:hover {color:white!important;background:#8c989f!important;}#yiv0007125892 @media screen and ( _filtered_a ){#yiv0007125892 td.yiv0007125892avatar, #yiv0007125892 td.yiv0007125892spacer {width:38px!important;}#yiv0007125892 td.yiv0007125892avatar img, #yiv0007125892 td.yiv0007125892spacer img {width:28px!important;}}”No, Frederico. They look like something pulled from a diaper.” | |
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  • Jamie Sotonoff Bartosch

    So funny, I read it 3 times. Totally nailed it!

  • http://new.travelingsaurus.com/ Heather @ TravelingSaurus

    I really read this post to see how/if you worked cupcakes into the paleo diet….

    I’m all about moderation and taste, if I want a cookie, I want a REAL cookie dammit.

  • http://camelsandchocolate.com/ CamelsAndChocolate

    BAHAHAHAHAHA. I’ve gone on several Paleo stints, and this is pretty much spot on.

  • Healthier_ tips

    Ha ha enjoyed the laugh an I agree with the feckin Paleo bit. As they say “everything in moderation, except moderation that is”

    • The Dude-bro Consortium

      Everything in moderation is the middle-ground fallacy.

      • Val Perry Rendel

        Everything in moderation is the medical consensus around the globe.

        • Paleo Huntress

          Not anymore it isn’t.

          • Val Perry Rendel

            Sigh. I don’t have time to get into trying to convince you with evidence, since your username makes it clear that there’s no point. Just keep ruining your intestine, Huntress girl. Hope you make it to the ripe old age of 30.
            By the way, the scientific consensus is also that paleo hunters also gathered and ate wild grains and eggs.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I’m almost 50 the only person in my family without diabetes and heart disease. Though I did before paleo.)
            Of course early man ate wild grains and eggs. Duh. Won’t you tell me some more stories?

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          “Everything in moderation is the medical consensus around the globe.”

          Close to 400 million people worldwide are affected by type II diabetes – a number that is quickly rising. Not only damaging for the health of individuals, the associated costs for the global healthcare system are estimated at a staggering 470 billion US dollars every year, representing over 10 percent of all healthcare costs. If things don’t change, the number of people affected could be close to 500 million by 2020, and costs could rise to a whopping 700 billon US dollars.

          The Credit Suisse Research Institute’s 2013 study “Sugar: Consumption at a crossroads” found that close to 90 percent of general practitioners in the US, Europe and Asia believe that the sharp growth in type II diabetes and the current obesity epidemic are strongly linked to excess sugar consumption. “Although causality is difficult to prove in this area, with such a high percentage of doctors in our proprietary survey confident of this strong link, we cannot ignore the significance and the implications for society and our economy any longer,” Stefano Natella, Head of Global Equity Research at Credit Suisse and an author of the study, says.

          https://www.credit-suisse.com/us/en/news-and-expertise/topics/health-care.article.html/article/pwp/news-and-expertise/2013/09/en/is-sugar-turning-the-economy-sour.html

  • Amanda

    Hahaha! I laughed so hard! Personally, I’d rather have a little layer of fun around the belly than indulge in a whole lot of boring. Haha.

  • Kelly Morris

    You are gifted. I laughed out loud…and may have snorted! Years ago my roomies and I made a similar abomination… we ended up calling them Cheetos-Barf-Skin-Cookies. As I key in those words, a taste memory is building in the back of my throat that only a Lindor Sea Salt Chocolate Truffle or three can eradicate. I’m sure your abs are lovely but carbs take the cake IMO.

  • Running Meg

    When I read just the blurb on your homepage I read it as “Pseudo Palo” as in the hot Brazillian (?) guy Rachel dated on Friends. And for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what that had to do with the nasty ass looking meatballs on the picture. Yep, your cookies look like meatballs.

    I will pretend your post was about Pseudo Palo instead of a sad, sad Paleo diet. I picture Rand pretending to be Brazilian and you trying to pull off the Rachel Haircut two decades after it’s popularity peaked set to the tunes of the Rembrandts and maybe Toad the Wet Sprocket. Ah, pallet cleansed.

  • Michelle

    I’ve signed up to disqus purely to post here. Spat my tea all over myself reading this – you are fucking hilarious! Have been trying to lunch paleo at a local health shop and everything which looks moderately ok actually tastes of cardboard. I’m going back to eating stuff I actually like, including the odd slab of cake/ pastries/ chocolate.

  • comment95405

    Lol hilarious

  • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

    Hey Gary why on earth would you avoid grains, they are your internal straw broom!! IE they sweep all the rubbish out the back door ? Sugar, definately a big N.O. but grains are natures steady supply of blood sugar. Just a thut, M8 :)) and hi Lisa Bryan, look up Jellybush honey from the QLD East Coast, the original Manuka honey and the next big h.e.a.l.t.h.y thing.. Do you wanna swap some healthy recipes, I need some for an Ebook I am nearly finished.
    Its Gr8 to find a site full of fun and positive vibes an no snipes, Geraldine, :)) big pat on the back for you, cant wait to read your book.

    • The Dude-bro Consortium

      No one needs to grains for any reason. Fiber shouldn’t be removed from food but it is not necessary for health. E.g. Eskimos eat mostly animal foods. They have very little fiber in their diet. They essentially have no constipation or GI issues. And no, they don’t all die when they’re 30.

      • Timebandit

        I think you mean Inuit. “Eskimo” is kind of like the “n” word for our northern friends.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          whoops, and I’m Native American too!

        • http://ereid.net/ Elizabeth Reid

          I don’t know why I’m bothering to participate on this comment thread with so many idiots, but for the record, Eskimo is not the “n word.” Eskimo refers to the Yupik peoples, which are not the same thing as the Inuits. You literally could have found that out in 4 seconds with a Google search.

          • Timebandit

            Oh, Google! Sure, I could have googled it, but instead I’m respecting the opinion of an Inuit friend who has been routinely referred to as “Eskimo” and regards it as much the same as the n word. Clearly, I should have immediately doubted her and resorted to google for clarification – she can’t honestly be expected to be a better arbiter of what’s racist than *google* for heaven’s sake! Imagine what would happen if we let people of colour determine what’s insulting to them! Anarchy! And yeah, no shortage of idiots here – especially the ones who think they’re so effing clever, them and their Google searches.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I don’t think you should have doubted your friend at all when you are talking to your friend. However, “trust but verify” seems wise when confronting strangers with criticisms of racial slurs?

          • Timebandit

            No, I’m confident that being well acquainted with people from a certain community and having it from the horse’s mouth is sufficient. The Internet doesn’t always know better. Part of being an ally to POC is accepting their experiences of racism at face value. Not up to this white woman to “verify” whether their experiences are real enough.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Again, not talking about your experiences, I’m talking about the experiences of those you’re criticizing.

            It’s no more offensive than the term “Caucasian” and about as generally accurate. I think people can be trusted to decide for themselves whether or not to find offense. (:

          • Timebandit

            Yes, it’s more offensive than Caucasian. But if you prefer ignorance, go for it.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Nothing more tedious than the PC police.

          • http://ereid.net/ Elizabeth Reid

            I love this comment so much. It’s the same asinine n=1 logic that serves as the basis of so many of these bizarre diets. And yes, if she is not an Eskimo, then she probably finds being called an Eskimo extremely offensive.

          • Timebandit

            Your white privilege is showing. So is your ignorance.

      • MrsDi

        You are a troll.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          nah

    • Paleo Huntress

      Why would you need grain as an internal “straw broom”? Fibrous veggies contain even more fiber per calorie than grains, so when you replace grains with veggies, you get even more fiber.

      Any time you eat grains instead of meat, fish, fruit or veggies, you sacrifice overall nutrient density in your diet.

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        Sorry Huntress, you are very correct. I did not clarify my comment correctly. I was referring to such health foods as wholegrain products such as soy and linseed multigrain bread, wholegrain flour or brown rice, quinoa, pumpkin seeds, pistachios,etc. Did you know that brazil nuts have Five times the amount of DNA protecting Selenium than Pink salmon or yellowfin tuna?? I was not saying instead of, I was alluding to, as well as.
        Again my apologies.
        Having said that the Brassica vegetable family, lycopene rich tomato juice or purees, Vit C citrus, oily fish, lean cuts of meat and lots of fruit are the best Antioxidant rich food sources. I think we are on the same page :)) I enclose a link of other healthy antioxidant rich foods facts. http://healthier.tips/did-you-know/ Bon Apertit and a lovely day 🙂

        • Paleo Huntress

          There’s no need to apologize, we simply disagree.

          Whole grains, brown rice and soy are nutrient-deficient compared to other whole foods. I do know about Brazil-nuts, they are Paleo too. 😉

          Any time… ANY TIME you eat whole grains instead of veggies or fruit or nuts or meat, you’re reducing the overall nutrient density of your diet. There is nothing in grains that cannot be found in other foods in better quantity.

          But still, if your diet is whole food and you happen to eat grains too, you’re still doing better than most people.

          Have you ever seen the nutrient-density analysis done by Harvard’s Dr. Lalonde? It’s pretty eye-opening. If you’re interested, I’ll post the link here.

          I hope yours is a lovely day as well. (:

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Gr8 would love to

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Love for you to post the link, that is lol

          • Paleo Huntress

            Sure thing! Enjoy. (It’s especially funny when he explains that white potatoes really are more nutrient-dense than sweet.)

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwbY12qZcF4

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Thanks for that :)) Yep the goodies are in the skin, specially the Red skinned variety, Nortica I think they are. Thats why a steamed jacket tatey is better for us than some thrashed mash with heaps of extras. The suns just peepin over here in Oz so when I thaw out (1C yestday feels like -3C now) I will grab a steaming hot mug of green tea and have a squiz

          • B Carlson

            I like the point you made — that if you eat a whole food diet but also happen to eat grains, your doing well. That’s the kind of moderation that is sometimes being lost in this thread. Thanks,

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        I say P Huntress, as most of my years of research have centered around Antioxidant rich foods and the Feingold Diet, as an aid and support to my youngest who was a needs category child; IE no sugars, preservatives, food colours of red, yellows etc. I must confess my ignorance to proper Paleo eating and am open to learning/research of the topic. Any links or suggestions, appreciated from you or other posters. Gracios.

  • Kristina Cline

    Let me just chime in and say honey is allowed. I would die if I couldn’t have it. Now, I will breathe again and read the rest of your post.

    • The Dude-bro Consortium

      Honey should be used as sparingly as table sugar or high-fructose corn syrup.

      • Indicatoridae

        Tell that to the Efe pygmy people of the Congo, who consume as much as 80 percent of their calories from honey during the rainy season, and the Hadza who consume on average 15% of their calories from honey.

        http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/humans-the-honey-hunters-9760262/?no-ist

        Btw, honey is an anti-diabetic substance…

        http://pmid.us/PMC3399220/
        http://pmid.us/22205091
        http://pmid.us/PMC3758027/

        • Paleo Huntress

          White sugar is only 50% glucose which is the fraction measured in “blood sugar”. Honey contains even less. It isn’t at all surprising that honey has less glycemic impact than white sugar. But saying that honey is “anti-diabetic” when what one really means is that it is less diabetic than sucrose is disingenuous.

          Eating honey is better than eating sucrose, but not as good as not eating either. The Efe don’t eat just the honey, but the fat and protein-rich larva and even the waxy comb.

          • Indicatoridae

            I’m not the one who is being disingenuous. If honey was just “less” diabetic than table sugar, then we would expect to see some level of diabetes in the many honey hunting populations across the globe. Yet we don’t. They are free of such disease, despite eating massive amounts of honey—particularly during the rainy seasons.

            Your low carb dogma can’t explain that.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I don’t have any low-carb dogma. How do you explain the cultures that have no diabetes that also don’t eat honey? How did they avoid diabetes without it?

            Pretty silly, right?

            It doesn’t matter how much sugar (in any form) you eat if you eat below your energy needs. It is only excess consumption that leads to disease because it is the storage of that extra energy that creates issue.

            Epidemiology and observation cannot establish cause.

          • Indicatoridae

            “How do you explain the cultures that have no diabetes that also don’t eat honey? How did they avoid diabetes without it?”

            Diabetes is linked to iron overload. Cultures, whether they are meat eaters or honey eaters, avoid iron overload through blood loss (parasites) and those who eat lots of higher quantities of meat inhibit iron with higher intakes of antinutrients and dairy. Honey has antioxidant properties that reduce or chelate iron from the body, which may be why honey has “anti-diabetic” properties.

          • Paleo Huntress

            And the traditional Inuit who eat neither dairy or honey?

            Do you have any sources for the chelation properties of honey or should I just take your word for it?

            Did you know that anemia (low iron) and diabetes often come together? How does that happen?

          • Indicatoridae

            “And the traditional Inuit who eat neither dairy or honey?”

            The Inuit consumed polyphenolic plants whenever they could get them. However, the Inuit were known to age rapidly according to Stefansson’s own words…

            “The danger is that you may reason from this good health to a great longevity. But meat eaters do not appear to live long…It may be that meat as a speeder-up of metabolism explains in part both that Eskimo women are sometimes grandmothers before the age of twenty-three, and that they usually seem as old at sixty as our women do at eighty.” – V. Stefansson http://abelix.hive.no/wp-uploads/abelix.hive.no/2011/02/Adventures_in_Diet.pdf

            Also, the Inuit are now seen as one of the least healthy indigenous cultures…

            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/neal-barnard-md/eskimo-myth_b_5268420.html

            So, not exactly a culture to mimic. They did the best they could with what they had.

            “Do you have any sources for the chelation properties of honey or should I just take your word for it?”

            :: Bunting CM (2001) The production of hydrogen peroxide by honey and its relevance to wound healing. MSc thesis, University of Waikato, New Zealand

            Though, admittedly there is debate about what Bunting found. Nevertheless, the polyphenolics are still considered to be one of the key aspects to honey’s health benefits. It hardly makes a difference since on a high-honey diet since honey is not a good source of iron. Fructose and sugar can enhance iron absorption, but then again, nobody really enjoys slathering lots of honey on meat and dairy is a good inhibitor of iron absorption.

            “Did you know that anemia (low iron) and diabetes often come together? How does that happen?”

            Yep. This is now believed to be Anemia of Chronic Disease. If you’re not familiar with it… The body tightly regulates iron in the blood so as to not feed iron-loving cancers and pathogens. Thus, the body stops absorbing iron and stores it in adipocytes to keep iron out of the bloodstream. In this way, anemia can go hand-in-hand with iron overload.

            This is actually a fairly new hypothesis. Already there have been a few studies in 2015 alone explaining this. Here is one of them…

            http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0946672X14000716

          • Paleo Huntress

            “the Inuit are now seen as one of the least healthy indigenous cultures… So, not exactly a culture to mimic. They did the best they could with what they had.”

            Judging traditional Inuit diets by modern day Inuit health is like judging Native American diets by modern American health.

            “The Inuit diet, once based on traditional foods like polar bear and seal, now consists of nearly 50 percent junk food.” ~Dr. Sangita Sharma, Nutritional epidemiologist, N.C. Research Campus.

            “Though, admittedly there is debate about what Bunting found.”

            That may be because it is a thesis and was never published or subject to peer-review in a journal.

            You have to wonder though, why would more women then men be diabetic? As a group, women have much lower levels of iron due to menstrual bleeding so they should have correspondingly lower incidences of diabetes.

            In looking over Buntings work I note that he believes it’s the action of hydrogen peroxide. However, hydrogen peroxide levels tend to be HIGHER in older people (the cause of grey hair even), and considering that diabetes rates are far higher in older people, this again doesn’t match up with the theory.

            It makes sense that the body tightly regulates iron in the blood, and yet, iron in the blood is what is measured. It doesn’t make sense that the body would go overboard removing iron when it is anemic. Right?

            “Already there have been a few studies in 2015 alone explaining this.”

            The theory is interesting, but the paper you cite isn’t an actual study or a trial, it’s an opinion piece exploring the theory. It isn’t data. A correlation between diabetes and high iron isn’t proof of cause. It’s just as likely that the diabetes causes high iron as it is that high iron causes diabetes.

            This is a list of the known top 100 foods containing polyphenols in order of content from the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Honey doesn’t even make the top 100.

            Identification of the 100 richest dietary sources of polyphenols: an application of the Phenol-Explorer database

            I’m not dismissing the theory entirely, I just don’t believe there is enough evidence to take it seriously yet. Certainly not enough to recommend eating honey at all, however, applying it to wounds is pretty awesome.

            The video below is from the ongoing Inuit diet study where people returned to their traditional diets of meat and fat and fibrous plants and watched their obesity and disease vanish.

            My Big Fat Diet

          • Paleo Huntress

            It’s also worth noting that the Efe Pygmies eat honey to fatten up-

            Forest Foragers: The Life of Efe Pygmies in the Democratic Republic of Congo

            “Kebe and the other families will stay in the honey camp until the heavy rains begin and the threat of windstorms — and falling trees and branches — necessitates a move from the forest. In these few short weeks of abundant honey, everyone in camp will gain weight, and the pots and baskets of comb carried back to Taki’s village will provide for weeks or months of cultivated crops in exchange.”

            “Hunger in April, May and into June is quite common in the Ituri when last year’s crop runs out before the sweet potatoes and peanuts — planted in the new field in February or March — are ready for harvest. Three years ago, Taki’s crop was too small to exchange with the camp and Kebe hustled to trade with any Lese possessed of extra food. Kebe’s baby died when his wife’s milk dried up due to insufficient food.”

            “Kebe hopes for an abundance of honey: he knows his family will need to fatten up to tide them over next year’s expected hunger period.

            If you’re going for fatness, honey should be your go-to food.

          • Indicatoridae

            What a joke. Please do not imply that the Efe are obese. Fattening up a starving rail-thin pygmy is a good thing.

          • Paleo Huntress

            From my comment above-

            “Overconsumption of carbohydrate triggers seasonal leptin and insulin resistance which allows us to store fat for a low-food season. Why would you want to emulate an eating pattern that people only engage in when trying to gain fat to prevent future starvation? Most people aren’t trying to store fat.”

  • http://aliceblogs.blogspot.com AliceWonderland0

    HAAAAA. Once, many moons ago, I tried the South Beach diet, since 90% of my intake was carbs or different carbs. I made it three days. And I cheated on two of them (with carbs).

    Paleo is not for me, is what I’m saying.

    And, I have GREAT abs! ….they just prefer to remain hidden under a nice safe layer of fat. For protection, I assume. Who can know with abs.

    • The Dude-bro Consortium

      Do you have visceral fat? Because, that can be a problem. Visceral fat accumulates when a persons diet is high in refined carbohydrate and sugar.

      • http://aliceblogs.blogspot.com AliceWonderland0

        I’m pretty sure it’s just called “fat.” Humans are supposed to have it. It keeps us warm and makes us more comfy to hug.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          No, there is visceral fat, and there is subcutaneous fat. Subcutaneous fat accumulates beneath the skin and is beneficial or innocuous. Visceral fat accumulates around the organs and is dangerous. E.g. fatty liver disease, too much fat in the liver, which is a direct result of eating too much sugar.

          • http://aliceblogs.blogspot.com AliceWonderland0

            You’re fun at parties, aren’t you? I bet you truly think you are. Aww.

          • Val Perry Rendel

            I hate Alice for beating me to this comment.

          • Neta Dubois

            As long as you’re healthy (the general you, not just you specifically) and you feel fine and you have regular check ups, you should be ok. I mean, in order to get sick via diet it takes years and years, (unless you balloon up to half ton within months or a couple of years).

            But generally, when people make fun or see the “humorous side” of an illness (we’re talking about morbid obesity, not the 10-20 pounds extra one might carry, morbid.. ) either they have never been on that side or they are in denial.

            I hope you just have never been on the sick side.

          • http://aliceblogs.blogspot.com AliceWonderland0

            I assume the illness we’re talking about is some Paleo folk’s complete inability to process humor, right? Because I agree, that is serious and terrible.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Lol, priceless humour processed (incessant chuckling @ succinct retort by Alice) lol again

          • makare1

            I logged in JUST to comment how much I love this comment.

          • Cathy

            Oh shit you are choking my with your comments! YOU are a RIOT at parties, I am sure! LOL!

          • http://instagram.com/tanjiandfriends Tanjiandfriends

            if they understood such alien concepts as fun, humour or not being an obnoxious cockwaffle they wouldn’t be so gullible.

          • RunningWriting

            You do know that 13% of all U.S. adults are now diabetic? Another 20% of adults are prediabetic. It’s not just a small group these days. And the social and financial cost is massive, as I pointed out above.

            Childhood diabetes rates are skyrocketing too. If a child develops diabetes, their life expectancy can drop as much as a few decades. In the past (before the 80s or so), type 2 diabetes was extremely rare in children. That’s why it used to be called “adult-onset diabetes.” But now so many children are developing it, because of high-sugar diets and sedentary lifestyles, that no one uses that term any more.

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            T2 Diabetes is a “Life Style” disease. Eating a lot of sugar does NOT give you diabetes. This is a misconception. Having a bad diet (overall) and being sedentary will definitely give you diabetes. Exercise, lose weight and eat well and you can reverse your condition.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Eating a lot of sugar DOES give you diabetes.. Name just ONE salient point that justifies sugar. JUST ONE ???

          • nnnnnn321

            It tastes good.

            “eating a lot of X gives you Y” is not a reason to never eat any of X. Do you want to forbid water because drinking too much water can kill you?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I simply said “Eating a lot of sugar DOES give you diabetes” which is medical Fact!! Why on earth would you use the analogy about the overhydration?? You did not get onto the school debating team with that type of crazy logic !!

          • nnnnnn321

            You asked for “just one” justification for sugar, and I gave you one: it tastes good. That’s a fact too.

            I then pointed out, by analogy, that just because a lot of something is bad doesn’t mean one should avoid that something entirely. That’s not crazy logic, it’s just plain logic.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Its all good. :-))

          • Paleo Huntress

            No, it is NOT a medical fact that eating a lot of sugar will give you diabetes. I’m about as anti-sugar as a person can get, but the evidence is more important than dogma. If you stay under your every balance (maintenance calories), it doesn’t matter how much sugar you consume. The real issue is that it’s hard to stay under your energy balance when you eat a lot of sugar, because blood sugar fluctuations cause hunger.

            Have you ever heard of the Kempner Rice Diet developed at Duke University? It consists of white rice, fruit juice, fruit and white sugar. People in this diet reverse diabetes, heart disease, hypertension and lose weight. This diet is still being used with success today.

            Sugar doesn’t cause diabetes, even the American Diabetes Association and Consumer Reports agrees.

            This study looked at the diets of almost 40,000 woman and found that though sugar intake correlated with body weight (meaning people who eat a lot of sugar tended to overeat) those who didn’t overeat calories had no correlation between sugar intake and diabetes. As long as they kept their calories under control, they could eat all the sugar they wanted. (Two and a half CUPS is under 2000 cal/day)

            Diabetes Care. 2003 Apr;26(4):1008-15 | A prospective study of sugar intake and risk of type 2 diabetes in women.

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            Waking up with a BG of 50! And no need to yell(?) or be upset (cap letters). You are welcome to forgo sugar for what ever your reason.

          • trellis23

            There is nothing healthy about waking up with a bg of 50.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            DEAR LFE, I AM NOT YELLING.. I SIMPLY MISPLACED MY GLASSES !! SO I AM TYPING THIS REALLY QUIETLY AND SLOWLY SO THAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT USING CAPS LOCK IS MERELY ANOTHER WAY TO UNDERSCORE SILENTLY AND CONTRARY TO ALL THE OTHER LEMMINGS PERCEPTIONS; THAT caps lock = insane rage and THAT LOWER CASE TYPISTS = ARE BRILLIANTLY STABLE and NICE PEOPLE ?? Well, Thats not the case. If objectivity is your goal, read some of the lower case insults within these pages and I encourage you to read all of my posts and point out where I have not attempted to be polite, friendly and caring. Except perhaps when I got sick of Mrs Paleo misconstruing and picking on people.
            EG
            *Says the guy who can’t spell “paleo” correctly even though it’s written
            dozens of times on the page.
            *Oh
            FFS, you’ve now responded to the same comment THREE times.
            *Wow, you are one triggered lady.

            Last word from the Author ”

            Everywhereist
            Mod to
            Caitlin Fitzsimmons
            10 days ago

            GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CAITLIN.

            Dear Lourdes, I suggest Geraldine is complimenting this lady and is not upset with her, just as my comment to you was not said in an angry or upset state and I dont wish you anything other than your right to your opinions and to have a nice day with your lovely child. :-))

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I manage “hypo”glycaemia by regulating blood sugar levels with healthy Carbs, you prefer the easy fix of sugar, but make no mistake it is contributing to your illness.
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoglycemia
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperglycemia

            Yes, Wiki’s spelling is incorrect. Have a nice day :-))

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            Folks get confused between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes all the time so your comment would make sense for a Type 2. Unfortunately, I am a type 1 – auto immune, make no insulin – so your comment does not apply (wish it did!!).

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            EXCUSE CAPS, TYPING BY TORCH. GENNY JUST RAN OUT OF FUEL !! DOES THAT MEAN U HAVE TO LIMIT SUGAR AND TAKE INSULIN SHOTS?? WOULDNT A MEASURED CARB/PROTEIN DIET O F 6 SMALL SNACKS AT 2 1/2 HR INTERVALS KEEP A LOW LEVEL NATURAL BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL FOR YOU? JUST WONDERING?:))

          • behindthecamera

            Curing bacon. Next?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            You prefer sugar,salt and bacon fat and I go for greens, lean boiled meats, fruit and vegies, nuts, antioxidant rich foods including minimal raw honey, wholegrain breads and natural saturated fats such as milk, parmesan cheese , sour cream, olive and grapeseed oils, lots of unsweetened black and green teas and fresh farm water without city additives such as bleach and fluoride.

            But I see your point and agrre it is your right to express it and I am glad that’s your diet and not mine. :)) have a nice day

          • Lording Slums

            Boiled meat? Do you mean broiled?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            NOT MUCH DIFF IS THERE BRO, I GENERALLY BOIL MY DRUMSTICKS, BEEF MINCE OR LAMB SLOWLY AND THEN DRAIN OFF THE EXCESS FAT. MEAT DOES NOT DRY OUT AS MUCH. :-))

          • Lording Slums

            How much difference is there??? Taste! Boiling your meat doesn’t sound tasty. Boiling. As in boiling water. If your meat is drying out by grilling it or other methods, then you’re either cooking too long or too high of heat or not brining when you should.

          • NC Narrator

            It definitely can be a lifestyle disease. It can also be the result of a conglomeration of other issues that come together in a hellish express ride to T2. Of course, if you have a competent doctor who DOESN’T have their head up their ass, that express ride can be slowed or even stopped – too bad so many doctors are closet auto-proctologists.

            It’s a good idea to remember that, when looking at someone with T2 (or someone who is obese, for that matter), unless we are that person’s doctor we don’t ACTUALLY know what caused the effect we are seeing. We can ASSUME, but we don’t KNOW. In this situation more than most that tired old cliche holds true: when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

            Unless someone is omniscient, of course. In which case I have to wonder why they haven’t gotten off their lazy butts to fix all the ills of the world. Maybe they had too many Krispy Kremes on free donut day?

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            Of course there are many outliers as well as those that are over weight and don’t exercise which are not T2 diabetic. But by general definition it is the reason. Perhaps you are a better endocrinologist than I am 🙂

          • NC Narrator

            Just an unwilling passenger on that express ride to hell! You learn a lot when your body is doing what it shouldn’t and no one can tell you why. I was 13 years old and a competitive swimmer with an obsession with healthy eating when I started gaining weight and my blood sugar started swinging all over the place. (Back then they didn’t bother making things like protein powder taste good…I can still remember THAT taste!) The first thing every doctor and specialist tried was testing my thyroid. When that came back healthy every time, they had no other tools. There were only three answers for what was happening to me: thyroid, some kind of cancer (which they also checked for constantly), or lifestyle. The doctors all agreed that my lifestyle shouldn’t be resulting in the weight gain and blood glucose issues I had. They ended up calling it “Metabolic Syndrome” and walking away. It took over two decades for my doctors to put the pieces together and by then the insulin resistance I’d been fighting for years had transitioned to T2 (well controlled with diet and a tiny pill every morning, thank God).

            Unfortunately, the average person (or the clueless doctor), can’t know any of that just by looking at me, and I’m not alone on this train. The really bad part is, the assumption that weight gain and blood glucose issues are almost always lifestyle based meant that it took a LOT longer to find out the real reason than it probably should have. It’s fine to say that lifestyle is GENERALLY the cause, but it’s a mistake of immense proportion to use that generalization to judge people, or to let it define the medical care they receive.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            It is no life-style disease. The scientific consensus is that sugar causes type 2 diabetes. We can say that with as much confidence as we can say that smoking causes lung cancer.

            “Close to 400 million people worldwide are affected by type II diabetes – a number that is quickly rising. Not only damaging for the health of individuals, the associated costs for the global healthcare system are estimated at a staggering 470 billion US dollars every year, representing over 10 percent of all healthcare costs. If things don’t change, the number of people affected could be close to 500 million by 2020, and costs could rise to a whopping 700 billon US dollars.

            The Credit Suisse Research Institute’s 2013 study “Sugar: Consumption at a crossroads” found that close to 90 percent of general practitioners in the US, Europe and Asia believe that the sharp growth in type II diabetes and the current obesity epidemic are strongly linked to excess sugar consumption. “Although causality is difficult to prove in this area, with such a high percentage of doctors in our proprietary survey confident of this strong link, we cannot ignore the significance and the implications for society and our economy any longer,” Stefano Natella, Head of Global Equity Research at Credit Suisse and an author of the study, says.”

            https://www.credit-suisse.com/us/en/news-and-expertise/topics/health-care.article.html/article/pwp/news-and-expertise/2013/09/en/is-sugar-turning-the-economy-sour.html

            ” fructose is unlike glucose. In the hypercaloric glycogen-replete state, intermediary metabolites from fructose metabolism overwhelm hepatic mitochondrial capacity, which promotes de novo lipogenesis and leads to hepatic insulin resistance, which drives chronic metabolic disease. Fructose also promotes reactive oxygen species formation, which leads to cellular dysfunction and aging, and promotes changes in the brain’s reward system, which drives excessive consumption. Thus, fructose can exert detrimental health effects beyond its calories and in ways that mimic those of ethanol, its metabolic cousin.”

            http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3649103/

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            Wow lots of angry folks! Perhaps you are T2 diabetics and have been offended? It was not the intent. Maybe eating some sugar might do you some good 🙂

          • laura ravaschio

            Geez please stop proselitizing and go run after a bucket of kale

            Also the whole paleo idea is insane:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMOjVYgYaG8

          • Grace Scrimgeour

            That may be mostly true, but I have diabetes as a result of GI cancer which entailed the removal of part of my pancreas.

          • WesBEnterprise

            Sounds like Type 1 Diabetes, then.

          • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

            Hey Grace, So sorry you have had to go through this. I hope that you are doing well! Without a pancreas, you don’t produce insulin so that would be called type 1.

          • Tatiana Jones

            Just because some people take unhealthy eating too far and end up with terrible and costly chronic disease, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with a healthy, nutritious, balanced diet! If you go to extremes in either direction there are going to be consequences. Cutting out entire food groups without proper medical advice (ie/ under medical supervision following a medically diagnosed food allergy) is just dangerous and foolhardy. the human body requires an intricate mix of hundreds of nutrients to work at optimum. Better to cut out crappy carbonated drinks, products containing high fructose corn syrup, and too many processed ingredients, eat plenty of fresh fruits. veggies and meats, as well as whole grain cereals; rather than just eliminating carbs and sugars! Funny article though 🙂

          • http://bren.murrell.net.nz Bren

            I suggest you look up “That Sugar Film”. It doesn’t take years and years for a poor diet to make you sick. A high sugar diet can see you developing the early stages of fatty liver disease in WEEKS.

          • RunningWriting

            He’s right though. While I think some of the Paleo Diet is ridiculous, healthy eating in general isn’t a joke. But too many people think it is. They wear dumb shirts like “I Hate Kale.” So I guess they are pro-diabetes and pro-obesity, and all the other problems associated with high-sugar diets and inactive lifestyles: high blood pressure, diabetes complications like blindness and amputations, higher risk of many common and dangerous illnesses like some forms of the flu, certain cancers, and on and on and on.

            You may have also noticed all the ED treatment commercials these days (Cialis, Viagra). That’s largely because so many people are obese and develop poor circulation. That causes ED. They can’t “get it up.” The poor diet also leads to acid reflux, which you see a lot of commercials for treatments. Great. I can eat junk food and drive a quarter mile everywhere and have trouble going to the bathroom, be at much higher risk for blindness, pile up enormous health bills and have acid reflux.

            You do realize that junk food diets and sedentary lifestyles are a major cause for the 30% obesity rate. 13% of U.S. adults are now diabetic and about 20% are pre-diabetic, and already suffering from some of the damage caused by diabetes. Basically it’s a voluntary disease in the vast majority of cases. Yeah, sounds really fun.

            There’s also an enormous financial cost, to everyone that pays taxes or private insurance premiums. Obesity/diabetes/metabolic syndrome costs the U.S. about $200 billion a year in avoidable healthcare costs. Avoidable through a healthy diet and regular exercise. Who pays for those costs? Every taxpayer and private insurance payer.

            Alzheimer’s is now considered to be diabetes type 3, so it is also associated with high-sugar diets and inactive lifestyles. That costs an additional $200-250 billion a year to treat nationwide. So all this junk food and inactivity plays the major factors in a health bill of as much as $450 billion a year! Laugh it off if you want, but I’m still paying my share of that national health bill, even though I eat healthy most of the time and I exercise a lot.

            Is this fun to hear at parties? Probably not. But while you are worried about whether nutrition is a fun topic for parties, some of us are worried about the fact that we have to pay thousands of dollars extra in taxes and health premiums each year because so many people gorge on sugar and junk food, and lead sedentary lives. People will stop talking about it when those who celebrate junk food diets pay all of the $450 billion in shared national health costs. All of it. Why do you think some local gov’ts tried to tax sodas? It’s because of the $450 billion health tab! Someone has to pay for it. Right now, that means every, single, taxpayer. And every, single, insurance payer.

            For some reason, I’m not laughing. Tell me again why I should be paying thousands of dollars to subsidize junk food habits for other people?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I think you missed Alices point about I bet youre fun at parties, awww. Reread her other posts, her acumen is sharp and concise, not rambling around “not getting it up”.
            Have some consideration for the non obese who may suffer erectile problems due to trauma, self esteem or more serious issues, This blog has been a polite interaction of discussions based on Geraldines Hilarious take on a dietary experiment. Attention seeking comments dont lighten the conversation and fun between posters.
            Whats that saying “Instead of wondering why others act the way they do, perhaps consider why we react the way that we do??”

          • Someone Who Gets It….

            In my home we believe in healthy eating by moderation and not restriction. The only things we try to avoid are extremely processed foods. If we can’t pronounce we really don’t eat it. In regards to the tshirts, “I hate kale”. My hubs seriously hates kale. Not everyone who wears those shirts is against healthy eating.

          • http://www.mugglenet.com/ Kat

            FTR, I fucking hate kale and work out six days a week. Doesn’t make me a bad person, or mean that I don’t take my health seriously. I just really hate kale.

          • Craig Cerney

            Yeah, green shoe leather. there ARE green smoothie recipes that make it palatable…sort of

          • http://instagram.com/tanjiandfriends Tanjiandfriends

            brevity is the soul of wit

          • RunningWriting

            So original. Do you actually have anything substantive to add?

          • http://instagram.com/tanjiandfriends Tanjiandfriends

            please don’t force another wall of text upon the world ever again

          • RunningWriting

            You could… skip over a post. It’s not that difficult. It really wouldn’t bother me.

            And your entire motivation in life is just to attack other people? Or tell them what to write? On a 10-month-old article? Honestly, I don’t even remember what I posted before and I’m not re-reading the thread. Sorry if that bothers you too.

          • http://instagram.com/tanjiandfriends Tanjiandfriends

            I hate kale and now I want to get a t-shirt that expresses my hatred of it just to piss you off. I love fruit and vegetables, I just want to condemn kale to the circle of hell reserved for the vilest of evils.

          • RunningWriting

            Congratulations. I’m happy for you. You want to buy a shirt to anger some random person on a 10-month-old Internet comments section.

          • http://instagram.com/tanjiandfriends Tanjiandfriends

            i see that i don’t even have to buy it to piss you off. maybe you should go have a sad wank with wilted kale leaves.

          • RunningWriting

            FYI – I will likely never see your shirt. And if I do, that probably means you are stalking me. In that case, you would really have some serious issues.

          • B Carlson

            And you discern which type you have maybe by slicing yourself open with a scalpel while laying on the dining room table, next to your bowl of mashed potatoes?

          • Paleo Huntress

            What an utterly random and bizarre comment to make.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            “And you discern which type you have maybe by slicing yourself open with a scalpel while laying on the dining room table”

            Headline: Obtuse comment lacks nuance.

            “Visceral fat (VF) rather than subcutaneous fat (SF) is the major predictor of adverse events. Currently, the reference standard for measuring VF is abdominal X-ray computed tomography (CT) or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI),”

            http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3361068/

          • B Carlson

            I was joking. Never mind. I think the point in all of the comments on this article, and the article itself, is that moderation is key and enjoying life (i/e sometimes eating sugar, or flour, but not eating a plate full of sugar and flour) balanced with a healthy lifestyle, including how you eat, is a reasonable approach. Trying to discern one’s type of fat by having ex-rays, MRIs and all that seems extreme to me. What seems like a healthy balance is eating less, eating well, and moving more. There is eating less (good) and there is starving yourself (too far); there is eating well (great) and there is going insane with the eating well so that you’re denying yourself every piece of joy you ever got from food (not good); and there is moving more (fantastic) and becoming obsessed with fitness to the detriment of the other people and important activities in your life (can we all agree that would be bad, even though you’d be super fit?). The X-ray, MRI option for figuring out fat seems way over the top, while exercising more, eating less, and eating well so you have less of whatever kind of fat you have, both kinds, seems balanced to me.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            That’s the middle-ground fallacy.

          • B Carlson

            Finding a middle ground is not a fallacy. You can’t make it a fallacy by calling it what it is, i.e. “finding a reasonable, susatainable middle ground in life that helps you to achieve both good health and happiness” and tack the word “fallacy” onto the back of it to ineffectually try to make it unreasonable. That’s ridiculous. But yay you for trying, in a troll like way, to keep this conversation going long past it’s reasonable conclusion. Bye bye.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            You ASSUMED that some middle-ground between two extremes MUST be true and correct. That is, by definition, a logical fallacy.

          • Michelle Januse

            you are too extreme to even begin to understand the implied humor in this article, go back to your black and white world that involves no shades of Gray and pray that nothing ever happens to your health that you cannot control, because then, maybe then, you will open your narrow mind

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            I am a college graduate of applied science. I’m not narrow minded and I don’t think in black and white and I’m certainly not a health nut. I am trying to present new ideas. These ideas are supported by science and are gaining momentum in wider scientific community. I haven’t insulted anyone nor have I expressed any extreme views. On the contrary, my statements are couched in uncertainty and doubt. My intent is not to offend.

          • Christine Senne

            Dude. This post–and the entire blog–is humorous and satirical in tone. Nobody reads it in search of “new ideas” or “scientific truths.” Nobody cares about logical fallacies. Your comments are well phrased and carefully thought out, but they’re completely tone-deaf when it comes to the readership and purpose of the blog. If you want to disagree or convert others, wrote your own scientific and health-conscious blog. Otherwise, cease and desist or be prepared for continued flaming from those of us who resent you for ruining our fun.

          • Laurie Ette

            Nobody reads it in search of “new ideas” or “scientific truths.” Hear, hear. Might I second that motion and applaud your amicus curiae stance as someone who is not a party to the case but offers and reinforces information that bears on the case in question of the dude who needs a constant hug. There are many amici curiae out here who would be silently nodding heads in appreciation of your succinct advice to the tone deaf edjumicated.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            “write your own scientific and health-conscious blog.”

            Maybe, I will.

          • Michelle Januse

            obnoxious in every comment. we get it, health nut. Not every situation is the same and touting skewed statistics does not validate your point. YES, obesity and obesity related illnesses are prevalent in out land of surplus and instant gratification, however, some of us were born with metabolic disorders that make us insulin resistant and unable to drop the un wanted poundage. It does’nt matter about our visceral fat. (a ver specific term that a lay person would not know) can we just stop fat shaming. We all have faults.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            I never meant to fat shame anyone. I apologize. What I want is for everyone to be empowered with knowledge of how our food supply has affected our health and happiness.

            Why do we get fat? When we eat carbohydrate the calories go to three places in the body:

            1. A small amount goes to fuel muscles, organs, etc…
            2. Some goes to fat storage
            3. most SHOULD go to the liver to be stored as
            glycogen

            What happens when people become obese is that their livers have become insulin resistant. Sugar is half fructose and half glucose. Sugar, in large quantities, is toxic.The fructose, in sugar, overwhelms the liver; so, naturally, the liver stops listening to insulin.When the liver cell becomes unresponsive to insulin, it stops taking in glucose for glycogen storage. The glucose can’t stay in the blood so it goes to the unlimited storage site; i.e. our fat tissue.
            Obesity is a perfectly healthy response to too much added sugars. “The dose determines the poison” and we are overdosed. We eat so much sugar that it has become toxic.

            Dr. Robert Lustig is a pediatric endocrinologist at UCSF.

            “Sugar impacts the brain just as much as the waistline. In this episode, Dr. Robert Lustig explains the biochemical shifts that sugar causes, making us store fat and feel hungry at the same time.”

            Hunger and Hormones- A Vicious Cycle

            https://youtu.be/Yo3TRbkIrow

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            75% of health care costs are for preventable, diet-related illness, costing $1.4 trillion a year. A crisis of this magnitudedemands a public response that involves scientific research, nutrition education, and changes in public policy and law. There needs to be a continuum of responsibility that includes consumers, government, the food and beverage industry, and the health care system.

            The IRN exists to shape the way food is produced, marketed and distributed so we can end food-related illness and promote good health.

            http://www.responsiblefoods.org/

          • Kimberly Ford

            Jesus Christ dude you could ruin a Sunday picnic!

        • http://www.ruckusgirl.com/ Charlotte McMullen

          hahaha

      • Trina

        Clearly haven’t seen a pic of Durianrider. Guy on left avoids carbs, guy on right eats tons.

        • Paleo Huntress

          These guy avoids carbs too, perhaps we could avoid the specious arguments?

          • Aelfgifu

            Why do people who avoid carbs always have weirdly yellow-tinged skin?

            Is it the carrots from the cookies?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Because you’re color-blind?

          • Aelfgifu

            I am not, but it appears your bias is clouding your own vision.

          • Paleo Huntress

            What is my bias, exactly?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I cant help but agree with you Aelf, I think there is also a fair amount of attention seeking thrown in for good measure.

          • Melanie R Jones

            For the record, carrots are loaded with carbs.

          • Aelfgifu

            That makes this article so much better!

          • Alice In Weddingland

            Yes, carrots actually stain your skin from the inside. Like some terrorised alien, taking over your new flawless tan and creating a giant, walking vegetable. My husband was walking proof (of the skin change, not the alien bit). His face went orange when we did a juicing diet for 7 days. Totally freaky!!!

          • Paleo Huntress

            My oldest son ate so many sweet potatoes in his first year that his skin was golden and we called him the beta-carotene baby. (looooong before Paleo) But the volume and ratio of orange foods in the diet has to be extremely high for distinctly orange skin. The golden cast you see in healthy people eating lots of plants does come from the carotenoids, but around the world it is perceived as healthy, not as “weird”. And as Melanie pointed out, they’re found in high carbs foods like sweet potatoes and carrots.

            Facial Skin Coloration Affects Perceived Health of Human Faces

            We have established a role for overall skin color, independent of skin texture or color distribution, in the appearance of health in human faces. The enhancement of healthy appearance caused by increased skin redness provides additional support for a role for blood coloration in health perception. The role of skin yellowness and lightness suggests that carotenoid pigmentation may also play a role in health perception. Together, the results suggest that colors that are associated with health signaling and mate choice in a number of animal species also play a role in the perception of health in human faces.

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            Is that rob wolfe?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Wolf on the left, Sisson on the right.

          • Trina

            My comment was directed at this ridiculous statement, “Visceral fat accumulates when a persons diet is high in refined carbohydrate and sugar.” How about we actually read … smh.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Jimmy Moore got fat eating a high refined-carbohydrate diet. When it comes to calories consumed above energy needs, refined carbohydrate will contribute primarily to visceral fat.

            How much of Johnstone’s diet comes from refined carbohydrates? Is he refining those 30 bananas before he eats them every day?

          • Trina

            Well … Harley eats north of 300 grams of fructose a day – you know the sugar that makes you fat. Jimmy Moore 2005 eating about 150 grams carb/day. Want to see a recent pic after a year of keto? I guess something other than carbs=insulin=fat must contribute to fat storage.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Trina, are you making an argument for or against low-carb?

            One banana contains just over 5 grams of fructose, Harley would need to eat 52 bananas per day (over 13 POUNDS) to reach 300 grams. Are you sure you have that figure correct?

          • Trina

            Carbs (refined or not) and sugar do not make anyone fat outside of other factors. This is older but you realize he doesn’t live on bananas right? To clarify: I’m not vegan/vegetarian. Just showing this video as evidence of his fructose consumption.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEmkTUVQX8Q

          • Paleo Huntress

            Seriously, Trina, the guy stands in front of the camera, explains that two dates contain 15 grams of fructose, does what appears to be mental mental and announces that he east “at LEAST 300 grams of fructose per day, maybe 600-700 grams” and you just believe it? Even dried dates, which contain the highest level of fructose by volume would require over 2 POUNDS to reach 300 grams (Or 4-5 pounds to reach 600-700 grams)

            Do you know what an ectomorph is?

            TYPICAL TRAITS OF AN ECTOMORPH: Small “delicate” frame and bone structure, Classic “hardgainer”, Flat chest, Small shoulders, Thin, Lean muscle mass, Finds it hard to gain weight, Fast metabolism. <–(Can you imagine a more accurate description of Johnstone?)

            Ectomorphs find it very hard to gain weight. They have a fast metabolism which burns up calories very quickly. Ecto’s need a huge amount of calories in order to gain weight. Workouts should be short and intense focusing on big muscle groups. Supplements are definitely recommended. Ectomorphs should eat before bed to prevent muscle catabolism during the night. Generally, ectomorphs can lose fat very easily which makes cutting back to lean muscle easier for them.

            Haven’t you ever known someone who just eats and eats and eats and never gains weight? Do you think that the experiences of these people can be applied to the general population?

            This is five pounds of dates, and this assumes he eats nothing else.

            https://arawkyroad.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/img_1515.jpg

          • Trina

            Lol. Pretty sure Harley’s never downed 16 Cokes a day with boxes of Little Debbies and 30 slices of pizza. But ok … sugar makes you fat.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I don’t know why that’s relevant? He eats pizza and white sugar.

            What sugar does is promotes overeating. Too many calories make you fat. High sugar diets make you hungry. Being hungry causes many people to eat too many calories.

            So direct cause or not, sugar consumption contributes to obesity.

            EDIT: Except in ectomorphs like Johnstone.

          • Paleo Huntress

            That’s over 3 GALLONS of bananas by volume.

        • Emma Milligen

          I’m not really on either sides, but just FYI Jimmy Moore (guy on left) has actually lost a TON of weight. Don’t judge before you know someone’s whole story :).

          • Trina

            He’s also gained a bunch. I’m well aware of the stats. He posts everything for heaven sake. My comment was directed at this comment – I fail to see any disclaimer lol – ridiculous. Show me Harley’s “visceral fat”.

            “Visceral fat accumulates when a persons diet is high in refined carbohydrate and sugar.”

        • RunningWriting

          Guy on right probably exercises a lot. That’s part of being healthy too. Healthy diet and regular exercise.

          There is also good food and there is bad food. If you eat a healthy diet, you can eat a lot. No one has ever gotten overweight by eating too much broccoli. If you think that’s an exaggeration, tell me if you think someone can honestly eat 10 lbs. of broccoli “accidentally.” Vegetables are low in calories. You would have to eat so much of them to equal the amount of calories that you can drink in a soda or eat in a bag of potato chips or a hamburger, that it just doesn’t happen.

          There is a genetic component too, but a lot of people use that as a lame excuse to eat crap all the time. Then they rack up the massive health bills that everyone is forced to pay, through private and gov’t insurance programs and shared costs.

          • Trina

            Again, my comment was directed at this statement, “Visceral fat accumulates when a persons diet is high in refined carbohydrate and sugar.” My image was merely to point out the ridiculous of it. Of course you could find fit looking people eating all kinds of different diets from low carb paleo to vegan.

        • Paleo Huntress

          And let’s be honest, this is Jimmy before and after he cut back on carbs.

          http://www.cbn.com/CBNNews_Files/images13/health/Jimmy-Before-and-After.jpg

          • Trina

            Cherry pick much? I gave you a 2005 image above of him eating approx 150 grams/day. Here’s a recent one after a year of keto. Explain to me again how carbs are the problem? Jimmy cut back on quantity – sure – everyone should probably avoid 16 Cokes a day and boxes of Little Debbies.

          • Paleo Huntress

            It’s not cherrypicking to point out that he’s lost quite a bit of weight eating low-carb. When he regains it, it’s because he stops eating low carb. He talks about this frequently in his podcasts and in several Facebook forums where he admits that food addiction makes it hard for him to stick to any dietary regimen.

            Johnstone has never been overweight. He’s an ectomorph who spends his days living off unemployment and riding his bike- and comparing him to a man with metabolic disease (and a job) is particularly disingenuous.

    • Zebra Dun

      What’s left out of the paleo diet is the exercise from chasing all that paleo meat and gathering all those veggies.
      See if you are just sitting there waiting for a mammoth to come along and jump into the pot you’ll just stay fat.

  • Laura Jensen Pappas

    “I’d take a selfie to show you, but this isn’t Facebook and I’m not your misguided teenage neice.” Best. Line. Ever. Cannot quit giggling, thanks 🙂

  • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

    Another bogus, reactionary, “debunking” of the Paleo diet. Straw-man much?

    You bought into some gimmick. First its not a high protein diet. Your protein should hover 30% total calories. Your fat/carb ratio is what will vary.

    Eating all those vegetables isn’t necessary. Some diets have consisted of primarily beef and onions, with no ill effects. Humans that live(ed) near the arctic circle primarily eat animals. They eat a 30/70 protein/fat ratio. Vegetables are rare. Their diet could be called “ketogenic.” And no, they didn’t all die when they were 30. Go learn statistics.

    “they obviously didn’t have food processors or ovens or organic coconut oil.”

    Paleo-humans frequently used tools and manual labor to crush foods that would otherwise be inedible. Including wheat, corn, and palm root. Some foods eaten by Aborigines in Australia had to be ground and soaked for long periods. They used muscles and rocks as a food processor and modern paleo dieters use an electric machine. The effect is the same.

    Sure they used ovens. It was more like they buried food with hot coals and rocks.

    People were making olive oil with stone tools as early as 5000 B.C. Probably coconut oil too. But, this is all just semantics. The Paleo-diet doesn’t mean you need to actually eat like a cave man. Its just a term that refers to eating whole foods, more or less. Just because you bought into some hype from a snake-oil sales man doesn’t mean the diet is bunk.

    Sorry to bring bad news. Large quantities of sugar are bad for you. That slice of cake is a large quantity. Too much sugar is toxic to the liver. And, CAUSES insulin resistance, diabetes, heart-disease, hypertension, obesity and fatty liver disease.

    Foods to avoid/or eat in moderation

    Bread and everything else made with flour
    Cereals
    White rice
    Potatoes and all other white root vegetables
    Foods containing processed sugar or fructose
    All candy or sweets

    Foods to eat as much as you want

    Meat, fish, poultry
    All green vegetables
    Eggs
    Cheese
    Fresh fruit (but avoid/eat in moderation bananas and grapes)

    • satyamama

      she’s having fun. plain old fun. everyone can see that. (and please don’t make assumptions about my diet, it’s pretty clean, and well, paleo. AND i can tell she’s having fun.) try it. read it and laugh at the absurdity of it all. of people constantly obsessing about this diet or that diet. FWIW, i won’t actually be checking back in to read comments, so i am not ignoring any more possible comments here, i am just busy chopping my coconuts up into small bits and making my clothes for work tomorrow.

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        Hey Satya mama, betcha had another peek to see if you were ignored ; I could nay do that. :)) have a gr8 day

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        “people constantly obsessing about this diet or that diet. ”

        I guess I can’t relate.

    • Jackie Fiebelkorn Firkus

      Pretty sure cheese is not Paleo and she was writing this in humor…. but it’s ok that you didn’t get that.

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        ok

    • Val Perry Rendel

      I don’t think “straw man” means what you think it means.

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        She is misrepresenting the argument (i.e. the diet), making it easier to attack.

    • Vince Metzler

      “Actually, it’s about ethics in human dietary requirements.”

    • Big Square Trainer

      I’m an anthropologist and the Paleo diet does need to be debunked. Just call it eliminating processed food and sugar from your diet. Calling it “Paleo” misleads people into thinking there is some sort of deep scientific basis for the faddy food obsessions they see on blogs, when there simply is not. Cavemen were not obsessed with grassfed butter, blueberries, sweet potatoes, and kale. None of those things existed in their current form in the paleolithic era. I’m not even making a judgement as to whether the Paleo diet is good or bad. I’m just saying that words actually mean things.

      • MrsDi

        And our ancestors were definitely gathering grains – seeds- nuts – and berries – and as many fruits and sweet things as they could snaggle.

        • Paleo Huntress

          So true. It’s just that they couldn’t snaggle many grains and they only got fruits and sweet things in season.

          Check out the optimum foraging theory.

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        It does seem to be a misnomer. I propose a name change to “The Pre-Industrial, Farmer’s Diet.”

      • Paleo Huntress

        I’m a neurosurgeon. (;

    • zuzu

      Why do I hear all your comments in the voice of Comic Book Guy?

  • The Dude-bro Consortium

    Its just a bunch of snark.

    • Jackie Fiebelkorn Firkus

      I’m noticing you are sure worked up about this and posting alot… maybe you should just move along 😉

    • MrsDi
      • Paleo Huntress

        A troll is not defined as someone who passionately disagrees with you. His behavior isn’t trollish in the least.

        • MrsDi

          I’ve changed my opinion. He and probably you are both paleo nutritionists who get paid to push this crap. He’s not just disagreeing. He’s attacking and insulting people. You both probably want to read the article and consider carefully your sales styles.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Ahh Mrs Di there can be different paths to the same mountain peak, keep up that troll resistance tho. ;))

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            I’m attacking ideas.

            “I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.”

            Thomas Jefferson

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        Aahhm, what was that opinion of Voltaire again “I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to express it” Sorta along those lines, live and let live Mrs Di, were all guilty of stepping the line somewhere in our lives. I get where your at tho.

        • MrsDi

          I’ve revised my assessment of Bro and Huntress – I think they are both Paleo diet consultants and are making a shit-ton of money scamming people. They are not just expressing opinions they are pushing their products. Hard. They are not just disagreeing in any case. Both of them are going out of their way to insult and attack people who disagree with their brand of nutritionism or who are just having fun with the ideas. They are both trolls – https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-online-secrets/201409/internet-trolls-are-narcissists-psychopaths-and-sadists

        • MrsDi

          Where I’m at is trying to resist feeding the trolls. 😉

        • Pud

          It was Evelyn Beatrice (aka S. G. Tallentyre) Hall in her biography of Voltaire who said this, not Voltaire himself.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I stand corrected if that is the case, but its a fair guess that Evelyn might have been quoting Voltaire, as thru the course of my old ordinary life, he has been credited by many; with the observation.

            Never the less in 1770 writings unearthed of Voltaire The source of that quote was thought to be “I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.” I am not a martyr, but write away. 😉

            About the 1906 Biography Evelyn stated “I did not mean to imply,” she wrote later, “that Voltaire used these words verbatim” and in doing so hinted at a tiny tad of her own plagiarism, clever that it is!! Voltaire did write ““Think for yourselves, and allow others the privilege to do so, too”.

            As everwherist wrote a side splitter about food, lets leave it on that topic with Voltaire having the final say on us going completely off topic.

            ““What a fuss about an omelette! How abominably unjust to persecute a man for such an airy trifle as that!”

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        That was an interesting link Mrs Di. Makes you wonder what is out there?

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        I’ve read it.

        • Paleo Huntress

          I don’t think SHE did though. The article specifically discusses people who identify themselves as trolls and who comment with the specific purpose of screwing with people and stirring things up.

    • Paleo Huntress

      I eat paleo and even I thought it was funny. Lighten up, it’s not religion. 😉

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        The article is anti-science.

        • Paleo Huntress

          The article is anti-“her-version-of-Paleo”. I love the food I eat, most paleo people that I know, do. So I think this is just a really funny expression of her experience with her interpretation of paleo. As long as we understand that her experience doesn’t represent Paleo as a whole, why not?

          It’s like people eating low calories, low-fat diets and moaning about undressed salads, dry chicken breast and rice cakes. Your diet is as good as you make it. That’s on her, not Paleo. So why not let her have it?

          • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

            “It’s like people eating low calories, low-fat diets and moaning about undressed salads, dry chicken breast and rice cakes.”

            Indeed, chicken breast is the worst. I substitute boneless, skinless thighs for breast, so much better.

    • Kiki Fogg

      Yeah, but it’s funny snark.

  • Karl Warden

    The writing is indeed amazing I laughed the entire time that I read this while walking my dog. I’ve been paleo since 2011 and I’m so happy. I do indeed eat tons of vegetables and when I grocery shop the woman checking me out asks me how many children I have LOL I don’t find the baking as tedious as this author does and I don’t bake that much. I cook all my food very simply and can make an amazing meal in 20 min or less. I do have a food processor but rarely use it. I don’t really believe in obsessive, manic and constant substituting like many vegans do (eating tons of processed food that eventually turns out tasting like meat… The one thing they really don’t want to eat but I digress). I find it an awesomely simple diet to understand, implement and maintain. Yes it does take will power and you have to not eat birthday cake for that random person in your office that you don’t even really like. Being able to cook helps a ton. And you must eat vegetables!!!

    • Paleo Huntress

      I agree. I’ve been paleo since 2006 and I simply don’t understand why people have to make it so complicated. If you’re putting lots of time and energy into reproducing neolithic treats, you’re missing the point. The paleo template isn’t only about “paleo approved” foods, but also about how much of those foods were available, what time of year and how often.

      Is honey “paleo”? Sure, but how often would early man have access to half a cup of honey at a time. And certainly, the same goes for nuts and seeds. We limit grains because we know that early man didn’t eat many (yes, they did eat some) but he certainly didn’t eat many sunflower seeds, coconuts or almonds either. So replacing cups of wheat with cups of coconut and almonds makes absolutely no sense.

      Just eat real, whole food- limit or eliminate cereals, legumes and dairy, and keep it simple. Fresh fruit is a great dessert, who needs cookies? And if you want cookies from time to time, just eat real cookies. Stop missing the forrest for the trees.

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        Maybe, we should change the name to “The Pre-Industrial Farmer’s Diet.” That might put an end to the snarky, “debunkings.”

      • Indicatoridae

        “Is honey “paleo”? Sure, but how often would early man have access to half a cup of honey at a time”

        Funny you should mention that. Quite a lot actually. The Great Honeyguide (Indicator Indicator) is a wild bird that has evolved over the course of 3 million to 5 million years to “talk” to humans and guide them to hives of honey.

        http://freetheanimal.com/2015/01/paleogate-cordains-coverup.html
        http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513814000877

        Anthropologist Richard Wrangham called this remarkable interaction “the most developed, co-evolved, mutually-helpful relationship between any mammal and any bird.”

        Note that the Hadza obtain, on average, 15% of their calories from honey, 20% of their calories from berries, 19% from tubers and 14% from baobab fruit.

        Oh, and honey is known to have anti-diabetic properties. So, there’s that.

        http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3399220/

        • Paleo Huntress

          To be clear, you define “Quite a lot actually” as two cultures out of hundreds, perhaps thousands?

          Nikoley’s article is interesting (I’ve read it before), but I’m not sure his figures are accurate. According to this 2000 paper published in The Journal of Anthropology, The Hadza get around 65% calories per day from animal foods.

          Hazda women average less than 1900 calories per day. Half a cup of honey contains over 500 calories which would be more than 25%. However, the 15% consumption you quote constitutes 3-4 tablespoons. Early primitive cultures also destroyed the entire hive at harvest, limiting the amount of honey eaten, whereas modern-day HGs take care to preserve the hive to keep the honey going, so I’m not sure we can use modern methods to estimate primitive consumption.

          My impression is that you’re trying to suggest that the bulk of their dietary calories came from sugars as you only mention plant foods, but their berries get only 30% of their energy from sugar, and the baobab “fruit” is not sweet at all. It is eaten primarily for the seeds, where they are ground into flour and baked– and these are high in fat and starch.

          No doubt, many early humans ate a lot of starch.

          • Indicatoridae

            “as two cultures out of hundreds, perhaps thousands?”

            Um… do you realize how many “honey hunter” civilizations there were? A lot. I can name more if you like: “Rai, !Kung, Semang, Vedda, Magars, Shenko, Aka, Mbuti, Efe, Aché, Masai, Hadza, Aranda, Batek, Yanomami, Andamanse, Tiwi, Shavante, Aweikoma” We can keep going all day. Far more than low carb cultures.

            Please do not try to convince people that honey hunting was some kind of rare practice. Any culture that had access to bees usually made an effort to hunt honey. Honey is considered sacred by all major religions.

            “No doubt, many early humans ate a lot of starch”

            Funny you don’t mention that more often in these comments. You give off a low carb vibe when in fact it’s common sense that cultures did not waste their time harvesting low calorie plants—doing so would cause a calorie deficit. Survivalists know that you’re a dead man unless you obtain energy positive plants:

            http://www.eattheweeds.com/finding-caloric-staples/

            If you believe that early humans ate plants—and the *omnivorous* dental pattern suggests they did—then you’d have to be an idiot to believe that those plants were low calorie plants.

            This is why low carb Paleo is a complete sham. Even National Geographic doesn’t buy it…

            http://www.nationalgeographic.com/foodfeatures/evolution-of-diet/

          • Paleo Huntress

            I wrote,

            “The Hadza get around 65% calories per day from animal foods”

            You responded,

            “The 2014 paper citing 15% (average) honey consumption is a much more recent paper. Let’s not cherrypick from obsolete studies to maintain your low carb dogma, shall we.”

            First, I didn’t cite Kaplan’s data to refute your 15% calories from honey claim, I already pointed out that 15% is almost nothing. I cited it to show that your intake figures don’t match. Fifteen years doe not make data obsolete.

            You wrote,

            “Your old study likely only focussed on the time of year when animals were widely available”

            This tells me that you didn’t even bother reading the source before dismissing it. I read your source before responding. Which of these behaviors suggests a bias, hmmmm?

            You wrote,

            “I can name more if you like: “Rai, !Kung, Semang, Vedda, Magars, Shenko, Aka, Mbuti, Efe, Aché, Masai, Hadza, Aranda, Batek, Yanomami, Andamanse, Tiwi, Shavante, Aweikoma”

            How is that relevant? Eating honey doesn’t make the diet high carb. The Maasai eat a diet of primarily meat and milk for example. And the paper that you didn’t bother to read also includes data from several other HG groups. (Ongeb, Anbarrac, Arnhemd, Achee, Nukakj, Hiwig, Gwif and Hadza)

            You didn’t cite a paper, you cited an opinion piece and I couldn’t find a citation for the author’s claim. This suggests to me that you haven’t read the actual paper and are simply repeating from the article.

            I’d love to see it if you have it. Unlike you, I will actually read it. (:

          • Indicatoridae

            The 15% is an average throughout the year. During the rainy season, many cultures eat a significant quantity of calories from honey.

            The Masai eat plenty of honey, bananas, and sweet potatoes. They are pastoralists (not Hunter Gatherers) and they trade a fair amount of their meat and dairy for carbohydrates with neighboring tribes. Not exactly a “Paleolithic” HG lifestyle:

            http://www.westonaprice.org/blogs/cmasterjohn/the-masai-part-ii-a-glimpse-of-the-masai-diet-at-the-turn-of-the-20th-century-a-land-of-milk-and-honey-bananas-from-afar/

            Honey and meade is a significant part of the Masai culture. Funny how you keep forgetting to mention these finer points.

          • Paleo Huntress

            You source doesn’t mention average annual intake. I’m not clear on what point you’re trying to make. Overconsumption of carbohydrate triggers seasonal leptin and insulin resistance which allows us to store fat for a low-food season. Why would you want to emulate an eating pattern that people only engage in when trying to gain fat to prevent future starvation? Most people aren’t trying to store fat.

            And again, I didn’t say the Maasai don’t eat honey (nor that they’re hunter gatherers) I said they eat primarily meat and milk (and blood). And they do.

            “The Maasai are a pastoralist tribe living in Kenya and Northern Tanzania. Their traditional diet consists almost entirely of milk, meat, and blood. Two thirds of their calories come from fat, and they consume 600 – 2000 mg of cholesterol a day. To put that number in perspective, the American Heart Association recommends consuming under 300 mg of cholesterol a day.”

            The data comes from the International HapMap Project.

            http://hapmap.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/

          • Indicatoridae

            “Overconsumption of carbohydrate triggers seasonal leptin and insulin
            resistance which allows us to store fat for a low-food season”

            Funny, the French consume twice as much wheat as Americans do, yet they have 1/3 the obesity. Clearly your beliefs do not match the real world. The entire ‘carbs are bad’ is based on a few populations, like Americans, who mainly eat carbohydrates fortified with iron. Plus, nobody is advocating “overconsumption of carbohydrate.” Get real.

            Secondly, Marlowe, et al. 2014 showed that the Hadza have access to ample supplies of honey for 3/4 of the year. So, we know that honey was widely available and consumed throughout most of the year. It was only during the rainy season that they over-indulged in honey.

            Nobody is claiming that you should eat 80% of your calories from honey year-round by the way. But to imply that honey consumption is like table sugar is absolutely ridiculous when we look at honey-hunting populations and the phenolics found in honey.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Where are you getting this information?

            “Funny, the French consume twice as much wheat as Americans do, yet they have 1/3 the obesity.”

            It would be funny if it were true. The US is the forth highest consumer per capita, behind China, India and Russia.

            France isn’t even in the top 15. The US consumes 5 times as much wheat as the lowest nation listed, Japan.
            http://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/stats/Agriculture/Grains/Wheat/Consumption

            Moving along though, wheat doesn’t equal carbs. I don’t believe carbs are bad and I’ve said as much, you seemingly have no idea what my beliefs are, you’re just assuming you know because I’m not moved by your honey claims and I eat from a paleo template. One need not eat wheat or honey to eat lots of carbs.

            Your claims about the Maasai are again, guesses, expressed with your use of “likely”. You’re guessing and trying to get it all to fit your pet theory. You are the one expressing significant bias. You’re unwilling to read data from resources that don’t back your theory and you’re treating your theory like it’s randomized, controlled data.

          • Indicatoridae

            “Where are you getting this information? It would be funny if it were true. The US is the forth highest consumer per capita, behind China, India and Russia.”

            My source is the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations (FAO).

            http://www.fao.org/docrep/006/y4011e/y4011e04.htm

            Your source is “nationmaster.com”. Nice try though.

          • Paleo Huntress

            NationMaster is the spreadsheet-calculator. The source is the USDA , which you’d know if you’d bothered checking it. Your source is citing 20 year old data for 1994. Perhaps you have something more recent? I’m sure it’s exceptionally complete for 20 year old data.

          • Paleo Huntress

            France has a 40% obesity rate.

            “While adult obesity is rising about 6 percent annually, among children the national rate of growth is 17 percent. At that rate, the French could be – quelle horreur – as fat as Americans by 2020.”

            http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/25/international/europe/25obese.html

          • Indicatoridae

            “France had a 40% overweight rate in 2004.”

            The French diet has been high wheat for a very long time, but their 40% overweight trend is very new. In fact, it corresponds perfectly with their recent national trend for smoking cessation.

            http://braillon.net/alain/tcphee.pdf

            The French were thin before smoking became fashionable and smoking cessation is associated with often substantial weight gain.

            “Individuals who successfully quit smoking typically gain between 7 and 19 pounds within 8 years of quitting” – http://pmid.us/PMC3195407/

          • Paleo Huntress

            They must be getting those children hooked on cigarettes in preschool?

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Being able to cook helps a ton. And you must eat vegetables!!!
      Well said Karl, hard to burn the vegies when you drop them in a pot of boiling water and then turn down them to simmer until Al Dent’e. Couple of lean strips of lamb, topped with lemon juice, black pepper, a few chopped chives an gourmet parsley with a dollop of greek yoghurt and viola :))

      • Paleo Huntress

        Orrrr… a couple of fatty strips of lamb, topped with lemon juice, black pepper and sea salt with a dollop of butter or sour cream. 😉

        • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

          Not sure bout the Fatty lamb but “sea salt with a dollop of butter or sour cream. ;-)” I could live with, with some cranberries an a lump of dark chocky an a steaming flat white, no sugar

          • Paleo Huntress

            🙂

            I’m thinking that if you’d eat butter and sour cream, you’re probably not afraid of saturated fat. Can I ask then why you’d avoid fat in the lamb?

            I’ve never actually seen lean lamb, it’s the fattiest non-poultry meat I know of, though it’s not a favorite of mine. Where do you find lean lamb?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            “you’re probably not afraid of saturated fat. Can I ask then why you’d avoid fat in the lamb?”

            Certainly, Huntress. 😉 No, I am not afraid of saturated fats such as cold pressed pure virgin Olive oil, avocadoes, brazil nuts, olives and the Aussie bush nut/macadamia. As for the lamb, I trim any excess fat and then slow boil it to remove the excess and cut nice strips of soft moist lean lamb tossed with steamed vegies and sprinkled with magnesium rich grated parmesan cheese. Sometimes a little Tamari and sweet chili sauce drizzled over for a treat. Bon Appetit

          • Paleo Huntress

            Sounds delicious, but sour cream and butter are saturated animal fats. What criteria do you use to make a distinction between them and meat?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Probably the “French Paradox” would be a good example. It took scientists and researchers yonks to find out why the French can drink red wine and eat lots of cheese and baguettes and still have a relatively low level of cardiovascular disease? Scientists from Aarhus University have tracked down an answer to this question. Cheese.!!

            http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/jf505878a

            I dont need to make a distinction, I am simply following a more refined path than the meat an 3 veg with plenty of fruit and home preserves that my dear ole mum ingrained in me. I have researched Ben Feingold, the Mediterranean diet and the French Paradox over many years in an effort to find a diet suitable to my youngest childs special needs, but my Ex dearly beloved thought it better to ram him full of Ritalin, instead of food from my Organic vegie garden. Now the poor boy is a junk food addict, like his obese mother.

            I have always eaten a lot of dairy and have never had a broken bone and my most recent blood tests a month back put my cholesterol at a healthy 3.9 and my BP 98/78 which isnt too bad for an ole fart. Actually, considering my younger years of sax,dregs an R&B and slow horses and fast women, I am quite surprised at those results so why change a winning formula. Food that is, lol, all the others have fallen by the wayside. Have a nice weekend and happy smiling :))

          • Paleo Huntress

            Yes, but the foods you mention don’t contain much saturated fat in the total fat ratio, though butter and sour cream are mostly saturated. I guess what I’m asking is why is the saturated fat from a cow healthy but the saturated fat from a lamb, not?

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            I guess what I’m asking is why is the saturated fat from a cow healthy but the
            saturated fat from a lamb, not?
            I dont overdo any lumps of animal fat, I actually cant stand the fat on beef and i scrape the loose fat off the occasional pork crackle and then indulge with apple sauce. Same with bacon, I trim all the fat b4 cooking. as I said I mostly boil my meat and drain the fat residue. Worked on a dairy to put myself thru Ag College, so always have been into dairy, especially parmesan otherwise my saturated intake is as the previous post. ;))

          • Paleo Huntress

            Ahh, ok, so it’s just preference, not health. Now I understand. Thank you.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            If you choose to be obtuse about others healthy eating, DILYGAF.
            “Now I understand” is an oxymoron of sorts really.

            As Missus Di said about trolls and “You’ve never actually engaged in basic food prep have you? :)she was merely being intuitive.

            Instead of your constantly snide comments from your frail lofty perch in the wind, why dont you be constructive and clamber down and lay your butt on the line and tell other posters WHAT YOUR daily diet consists of, instead of your childish sniping about other good peoples preferances.
            The other fella is an attention seeker and you could well be his sister.

          • Paleo Huntress

            What are you talking about? I’ve definitely left some snide comments in this thread, but I’ve also left supportive ones and I’ve even defended the author. Not a single one written to you was snide. The questions were genuine and the comments friendly. You’re imagining a tone that isn’t there. I asked you to help me understand your criterion and you did and I thanked you. That is all.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Peal of trumpets and a drum roll

            And the last word goes to Alice who gets this weeks “Golden Scribe” Award !!
            “I assume the illness we’re talking about is some Paleo folk’s complete
            inability to process humor, right? Because I agree, that is serious and
            terrible.”

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Do you really understand ?? As Voltaire also said “Think for yourselves, and allow others the privilege to do so, too.”

            Its a lovely sunny day here in QLD, I think its time to take my beautiful dogs for a walk and forget attention seeking bloggers ;)) Maybe you and the other Neurosurgeons in the street could go for a walk and lighten up dear friend. Like Mrs Di, Ciao; Until we meet again :)) Bye

          • Paleo Huntress

            Oh FFS, you’ve now responded to the same comment THREE times. Yes, I understand, you like dairy fat and you dot like meat fat. What more valid and defensible reason can a person have for eating something than that it’s what they prefer? You can’t argue with what someone likes, we like what we like. Are you done being offended yet?

  • Erin Jade

    I had tears reading this. I love the argument that goes on in your head just like mine! Subscribing and sharing 🙂

  • Bonniejean

    Jeff Goldblum. Yep!

  • Becky Johnson Patterson

    Ok Paleo lovers, lighten up. This is hilarious!

    • Erin

      amen!! there is a time and a place to just shut your mouth and turn off the keyboard. paleo people, take note. there is no one-size-fits-all approach. even within paleo.

  • Agnes

    hilarious!

  • Eveline Maia Leake

    Love this post!!!! I can’t stand this all natural diets anymore!!! I love people that loves pasta and wine, and baking goods. You go girl, I bet you’ll be more happy eating these good carbs 🙂

  • Christine

    I do the paleo thing, on and off, on mostly because I find that it does work for me and I am pro-paleo (although this might be the lack of pizza and ice cream in my diet than anything else) and off – well because I like pizza, ice cream and…real cookies! This was by far the best paleo post i’ve read though and seriously think the paleo police should lighten up!

  • Princess Consuela

    I laughed entirely too hard at this.
    Thank you for that!

  • http://www.colleenfriesen.com/blog Colleen Friesen

    Bless you for my best snorking laugh of the morning. Love it.

  • alexandra

    This made me laugh .

  • Panda Monium
  • Josephine Robertson

    I just can’t get behind any of these diets. I mean if it has the word “diet” in the title it’s a problem. 😉 But I grew up with a very wise Grandmother who gave us all we needed to know about life in one simple sentence: All things in moderation. Go have a cookie!

    • Paleo Huntress

      That’s good advice when the biggest part of “all things” is whole food. Today, the biggest part is processed food. So eating a little of everything nets you more junk than whole food. It’s no longer sound advice.

      • Jessica Mae

        Fuck advice! Focusing on what we eat all the time is boring as fuck and a waste of sooooo many hours we can instead spend doing things that make us happy and creating art and talking to friends and laughing and relaxing etc.

        Baaaaaaghhhgh!!!

        🙂

        • Paleo Huntress

          Dying young or spending years in a nursing home with dementia or losing limbs to diabetes doesn’t make people happy. There’s no reason to focus on what you eat ALL THE TIME, but not focussing on it at all has tuned us into the fattest generation parenting the one that isn’t expected to live as long as we do for the first time in centuries.

  • SharronF

    I did paleo for several years and my paleo diet included fruits and veggies and meats of all kinds and some great desserts-including my fav- a macadamia/coconut made with honey! I don’t know what cookbooks the author was using, but I had no problems with it. Until I went back to eating ice cream and bread. Which happens.

  • Tracy

    OMG this was so funny I shared it on facebook. It has received 503 reads.. and growing. I eat clean, so I’m close o paleo…. this was a funny spin on it.

  • LeAnne Notabartolo

    Highly entertaining.

  • Matthew

    This had me in stitches!! Love it!!!

  • Matthew

    This had me in stitches!! Love it!

  • Skip

    As all junk science, this palio diet has been proven to be detrimental to you health…Not like we evolved for 10s of 1000s of years since eating everything we can get our hands on.

    • Paleo Huntress

      Says the guy who can’t spell “paleo” correctly even though it’s written dozens of times on the page. There is no junk-science in Paleo.

      • Missus Tribble

        That’s probably because there is no proven science *in* Paleo to begin with dear…

      • Nikkig

        When all else fails, point out the misspelling or typos…..How about everyone just try to eat whole, unprocessed food and quit getting hysterical trying to prove your way is the only way! Some Paleo and Vegan enthusiasts remind me of religious fanatics. Chill out and develop a sense of humor. It’s another scientifically proven way to increase your health and longevity. 🙂

        • Paleo Huntress

          It’s one thing to misspell a word you don’t know. It’s another altogether to misspell a word that’s been written 57 times in the article you’re commenting on.

          The article is a riot, well-written and funny as hell. The comment was a fail. Chill out and develop a sense of continuity and context. 😉

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Nikki said “Chill out and develop a sense of humor”

            .You said “The comment was a fail”.

            Skip said “You many not know how to eat, but at least you can spell.” As N is not near A or Y the typo may have skip’d in under your guard.

            Voltaire said “I may not agree with your point of view but I will defend to the death your right to express it”

            Tips thinks that nikki and skip got a pass. ;)) Tress take a slow breath an take it easy.. Its a beautiful day here in the Capitol of the world in Sunny QLD.. Smell the roses and wish joy on others who don’t share Exactly your view.. Its OK to do that.

      • Skip

        You many not know how to eat, but at least you can spell.

        • Paleo Huntress

          I can spell, but even if I couldn’t, I could simply copy if from the 57 times it’s already been typed. A 2 y/o could too so I won’t pat myself on the back too much for it. 😉
          I know how to eat too. I must win the Internet! FFS, people eat Paleo meals all the time and don’t realize it. Maybe they just don’t know how to eat either, poor slobs.

          • Skip

            yes eating like a prehistoric person is so much better….what were our ancestors think all that time? Not like we need to have our wisdom teeth removed because our jaws don’t grow large enough any more or anything like that.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Perhaps you could edit this comment so it makes sense?

          • Skip

            So you want me to dumb it down do you?

          • Paleo Huntress

            If you dumbed it down any further it would be unintelligible. I’ll settle for you making it coherent. It can be hard to catch typo and mistakes in our own writing because we know what we were trying to say. Have someone close by read it to you and see if it still makes sense.

          • Skip

            We are here today because our ancestors lived a certain way. Part of that way is the way we eat currently. So trying to eat a diet that is prehistoric is saying that our ancestors had it wrong all this time.

            Currently the human jaw has too many teeth in it because we have evolved to eat a diet that does not require us to chew our food so much. So our jaws have started evolving to be smaller. In fact there are children being born that have less teeth to fit our smaller jaws.

            But what people advocating a paleo diet are saying is that our current evolution is wrong and we must start eating a prehistoric diet to be healthy. This is obviously Neanderthal thinking on their part.

          • Paleo Huntress

            There you go, I knew you could do it.

            “We are here today because our ancestors lived a certain way. Part of that way is the way we eat currently.”

            Little Debbies and HoHos? Coca Cola? Gatorade? Red Bull? That’s the way we eat now, and our children are the first generation in centuries that are not expected to outlive their parents. We are de-evolving.

            Currently the human jaw has too many teeth in it because we have evolved to eat a diet that does not require us to chew our food so much.

            That simply isn’t true. In Weston Price’s work, he found that there was plenty of room for wisdom teeth in the jaw of a person whose mother had proper nutrition at least 3 months before conception. These people have larger jaws. The reason we have to have our wisdom teeth pulled is because we are undernourished, not because we’ve evolved. The little girl in the image below shows incredible growth and development in her facial bones after only a year of significantly improved nutrition.

            “But what people advocating a paleo diet are saying is that our current evolution is wrong and we must start eating a prehistoric diet to be healthy.”

            First, you clearly are not informed about what “people” are advocating in a paleo diet. Second, there is no such thing as a ‘prehistoric diet’ until you invent a time-machine. Eating from a paleo-template is not a historical reenactment, nor do the people eating it believe that it is. It is eating from the same food groups in order to increase nutrient-density. If you want to eat half a loaf of bread, a cup of rice and plate of pasta, that is your prerogative- but for the same calories, the paleo dieter will have 5 times the nutrient-density.

            I recommend you evolve.

            http://www.curetoothdecay.com/Cure_Tooth_Decay_img/change-nutrition-weston-price.jpg

          • Skip

            First off you are mistaking Capitalist production and the propagation of the commodities it creates as the way we eat. It may be the way you think we eat though.

            Secondly , after reading up on Mr Price, it seems he has been debunked to some extent. So that line of reasoning is off.

            Well, after more reading it seems the conventional wisdom is that the human jaw is growing smaller for the eact same reasons as I have stated above. Plus, from a dental assistant I know, she is seeing more children come in with no wisdom teeth.

            Here is the thing. proer scientific research goes like this…You observe and then after collecting much data you draw conclusions. What is not scientific is to have an opinion and then go out to prove that opinion is correct.

            When I say pre-historic it is obviously a metaphor for a far earlier time in human history then the current evolved state of humans.

            Eating a diet that human long ago abandoned is not a good strategy to over come the current capitalist model of food production.

            After many years of observation it has been concluded that a Mediterranean style diet is the most healthy way of eating.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mediterranean_diet

          • Paleo Huntress

            “First off you are mistaking Capitalist production and the propagation of the commodities it creates as the way we eat.”

            I’m not mistaking anything at all. What we eat determines the way we eat.

            “[A]fter reading up on Mr Price, it seems he has been debunked to some extent. So that line of reasoning is off.

            You can question what he extrapolated about general health from his data, but the data itself is solid and hasn’t been “debunked” in any way.

            [I}t seems the conventional wisdom is that the human jaw is growing smaller for the eact [sic] same reasons as I have stated above.

            Except that it isn’t. In well-nourished people, the jaw is just as large and all the teeth fit in it.

            “proer[sic] scientific research goes like this…You observe and then after collecting much data you draw conclusions. What is not scientific is to have an opinion and then go out to prove that opinion is correct.

            Agreed– and the sky is blue, the day is light and the night is dark. It’s called the scientific method.

            Ask a Question
            Do Background Research
            Construct a Hypothesis
            Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment
            Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion
            Communicate Your Results

            I wonder, do you suppose Loren Cordain woke up one morning and just out of the blue decided that modern diets were less healthy and set out to prove it? I mean, seriously… he observed that hunter gatherers are mostly free of modern chronic disease and he set out to study why. There isn’t much data yet, but in EVERY SINGLE study done to date, removing grains, legumes and dairy from the diet improves health.

            The hatred and objection the paleo template generates is utterly unfathomable. Asking people to cut out grains and beans is like asking them to cut their arm off. You can show that unequivocally, they are the least nutrient-dense whole foods available and that replacing those calories with other whole foods increases overall nutrient density and you still get people bitching about it being “dangerous”. FFS, veganism cuts out an entire KINGDOM, Paleo removes only cereals and legumes (and most dairy). Surely it’s not hard to see how dsiproportionate the reaction is.

            “When I say pre-historic it is obviously a metaphor for a far earlier time in human history then the current evolved state of humans.”

            I know what you meant, the comment remains the same. No one is trying to eat a prehistoric diet nor to eat the same foods eaten by people from a far earlier time in human history then the current evolved state of humans. We’re talking about the SAME evolved state of humans, homo sapien sapien, and homo sapien sapien made it’s first appearance 200,000 years ago. We’ve been practicing agriculture for about 5% of our ‘current evolved state of humanity’.

            “Eating a diet that human long ago abandoned is not a good strategy to over come the current capitalist model of food production.”

            Abandoned? lol There are cultures all over the world eating what we refer to as paleo diets. No one has abandoned anything. I don’t care what you choose to eat, why do you care what paleo advocates choose? If you eat a whole food diet, most of what you’re eating is Paleo. Why is this such a problem for people?

            “”After many years of observation it has been concluded that a Mediterranean style diet is the most healthy way of eating.

            This is hysterical because there is no culture in the Mediterranean that eats THE “Mediterranean Diet”. It’s a myth. So while at least we can show that human beings ate a paleo diet for hundreds of thousands of years, the diet you’re promoting was never eaten by anyone.

            http://www.stevenhamley.com.au/2013/05/debunking-mediterranean-diet.html

          • Skip

            You’re lost in your own ideology. You are trying to tell that the vast majority of health professionals are wrong but some how you and a select few are correct.

            Humans only progress forward. If the dietary habits of hunters and gatherers were so great then humanity would never have left them behind.

            You seem to think the alienation in your life is due to the unhealthy way of the American diet. That is incorrect. It is due to the capitalist mode of production. It is under capitalist desire to produce a profit that food has been mass cultivated in degrading nutritional value.

            There is nothing wrong with eating a diet that your great grandmother would have eaten. As it is how you got here in the first place.

            Besides one picture of some long ago girl that I no nothing about does not prove a case.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I’ve finally figured out what the anti-paleo community has in common– a significant lack of reading comprehension.

            You go on and on about MY ideology, buy you can’t even read what is written. Nowhere and at no time have I suggested that other health professionals are “wrong”. There are many paths to good health and Paleo is one of them.

            There is nothing wrong with eating a diet my ancient ancestors would have eaten either. If you eat a whole food diet that includes grains and legumes and you’re healthy and lean, than that is the right diet for you. But if you eat this diet and you’re diabetic and obese, it’s time for something else. Who are you to tell the people that restored their health by going from whole food with grains and beans to whole food without them, that they’re wrong?

            WTF do you care?

          • Skip

            say what you will the evidence is in and the conclusion is that the Mediterranean style diet….be it a direct relation to what was actually eaten and what is suggested now…has proven to be the one diet that brings the best health benefits.

          • Paleo Huntress

            You’re hysterical. You’ve been insisting that paleo diets are invalid because there’s no such thing, and yet when shown that there’s no such thing as a Mediterranean Diet, suddenly that doesn’t matter?

            This study found that Paleo diet more satiating than a Mediterranean Diet and so they ate less. Satiety is the driving force behind weight loss.

            Nutr Metab (Lond). 2010 Nov 30;7:85

            The Paleolithic group were as satiated as the Mediterranean group but consumed less energy per day. Consequently, the quotients of mean change in satiety during meal and mean consumed energy from food and drink were higher in the Paleolithic group. Also, there was a strong trend for greater Satiety Quotient for energy in the Paleolithic group. Leptin decreased by 31% in the Paleolithic group and by in the Mediterranean group with a trend for greater relative decrease of leptin in the Paleolithic group. Relative changes in leptin and changes in weight and waist circumference correlated significantly in the Paleolithic group but not in the Mediterranean group. Changes in leptin receptor and free leptin index were not significant.

            CONCLUSIONS: A Paleolithic diet is more satiating per calorie than a Mediterranean-like diet.

            This study found that the Paleo diet improved blood sugar better than the Mediterranean Diet.

            “The main result was that the blood sugar rise in response to carbohydrate intake was markedly lower after 12 weeks in the Paleolithic group (–26%), while it barely changed in the Mediterranean group (–7%). At the end of the study, all patients in the Paleolithic group had normal blood glucose.

            The improved glucose tolerance in the Paleolithic group was unrelated to changes in weight or waist circumference, although waist decreased slightly more in that group. Hence, the research group concludes that something more than caloric intake and weight loss was responsible for the improved handling of dietary carbohydrate. The main difference between the groups was a much lower intake of grains and dairy products and a higher fruit intake in the Paleolithic group.

            “If you want to prevent or treat diabetes type 2, it may be more efficient to avoid some of our modern foods than to count calories or carbohydrate,” says Staffan Lindeberg. This is the first controlled study of a Paleolithic diet in humans.

            “Original Human ‘Stone Age’ Diet Is Good For People With Diabetes, Study Finds.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 28 June 2007″

          • Skip

            The only thing you have proven is that the Mediterranean diet, in what ever form it is in, is in dought. And from the Google search i did there is dought about the paleo diet. Plus , in an interview I heard some years back, a German sociologist that was studying humans longevity found a village in Italy that had the longest living people as a group.

            He found they lived a very sedentary life, did not eat much meat, ate lots of yoghurt and did not eat that much as a whole. He said he stopped running marathons right after finding this out.

          • Paleo Huntress

            “[F]rom the Google search i did there is dought[sic] about the paleo diet.

            Instead of doing a Google search, you may wish to try a PubMed search which searches published data. You’ll find that there is no “doubt” in the published data.

            Marathons are terrible for human health, and your third hand recollection of some guy’s opinion about some village in Italy has absolutely no value in this discussion.

            “[R]egular exercise reduces cardiovascular risk by a factor of two or three. That, of course, is a fantastic benefit. But the vigorous demand of running a competitive marathon increases cardiac risk by seven-fold. Long-distance running also results in high levels of inflammation that may trigger cardiac events and damage the heart post-marathon running.” Am J Cardiol. 2001 Oct 15;88 | Effect of marathon running on inflammatory and hemostatic markers

            Real Mediterranean diets more closely resemble the paleo diet than they do “The Mediterranean Diet™”

          • Skip

            Dismiss what you wish.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I don’t dismiss anything at all. I simply prefer science and integrity over opinion and lies.

          • Skip

            See I have a personal philosophy, it goes like this…my opinions change as the facts present themselves.

            You dont have the same philosophy….I tried the paleo diet for a bit….it sucked and was the fad that it was at the time.

            Bread holds a lot of energy. Excluding it is not a healthy suggestion as humans have evolved to our present point eating it.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Skip, you don’t know me. Please don’t be such a presumptuous a*s.

            I’ve followed WAPF, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, Mediterranean, 7 iterations of whole food vegan (including McDougall’s Starch protocol and 80-10-10) and now Paleo. I’ve been eating from a Paleo template for almost 10 years, since before it was a “fad”.

            Yes, bread holds a lot of energy, and almost nothing else. The number one cause of disease in our first world cultures is OVEReating. We eat too many macros and not enough micros. Today’s humans don’t need more energy, we need less… and so we need foods that contain more nutrients per calorie, not less.

          • Skip

            now you are starting to get to the problem and why capitalist production is the real concern. We produce and propagate food under a capitalist ideology. It is this ideology that promotes consumption.

            We are in a constant state of alienation. From the fruits of our labour, from our families, from our friends, from our history. And in this case, from the historical way our ancestors eat. As the methods of cooking, growing and eating have not been pasted down properly in our need to consume more and more.

            So what do you and I do in this environment? We search for a connection to something, anything. Here you and I have tried many different eating habits to find the “right one”.

            Well I have found the right one. The one that has allowed my mother and father to have me and them. I have connected to my ancestors through the foods they taught their children, my parents and grand parents, how to cook and eat.

            I eat a traditional European and Middle Eastern diet. For the most part.

          • Paleo Huntress

            You wrote,

            “[I]t has been concluded that a Mediterranean style diet is the most healthy way of eating”

            but this is NOT “a traditional European and Middle Eastern diet”. What you’ve found to be healthiest for you is not “the” Mediterranean Diet being promoted as “best”.

            And still, I don’t care what you eat. I don’t say that to be dismissive or rude, but simply to convey that what other people choose to eat is irrelevant to me– I’d never go into a forum promoting another diet just to criticize something that is clearly working for people.

            You should try it.

          • Skip

            clearly you searched out people that disagree with your ideology.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Precisely. That is exactly what I do. I search for data that disagrees with my position because it’s the best way to address any possible bias.

          • Skip

            and then you dismiss it. That’s how ideology works.

          • Paleo Huntress

            You know how ideology works? You think everyone else is expressing it, but you’re the only one in on the “truth”.

            I wonder, what’s so special about this ideology that it took hold of me. I mean, there are few ideologies more cultish than veganism, why aren’t I still a vegan? The mind boggles.

            Most people eating from a paleo template came to it from a whole food diet. If a standard whole food diet could make them well, why were they still seeking something else? How did their health improve if cutting out grains and legumes is bad for us?

            The above thought is what constitutes critical thinking. And dismissing an idea because you don’t like it constitutes ideology.

            It’s pretty clear where each of us falls.

          • Skip

            I never said that I ate the Mediterranean diet. I just told what information I had from the advice of doctors.

            Besides it’s not the food you eat necessarily. It’s probable the social connects you hold that effect your health the most.

          • Paleo Huntress

            Perhaps that’s the case for YOU, but my “social connects” are the same as they were when I was obese and diabetic. So in this case, it’s definitely the food.

            Again, I don’t care what diet you eat. It isn’t relevant.

          • Skip
          • Paleo Huntress

            And this is another one of those “the sky is blue” things?

            Do you even know what data is? So far, the best you can do is online articles.

            Why does this matter? Paleo diets are complete in every way and include every macro. Irrelevant.

          • Skip
          • Paleo Huntress

            “Science Compared Every Diet, and the Winner Is Real Food”

            Exactly. The Paleo diet is real food. 😉

          • Skip

            yeah, but only some real foods with others left out. Oh by the way I had some rye bread and Hungarian salami to eat today….and a cookie to boot.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I ate some salami today too. (;

            Do you eat foods from every food group? What’s your insect consumption look like? Do you eat fungi every day? Hows your consumption of myco-protein?

            Please, as long as the diet is real, whole food and people are meeting or exceeding their nutrient-needs, why do you care whether cereals are represented? Paleo people still eat seeds, just not the seeds from grasses.

            What if you just HATE seafood? Are you gonna develop a nutrient-deficiency?

  • Neta Dubois

    Well, cutting out junk will harm your health for sure, i mean.. all super companies want our health and prosperity and our love only, right?
    It’s not like they are trying to add a ‘paleo/lowcarb/vegan/raw vegan/gluten free etc” branch to products cause they are just looking out for us to provide us with the essentials, regardless that the processed foods are void of nutrients

    buying from your local farmer, your produce and meat and your local fishmonger, cutting out the middle man along with the process of your foods is a-ok with the big companies who have seen a decline in bread and grain sales (oh, i wonder why.. maybe because it works?) and are desperate to turn people against a healthy way of eating, because there is no money for them in clean eating..

    because they love you and me and we’re all oooooone big happy family under the brand of the companies….

    >_>

    So extreme and dangerous.. don’t eat fresh meat/sea food and vegetables, you’ll harm yourself and die young..

    McD forever!!! I’m loving it!!

  • Rebekah Obeid Joumma

    What a shame if you had been following this lonely loveless diet fr the last 8 months of your life hoping it would give you a longer life ..only to wake up one morning and get hit by a bus … My point is people….when Ure time is up believe me its up .. No paleo is going to save u .. So enjoy your life while you can ..

    • Paleo Huntress

      So sad that people weren’t able to enjoy their diets before processed and refined foods. I feel so sorry for them. ):

      For those who saw diabetes and heart disease reversed on this “loveless diet”, they likely will live longer for actual love for and from their friends and family.

  • Kyra Straussman

    I’m writing the Pope right now to let him know you should be sainted immediately.

    Of course, I’m Jewish, so it may not be a very valuable recommendation to him.

  • Chris

    Wow! Hysterical. Fantastic writing.

  • BellaJ2000

    ROTFLMAO! The truth is both painful and hilarious,

  • Tom

    Whole Foods was out of wooly mammoth. Where do you buy yours?

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Ha Ha, just got that Tom, no wooly mammoths here; just coles an aldi 😉

  • http://www.whilingmytimeaway.wordpress.com jade

    I don’t really have anything constructive to add, but when I read the part about you feeling like a ‘playdough press’ I was eating a banana. Which I feel was the worst possible thing to be doing while looking at that gif because the playdough appears remarkably similar in colour and texture to a banana AND ALSO poo. Eating and Interneting is a dangerous game.

  • http://annajonzin.tumblr.com/ Anna Jones

    The best description I’ve read about eating healthy, to date!

  • peekaboo2011

    I love this so much. These are my feelings when people find out I’m GF and they’re paleo and they’re like “oh, I have this great cookie recipe!” NO YOU DON’T. STOP LYING TO MY FACE.

  • BeckTX3

    Ah!!! hilarious post, I will remember this one for quite a while. :O)
    I remember looking into the Paleo diet (because hubby said he’d try it). I read loads of stuff about it and then told hubby all about it and he said, “What, no dairy–no bread, f-that!” Personally, I think that if you have to “create” the things you miss (like making your own nut milk by soaking almonds, and then turning that milk into cheese–just so you can have cheese) with weird ingredients so they still adhere to the diet, then you probably need a different diet. I still remember getting a low-carb cookbook and thinking it would be awesome and then the ingredients list included things like xanthum gum or some crap like that and I thought, “Hold on, I’m going to find some weird substitution so I can still have a cookie? Why not just skip the cookie, it would be easier.” Or another favorite I saw was the “bacon” on the raw diet that was eggplant strips that were soaked in Worcestershire Sauce and then dehydrated. If you miss bacon so much–eat some damn bacon!!! You can’t honestly be a “raw” connoisseur if you are still craving your bacon.
    What I’m trying to stick to now is 1 serving (4 oz) of protein, and 2 servings of veggies per meal. I only have carbs (or try–I’m not perfect!) with in 1-2 hours after a workout. That’s what my trainer called the “magic hour”. If you eat your pasta, or what-have-you at that magical time after your workout, your body will actually burn it as fuel rather than storing it as fat. The added bonus is that at least on the days you work out, you don’t have to feel like you hate all diets. I will say that it is very hard trying to incorporate veggies into breakfast–but I’m starting to get used to it. I think the biggest problem really is, like the carrot cookies–people are trying too hard to still have the things they cut from their diet and make it diet friendly. If it’s really not good for you–accept it and move on–or set aside one day a month that you will have what you crave. The longer you go without something, the less you’ll want it. Also, the better the alkalinity in your body (because of all the good things you’re putting into it) the less you’ll want those things. I haven’t had soda in so long, that now if I have even a few sips, I realize how sweet it is and that the bubbles make my stomach hurt. You can equally get over cake. Trust me.

  • Laura Bonano

    Too funny. You should have added coconut…that makes everything better…not

  • Laura Bonano

    I hate self promotion, but I also feel a “certain” kind of way about “healthy” eating…give it a look see if you get bored, or don’t, either way, I swear it’s not spam

    http://iminthecloset.com/2015/02/19/know-skinny-feels-likeit-didnt-fit-part-1/

  • http://dinahdowell.com Dinah Dowell Ostenso

    Absolutely great!

  • http://www.kategoesglobal.com Katharina @ Kate goes Global

    I LOVE this post! I considered Paleo for a while this winter (because, suffering under cold windy snowy weather wasn’t enough). Now, though, I’m trying another different low carbs diet: the low carb high fat one! I admit I miss bread over everything else (Hi, I live in Spain – we breathe bread), but can sort of manage my day through lots of cheese, hams, fish and veggies. Even dark chocolate (is that even a treat?). Oh well, lets see how long I last with this before I engulf a kilo of bread dipped in olive oil and salt.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      dark chocolate sucks

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Kat stick with the dark chocolate that have high % of Cocoa, which has some pretty powerful antioxidants that assist cardio activity. Treats are gr8 when allowed :))

  • Nicola Snyman Heyns

    I agree with Becky Johnson Patterson. I have no idea why people take things so seriously. If whatever you do makes you happy then you don’t need to offend it or convince people of it’s benefits. It is not your job to save the world from bad eating habits. If people have opinions or jokes regarding your diet let them be, the rest of enjoyed this blog because we can relate. The only point you are making is that people who take their diets seriously lose the ability to process humor.

    • Paleo Huntress

      I agree… I think though that sometimes people take satire seriously, and maybe it isn’t so bad to add a little information in explaining that the author’s version isn’t the promoted version. That’s not pushing the diet, just making sure it’s represented accurately.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      “It is not your job to save the world from bad eating habits.”

      Bad, eating habits are affecting healthcare. It is estimated that medicaid/medicare will be bankrupt by 2025 if something isn’t done to offset the costs of preventable, non-communicable disease caused by bad, eating habits.

      “Close to 400 million people worldwide are affected by type II diabetes – a number that is quickly rising. Not only damaging for the health of individuals, the associated costs for the global healthcare system are estimated at a staggering 470 billion US dollars every year, representing over 10 percent of all healthcare costs. If things don’t change, the number of people affected could be close to 500 million by 2020, and costs could rise to a whopping 700 billon US dollars.

      The Credit Suisse Research Institute’s 2013 study “Sugar: Consumption at a crossroads” found that close to 90 percent of general practitioners in the US, Europe and Asia believe that the sharp growth in type II diabetes and the current obesity epidemic are strongly linked to excess sugar consumption. “Although causality is difficult to prove in this area, with such a high percentage of doctors in our proprietary survey confident of this strong link, we cannot ignore the significance and the implications for society and our economy any longer,” Stefano Natella, Head of Global Equity Research at Credit Suisse and an author of the study, says.”

      https://www.credit-suisse.com/us/en/news-and-expertise/topics/health-care.article.html/article/pwp/news-and-expertise/2013/09/en/is-sugar-turning-the-economy-sour.html

      • Kiki Fogg

        You appear to have gotten so hung up on the middle of her post that you didn’t make it to the last sentence.

        • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

          “Fucking Paleo.”

          Are you referring to that sentence fragment?

          Or, is it this sentence?

          “And the cookies will be waiting, watching.”

          There should be a comma after the word, “and.”

          • Everywhereist

            You actually don’t need a comma in the last sentence you’ve written. Also, all sentence fragments are intentional.

          • Kiki Fogg

            First of all, no, there shouldn’t be a comma there.

            Secondly, I was referring to Nicola’s post, which ended with this sentence: “The only point you are making is that people who take their diets seriously lose the ability to process humor.”

  • http://familyfaithfoodfabric.wordpress.com Yanic Arsenault

    Oh my god, I’Ve read this 3 times this morning, once out loud to my husband… THANK YOU!!!

  • SavHemmings

    This post couldn’t have brought more joy to my life if it tried. I’ve read it 5 times just because I like the sound of the uncontrollable giggles that burst past my lips.

  • lena

    Hate to say it, but I have made really fantastic paleo cookies. I make these without the sugar and they are amazing and taste like real cookies. http://gourmandeinthekitchen.com/2013/chewy-ginger-molasses-cookie-recipe/ Also try 1 cup walnuts, 1 cup dried cranberries, 2 tsp vanilla extract, one flax seed egg, 1/4 cup cocoa powder. Put in food processor, blend until a paste, then form into cookies and bake at 350 for 12 minutes. Amazing. Enjoy.

  • Lisa

    All of you paleo purists need to relax a bit, laugh at the absurdity pointed out through her wit, and for flip’s sake, go enjoy the fact your intestines can process all those veggies and beautiful gluteny foods in the first place! My crohnsy guts got all twisted up last time I had carrots…never again. And sadly, I can’t ever touch gluten either. Moderation my fighting friends. Enjoy your veggies and a chewy slab of fresh french bread now and then! Eat a bite or two for those of us stuck on rice and broth! Be grateful you can eat whatever you want! And do it while you can… What i wouldn’t give for one more cinnamon roll… Or a nice salad!

  • Jennifer Ann Bridgens

    Speaking of Jeff Goldblum, did you petition for this?

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/keelyflaherty/life-uh-finds-a-way#.nq3r4x3k6

  • Lourdes Ferrer Engel

    This is a very funny (and true for me!) article. I’m a T1 diabetic and eating – anything – takes a lot of thought and consideration. This “method” of eating is the latest cult diet. Has its pros and cons. And if it works (and define “works” how ever you want) for you then kudos and enjoy. Life is too short!! Tomorrow there will be another “better” way so don’t take this so serious – that is not good for your stress levels 😉

  • Deborah Buffalin

    Hilarious! I looked at the actual recipe, which sounds like it should be good (or would be, if it had some ingredients to hold all those other ingredients together) and wondered why the heck these things would need to be baked?

  • Rebecca Petruck

    I love you.

    • Everywhereist

      Aww, thanks. Love me enough to bring me real cookies? 🙂

  • http://mylittledrummerboys.blogspot.com.au/ Trish

    Nailed it – I also spat my tea (liquid kind) – healthy eating of a variety of meat, fruits and vegies is great advice and reducing added sugar – but give up bread and pasta and cake – no way. The playdough GIF I cannot stop thinking about.

  • Barb Dyess

    Oh gosh…you need our own Food Network Show or at least a stand-up comic gig. I can barely type as my eyes are obscured by tears and the need to sniff up the snot caused by, not Paleo food (though we ate some for dinner – I think – I am unclear as to exactly WHAT the diet is) but by near hysterics.

  • Lois

    LMAO!!! Nailed it!

  • http://ms-havachat.blogspot.ie/ ms-havachat

    This is THE best Paleo review ever.

    Thanks for the giggles
    x

  • Jermz Gallardo

    Guys. Eat whatever the hell you wanna eat. Just realize the consequences for eating too much of certain types of foods. It’s like smoking cigarettes. You know it’s bad for you, but you do it anyway.

    If you want to be absolutely healthy, eat meat and veggies.

    If you want to lose fat quick, eat nothing but meat for awhile.

    If you are a marathon runner, eat lots of carbohydrates.

    If you don’t give a damn, go to mcdonald’s.

    If you kinda give a damn, go to the french bakery.

    Stop hating on the other end of a diet and just do what you wanna do. Don’t do it just because some hot guy at the gym told you to. That’s just being delusional.

    Paleo is for some, and cake is for others. Just do what makes you happy and don’t get preachy about it.

  • http://summat2thinkon.blogspot.co.uk/ Considerer

    *dies laughing* this is amazing. And as someone who only YESTERDAY realised she’s a crunchy-granola fucking HIPPIE, I can sooooo relate. Except I’m trying to be veggie(ish) and cow-product free for, like, ETHICAL and HEALTH reasons and omg I think mostly I hate myself! Hehehehe

  • Nancy Moran

    This is perfect

  • Connie Kays-Gordon

    I cook for paleo clients. Lots of them and have to get creative with paleo cuisine but the one thing I do not make is baked goods. Really, just eat lean meat and veggies for gods sake. Don’t try to make paleo doughnuts. Doughnuts are meant to be made with white flour, white sugar and copious amounts of oil. No Paleo pasta, cakes, cookies, breads or bagels. Those things are not paleo adaptable. Thanks for a gut busting laugh. The play dough analogy was lovely.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      I can’t think of any reason to ever eat a lean piece of meat. yuck

  • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

    I think what everyone is getting hung-up on, is the name. Perhaps, paleo is a misnomer. It may be more accurate to call it “The Pre-Industrial, Agricultural Diet.”

  • Alexis

    Ahahaha. I love this so much. I did strict paleo for a while and then relapsed so bad that I think I gained ten pounds just from cookie dough alone. Sugar deprivation does crazy shit to your mind!

    • Everywhereist

      SUGAR DEPRIVATION DOES NOT MAKE YOU CRAZY, GIANT TALKING TOASTER.

    • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

      Sugar isn’t just sweet, it’s addictive. This episode explores the cycle of addiction that sugar causes in the brain, much in the same way as drugs and alcohol.
      https://youtu.be/Xn1cI8FNU6M?list=PL39F782316B425249

  • Haddayr Copley-Woods

    I love you please run away with me OMG you are hilarious

  • Christy Kline Lofchick

    Eating the cookies seems a lot less painful than reading most of these comments.

    • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

      Very much on the mark Christy and to think it all started with a funny article about a diet not everyone is prepared to follow, but it has descended into sabre rattling in the barracks as some troops seek revolution. Ahh what a quaint world we live in and a few cookies and a glass of milk never hurt anyone. Enjoy your day, have a nice weekend 🙂

  • Jeanette Lamb

    SENSATIONAL!

  • Bellwhether

    I’m assuming Paleo’s not for me given my experience with Atkins. I lost 20 pounds rapidly, but it wasn’t worth it. I had epic constipation, ate so many eggs that I expected any moment to start laying them, and just got heartily sick of protein.

    • Paleo Huntress

      Paleo is a dietary template, not a diet. If low carb doesn’t work for you, don’t eat low carb. Paleo can be high carb too. And it isn’t high protein.

      • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

        I always here about people doing high-protein. There is some serious mis-communication there. I wonder where that idea came from. Atkin’s starts you off in ketosis…

  • Mary

    LOL!!!!!!

  • Pam McMurtry

    Paleo is unnatural. It was eliminated by natural selection somewhere between the pond scum and amoebic stage.

    • Paleo Huntress

      Uh oh, someone should let the modern day hunter-gatherer cultures know that.

  • Binarygoddess

    I read this out loud to my boyfriend and we laughed so hard there were actual tears flowing down our faces. I had to stop and compose myself several times. In short, you rock and I want to be best friends with you pls. I have real cookies with gluten and sugar and BUTTER! Come and partake of my doom cookies!

    • Everywhereist

      I am scared that my body might go straight into happiness shock if I eat a real cookie.

  • Lokken Liane

    You are brilliant!

    • Everywhereist

      Aww, thank you. 🙂

  • silvermoonowl

    As someone who is embracing a ketogenic diet right now (sort of like Paleo, but more healthy fat, less meat, because too much protein converts into glucose.. but heeey low carb cheesecake is GREAT) ..you made me laugh. It’s really hard sometimes to stop from grabbing bready, crispy goodness. And I do think, whether we end up stopping or whether we keep going, it helps to look at it with humor and patience. It’s a lifestyle change. And hey, if you can be healthy and dive into pasta, then why the heck wouldn’t you? You fiddle around and see what works for you personally. What is going to be sustainable over the long haul.

    • Everywhereist

      Your sensible and diplomatic comments have no place here! THIS IS WHERE PEOPLE YELL ABOUT THINGS. 🙂

  • Darkaine

    This is pretty amazing

  • Teri Skinner Chadwick

    This is the best thesis ever written on the Paleo diet. Ever. So hilarious!

  • Aaron Hicks

    You forget that the paleo diet is more fun when you have to compete with angry hyenas for food.

  • Tammy Renea

    This is PERFECTION! What a great laugh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

  • http://www.ruckusgirl.com/ Charlotte McMullen

    FUNNY!!!

  • Carol Johnstone

    I laughed so hard I scared my dog. Thank you Deenie!

  • Julie Ann Lord

    Still laughing so hard that I can skip my ab workout!! Hilarious!!

  • Christopher Johnson

    One of the funniest things I’ve read in awhile.
    I love Paleo, I do not have the abs because I’m sort of lazy, but the weight has long since gone away.
    I dropped nearly 70 pounds since 2012 – so I am all for it – I used to be a vegetarian and this way of life is just better…
    I digress, this was sooo funny – thank you!

  • Denise

    Funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  • Nichole Dolan

    I have discovered from these comments that people are way to uptight. The article was for laughs, not anger. If you have a point make it and move on.

  • Tamsin Rollinson

    Oh my god you are a laugh and a half

  • Trish

    love!

  • http://www.iBelin.me Roderick Belin

    I cannot tell you when I’ve laughed this hard! Thank you.

  • Nicole Bayne

    Kind of reminds me of my childhood, when a family friend insisted on feeding us healthy cookies made with carob–basically cocoa’s flavorless, know-it-all sister–wheat flour, and (allegedly) “natural” sugar. My 9 yr old self politely accepted a flat, gray cookie while choking back tears and thinking, “for the love of God, lady, give me CHOCOLATE!”. Btw, I would totally get a bowl haircut and rob a bank if Jeff Goldblum told me to.

  • Kat Hutson

    I <3 you. You are my hero.

  • http://thefabsocial.com/ Amy Donohue

    This. Is. Awesome.

  • Dave Perrault

    This made me chortle. I thought people stopped chortling during the early 20th century!

  • http://www.courtneyharwood.com/ Courtney Harwood

    I am DYING. This is the funniest, most enjoyable post I have read in the a lonnng time — like my eyes are tearing and I’m getting fit at the same time. Laughs do the body *eh hem* abs, good.

    If you were curious… (see “The fart that (almost) altered my destiny” for previous most hilarious article.)

  • Hank Putnam

    Hilarious. Absolutely brilliant. You had me way before “little patties of sadness.”

  • http://freetheanimal.com/ Richard Nikoley

    I only had time to read the post, not the 300+ comments, not familiar with the blog.

    But the post is gold. As a reasonably popular paleo blogger going back to 2009 or so, I had tears of laughter rolling down my face as I read this.

    Nice. Laughter is more paleo than sad carrot cookies.

  • eileen08

    I didn’t even hear about Paleo and I don’t want to come near it;)) I absolutely loved your post, you are so funny;))))

  • Zebra Dun

    My Doc told me my diet was going to kill me.

    I was told I must get to 164 lb from 208 lb or die a horrible death.
    I am on the sardine in olive oil and some miscellaneous vegetables with water and the olive oil from the sardines as a dressing, my desert is fruit of my choice the portions are palm size or smaller.
    There is no sugar, soybean product or cottonseed oil in my diet, no soda/pop cokes or Pepsi, no caffeine, no coffee nor a tall cool sweet glass of iced tea with a slice of lemon.
    I am allowed a palm size bowl of cereal with a small cup of milk for breakfast it must be low fat sugar and gluten free.
    I eat a can of sardines at lunch with hot sauce, a can at dinner with same a boiled egg is allowed.
    A fruit for desert and for a snack later, I must space my meals at least four hours apart.
    I ride a bicycle two hours for exercise.
    I am down to 184 lb in 30 days.
    I have 20 lb more to go.
    The doc is right My diet is going to kill me, from starvation.

    • Paleo Huntress

      What a wretched way to live and eat. Do you intend to eat like that for the rest of your life?

      • Zebra Dun

        The Thyroid went south, I got the radiation treatment I-131 and the doc said “Don’t worry, at your age you won’t get cancer before you die” I am what’s called Pre-diabetic. If I don’t lose weight and eat right I go diabetic.
        The bad news is Yes I must eat that way till I die, the good news is that won’t take too long at this rate.
        Dang I want an O’Charleys Ribeye, baked potato a cold glass of iced tea and a Pecan pie!
        As I eat my Sardines in hot sauce, I dream.

        P/S At least until I hit 164 lb!

        • Paleo Huntress

          I don’t understand why your diet must be so bland and without variety. There is huge variety of foods that can replicate the macro-ratio target you’re eating now. Is there something special about sardines? (My husband’s mom used to put him on a sardine and cabbage diet to help him lose weight for football.)

          I had diabetes and still managed to lose more than 100 pounds without such a restrictive diet. I’m not suggesting that I know better, I’m just wondering if this is something self-imposed because you believe it, or if you’ve been instructed that it’s the only way you can eat.

          I drink home-brewed iced tea with lemon every day. I just sweeten it with non-bitter stevia instead of sugar. I eat rib-eyes too, when I can afford them. (:

          • Zebra Dun

            Bland is the very description of this meal, that’s why I use HOT SAUCE! Chohuli, Boars Head sauce, Habenero peppers and Jalapeno.
            Tonights supper was Sardines in olive oil, shredded cheese, Habenero and jalapeno picked fresh from my garden, young squash, a few crushed crackers and a soy and sugar free Mango/chipoltle salad dressing covered in olive oil from the sardines. all palm size portions.
            I drank iced water.
            Four hours from now I get a snack an apple or almonds.

            Graves disease, Hyperthyroid if I eat too much and some things the gas and bloating make me feel as if I’m having a heart attack, so it’s small portions of things that don’t gas me up.

            Sardines in Olive oil are rich in Omega 3 and supply the same protein and such as a large steak in a small package, since they are not tasty I don’t over eat.

            Yes it’s my choice from advice from a dietician who had a class with all kinds of good food vs bad food for you and the key was palm size portions every four hours..

            Sugar is a no no and even artificial sweeteners cause insulin levels to rise the same as sugar, it’s best to go cold turkey.

            Coffee was my passion three cups a day but no more, and lawds I love Iced cold sweet tea with a lemon, no more alas!

            what ever it is working I went from 208 lb to 184 in 30 days and now I’m back on my road bicycle for two hours or more plus two hour horseback rides I expect to hit the goal of 164 by next month.
            >fingers crossed<
            My Thyroid has been ablated with radiation so I must watch for the HypOthyroid creeping up.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I understand. You’re a trooper and I’m impressed with your diligence. It’s amazing to me how people will watch their bodies fall apart, lose toes, and then feet, then legs and finally sight to diabetes, but they have to have their cake or cookies. For me, a new way of eating wasn’t about abs, it was about not going down the same path that killed my parents and extended family.

            I hope everything works out for you, and that hopefully, when you’ve reached your goal, you can include a few more exciting options. (:

          • Zebra Dun

            Thanks Good to go, and Nice talking with a nice person on line for once.

  • http://www.dulcimerdude.com/blog Frank Verpaelst

    My wife read this post to me, and by the end, she (and I) were in tears from laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing in such hilarious fashion!

  • Nick Huisinga

    This was a funny post and my exact experience with going Paleo for 60 days. I did lose 30 pounds but I would compare the experience to the movie Pleasantville. All the color had gone out of the world!

  • http://www.whitecornercreative.com Melissa

    This is amazing – I was laughing out loud throughout this entire thing. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • Lesley Vance Kane

    I have never heard of the Everywhereist, but I now want to buy you (and the good friend who posted this on her FB page) a drink. The salt of everyone’s tears of laughter from this article couldn’t boost flavor into those carrot cookies.

    • Everywhereist

      Aww, thanks Lesley. Instead of a drink, will you buy me a cookie?

  • Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com

    A really, really good reason NOT to go Paleo. If anyone has ever even considered it this should help. Thank you!

  • http://facebook.com/GAWM0 The Dude-bro Consortium

    “Sugar impacts the brain just as much as the waistline. In this episode, Dr. Robert Lustig explains the biochemical shifts that sugar causes, making us store fat and feel hungry at the same time.”

    https://youtu.be/Yo3TRbkIrow

    • Indicatoridae

      Quoting Dr. Lustig is like quoting Dr. Oz:

      “Dr. Rippe said afterward that Dr. Lustig’s logic about fructose being uniquely responsible for disease was like going into “an alternate universe” that just did not stand up to scientific scrutiny. Yet it garners attention because of the public’s habit of playing “the blame game” mixed with misconceptions about high-fructose corn syrup.

      “People called him on it today,” Rippe told me. By going to the media directly, he said, Dr. Lustig didn’t have to have the same standards of proof that scientists usually must have. ”

      http://evolvinghealthscience.blogspot.com/2012/04/sugar-showdown-science-responds-to.html

      • Paleo Huntress

        Even though I don’t agree with everything Lustig proposes, I’m curious to know why a science writer’s opinion should be considered more valid than Dr. Lustig’s. Because you say so? This article is literally a third person telling where the author writes, “He told me”. This is supposed to hold more weight? Seriously?

  • Suzie Ridler

    Bloody fantastic article! You made me laugh my ass off. You poor soul. Give up the Paleo ghost. It’s just not worth it.

  • http://www.student-tutor.com/ Laura Petersen

    I envy your writing tone. Yes, yes I will sign up to receive an email when your book is ready. Hopefully it’s a cookbook. 😉

  • Theodore Boosalis

    While I enjoyed the article for its fantastic satirical writing style – I do oppose the viewpoint made by the author regarding Paleo. Paleo is very simple – meat, fish, non-starchy veggies, fruit, nuts, seeds. That’s it in a “nutshell”. It’s the healthiest way to eat – each of those foods provide incredible nutritional impact and create natural satiety. As far as the “cookie” is concerned, there’s always a way to make a recipe better – having grown up around food, finding ingredients to supplement taste is really an easy achievement.

    • WaynesWhirled

      I don’t think anyone argues Paleo isn’t healthy; it is more the cultish aspect of “Oh my god you ate a piece of bread!” that gets silly after a while. It is a food cult, like many other food cults.

      • Paleo Huntress

        That would be pretty silly. Can you show us where you’re seeing that?

        • WaynesWhirled

          Seriously? I have heard my nuttiest Paleo friend say it to another who is mostly Paleo but “fell off the wagon”; it was indeed silly. Google “don’t eat bread Paleo” (not in quotes) and check the hits.

          You don’t think it is cult-ish, much the CrossFit? Just a coincidence that they tend to go hand in hand?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Crossfit’s baby is not Paleo, it’s The Zone Diet. And less than 30% of Paleo dieters do any type of organized fitness program.

            http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/cfjissue21_May04.pdf

            To be clear, the Paleo “cult” is a cult of one person you know?

          • WaynesWhirled

            What makes Paleo different is the cult-ish devotion to it, and the insistence by many practitioners that Paleo is the ONLY way to eat “properly”. And how do you know someone is Paleo? Oh, don’t worry, they’ll make SURE you know.

            As an example, how many people have “low-fat” as part of their USERNAME?

            The article you posted is over ten years old, long before Paleo really took off, even though the Paleo diet book was indeed written in 2002. You say that only 30% of Paleo folks have an organized fitness program, but a HUGE percentage of Crossfitters are also Paleo, though some are Primal and some are Zone and some do a mix.

          • Paleo Huntress

            I see, you must be a member of the Mike Myers cult. (;

            As an example, how many people have “low-fat” as part of their USERNAME?”

            I couldn’t say. How many feel that “low-fat” describes not only their diet, but their outlook on fitness and general holistic approach to life?

            “Paleo huntress” used to be “vegan huntress” (‘huntress’ is an homage to Tom Hartmann’s book on ADHD). And my very first experience with Disqus was in a vegan forum bashing Paleo, hence the birth of this ID. That was years ago and I didn’t know then that I’d participate in further discussions hosted by the Disqus servers.

            I also use an ID with “cat” in it, one with “cream” in it, one with “panty” in it and one with “mom” in it. Am I allowed to be part of five different cults? I think cults frown on their members joining other cults, but you never know. (Just imagine the battle that the Cream cult and the Paleo cult might have!)

            There isn’t a cultish bone in my body. When new evidence comes out, I update my position. I take an 80:20 approach to food– I eat some forms of dairy, fresh legumes and even grains– hardly a cultish practice. (Some people could spend their time on the road head-banging to Bohemian Rhapsody– I just hope I’m not in the vicinity when they do.)

            The fact that lots of Crossfitters eat from a Paleo template doesn’t say anything about the majority of Paleo advocates, especially given that less than a third of them are doing any organized fitness at all. If you want to criticize Crossfit, feel free… but Paleo isn’t responsible. <–(great affirming the consequent fallacy though). Even Paleo guru Robb Wolf, is critical of Crossfit.

            You’ve never seen a cultish food fad until you’ve met a vegan.Their members wish violent, live-skinning deaths upon meat-eaters. They’re a laugh-riot.

            http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/9/1/4/2/orig-21209142.jpg

          • WaynesWhirled

            I don’t really have time for a pen pal, so I’ll keep this short. I’ll accept that you are not the cultish Paleo type, but you must have your head in the sand if you have not met the people I am talking about. It’s not like they try to hide their cultish devotion to their eating plan (much like the crazy vegans you mentioned). Do read “Food Cults”, since you seem interested in this topic; it went through the history of how dietary rules were quite often used precisely to foster a group different than other groups, etc.

            As for the last point about the Paleo/Crossfit connection: you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did I say that “all Paleo eaters do Crossfit”. Since a relatively small percentage of people in this country have any exercise plan at all yet a relatively large percentage are on SOME kind of diet or eating plan, there is not going to be a complete overlap on a Venn diagram of the two, but a good percentage of the Crossfit circle would fit within the (much larger) Paleo circle.

            It’s also interesting that Crossfitters did start with The Zone, then probably moved to Paleo because it sounded more primal, and then moved on to what?

            Oh yeah. PRIMAL. 🙂

          • Paleo Huntress

            “I don’t really have time for a pen pal, so I’ll keep this short.”

            lol What a generous concession from a woman too busy for such things. (; I understand that snark and criticism is a far more worthwhile endeavor. Don’t you fret, I don’t even mind if you refrain from further comment to conserve your obviously very precious time.

            “you must have your head in the sand if you have not met the people I am talking about.”

            To quote something I read recently, you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did I say that there were no Paleo zealots. Anything at all can be treated like a cult. Certainly the Paleo diet can’t be held responsible for the zealots any more than any other ideology.

            “As for the last point about the Paleo/Crossfit connection: you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did I say that “all Paleo eaters do Crossfit”.”

            Very true, what you wrote is, “You don’t think it is cult-ish, much the CrossFit? Just a coincidence that they tend to go hand in hand?”And since we’re discussing Paleo and NOT Crossfit, the natural conclusion when you suggest that Paleo is a cult because it “tends to go hand in hand” with Crossfit is that the majority of Paleo advocates also do Crossfit. (I mean, it’s Paleo you’re condemning here, not Crossfit.) It might be more accurate to say that Crossfit goes hand in hand with Paleo. But hey, why get stuck on semantics?

            “It’s also interesting that Crossfitters did start with The Zone, then probably moved to Paleo because it sounded more primal…”

            Or maybe, they simply found paleo/primal a better fit for the fitness level. But then you must be right, you did say “probably” after all and you are clearly in-the-know here.

          • WaynesWhirled

            I suspect you’re just a troll, since you are obviously intelligent enough to know the difference between “A goes hand in hand with B” and “A equals B”. My experience has been that people who are energized by cults can often not stop at just one, though I suspect that most tend to do them sequentially. It’s just convenient that the Paleo cult and the Crossfit cult tend to not overlap nor conflict in their application and so go so well, wait for it, hand in hand together.

            As for the “better fit for the (sic) fitness level”, unless someone is a highly trained professional athlete (and not even then, for many, as researched in the book “Food Cults”), the effective differences between Zone, Paleo and Primal are so inconsequential as to be non-existent.

            Unless of course, someone BELIEVES them to be radically different, because they drank the Kool-Aid. #cult

          • Paleo Huntress

            I suspect you’ve just realized you have no valid argument as you’ve stooped to calling others trolls.

            This is written EXACTLY the way I intended and there is no grammar or spelling error. “[M]aybe, they simply found paleo/primal a better fit for the fitness level.” The fitness level being one suited to Crossfit. 😉

            This is how macros are broken down in The Zone–> 30-40-30
            The Hadza eat a Paleo diet of 85% carbs.
            Modern Paleo has no set macro-ratio.

            Are you honestly ignorant in your belief that they are not radically different, or just dumb?

          • WaynesWhirled

            Actually I consider someone a troll when they go out of their way to act like they can’t comprehend certain concepts, and on that, you’re a champ.

            I have WATCHED Crossfit friends do the Zone-Paleo-Primal transition, moving to the flavor of the moment, and as I said (and you go out of your way to not understand), the difference on their performance was zero, even according to them. They just like following the trends. Or “cults”.

            And just a little help for the Crossfit-Paleo connection is this from http://www.crossfit.com:

            The Caveman or Paleolithic Model for Nutrition

            Modern diets are ill suited for our genetic composition. Evolution has not kept pace with advances in agriculture and food processing resulting in a plague of health problems for modern man. Coronary heart disease, diabetes, cancer, osteoporosis, obesity and psychological dysfunction have all been scientifically
            linked to a diet too high in refined or processed carbohydrate.

            Search “Google” for Paleolithic nutrition, or diet. The return is extensive, compelling, and fascinating. The Caveman model is perfectly consistent with the CrossFit prescription.

            As for Paleo not having a set macro ratio this is generally true, though look around and you will see that many Paleo advocates “suggest” an estimated ratio, like this guy does:

            http://paleoleap.com/question-of-macronutrient-ratios/

            I also love that you mentioned the Hadza; they are probably indeed the closest to true “Paleo” eaters, yet I suspect very few Paleo cult members would be willing to chow down on 85% carbs. To that end, how does the body see a carb from honey or a tuber as different from a carb from a loaf of bread anyway?

          • Paleo Huntress

            ” I consider someone a troll when they go out of their way to act like they can’t comprehend certain concepts..”

            Perhaps you mean like the concept that just because Crossfit leans toward Paleo doesn’t mean Paleo leans toward Crossfit? Something like that? The church of Cantheus Creed considers marijuana sacred, and their worship goes hand-in-hand with smoking pot. By your definition, getting stoned smacks of religion. Let’s be “champs” together my hypocritical friend!!

            You’ll recall that I wrote this above– “And since we’re discussing Paleo and NOT Crossfit, the natural conclusion when you suggest that Paleo is a cult because it “tends to go hand in hand” with Crossfit is that the majority of Paleo advocates also do Crossfit.”

            Your comments attempted to devalue paleo because Crossfitters like it, but what Crossfitters prefer for diet has nothing to do with what Paleo dieters prefer for fitness.

            It’s definitely me that’s going out of my way to act like they can’t comprehend certain concepts– or, maybe you actually can’t. Perhaps that’s the real problem here.

            “As for Paleo not having a set macro ratio this is generally true, though look around and you will see that many Paleo advocates “suggest” an estimated ratio, like this guy does”

            Oh, you mean this guy? I typed “athlete” into the search field and this was the top hit on “this guy”s website-> WHAT TO DO IF PALEO IS TANKING YOUR WORKOUTS When you click the link you find this-

            “Carbs are your fuel for intense exercise: no matter how “fat-adapted” you are, your body will need to burn carbs if you’re doing sprints, Crossfit WODs, or anything else intense.”

            The next article at the site is this one–> IS PALEO HEALTHY FOR WOMEN? where we find this–

            “What Women Need: Carbs

            Restricting carbs or “earning your carbs” through exercise is another piece of bad advice women frequently have to put up with. Sometimes you’ll hear that women have a harder time losing weight than men, so they need to be ultra-strict with carbs to make it happen. But when we apply the litmus test of menstrual function, we can see that this is also potentially unhealthy. What a healthy menstrual cycle shows us is that most women do better with a moderate amount of carbs, neither too many nor too few.”

            “I also love that you mentioned the Hadza; they are probably indeed the closest to true “Paleo” eaters, yet I suspect very few Paleo cult members would be willing to chow down on 85% carbs.”

            Aww, you love it? I got shivers.

            They also practically starve for 6 months out of 12 so they don’t have to worry about overeating binges triggered by high-glycemic foods. They don’t have to control calories, nature does it for them. If they’re hungry, they stay that way. When you find that special person from modern culture who is willing to starve 6 months per year so that they can eat 85% of their 1900 calories per day as carbs for the other six, you let me know. 😉

            There is nothing wrong with carbs for people who handle them well or who need them. You perception that Paleo is strictly low-carb is a product of your ignorance and unwillingness to look past the surface and media hype to the actual experts and data.

          • WaynesWhirled

            Please explain anywhere where I have said that Paleo (or Zone, or Primal) is low-carb. I said no such thing, yet you certainly spent a lot of time arguing the point. Are you arguing with voices in your head? You seem to be also having an argument in your head about the Paleo-Crossfit connection, so I’ll try AGAIN to make it clear:

            Most Crossfitters I know do Paleo. That does not mean that most Paleo people do Crossfit. In fact, most Paleo people I know are actually sedentary lardasses just trying the latest thing to not be obese anymore, and once they fail they will likely move on to the next diet of the moment.
            My point about Paleo eating (which again, I assume you try to miss intentionally) is that if one gets 85% of their calories from carbs, then it is pretty damn tough to get much fat and protein in the remaining 15% (that whole “must equal 100% thing, you know), which most Paleo people realize are pretty important for overall health. So given a choice (unlike the Hadza), do you think any Paleo eater would form a Paleo diet for themselves that was nothing but honey and tubers? It would certainly make ordering at restaurants interesting.

            And yet you skipped the most important question of all, which is the KEY to Paleo: how does the body know the difference between a carb from a fruit and a carb from a grain? Science me, baby.

          • Paleo Huntress

            The Zone IS low/moderate carb, NECESSARILY. That is what The Zone is, a rigid macro-ratio diet where you measure EVERYTHING– you don’t have to say that Paleo is low carb, you wrote, “[T]he effective differences between Zone, Paleo and Primal are so inconsequential as to be non-existent.”

            Oops. No voices here, just you being unable to recall what you wrote yesterday. And to top it off, that is simply false.

            I don’t know why you keep telling me what the crossfitters you know are doing. It isn’t relevant. I bet they’re getting dressed every day too, perhaps the fashion industry is also a cult. If so, then it follows that the sport-drink industry is cult-y too and perhaps the towels to clean the sweat off with too. I’ve never heard of a sport-towel cult, but it must exist since Crossfitters and towels go “hand in hand”.

            “My point about Paleo eating is that if one gets 85% of their calories from carbs then it is pretty damn tough to get much fat and protein in the remaining 15%”

            That’s your point about Paleo eating? So when you left your first comment where you wrote,

            “I don’t think anyone argues Paleo isn’t healthy; it is more the cultish aspect of “Oh my god you ate a piece of bread!” that gets silly after a while. It is a food cult, like many other food cults.”

            What you were really trying to say is “it is pretty damn tough to get much fat and protein in the remaining 15%”

            Wow, I think I need a class or two in English Language comprehension.

            The Hadza don’t eat just honey and tubers. They also eat fruit, berries and meat. Even their honey contains fat and protein because they eat the undeveloped bees inside too.

            And the Hadza are just one culture. There are many primitive cultures eating a wide variety of foods that form a wide variety of macro-ratios. Paleo is a template, you can choose the macros that work for you and you can even do it without a Crossfit cult. 😉

            The body doesn’t know the difference between carbs from fruit and carbs from grains (well, except that fruit is sugar and grains are starch, but I’m gonna trust that that is understood.)

            So then what you’re left with besides the carbs in grains is lectins, oligosaccharides, protease inhibitors, phytate, gluten and a bunch of other naturally occurring pesticides and storage mechanisms for a plant’s offspring that prevent protein assimilation and mineral bioavailability, turning grain into mostly empty calories. Paleo people definitely ate some grains, but why would they put that much energy into such a tiny foodstuff when a nice plump tuber or piece of fruit was close at hand?

          • WaynesWhirled

            Just a quick side question: are you gluten-free?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Nope.

          • WaynesWhirled

            How do you feel about GMOs?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Much as I’m enjoying this game of 20 Questions, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to just get to the point. It’s pretty clear to me that you’re fishing for something to bag on. The topic here is the Paleo diet, perhaps you could just stick to that?

          • WaynesWhirled

            I was trying to gauge how many other things you believe that fly in the face of science. So you’re okay with GMOs?

          • Paleo Huntress

            There is nothing that I believe that flies in the face of science. Every dietary belief I have is based in science and data.

            Are we getting back to the Paleo Diet any time soon or have we moved permanently onto the ad hom part of the debate?

          • WaynesWhirled

            So obviously you are okay with GMOs since you believe in science. What scientific sources have made you most enamored of the Paleo diet?

          • Paleo Huntress

            Considering you have no time for a pen pal, I wish I was at all surprised that you’re more than willing to make time to snark and criticize.

            http://thepaleodiet.com/research/

          • WaynesWhirled

            Am I being snarky? Just asking questions. So you read all these studies in order to come to your conclusion that Paleo is the thing for you; have you seen any scientific opinions to the contrary?

          • Paleo Huntress

            I’ve read all of these and many more, actually. I didn’t wake up one day on a standard American diet and decide to research Paleo and then go paleo the next day. My diet evolved over many years as new data became available and as I experimented and learned what worked best for me.

            And yes, I actually focus more on data that doesn’t appear to support my choices because I think this process reduces my bias. This is how I ended up leaving veganism, because I read this great paper on behaviors that can help balance personal bias and one of those behaviors was to do your research as though you have the opposite position. It has served me well, and I still eat paleo.

            I’ve been eating from a paleo template for almost a decade, but the diet I eat from within that template has also evolved during that time. I’m not sensitive to gluten, but I am sensitive to wheat. I need to keep the glycemic load of my diet down, but I’ve learned that resistant starches don’t have to be avoided. I bake real sourdough for my vegetarian son… etc.

            But you don’t care about this. What I eat has no bearing on the discussion here and you clearly don’t care about my diet with the exception of seeking something to scoff at.

          • WaynesWhirled

            I’m sorry you feel that way. Yes, I was being snarky a bit. As
            you may have noticed, nothing I have said was claiming that eating Paleo is an unhealthy thing to do, and it certainly far better than the average American.

            What I find funny/annoying/unhelpful/etc in all of these diet plans is some people’s slavish devotion to it (in my experience, many
            times it has come across “cult-ish”) when for the vast majority of people it is not necessary to be so rigid. From what you explained about your eating, you are nothing like what I see and have merely found something that works for you from a health perspective, have made modifications to it to even better fit your needs, even ADDING foods that are not on the plan but that work for you. I think that’s what most people SHOULD do.

            Please understand that this is not what I have seen when running into someone who claims Paleo; I apologize for putting you in that category.

            So see, I DO care about your diet without seeking something to scoff at. Thanks for taking the time to explain it 🙂

          • Paleo Huntress

            I am pleasantly surprised to read your comment, it is graciously written and I appreciate it. There is a curious thing that happens when information is repeatedly disseminated in online forums, and keyboard warriors present themselves as experts- the message down the line often barely resembles its original form. You can hardly blame most people for their misunderstanding but it’s frustrating to read the same myths repeated over and over because they make for the best sound-bites, and eventually one gets reactive.

            I’ve seen the paleo zealots. I think Paleo covers lots of issues for lots of people and that is why it has such a devoted following. It addresses food sensitivities, metabolic issues, disordered eating, cravings, triggers, overeating, obesity, insulin resistance, digestive issues, allergies, inflammation, etc. So though a person who is sensitive to FODMAPS might find significant relief from symptoms on a FODMAP-free diet that isn’t necessarily Paleo, Paleo is what provided them relief for the first time in their life.

            In the beginning, Paleo is an elimination diet that for some people, truly requires total elimination of certain food groups for a period of time to ascertain a baseline to work from. It is people in the early stages of Paleo that tend to be most rigid in its practice– but as they move forward they tinker with adding other foods as they figure out which ones cause them problems.

            My 80:20 approach isn’t uncommon among paleo advocates– in fact, it’s a pretty common way to approach most any diet philosophy. If we’re being technical, we know that early man did eat some grains and legumes, but that he didn’t eat many. This would make the occasional inclusion of grains and legumes historically correct. In other words, they ARE on the plan. If you look at the recommendations from Robb Wolf, Mark Sisson, Nora Gedgaudas, etc… you’ll find discussions around the inclusion of white rice, potatoes, lime-soaked corn, fresh legumes like green beans and peas, and the dried varieties that contain fewer toxic compounds, like chickpeas and lentils.

            Certainly early man would have known that the ingestion of some plants made him ill and would not have categorized them into food “groups” but would have simply avoided that specific plant. I absolutely LOVE green beans for example– throw them in a sauté pan with a little fat, a crushed garlic clove and a bit of sea salt and I’d eat them with every meal. I never feel good after I eat them though. I don’t get sick and I don’t have pain, I just don’t feel “good”. But it’s mild and I often ignore it because I REALLY love green beans. lol Who knows if it’s because it’s a legume or if it’s something else specific to green beans.

            Anyway, part of the dichotomy in discussions addressing cultish zeal is that if you get tired of hearing fallacious claims of cultish behavior, your frustration will make you sound like a zealot anyway– so you’re often damned either way.

            Anyway, seems we’ve come full circle and I thank you for taking the time to really hear me. I’m sorry for snark I sent your way as well.

            I hope yours is a wonderful weekend. (:

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Ha Ha, chortle

            And how do you know someone is Paleo? Oh, don’t worry, they’ll make SURE you know.

            As an example, how many people have “low-fat” as part of their USERNAME?

            Cant stop feckin chuckling at your irreverance, ole Miss “low Fat” Paleo starts off polite then keeps niggling away until she gets a bite.. I stopped posting about the 200 post mark as she and her brother Dude consortium were arguing the point with whoever would feed their Troll family genes. I am still laughing as I pack up for bed. Your wit is priceless, even better than Alice wunderland. Cheerz ;))

          • Paleo Huntress

            You stopped posting because you got called out for acting like an ass toward someone who’d been polite to you.

          • WaynesWhirled

            Thanks for the compliment! I don’t have time for 200 posts, but it was mildly entertaining for a bit until it becomes obvious that someone is being intentionally obtuse, and also when they ignore points made and skip to another topic when they see it’s not going they way they would like.

            Ah, the internet.

          • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

            Ah WW, indeed the internet. ‘but it was mildly entertaining for a bit until it becomes obvious’ that “someone is being intentionally obtuse” (and skips very well also. ;-))

            Its such a lovely short descriptive word, “obtuse”; made cultish by Tim Robbins to the warden in Shawshank. “Obtuse,” Not acute, slow of perception, perhaps insensitive to others points of view.

            Sorta like

            ‘To be clear, the Paleo “cult” is a cult of one person you know?’

            As I gently pointed out, “starts off polite then keeps niggling away until she gets a bite”. See the last statement!!
            Your message is patently clear to any reader, other than her single warped perception, that you did not in any way allude even partially to “a cult of one person you know” but instead you clearly refer to ” I have heard my nuttiest Paleo friend say it to another who is mostly Paleo.” So “To be clear” in this case seems oxymoronic or perhaps obtusely obdurate, in order to keep getting the attention she so desperately needs to feed off.

            To clarify ” I stopped posting about the 200 post mark”. That is to mean when Everywhereists blog site got to the 200 mark. It started as a funny irreverant article that readers got a chuckle out of, but then got hijacked by the paleo extremists.

            Mrs Paleo Quotes : EG
            *Says the guy who can’t spell “paleo” correctly even though it’s written dozens of times on the page.
            *Oh FFS, you’ve now responded to the same comment THREE times.
            *Wow, you are one triggered lady.

            The last word should go to the witty AliceWonderland0

            I assume the illness we’re talking about is some Paleo folk’s complete inability to process humor, right?

            Because I agree, that is serious and terrible.

            Now I must be gone with the speed of a thousand black Gazelles on a moonless night ………

  • judy

    I haven’t laughed this hard for a long time. Thanks for a great read!

  • Isabella

    hahaha this is an awesome article! so much laughter! thanks

  • http://automagicbusinessconsulting.com.au Julian

    Whatever alleged merits or lack thereof in “paleo”, the difference in comments between People-With-A-Sense-Of-Humour and Paleo-People in this thread is clear.

    Makes me wonder if there’s an unspoken side-effect of going “paleo”… 😉

  • Nimphetamin

    I’m literally dying with laughter! I related to every word you wrote as I am myself a “dieter” since I can remember and I tried almost every diet there is. However, I’ve never tried Paleo and probably will not ever after reading your article :)))

  • Ryan

    Quite funny, but at the end of the day this is just another writer exploiting the extremes, not representing the actual community. Either way, you know what you’re doing – look at all these comments!

  • cristabelle

    I have now officially started stalking your website as I have just snorted out my nutibulleted, organic kafir smoothie all over my runners. Thanks for spoiling my otherwise wholesome day 🙂

  • http://www.jenniferwaddleonline.com Jennifer Waddle

    I absolutely love this post!!! (not so much the language at the end 😉
    You are a fantastic writer and I am so glad the Blog Tyrant linked us to your article.
    ~Jennifer

  • Gingerandbread

    Finally someone explained this mystery to me. I had been wondering why people would eat a dinosaur diet, especially as they had gone extinct. Glad to know they did have food processors after all. And coconut oil.

  • laura ravaschio

    It’s funny to read all the comments in this thread of people getting angry at others not willing to make the same lifestyle choices (i.e. going paleo, for example) they made.
    If you are happy with Paleo, Kale, no sugar etc, I am so happy for you.
    But you do not need to go out proselitising to other people who are perfectly healthy by eating smaller portions of everything and exercising.
    Unless you really are not so happy. And you need to re-inforce your own choices and so you push your ideas on others to really reassure yourself.
    Live and let live, non?

    • Paleo Huntress

      I couldn’t agree more! Did you notice that the author’s entire piece was “pushing her ideas (about Paleo) on others”. Hysterically so, I might add. But really, every good turn deserves another. So why get cranked up about the folks who want to disagree? The post is practically an invitation to do so, so why be bothered when people do?

      Everywhereist specifically writes that she went “pseudo Paleo”, that she didn’t “put any thought or research into it.” Doesn’t it make sense that her experience would be poor with no idea what she was doing? Then you have comment after comment responding to her experience as if it represents well-researched, properly done Paleo, even though you specifically states that it doesn’t.

      Most paleo people don’t care what you eat, they just object to having what they eat misrepresented or misinterpreted.

  • http://speaking-denglish.com/ Alex, Denglish Speaker

    “Pucks of Suffering” this is the greatest thing I’ve ever read. It’s like this one month that I decided to try vegan. Life without butter is a sad, sad way to live.

  • Clara Salomon

    Thanks for the laugh!! You should write a book. And personally, I think you’re beautiful, inside and definitely outside. This post was so funny it prompted a post on my Facebook page about how I literally (literally!) started dating the owner of a Lebanese restaurant down the street from where I was playing piano at a rather isolated raw food spa, wasting away, gaunt, no passion remaining. The restaurant was often closed after my shift, and there were no other stores around for miles, so dating him guaranteed a daily delivery of hummus, a peppery tomato dip, and the ever evil……….pita bread!!, right to my door. I still don’t know whether I loved him for his food or his personality, but it was all the same to me!

    • Everywhereist

      Quickest way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach, right? I know Rand won me over with food.

      And thank you so much for all the kind words. 🙂

  • http://www.gofundme.com/8tk1ho Fawn Hoagland

    thanks for the ab workout….laughed so hard I snorted!

  • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

    Laura Ravaschio writes, It’s funny to read all the comments in this thread of people getting
    angry at others not willing to make the same lifestyle choices (i.e. going paleo, for example) they made.
    Unless you really are not so happy. And you need to re-inforce your own choices and so you push your ideas on others to really reassure yourself.

    Live and let live, non?

    Paleo diehard “I couldn’t agree more! Did you notice that the author’s entire piece was “pushing her ideas (about Paleo) on others”

    Laid Back paleo diehard 😉 “So why get cranked up about the folks who want to disagree? The post is practically an invitation to do so, so why be bothered when people do?”

    Non cranked Paleo “Of course early man ate wild grains and eggs. Duh. Won’t you tell me some more stories?”

    On Topic compassionate Paleo “Everywhereist specifically writes that she went “pseudo Paleo”, that she didn’t “put any thought or research into it.

    Doesn’t it make sense that her experience would be poor with no idea what she was doing?”

    Paleo Indignation “Most paleo people don’t care what you eat, they just object to having what they eat misrepresented or misinterpreted”

    Waynes whirled writes “Seriously? I have heard my nuttiest Paleo friend say it to another who is mostly Paleo”

    Paleo non sarcastic Logic “To be clear, the Paleo “cult” is a cult of one person you know?”

    Paleo totally uncranked and non sarcastic”You stopped posting because you got called out for acting like an ass toward someone who’d been polite to you”

    Unbothered Paleo “I see, you must be a member of the Mike Myers cult”

    Paleo agreeing to others points of view “I suspect you’ve just realized you have no valid argument as you’ve stooped to calling others trolls”.

    Paleo Sympathy “Don’t you fret, I don’t even mind if you refrain from further comment to conserve your obviously very precious time.”

    Paleo curt retort while tossing dreadlocks “Are you honestly ignorant in your belief that they are not radically different, or just dumb?

    Paleo still agreeing with points of view that are not their own !! “You perception that Paleo is strictly low-carb is a product of your ignorance and unwillingness to look past the surface and media hype to the actual experts and data.”

    Can a Paleo be wrong ? “There is nothing that I believe that flies in the face of science. Every dietary belief I have is based in science and data.”

    Paleo and vegetarianism. “I bake real sourdough for my vegetarian son.”

    Paleo Health !! “I’m almost 50 and the only person in my family without diabetes and heart disease. (Though I did before paleo.)

    CONCLUSION & WRAP UP: Do Not EAT Sourdough !! Aparently 🙁
    Vegetarianism in Paleo communities May lead to diabetes and heart disease.
    Do not disagree with Paleo Logic steeped in dietary belief that is based in science and data
    Nod positively between mouthfuls at local Paleolithic hang outs.
    Skip around happily singing tra la la la la after listening intently to the Paleo point of view.

    • Paleo Huntress

      Healthier tips,

      • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

        Mrs paleo, as you had hijacked Geraldines absolutely funny post which lightheartedly takes the piss out of a dogmatic regime on how one must eat, I thought I would test your ability to laugh at yourself !! Hence this post of your contradictory quotes!! Laura politely said if you are not so happy and need to push your ideas on others, perhaps to reassure yourself, maybe you are craving constant attention. Lauras message of “Live and let live, non?” was I believe meant to convey to you, enough is enough!! We all get your point of view ? About 55 posts ago, actually..

        You agreed with Laura while still being disengenuous to the Author. Quote “Did you notice that the author’s entire piece was “pushing her ideas (about Paleo) on others” and the post is practically an invitation to do so,(duh, its her page; start your own :(( ) so why be bothered when people do?” You continue to refuse to acknowledge the ladies right to express an irreverant laugh at the paleo doctrine!!

        So using your very own logic,(Your posts ARE an invitation to do so) I thought I would test the theory by displaying only a few of your many contradictions, which have more twists and turns than the Alpine Way up to Mount Kosciosko.

        You kept banging on, looking for a stray mental hug. “Everywhereist specifically writes that she went “pseudo Paleo”, that she didn’t “put any thought or research into it. Doesn’t it make sense that her experience would be poor with no idea what she was doing?” FFS, where are your manners. If you are at someones house and they offer you some dessert, if you dont like the taste, dont partake any more !! Dont go banging on to every guest, trying to get them to agree that the Apple pie and cream tastes like shit. Lighten up.

        When I left the post sometime after the 200 mark it was because of your snide behaviour, not just to my explanation of how i eat, but to many others that did not agree with your point of view. You have this overwhelming comeback of needing to be right, so much so that when I did repost about the 400 mark, to wayne w about how it was a funny post to start with but hijacked by paleo extremists (no names) you had to come barging in, foot in mouth with “You stopped posting because you got called out for acting like an ass toward someone who’d been polite to you” You identified yourself as THE Paleo extremist in question, because of your obsessive need for attention !!

        We Aussies are generally pretty laid back and would prefer to let the highly edumicated go about their business of improving the world whether we like it or not, but also tend to call a spade a backhoe when we need to. You’re pushing the boundaries of a 30 ton Dozer at this point of time with your lack of candour in your 100 plus posts.. Take the hint and improve your manners, if we are unlucky enough to crosspaths in a future blog outside of moms, cats,and cream panties (gulp) :-0

        As for the pic,to steal Alices line, “You’re fun at parties, aren’t you? I bet you truly think you are. Aww.”

        • Paleo Huntress

          ~•~

  • Jasper Oldersom

    I almost choked on my footlong Italian B.M.T from Subway while reading this. Better than standup comedy!

  • http://healthier.tips Healthier_ tips

    Study December Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 89, No. 5, p
    925-936), people overestimate both their ability to convey their intended
    tone-be it sarcastic, serious or funny-when they send an e-mail and to
    correctly interpret the tone of others messages because of egocentrism-the well-established social psychological phenomenon whereby people have a difficult time detaching themselves from their own perspectives and understanding how other people will interpret them. As e-mail has become more prevalent, the opportunities for misunderstanding have increased.

    What an utterly random and bizarre comment to make

    What is my bias, exactly?

    Matter of fact Paleo 12 June 2014 : It’s not cherrypicking to point out that he’s lost quite a bit of weight eating low-carb. When he regains it, it’s because he stops eating low carb.

    Paleo point 12 June 2014 : I don’t know why that’s relevant? He eats pizza and
    white sugar. What sugar does do is promote overeating. Too many calories make
    you fat. High sugar diets make you hungry. Being hungry causes many people to
    eat too many calories. So direct cause or not, sugar consumption contributes to
    obesity.

    Further re-inforcing Paleo superiority: I know how to eat too. I must win the Internet!
    FFS, people eat Paleo meals all the time and don’t realize it. Maybe they just don’t know how to eat either, poor slobs.

    Non poor Slob Paleo Fatty salted green bean diet 20 june 15: I absolutely LOVE green beans for example– throw them in a sauté pan with a little fat, a crushed garlic clove and a bit of sea salt and I’d eat them with every meal. I never feel good after I eat them though.

    Missus Di and trolls “You’ve never actually engaged in basic food prep have you? :).

    The paleo run with the hare hunt with the hound Principle: There is a curious thing that happens when information is repeatedly disseminated in online forums, and keyboard warriors eg(over 80 posts out of 400) present themselves as experts- the message down the line often barely resembles its original form.

    Yes, but the foods you mention don’t contain much saturated fat in the total fat ratio, though butter and sour cream are mostly saturated.
    I guess what I’m asking is why is the saturated fat from a cow healthy but the saturated fat from a lamb, not?

    Ahh, ok, so it’s just preference, not health. Now I understand. Thank you.

    Michelle 11 june 15 re optimal foraging theory: wow, someone know how to research to make himself look edumicated.

    Nicola S H: The only point you are making is that people who take their diets seriously lose the ability to process humor.

    Paleo not taking satire seriously: I agree… I think though that sometimes people take satire seriously, and maybe it isn’t so bad to add a little information in explaining that the author’s version isn’t the promoted version. That’s not pushing the diet, just making sure it’s represented accurately.

    Heavily Blinkered view of Paleo forest thru trees : Just eat real, whole food- limit or eliminate cereals, legumes and dairy, and keep it simple. Fresh fruit is a great dessert, who needs cookies? And if you want cookies from time to time, just eat real cookies. Stop missing the forrest ?? for the trees.

    Paleo attitude to a different point of view: This tells me that you didn’t even bother reading the source before dismissing it. I read your source before responding. Which of these behaviors suggests a bias, hmmmm?

    Paleo comprehension of a different point of view: Your claims about the Maasai are again, guesses, expressed with your use of “likely”. You’re guessing and trying to get it all to fit your pet theory. You are the one expressing significant bias.

    Not convinced to Pointed Paleo: Nobody has all the answers. But I’m not the one littering the comments of this article telling everyone that honey is some kind of poison like table sugar—despite the fact that there isn’t any study that shows this. Honey is a superfood.

    Another not convinced: If you choose to be obtuse about others healthy eating, DILYGAF.

    “Now I understand” is an oxymoron of sorts really.

    Becky “Ok Paleo lovers, lighten up. This is hilarious!”

    LAST WORD TO Erin 13 June 2014 : amen!! there is a time and a place to just shut your mouth and turn off the keyboard. paleo people, take note. there is no one-size-fits-all approach. even within paleo.

  • Dustin Moody

    Love this. So funny!

  • Jamie Jensen

    Laughing so hard there are tears! Now I can make these cookies!! (I won’t though. Because, not paleo.)

  • Carol

    This. Is. HYSTERICAL.

  • Sharon Hooper

    There is no doubt that paleo diets are extremely effective as i’ve lost
    around 65 lbs in about a year and half. However, I really can’t
    emphasise the importance on getting a sustainable long term paleo diet
    plan that is not gonna have bad effects on your health. The best paleo
    diet cookbook (with planned diet regimes) I found is
    newsciencediet*com/paleo (obviously change the * to a dot as it wont let
    me post links here) and would highly recommend it to anyone looking to
    paleo diet! xxx

  • Beth

    This is hilarious! Do you want to be my new best friend? And, wow, people get SUPER riled up.

  • Christine Senne

    Thank you for the spectacular reference to the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” sketch. Sigh. Phil Hartman was a comic genius.

  • http://www.cufflinkedmag.com Tom Meitner

    Just wanted to drop a line and say pretty much every word of this is fantastic, hilarious, and all-too-accurate. Thank you for brightening my day.

  • Véronique Barbara Viens

    This is sooo funny >_<

  • Carol Wong

    This was so funny, I laughed until I cried. This alone should make me lose at least 10 pounds. I’ve been on enough diets to know that they all work -when you’re on them – but they are unsustainable. Even if you follow some of the guidelines of these diets while adding back a few of your comfort foods, you begin regaining the weight. Then you gain back the weight you lost and more. I’ve been off sugar for so long that I’ve lost my sweet tooth, and I’ve been limiting my carb intake, but I’ve not lost pounds. I’m on hiatus from Zumba and Yoga, but I continue to dance; and I try not to think about food (that causes weight gain), so I’m now in a holding pattern.

  • Madi

    OMG yes. You are my new favorite person.

  • Kerstin Jacot

    Reading this blog post was my best abs workout EVER! Laughing tears!!

  • Cheryl Gross

    The best blog ever

  • http://leapica.com/ Lea Pica

    LOL!! Even as a devoted Paleo-phile / real foodist, I found this tremendously entertaining. While your recovery meal would put me in the hospital, I completely understand that this way of eating can seem Byzantine without the right guidance. Next time you’re in the Tri-state area, I’ll whip up my Double Chocolate Flourless Lava Cake and Cranberry Lemon Cassava Breakfast Cookies (which has honey, Paleo-approved!). All yum, and I’ll make sure to leave out the salty tears and ennui. So funny 🙂

  • http://honestmum.com/ HonestMum

    Crying with laughter, how have I only just discovered your blog!

  • Asheley Kapelewski

    Just what I needed to cheer me up after 1 month on Paleo for my newly discovered autoimmune disorder! Thank you!
    I only kept it up because it is the only diet I could find that is supposed to help heal that. After 1 month I feel awful, my nerves are shot, all the health gains I got previously from simply dropping the main glutens (wheat, barley, rye oats) are gone. Yeah I lost some weight, and a ton of muscle too, have no energy and am stressed from obsessing over food all day. I used to love to cook from scratch, healthy (I thought) meals full of organic, seasonal vegetables, beans, rice and some meat, also. I bought 2 books, one is full of horrible, inedible recipies, like tuna with honeyed fruit & coconut – UGGGGGGHH! I hate coconut! We washed off the expensive fish & ate it plain. I am starving all the time, and I have doubled and tripled portions so my husband doesn’t starve also on this. Added to it, there’s a ton of veggies I’m not supposed to eat for other reasons…
    Bottom line, definitely get tested for what you are REALLY allergic to before you embark on this diet for any health reasons. I am seeing a REAL nutritionist next week. Those who just want to lose some weight, you will – save yourself the price of a cookbook, just throw together stuff that tastes terrible together – PALEO!

  • http://jjinux.blogspot.com jjinux

    Great post–very Dave Barry.