I’m Disappointed That Hillary Lost. But I’m Terrified That Trump Won.

Posted on
Nov 18, 2016
Spotted in Seattle.

Spotted in Seattle.

This is a political post.

If you are about to tell me that you don’t read my blog to hear my thoughts on politics, then … well, honestly, I’ll find that sort of confusing. This blog has always been more of a reflection of myself and my life than a travel blog, anyway. This blog is about how I see the world. Sometimes people agree with me. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I dye the milk pink and people tell me I’m a horrible bitch for it.

So if you don’t like this post, you don’t have to read it. The plot of the blog will probably still make sense without it.

Last week, Clinton lost the presidential election. This fact, in and of itself, is disappointing to me. As Lindy West notes, as women, we’ve been waiting for so damn long to be acknowledged as being good enough. We had a candidate who was more qualified than possibly any other in recent history. A woman who was ready to shatter the glass ceiling and prove that even the United States was ready to step into a new chapter of history, like Australia, Germany, Denmark, England, Thailand, and so many other damn countries before us have already. One where a woman could lead the country. One where women’s equality wasn’t simply prioritized, but was personified in our leader.

But I’m okay with losing elections. I’m a Democrat who was born at the end of the Carter administration and I follow sports in Seattle, so I’m really good at losing in general. As a kid, my softball team won three games in two years. I’m a fucking expert at the honorable mention, at graciously accepting participation trophies, at coming in second, or even dead last.

Let me be clear: I’m bummed that Hillary didn’t win. But I’m terrified that Trump did. I’m scared of him in a way that I wasn’t about McCain or Romney or Jeb Bush. Because while I disagree with those men on their political ideologies, I don’t necessarily think they are bad men. But Trump literally bragged about grabbing pussy, harassed and threatened Clinton at every opportunity, and his entire campaign was characterized by hate (of Muslims, of Mexicans, of women, of the black community, of undocumented immigrants, of anyone who gets an abortion, of Gold Star families, of SNL, of Rosie O’Donnell), and he still won the presidency. I mean, Russia, Wikileaks, and the FBI helped, but still. He won.

His supporters, to my understanding, are not worried about this. Many argue that Trump doesn’t mean what he said. That’s he’s just talking.

I am confused by this. If someone says hateful things again and again, indeed, if someone runs a political campaign based on xenophobia, I have trouble dismissing that. I don’t understand how people are deciding which of Trump’s words to listen to (“He’s going to revitalize the economy!”) and which to ignore (“He’s not actually going to make a Muslim registry!”).

How do you make that delineation? How do you decide what he’s being honest about and what’s a lie? I’m not asking a rhetorical question – I need to know. Because hoping that a politician “didn’t mean” a component of his campaign is a weird position to take.

But, okay, fine – that’s what some people are doing. They voted for Trump, and don’t hold all of those same ideals. Some, of course, do. This woman on my cousin’s Facebook feed said that she didn’t understand why anyone would be outraged about a database for Muslims. She argued that it was “necessary to avoid casualties.”

muslimregistry

 

(I tried engaging her but she got angry and had her husband take over her comments, and he kept responding to comments about genocide with “LOL” so that didn’t really go anywhere.)

But let’s assume that most people aren’t that horrible. They disagreed with what Trump said. They thought it was unkind and wrong. But they still voted for him. All of the xenophobia and the intolerance were somehow not a dealbreaker.

I still have trouble with that – because those things are a dealbreaker for me. If you ridicule a disabled person in my home, I would never speak to you again, much less think that you should be president. Someone saying that we should “grab women by the pussy” has no place in my life. Someone who said that Mexicans are rapists is not someone who I would want to silently share a subway car with. If you said shit like that, I wouldn’t want you to lead a fucking parade, much less my country.

Being able to selectively dismiss some of his comments is a luxury that many of us do not have because we – and the people we love – fall into those groups he’s attacked. Trump’s words frighten us because they are about us. And when he was elected, it was a message to the world that all of his ideals were okay. The ballot doesn’t let you pick and choose.

“But I don’t think those things are okay! I think that he was just talking. I voted for him because I wanted change.”

Right. Let’s say that a politician says that they want to lower taxes for everyone, and that trees are terrible, so we should clearcut Yellowstone. You vote for them because you want lower taxes – you don’t believe the Yellowstone stuff, and frankly, are completely against it (you love trees). But after the election, a bunch of people are psyched about the prospect of cutting down Yellowstone, and lo and behold, there are loggers poised at the park gates on January 21st. But even before then, other tree-haters feel emboldened to start cutting them down themselves.

And you might not agree with that, but you don’t get to be surprised by it. You aren’t blameless in it happening. Because it is literally what you voted for.

The people who cast votes for Trump didn’t so with asterisks that said “Excluding the xenophobia”. They voted for him. Perhaps without meaning to, they voted for this:

And some people voted for him precisely because of the hateful things he’s said, because they align perfectly with their beliefs. They think that there should be a registry of Muslims. They think that a wall between us and Mexico is a good idea. Some staunchly believe that people of color, people with disabilities, people in the LGBTQ community are inferior. And when Trump surrounds himself with people like Mike Pence (who believes that gay conversion therapy is a good idea, and whose diversion of funds caused an HIV epidemic in his home state) or Steve Bannon (who went on record saying there are too many Asian CEOs in Silicon Valley, called female coworkers “bimbos” and threatened violence against them, and said that he didn’t want his daughters going to school with Jews), the people who hate are empowered.

Now that Trump has been elected, their xenophobia and rage has been validated – and there’s been an uptick in hate crimes across America. I’ve read about it, I’ve heard stories from friends, I’ve seen it happen in my own life and my own neighborhood.

“It was almost as if with the election of Donald Trump that his followers, the adherents of far-right ideology had seen a green light to conduct themselves and purport themselves with complete disregard for humanity and politeness.”
– Ryan Lenz, Southern Poverty Law Center

On election day, the love of my life was wearing a t-shirt I bought him with “FEMINIST” printed across the front. While walking in our neighborhood in Seattle, someone spat on him. Later that day, someone else told my husband, who is Jewish, that he should get ready for the gas chamber after Trump won.

This has been part of a pattern of anti-Semitic comments both he (and I, interestingly) have gotten in the last few months. I’ve already had one person tell me these accusations of violence are media hype – that the scenario above, which happened to one of the people I love most in the world – was a fiction. He argued that this was all anecdotal evidence, even as it piles up in multitudes. He instantly dismissed my worries and told me that the world is safe, even though it very clearly hasn’t been for people I care about.

My friends who are women of color are now carrying pepper spray, but they’re being told it’s paranoia. That it’s all in their heads.

David Duke, Former Imperial Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan, Holocaust Denier, and White Supremacist is having a field day. He’s delighted.

davidduketweet

This scares the shit out of me. If you or someone you care about falls into any of the categories I’ve mentioned in this post – if they are black, or Hispanic, or gay, or trans, or Muslim, or Jewish, or any number of other things which just aren’t quite white and straight enough – it should scare you, too. This wasn’t simply about electing a president – this was, as so many people noted, an election about what country we wanted to be. And here is the country we live in: one in which the President-Elect makes fun of disable people and normalizes sexual assault and appoints White Supremacists to his staff – to the delight of the Klu Klux Klan.

And so, for the last week, I’ve been mired in grief. Mine is not the quiet, contemplative kind. It rarely is. My grief tends to be noisy and panicked and involves quite a lot of whimpering for someone who isn’t a canine.

I am scared, because people know my husband is Jewish and have begun making threats about that.

randhanukkah

 

I am frightened because so many of my loved ones fall into the categories that Trump, or Pence, or Bannon has demonized. I wept when I realized how many of the children in my life can’t pass for white. And then I cried harder when I realized that this was something that I, in 2016, was concerned about.

So let’s be clear: I am disappointed that Hillary lost. But I’m terrified that Trump won.

Leave a Comment

  • I don’t know quite what to say except I feel the same. I am gutted about this election.

    The sad part for me is trying to engage with Trump supporters over the last week and finding that all too many really do find racism and xenophobia to be acceptable.

    It’s not always overt but it’s in the way they write off the reports of hate crimes or, even more despicable, claim the over-reaction is just because we need ‘safe spaces’ and that we’re weak.

    Do these people feel a sense of pride when they belittle someone? I am just … amazed at the gall of those not impacted by this rhetoric pushing out memes on Facebook asking for more ‘clear thinking’. I’m sure the muslim woman being told she’ll be set on fire if she keeps wearing her hijab admires your faux-neutrality.

    To me, this is about personal responsibility – one of those things conservatives are so happy to drone on about. If you voted for Trump you are personally responsible for whatever happens as a result.

    You might not have thought all these racist things would happen but this wasn’t some hidden thing. You voted in spite of that. So the fear of all those people – that’s on you. When lives are ruined because of this – that’s on you. And I will remind them of this fact.

    I am consoled knowing more people voted for Hillary than Trump. More people reject racism, misogyny and xenophobia than embrace it. And while I will work hard to be a positive force and to be the change, I’m also making sure that those who voted the other way own it.

    Ugh, I didn’t mean to write this much. It’s hard not to get worked up. Be well. Be safe. Be fierce.

    • Jamal

      Does Geraldine feel a sense of pride when SHE belittles people?

  • jonathanwthomas

    I’ve been the same way since the election. Both my wife and I have been in shock. We’ve alternated between rage, disappointment and looking at other countries to move to. We thought the Bush years were a real low for this country. We had no idea. Trump isn’t even President yet and he’s already flushing the country down the drain. I’m terrified for you and our friends who don’t look like us. I write this from rural Indiana. I’m reasonably sure that every one of my neighbors voted for Trump. Yes, we live in a state that has been decimated by just one term of Mike Pence. I also feel very guilty complaining at all. We’re both white and upper middle class. We should have nothing to fear from the new Trump order so what gives us the right to complain? For years, especially during the Obama years, my general belief that the world and America was on a upward liberal trajectory as we headed into the future. Call it an optimism from watching Star Trek growing up. So it’s very upsetting to watch things regress in a backwards direction. This is not the nation that I want to live in and I’m not sure that it ever will be. I’m surrounded by hatred and I guess I was just deluded thinking it wasn’t there. It’s there and it’s screaming at the rest of us. I don’t know what to do other than help when I see or hear something that goes against what this country was founded on.

  • Hi Geraldine,

    Thank you.

    Thank you for writing this and explaining a point of view that I share, but have been struggling to adequately and reasonably put into words that are not limited to 4 letters malignly directed.

    I am disappointed that Hillary lost. But I’m terrified and pissed at America that Trump won.

    And AJ said it well: Be well. Be safe. Be fierce.

  • Philip G. Smith

    I am a middle aged, cis white guy in a wealthy and thriving metropolis. I am as close to untouchable as a person can get, especially with this incoming administration. Except when I consider my immigrant wife and our mixed-race child, both of whom would have been imprisoned (or worse) during WWII. Or my brother’s immigrant wife and their beautiful children who I worry about because their skin is brown. Or when I consider my Jewish family and friends. Or my Black and Mexican and Muslim friends. Or my gay and lesbian and trans and queer and non-binary friends. Or my sisters and my cousins and my very many women friends.

    I refuse to skate by on the accident of my birth. There is too much at stake. I promise to remain vigilant. I will be even more obnoxious and strident than former smokers and vegetarians (I am both). If I have to fight, I’ll go in swinging.

  • Geraldine, I think this post describes very well how a lot of us feel – it certainly sums up my own feelings perfectly. The only thing I would add is a feeling of shame. That such a shit-stain could ever even be seriously considered as a presidential candidate is embarrassing enough… but for him to have actually won the election is beyond embarrassing or shameful… it’s terrifying, as you said.

  • Thomas

    Maybe… give a chance to the various posts Scott Adams made on the subject? His take is that Trump is a master persuader.

    So the brutal speeches? Mr Adams explains this is called ‘pacing’: you adjust emotionally to the people. It is then followed by ‘leading’. And Trump led to much more moderate and precise politics. Politics that are often similar to Hillary’s ones or to the currently applied ones (for instance, I’ve read Obama has expelled more than 2 millions people or that he and Hillary supported building a 700 mile fence through the Secure Fence Act).

    If you really want to feel better on the various issues you are raising, I may have a solution. But it will challenge your views. Here’s the link:

    http://slatestarcodex.com/2016/11/16/you-are-still-crying-wolf/

    Lastly, if you’re feeling bold, may I suggest to try to wildly reach out for all the ideas out there? And read some right-wing, conservative news site for some time? Trust me on that one: you will be presented news that aren’t reported or given more than a cursory look in the mainstream media.

    Actually, let’s cut to the chase on one important thing. If violence is, very understandably, making you feel unsafe, watch closely where the mobs of bullies are. For the most part, they definitely are not on Trump’s side.

    • Thomas, if that is your real name, hard to tell if you’re real since you don’t have much of a profile and no picture of yourself, anyway these mobs you describe are mostly peaceful protesters. The real bullies are others…

      “Since the election, we’ve seen a big uptick in incidents of vandalism,
      threats, intimidation spurred by the rhetoric surrounding Mr. Trump’s
      election,” Richard Cohen, president of the Southern Poverty Law Center
      in Montgomery, Ala., told USA TODAY. “The white supremacists out there
      are celebrating his victory and many are feeling their oats,” Cohen
      said.

      Post-election spate of hate crimes worse than post-9/11, experts say:
      http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/11/12/post-election-spate-hate-crimes-worse-than-post-911-experts-say/93681294/

      • Thomas Krauss

        James, here’s my updated profile. I took the time to type a more lengthy answer but sadly a network error occurred with Disqus and it has been lost… I don’t have the courage nor the time to retype right away. But I will get back to you.

        Thank you for your answer and for your time.

    • Scott Adams? The guy who says that everything good about America was built by men? Please! The guy is a raging misogynist who is scared that if women are given their due that he’ll somehow be less of a man.

      You want to put your faith behind a guy who is SO terrified of his own self worth that he has to put women down? Yeah, a real paragon of a proud American.

      The rest isn’t even worth addressing. Go watch some Alex Jones and tell me how Sandy Hook was fake. That’s certainly not in the mainstream media.

      • Thomas Krauss

        What you report is disturbing but it cannot stand as a reason to dismiss the other remarks from Adams, specifically about persuasion.

        In that respect, I don’t put my faith behind anyone alone or in group. I put it behind ideas and thoughts which I can clearly label as such. And I did. And I think Adams, regardless of the offensive remarks about women, may have some interesting points.

        I will keep your pointers in mind (but I have to work now!) because I have no idea who Alex Jones or Sandy Hook are. Anyway, I’m sure all the non-mainstream media don’t convey the same stories and don’t lean toward the same politics.

        I just wanted to point out that through some of them, you could see a perspective that is seldom held in the mainstream media while also being clearly not a good fit for your description of misogynists and supremacists. There seems to be people with positions different enough from both descriptions for you to consider what they say.

        I’ve read a lot of people attacking Trump on the women topic but few seem to have noted he relied on women on very important subjects like his campaign (women like Kelly Anne Conway and Katrina Person for instance). This does not really fit the profile of a misogynist.

        • Wow. You have no idea what you’re talking about then if you don’t even know who Alex Jones is and what Sandy Hook is about.

          Your rush to claim the moral high-ground of being more open to other perspectives doesn’t make you smarter or better. If you don’t bring some discernment to what you digest then having those other perspectives is irrelevant.

          So lets cap this off with some actual critical thinking skills. Lets go through your ‘logic’ about Trump not being a misogynist because he relied on women in his campaign. So, the slave owner who relied on his black slaves to pick his crops and make a mint isn’t a racist?

          • Thomas Krauss

            Being more open to other perspectives does help one to be smarter and better. That’s kind of the whole point. It usually works because the other perspectives are informed and detailed, not rudely imposed through a tone carelessly left as petulant and condescending.

            I know what I am talking about as far as I presented it. It may not seem much to you and this is fine because the reason I engage in this conversation was to enrich it with your views.

            Yet your solution is lacking. What “discernment” should I bring and that I seem to not have brought yet?

            You know, I suspect you didn’t mention Alex Jones and the Sandy Hook massacre as a mean to enrich my views. Rather, I think it is meant to supersede them, the way I do that being left to my own discretion -thank you very much- as long as I’m heading toward a direction you are more acknowledging of.

            I’m sorry to say I won’t pass that test well. I don’t even understand the reason why you brought up that very specific subject regarding the various points I was making!

            Regarding my logic (see, no need for derogatory quote marks!), I contend that a misogynist would not let a woman set the strategy of his presidential campaign nor would he let a woman in charge of some speeches, much less lead them at the national level. I could also add that a “raging misogynist” like Scott Adams would not support such a man nor report the trust that man placed in women. At the very least, could we agree there’s an incompatibility here?

            Oh, wait. I didn’t see how you tried to twist my logic with some mighty “actual critical thinking skills” by paralleling the reliance on female co-workers with the reliance on slaves (black, obviously -hey, did you know that one of the first ruling in the USA to favor a slave owner favored a black slave owner?)

            Anyway, why bother? Your move is classical, AJ Kohn. You’re engaging with me insofar you can set a stage to disparage my propositions. The recipient of your answers is me only in the mundane sense. Your real public is everybody else reading our exchange.

          • Discernment. When the perspective that there is no such thing as climate change or that vaccines cause autism is presented, discernment is in knowing these are false and should be discarded.

            It is not enough to be exposed to other perspectives but that you are able to discern whether to accept or reject them. Otherwise, hey, maybe the world is flat, right?

            I mention Alex Jones, Sandy Hook as a way to provide evidence that other perspectives are clearly known. That you fail to know the history of this country (as evidenced in other threads) also points to a lack of perspective and knowledge.

            Hey, did you know that you didn’t actually refute my argument? But why bother? You’ve shifted into victim mode. That’s fine. Enjoy your day.

          • Thomas Krauss

            “When the perspective that there is no such thing as climate change or
            that vaccines cause autism is presented, discernment is in knowing these
            are false and should be discarded.”

            Well, they should be discarded only if the other side can actually prove their point. For instance, climate skeptics are very easy to identify to: they’re like us, sheer recipients of the warming message. But they are unlike us in the way they can handle a little science (well, I don’t know about you but I too can handle a little science, thanks to my formal mathematics training).

            So it’s interesting to hear from scientists coming from a wide variety of older sciences telling you that here and there in climatology, “ain’t science, son”. When you have the same message coming from a lot of different people, it is good discernment to pay attention and to try to understand. Can’t just say it’s false and discard their remarks.

            If you’re feeling bold, I can actually guide you through the study from which everyone quotes the infamous 97% figure: the real number is around 1.5%. The 97% can be computed but it has been advertised in a deceitful manner to support the warming dogma, starting from the very authors of the study. In other words, it’s a lie.

            Anyway, you’re again quick to spot problems and that would be good for me if you would propose solutions too, for instance to amend my lack of perspective and knowledge. Surely the subject we’re discussing right now is specific enough for you to give specific enough directions.

            But you’re not very helpful, are you? And what do you think your argument is?

            You have already pointed out by yourself it’s not the remark about Alex Jones and Sandy Hook because it was to make the general point “that other perspectives are clearly known”. Which is all kind of nice but doesn’t get us anywhere, really.

            The same thing can be said about the discernment thing: “that you are able to discern whether to accept or reject them.” Yes and how, please? You don’t bother to drive us anywhere either here, despite I took the time to ask you to try to specifically answer that.

            Sooo… we’re left with the very distasteful parallel of women and slaves. On we go!

            I would say that the two work relationships are not the same at all. To quote Noam Chomsky, even a non-racist slave owner, even the nicest guy in the world, nice to his wife, nice to his children, nice to his slaves, would be a monster because of his institutional role.

            So you can definitely have a non-racist slave owner but there’s a more important point at stake regardless (also, care to weigh in on black slave owners?). And if he’s racist, then that’s even worse. But what’s at play is the fact the very nature of the institution of slavery and the place it had in _all_ societies sustains a hierarchical view of the very nature of people (yes, slavery is universal across all human societies and is practiced as we speak in some areas of Africa for instance).

            It is safe to assume the work relationships of Trump and the various people who work with him, men and women alike, has nothing to do with slavery itself, nor that it shares the same trait I describe above. In other words, the work relationship between Trump and his co-workers doesn’t bring or sustain misogyny or sexism.

            On the other hand, it’s easy to imagine a sexist hiring women because he is in a situation of power over them. The image of the sexual predator Trump obviously comes to mind first, far over Bill Clinton and his recreational “cigars”, right?

            Good joke aside, Trump has chosen strong women and let them lead on fundamental issues, thus inversing the situation of power. That is, if he and these women are actually seeing their work relationship like that. Color me unconvinced on that one. And on the rest too.

            Last note: you really think I have the behavior of a victim? What do you think I’m doing right now, besides enjoying my day?

          • LOL. Lots of words doesn’t equal substance. I know, trollers have to troll. You’ve done well. Have a nice day.

          • Thomas Krauss

            Lots of unread words have indeed no substance, AJ.

            But, in a way, you’re right: I got what I came for. A bit of training (told you, I am not a victim) and the confirmation of who is not above resorting to namecalling.

            A most pleasant day to you too.

          • Last word.

          • Thomas Krauss
          • You got me. I mean, I haven’t watched that video … since the day after the election.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWWLwtMLWCI

            Last word.

    • Everywhereist

      Hey Thomas, here’s what Adams has said about women in the past:

      “The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.” He equates women asking for equal pay to when children ask for candy. You ignore. You prepare for a tantrum.

      That’s not someone who I want to listen to when I’m concerned about women’s rights. And it doesn’t address the fundamental issue of hatred being a component of Trump’s campaign, and the KKK and White Supremacists feeling empowered.

      • Thomas

        I understand.

        Although you can also check the other link I gave you which has nothing to do with Adams. In it, you have actual figures about the weight of the KKK. Also, Trump repeatedly repelled the endorsement of the KKK.

        As for White Supremacists, well… thing is, I’m not an American (I’m French), so I’m not sure to what you refer to. Is it a group in the USA?

        Nevertheless, I believe the question is: does your assumption your country has a lot of racists, or something like that, is true? Even if it is mostly true, how do you think the non-racist Trump supporters feel like when you dismiss their representative on everything but political grounds?

        Also, please note that by your reasoning, you should have strongly disavowed Hillary Clinton for a number of things she said and I don’t even need to reach out for some other topics than the specific one you brought: Hillary was not really respectful toward victims of rape. Including a 12-years old. Look:

        “I have been informed that the complainant is emotionally unstable with a
        tendency to seek out older men and engage in fantasizing”

        Nice, careful language, that’s for sure. But what if the child actually got rape, beaten and spent the next five days in a coma?

        Anyway, thank you very much for your answer and for your time.

        • Wait, you’re French? …

          • Thomas Krauss

            Well, yes I am. Why?

          • Everywhereist

            Because the entire world seems to be rather terrified of Trump right now, and his campaign is built on xenophobia. So you are a bit of an outlier, being both non-American and a defender of him.

          • Thomas Krauss

            I get it can be surprising, yes.

            Also, important correction: “the entire world seems to have been rather terrified by the media of Trump right now”.

            At the very least, I can assure you that Trump-bashing is a super widespread sport in France. We’ve gotten good at that after Georges W Bush but we’ve definitely improved a lot! Also, can’t hurt to be good in basic and sometimes crass anti-Americanism.

        • No you clearly don’t understand.

          Here’s another source of information you should take into account.

          http://www.snopes.com/hillary-clinton-freed-child-rapist-laughed-about-it/

          • Thomas Krauss

            Thanks, I will look into that.

        • Everywhereist

          Thomas – let’s be clear: I dismiss Trump on political grounds as well as racist ones. I believe that his call that women who get abortions should be imprisoned is abhorrent, his calls to dismantle the ACA are devastating, his suggestion that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese to be one of the most dangerous viewpoints ever held, environmentally speaking.

          And he has not denounced the KKK, and every single one of his appointees has been lauded by them. His single response to all the violence undertaken in his name was a meek “stop it.”

          • Thomas Krauss

            … I get you didn’t care to read the link I provided. It’s fine. In a way. You’ve made up your mind. Thank you for your time.

        • Everywhereist

          Thomas, at no point has Trump denounced the KKK’s endorsement. I’m sorry, but unless you can contribute to the conversation with facts and substantial arguments, please do not contribute at all.

    • Holiday0

      Thomas…You are out of your depth. Your comments smack of the “liberal elite” that so many in America thought they were rebelling against when they voted for Trump. Now, like Britain the morning after Brexit, they have woken up to a horror of their own making and of their own ignorance.

      America isn’t pretty right now and it has been mucking itself up for several decades. The seeds of evil have been planted, grown and well-tended throughout that time. And good men did nothing. Now, the whole thing (bais, racism, inequality, hate) has made itself plain to see and some of those Trump voters are figuring out that the head-games of denial and self-delusion about “who” and “what” they really are…and that they were playing in their own heads…has consequences.

      I fear they are going to be immeasurably hurt as they live through the next four years and beyond…and yet, they will blame someone else. Anyone else. Never themselves, never their words, only “the other.”Of course they will never admit the duplicity of the vote they cast for Donald Trump, yet alone what hating will have done to them. Meanwhile, Trump is our problem, not yours, and it is up to us to fix it…if we can.

      • Thomas Krauss

        “it is up to us to fix it”

        Seems like a plan. Care to fix democracy too, dear radical?

  • There is not one letter, one syllable, one paragraph or one small thought in what you’ve written that doesn’t resonate for me. Everything here fits with what I’ve been feeling and thinking since the election (and before). I’m so grateful to you for voicing it.

    The raw grief of this has been overwhelming and waking up in the morning hasn’t been easy. What we have done as a country is astounding to me. Devastating and horrifying and I don’t think I’ve ever had a more powerful wish to turn back clocks for a do-over. I would turn them back a long way and do more myself to fight against this possible outcome. It was just so hard to imagine. This is teaching me that to truly walk my talk I am going to have to be more involved. This was the first election I have ever participated in and I’m so glad I was energized because I’m thinking we all have to step up now. No more observer politics.

    Like AJ, I am also comforted knowing the results of the popular vote. That does help because the spiritual blast of loss of meaning and trust in what I belief to be right and moral is softened a bit by that. Only a bit.

    I am also Jewish and not since I read Anne Frank’s words when I was ten have I felt the fear and worry I feel now. It’s a DNA thing and it’s been aroused for good reason. I only wish I was paranoid. Wouldn’t that be nice? And yes, so many other fears and sorrows smacking me in the face every day. Every day as this unfolds, there is more. And more. Shit. Fuck. We cannot let ourselves and what we hold dear to be screwed.

    • Jamal

      Get used to it. You’ll be waking up in a new and better America for AT LEAST 4 yrs. Get the fuck out if you don’t like it.

  • Samantha Duffield

    I’m not America and I haven’t followed the election much but I do want to say as an Australian …. having a female prime minister was not that great … she actually screwed up a lot of things for you …

    • Julia Gillard wasn’t perfect, but just because she’s a woman shouldn’t mean she should be held to some unrealistically high standard. I started off not liking her but she proved herself to be tough, capable,and even likable – who could forget her hilarious End of the World speech or her misogyny takedown of Tony Abbott in Parliament? The point is she was good at her job, worked hard, and earned the right to lead her country. Hillary did all that and more, but to still be beaten (never mind by a man like Trump) is just inconceivable and heartbreaking. It’d be even worse than Pauline Hanson becoming PM.

  • Jamal

    Get the fuck out of here if you can’t handle the election. You’re a mean spiteful bitch yourself (check Twitter to confirm) so practice what you preach bitch. Stop whining like a fucking baby and tell your husband to stop being such a pussy. Grow up you liberal bitch and get ready to live in a new America.

  • Jamal

    What about Geraldine’s hateful words all over the web? Those bother you too?

  • I feel the same way. Thanks for voicing what so many of us have been thinking.

  • Kari O’Driscoll

    I agree with so much of what you’ve written here, and I have to say that I waver between despair and hope. I have two teenage daughters who are less fearful and more determined than ever, and that gives me a great deal of hope. The night after the election, my youngest and I hosted a pizza/dance/grief processing party for some of her closest friends and their parents. We came together as a community of folks who support each other and vowed to find ways to have open dialogue and work for the things we believe in. That didn’t stop me from being terrified to send my daughter off on a bus with her girlfriend who is a person of color (after having an absolutely vomit-worthy conversation with her about how to be alert for people who might target or harass them and how to spot adults whom they could ask for help if they needed it), but it is something. I feel your fear and simultaneously, I think that if we are going to come out of this with any gains at all, we have to focus on working toward what we can do to protect the things we believe in most deeply rather than railing against the things we don’t want to see or being motivated by fear. Thank you for your words. I’m with you.

  • Josephine Robertson

    You’ve summed up what many are feeling. 🙁

  • Stacy Egan

    You hit the nail on the head with the yellowstone analogy. You don’t get to vote for hate and then say “but I was just voting for a businessman to bring change!” No way: a vote for Trump is absolutely a vote for hate. I’m devastated too. My favorite kiddo on the planet is hispanic, and a white girl came to school after the election and told him “now you’re going back to where you came from.” He is only eight years old and was terrified. What kind of world is this?

    • Everywhereist

      Oh, Stacey, that is devastating. I’m so sorry. Poor little one. I am precisely in the same boat.

  • I don’t know you in real life, but your blog makes me so happy, and all I want to do right now is send you digital hugs because I know exactly how you feel. I am so stressed and horrified and worried about what the next four years will bring. And I am lucky enough to be a straight, white person living in California, but I have many friends and loved ones that I worry will be hurt by this administration. I’m just so heartbroken about all the hate that is so rampant in our society.

  • Everywhereist

    I’m sorry me talking about human rights bothers you, but I’m glad you’re leaving if that’s the case.

  • Kelsey Ann Yoki

    Tears came to my eyes as I read through this. You said so much of what I’ve been feeling inside, and having been able to put into words out loud. You helped me realize where I stand right now, about still being distraught about the results, is okay and makes me a good person. It makes me want to talk with my mom again – to help her to realize the bad as she tries to rationalize him winning as well. She’s been finding her acceptance of it, where I know I won’t. Thank you.

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