Superfluous Travel Item I Need (Kinda): Suitcase Stickers

Posted on
Jul 22, 2010
Posted in: Products, S.T.I.N.K.s

Okay, fine – this isn’t exactly a STINK that I need.

After all, I don’t need to spend several long hours being interrogated by Homeland Security. And I don’t need to be strip searched, and, most likely, cavity searched as well.

Still, these decals are just about the funniest way I’ve seen to make your suitcase distinguishable from the countless others that come sliding down the conveyor belt in baggage claim. It’s only $25 for a set of four decals: cocaine, piles of money, sex toys, and kidnapped flight attendant (which is my least favorite – I find it too disturbing). But while the price is probably more than worth a laugh, I suspect that these stickers are bound to get you into some serious trouble …

I can hear the latex gloves squeaking in anticipation. (Photo courtesy of TheCheeky.com)

I can hear the latex gloves squeaking in anticipation. (Photo courtesy of TheCheeky.com)

It’s not that I think that TSA-holes can’t distinguish between two dimensional stickers and an actual tear in a suitcase that reveals massive quantities of cash or other suspicious or illegal items. But I do think that having a sticker like that on your suitcase is going to garner a lot of attention, and some of it will likely come from Homeland Security.

I can just see this conversation happening between two TSA-holes:

Agent 1: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, check out that suitcase! It makes it look like it’s full of cocaine!

Agent 2: We should probably do a manual search of that bag.

Agent 1: What? Dude, it’s just a sticker.

Agent 2: Yeah, but what better way to fool us than to put a cocaine sticker on a suitcase that’s actually full of cocaine.

Agent 1: Whoa. That’s heavy, dude.

Agent 2: Like, it exceeds 50 pounds?

Agent 1: What?

Agent 2: Huh?

——– End scene ———

I can’t tell if these particular suitcase decals are more or less likely to get you in trouble than the x-ray bags I mentioned in a previous STINK. But they have inspired me to write a one-act play featuring the patriotic antics of two well-meaning but moronic TSA agents. Stay tuned.


Tags

,

Leave a Comment

  • I LOVE those stickers! And if the FAA adds you to their no-fly list, you really do have a future in writing one-act plays.

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • Take note: if you ask your husband if you can move to NYC roughly four dozen times, he will start to cave a little.
  • Incredible reading by the love of my life to a packed room at NeueHouse Madison Square. So proud of you, @randderuiter, and the amazing emcee work by @michaeliconking.
  • Re-posting this photo that @wilreynolds took of us and his youngest near the beach outside of Lisbon. We're back home now, and I can't decide what I miss more: this little guy and his brother, or Portugal. Actually, scratch that. I know.
  • This place looks like a damn fairy tale.
  • Lunch with a view of the water, and some of the best seafood of my life.
  • The entire drive from Sintra to Lisbon looks like this. It's just miles of blue sky and rocky beaches.
  • No filter. This is just what Sintra looks like.
  • This street artist does amazing collages of animals from hunks of discarded plastic he collects (part of an effort to raise awareness about some of the most vulnerable victims of pollution). They're all over Lisbon, but we managed to get a close up view of this one.
  • Thousand watt smile on the little dude, and I am done.
  • Those eyes though.

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.

BE AWESOME. BUY IT.