10 Countries You’ve Never Heard Of.

Posted on
Jul 24, 2009

I love all the ways my education has failed me – particularly when it comes to issues of geography or international awareness. In some ways, it’s profoundly awesome. I can sing nearly the entire theme from “The Fall Guy”, but ask me to find any of these on a map, and I’m hopeless.

If you know of these countries, kudos to you. I can already hear an old acquaintance’s voice now, mocking me for not knowing where these places are (which is fine – I can mock her for not washing her hair and having a totally lame blog. So lame, I won’t even link to it in order to mock it). But the real issue, is that these aren’t exactly itsy-bitsy just formed states (that’s another list, entirely). Most of them are in the EU, and there’s no disputing their sovreignty. It’s just … well, I’m an idiot. Without further ado, 10 countries I’ve never heard of.

  1. Kyrgyzstan – their national costumes are awesome; everyone looks like extras from “Spies Like Us.”
  2. See? Sometimes my cultural insensitivity comes in handy.

    See? Sometimes my cultural insensitivity comes in handy.

  3. Dominica  – as in, not the Dominican Republic.
  4. The Union of the Comoros – three official languages, and it’s about half the size of Delaware.
  5. Kiribati – colonization is a bitch.
  6. Lesotho – Apparently Africa has snow. Don’t say I never taught you nothing.
  7. Republic of Nauru – see my note about Kiribati.
  8. Tuvalu – rising ocean levels threaten to submerge the country entirely. Shit.
  9. Vanuatu – Celebrating 28 years of independence (hey, me too! from the womb, that is)
  10. Saint Lucia – They have a food and rum festival. Sometimes I have those in my apartment. Alone.
  11. Mauritius – Most depressing claim to fame, ever: was the only known habitat for the now-extinct Dodo bird.

    Plus one to grow on …
  12. Mauritiana – 30% of the population is Moor (and thankfully not Mohrish, a population known for prominent foreheads and doucheyness:) 

    I dare you to stare at this image for more than 10 seconds and not claw your eyes out.

    I dare you to stare at this image for more than 10 seconds and not claw your eyes out.

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  • Regular viewing of the Miss Universe pageant is a great way to keep up with changing global geography. Also, swimsuits!

  • I only know of a few of the islands: Dominica, Vanuatu, Saint Lucia; just because we planned on hitting them on a sail around the world. We’ve made it from Michigan to Florida so far though! Still exotic and far off?

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