I Made the Pizza Cinnamon Rolls from Mario Batali’s Sexual Misconduct Apology Letter

Posted on
Jan 10, 2018
619

Last night, I made cinnamon rolls. I’m not a huge fan of cinnamon rolls, per se, but this recipe was included in Mario Batali’s sexual misconduct apology letter, and so I feel compelled to make them. Batali is not the first powerful man to request forgiveness for “inappropriate actions” towards his coworkers and employees. He is not the most high profile, and he is ostensibly not even the worst offender. But he is the only one who included a recipe.

And of course, the glaring question is why? Was his PR team drunk? Is life suddenly a really long, depressing SNL sketch? Do these cinnamon rolls somehow destroy the patriarchy? Does the icing advocate for equal pay?

I figure the only way to answer these questions is to make the damn rolls.

I bake a lot. Never one to pass up on a pun, my husband doesn’t bring me flowers, but flours. I’ve become skilled to the point that I can make a dessert from virtually anything, that I can have a small cake made from start to finish – including baking time – on the table in about half an hour.

Good baking, I’ve been told, comes from love, and treacly as that sounds, I find some truth in it. Good baking means being able to roll with setbacks and mistakes and ovens that for some reason run twenty degrees hot but only on Sundays, a metaphor so aligned with loving someone that it feels almost too obvious. Good baking requires an attention to detail and care that is hard to muster when you just don’t give a shit or you are distracted by your own rage.

Good baking means you have to trust yourself.

I find myself fluctuating between apathy and anger as I try to follow Batali’s recipe, which is sparse on details. The base of the rolls is pizza dough – Batali notes that you can either buy it, or use his recipe to make your own.

I make my own, because I’m a woman, and for us there are no fucking shortcuts. We spend 25 years working our asses off to be the most qualified Presidential candidate in U.S. history and we get beaten out by a sexual deviant who likely needs to call the front desk for help when he’s trying to order pornos in his hotel room.

Donald Trump is President, so I’m making the goddamn dough by scratch.

I’m punching down the dough because, according to Twitter, I hate men.

I use Batali’s recipe that he’s linked to, which I’ve made before, and I’m already hesitant. Pizza dough is chewy and crispy, not tender – the latter is what you’d hope cinnamon rolls would be. It’s a savory recipe – incorporating white wine and a generous amount of salt – and I feel like he’s shoe-horning it into a dessert where it doesn’t belong. He’s cutting corners because he gets to cut corners.

 

I roll out the dough – Batali specifies a thickness, but no dimensions, which is strange if you’re making a rolled dessert. There are pieces missing here, and I’m trying to fill in the gaps. The result will be sub-par because he hasn’t provided all the information, and I will blame myself.

 

I baste a layer of melted butter over the dough.

A guy on Twitter tells me that I’m a vile man-hater. His feed contains a photo of my very-alive husband wearing a feminist t-shirt. Underneath he’s written the message “RIP.”

I sprinkle the sugar and cinnamon over the top.

 

I think about the time that I was an intern at a local news station, and assigned to hand out cake while celebrating some milestone (it had to do with the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics.) One of the producers I’d been working with closely walked up to the table.

“Do you want a piece?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, looking me up and down. “Oh, you mean of cake? No thanks.” He and another male staff member laughed while I stood, holding a piece of cake in each hand, dumbstruck.

Batali does not specify how tightly to roll the dough. I do so too tightly because fuck everything.

I remember the time another producer walked his fingers across my lap while I was typing at a computer. I turned to stare at him, and he grabbed my badge which was clipped to my waist.

“I wanted to see how your last name was spelled.”

I think I’ve used too much dough.

I think about how the last conversation about compensation I had resulted in someone who made more yearly than I ever will telling me I was holding them “emotionally hostage” and then demanding to know, over and over again why I needed the money.

“Just tell me,” they demanded. “Tell me why you need it.” Over and over until it broke me.

If they are edible, I will eat every single one of these fucking rolls myself.

Batali says to cut them in slices roughly three inches thick, which is too wide. The rolls should not be that thick. I know this is wrong, but I do it anyway because that is what the recipe says. (I am not following my gut and cutting them thinner. If I had, I suspect the results would have been better. But for most of us, going off book isn’t an option.) There is no estimation of how many rolls the recipe should yield. Batali says to place the rolls in a small cake pan, but again, there are no dimensions.

Mario Batali's Sexual Misconduct Cinnamon Rolls have an erection

My husband hovers close by, doing a little excited jig. Few things delight him like elaborate desserts made for no apparent reason on a weeknight. But he soon links the pieces together and stops dancing.

“Oh, god,” he says. “These are those cinnamon rolls, aren’t they?”

I nod.

I put them in the oven. I think about how Michelle Williams made less than $1000 for a reshoot of a movie for which Mark Wahlberg made $1.5M.

Because I’ve rolled them too tightly, the middle pops up and out of one of the rolls.

 

One of the cinnamon rolls has a fucking erection.

The recipe calls for too much icing, and the result is that the rolls are drenched in it. We’ve reached the “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME” portion of the recipe.

 

The pizza dough does not mix well with the sweetness. The icing is sickly sweet, the rolls themselves oddly savory. I was right about the texture – the dough is too tough. I hate them, but I keep eating them. Like I’m somehow destroying Batali’s shitty sexist horcrux in every bite.

I remind myself that is not how recipes work. That isn’t even how dark magic works.

I know that in the court of the internet, any output that is less than perfect will be blamed on me, and not on a hastily-written, untested recipe. I’ve made flaky pie crusts in the kitchens of Air BnBs using warped cutting boards and a bottle of wine as a rolling pin, but this won’t matter. I’ve fucked up the recipe.

 

Most women don’t even need to hear the shitty comments made to us anymore. We’ve heard them so many times, we can create our own.

Maybe if you spent less time whining about men who want to fuck you (which you should take as a compliment because who the hell would want to fuck you, anyway), and more time in the kitchen, this wouldn’t happen.

I throw the rest of the cinnamon rolls in the trash.

(Okay, fine, I eat two more.)

Of course you did. Jesus fucking Christ, you’re disgusting and your husband does not love you.

Batali’s another drop in the bucket. He’s not the first, he certainly won’t be the last (he already isn’t). The misogyny runs so deep that the calls now come from inside our heads. We blame ourselves. We hate ourselves. We wonder if our skirts are too short, if our bodies are too noticeable. If we’re asking for too much, or not enough. We don’t trust ourselves, even when we should.

We try to follow a half-written recipe and think it’s our fault when it doesn’t work.

We need to undo an entire humanity’s history worth of hate against women. Apologies are a good start.

Just skip the goddamn recipe.


Also published on Medium.

Leave a Comment

  • All so true. I’m sorry. It will be better one day, because of the brave ones whose voices can’t be drowned out.

  • Suzanne

    This is an amazing piece of writing. I aspire to this quality of wit and pointed message.

    • Snarknado

      It’s the best thing I’ve ever read, and dropped into my life at an oddly necessary perfect moment.

      Thank you so much for this.

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        You sound like a bit of a homo.

    • Maryvbowman

      Definitely!

  • CSA

    Even if they are less than ideal and baked full of misogyny they still look pretty amazing. Can I hate them and still want to eat the entire pan?

  • mathguy1015

    Thanks for a great essay (and warning us off of a terrible recipe).

  • Archibald Mirenopteryx

    My fiancee and I have an old joke between us. “My place is in the kitchen,” she says, “So long as you’re there by my side helping!” And that’s how we rolled, from then until now, 12 years where I showed her, who was raised in the fine patriarchal tradition of an Itailian family, that you didn’t have to be a housewife…you could be an equal partner. And that was far better for her, for me. We both won.

    You are a hell of a courageous woman, and I love this essay on your catharsis. Perhaps I’m the wrong person to make any suggestion at all…I’m just a guy that loves his wife and partner…but for your next act…take that shitty cinnamon roll recipe, use your own prodigious talents to modify it to a much more viable recipe, and *make it your own*. No better middle finger to the harasser, I think, than that.

    • Snakeheaded Banshee

      Lol. What a fag you are.

  • Sebastian Ceabaird

    Standing ovation! Bravo!! BRAVO!!!!

  • keta

    Just the right amount of spice! Thanks for this, and a note that Lawyers, Guns & Money brought me to your site.

  • Stevie

    MARRY ME. Oh my god, Geraldine, this is goddamn brilliant. Thank you.

    • Snakeheaded Banshee

      Get rid of one or two of those chins and we can talk.

  • Nodrama4mama

    Is it too soon to declare my love for you after reading one essay?

    • Angela Ruth

      No, I concur…

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        Let’s see those tits.

    • KY_Calvin

      I concur. I love you.

    • Obinson

      I just did.

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        Not you though. You’re too old.

    • Goldie Hoffman

      Nope, but then I’m biased because I’m with you! 🙂

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        You too, honey. Life that dress and shake that ass.

    • Anne Sobel

      No. I love her and I will fight you to an unnatural end to defend her honor.

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        Let’s see those tits.

  • TheOtherWA

    Well done. This was as brutally honest as it was funny.

  • Wonderful!

  • Lynne Larson

    I am a fan. This is amazing.

  • Gaelen McCormick

    This is amazing, and of course depressingly dead-on accurate. I wish that I didn’t have the same gd voices in my head saying the same gd things. Brilliant writing. Thank you for sharing it.

  • doobieibood

    They looked good at least, and I enjoyed this.

  • JenVegas

    Amazing. Brava.

  • Kristin Marciniak

    This is magnificent. Just…magnificent.

  • Griselda Cann Mussett

    Oh this cheered me right up! Bang on! xxx

  • Christopher

    You’re wrong about one thing. You do know exactly how (some) dark magic can work. So mote it fucking be.

    • Carly Lemke

      I was going to say the same thing

      • Eliska Adema

        Me, too. And may the spell cover the globe

        • JMH

          Is it even dark?
          If it’s dark, it’s Crone dark, and that’s the best kind of magic anyway.

    • Gwen

      Harry Potter isn’t magic. Grow the fuck up, retard.

  • iamcart

    You are as fantastic a writer as you are baker! Loved it!

  • dkat

    I really wanted to laugh because this was so well written and parts of it should have be LOL but it just made me want to cry. I think if it had not started with a competent and honest woman losing to a lying clown….

    • Mark Bunster

      It didnt. She was referring to HRC.

      • Lovernotafighter

        What’s that old saying from my childhood? That’s so funny I forgot to laugh!

        What’s that sound? One hand clapping!

        What’s that other sound? The world’s tiniest violin for your sad, sad put-down.

        But you know what? You be you.

        • Mark Bunster

          Who’s laughing? I don’t find it funny that the Dems put up a liar and couldn’t prevent creeping fascism with a good candidate. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt that you don’t consider HRC an honest person and must have meant someone else.

          • Katherine Walton

            Take that crap elsewhere.

          • Fenrox

            Dont forget to block too!

          • Katherine Walton

            Good point!

          • sheilaby

            Nice work, bubble ladies. Keep all commentary within the confines of what you will already agree with. That’s the way to move forward. Thumbs up 🙂

          • Ken Burch

            It serves no purpose, at this stage of the game, to still be debating who the Dems should have nominated in ’16(and I say this both to people who refused to support Hillary in the general election AND to those who blame Bernie’s candidacy for T___p when every one knows nothing that happened in the primaries made any difference in November). What matters is finding unity and common ground for ’18 and ’20-and the only way to do that is to combine the economic ideas championed by the Sanders campaign with the overt commitment to fighting racism, sexism, homophobia and xenophobia some of the Democratic base associated with Hillary(though both campaign’s actual positions on those issues were identical).

          • Fenrox

            Nah, its not like i gotta listen to idiots or I will become an idiot, its actually literally the other way around. If it helps Im not listening to anyone in a goddamn comment section at all.

          • Margie

            Nice work, Sheilaby. Put people down instead of making cogent points. Use sarcasm instead of intelligence. That’s the way to prove you’re right, inspire consideration and change minds. Not. Go back to Fox’s unfair and unbalanced news site. (Oops. Now you have me stooping to your level.)

          • Mark Bunster

            That’s what the people told her.

          • Obinson

            O, go away, bunster

          • Ken Burch

            Once she was nominated, the ONLY way to stop T___p was to go all in supporting her. Voting HRC against Trump was the only antifascist choice in November. Yes. She has a lot of issues(though I’m not sure she’s actually a “liar”)but there was never any possibility of the Dems removing her as nominee after Philly and putting her in instead and there was never a responsible case for voting Stein(or, if nothing else, at LEAST no responsible case for doing so in any state where the margin between HRC and Trump was within five percentage points in the polls with a week to go). I supported Bernie all the way to Philly, but once the convention was over, none of HRC’s shortcomings mattered anymore. Stopping T___p outweighed anything else.

          • PalestraJohn

            Of course and I voted for Hillary too. But that doesn’t make me any less angry at the horrible campaign she ran and how she alienated the vote she needed to put the election away and did nothing to deal with that mistake. And now she insists on remaining in the news when all she is is a lightning rod for energizing hatred on the other side. For the sake of the nation, she should simply retire and go away but she refuses to do so.

          • Chris

            So in other words, “Hey, lady! Sit down and shut up!”

            I think you missed the whole point, sir. All of it.

          • PalestraJohn

            It’s exactly the opposite. You are trying to shut those who are mad as hell against Hillary and those who allowed her to lose and make the awful Trump President. HRC is no hero, she is not the “most qualified” and she was a terrible candidate. She did not represent all women or women’s struggle–she was a privileged Republican woman who supported awful neocon policies and shut up during a bad marriage so she could play it into political power. She then ran the worst campaign of all time, blowing an almost unbeatable lead to the worst man in US history to run seriously for President. And to hold her out as some kind of hero is ridiculous, which is the point I was making. The author (who is a very good writer) is simply playing to her audience by raising HRC as representative of women’s struggles. It was unnecessary in the piece and it was just wrong. That’s my opinion–which is by no means a call for her to shut up. But it sounds really good to pander.

          • Snakeheaded Banshee

            You’re a limp wristed fairy.

          • Ken Burch

            I agree with what you said about her campaign.

          • Mark Bunster

            What if stopping trump over clinton wasn’t the right thing to do? What if clinton was the choice that triggered a fascist uprising four years later under a further weakened democracy than we started 2017 with? What if history shows that fanning gross inequality and favoring corporate interests over public interest invariably triggers messianic populism that evolves into fascism if not reversed? And what if someone who thinks Henry Kissinger and Ben netanyahu are honorable men is a virtual death sentence to various brown people around the globe?

            Nobody wins any prizes for favoring the time bomb fascist over the nascent fascist. Trump culture from 35% of the country could only set us up for an even harder swingback. And lo and behold, the generic congressional poll is at record levels for Dems and the incremental mindset is being banished.

          • Ken Burch

            “What if stopping T___p over Clinton wasn’t the right thing to do?”?

            You say all that as someone who is(like myself) a straight cis white man and thus automatically protected from any possible form of oppression or injustice. I seriously doubt any person of color, any woman, any LGBTQ person, any Muslim-American or any immigrant anywhere would accept the idea that they misery and violence they have been collectively subjected to over the last year is worth it in the name of any possible “long-term” gain. Had Hillary been elected, the left would have been in a position to push her towards economic justice. If she had balked, a primary challenge in ’20 would likely have been successful. The situation we are in now is an unendurable nightmare for the many and the only reason it’s worth it to you is that you will personally be privileged no matter who rules this country. Nothing will ever be personally at stake for you and you will never face violent mobs seeking to deport, injure or kill you.

          • Mark Bunster

            You’d be wrong; those voices existed and I listen to them. There is no evidence to support your theory of movement towards economic justice; that was a rejected part of her platform.

            And if you don’t think a populist revolt or gross and shameful inequality results in elites facing violent mobs you might check French history or Russian history or Cambodian history or…

            Both candidates represent a blowjob to my privilege. Therefore the only sane thing to do was vote against my interests for the candidate who supported higher taxes and greater equity and fewer bombings of brown people to try and excuse on a partisan basis and a more expensive but safe planet.

            So who’s relying on their privilege?? I was one of the ones who should have been fine with incrementalism. I joined the many MANY women and POC who said we don’t have time for that shit, movement now.

          • Ken Burch

            I know shameful inequality leads to fascism: that doesn’t make it a sensible response to help elect a candidate running on a “populist” protofascist program, which is what you did by voting for(I assume) Stein, a candidate who couldn’t win under the Electoral College and whose campaign was pointless and whose platform was, therefore, meaningless. No one but wealthy white cis men are any better off for Trump having been elected. And if Hillary had won, the Sanders movement would have grown and been able to make a real difference in life.

            Neither Liz nor the Greens have done anything at all, between elections, to work for electoral reform. They could have put measures on the ballot in several states to distribute that state’s Electoral College votes on a proportional basis, but they’ve refused to do that OR to make any real efforts to use the initiative process to bring in proportional representation. Does it never bother you that the GPUSA does virtually nothing these days but try to prevent Democrats being elected president? And even if there are often good reasons to complain about the Democratic Party(as any Dem can tell you), what good does it do for any party trying to present an alternative to focus almost all of its efforts on running for an office they will never ever come close to winning, efforts that have no constructive effect and do nothing to further the possibilities of change?

            Also, did you miss the fact that half of Bernie’s ideas were added to the Democratic platform? That fact meant his candidacy had made a massive difference and that there was a positive case in voting for the ticket.

          • Mark Bunster

            The sanders movement is necessarily anathema to Clinton politics. Citing the platform as some kind of meaningful document even as Tom Perez purged the committee of outspoken Sanders delegates is absurd. Nothing about helping sanders achieve his agenda is what Clinton wanted to empower. And you know as well as I that there’s no future in incrementalism, it was the most dangerously tone deaf campaign in decades. Trump is a disaster but he isn’t tone deaf to his voters that’s for sure. He knows exactly what they want.

            Voting for evil isn’t acceptable.

          • atalex

            Fuck you for calling a respected, accomplished and admired woman evil for not meeting your idiotic standards of purity. People like you are why I despise Bernie Sanders now and hope he gets Alzheimer’s and has to be reminded every morning that Crooked Jane is in prison for bank fraud.

          • Ken Burch

            At some point, to have an electoral majority, the Sanders movement needs to unite with the progressive wing of Clinton’s supporters-women and people of color, people whose support Bernie was unable to win in the ’16 primaries because his campaign didn’t fully address the need to fight racism and defend choice(he would have fought racism and defended choice just as passionately as Hillary promised to do, and in fact probably more strongly given that Bernie was never involved with anything equivalent to Hillary’s role in forming the DLC-a group whose whole purpose was to persuade the Democratic Party to appease the white backlash and Southern social conservatives who hated “Sixties values”). That’s not going to be possible if people who claim to be in the Sanders movement keep treating Hillary like she’s the antichrist. We’re past ’16-Hillary is not the enemy and she’s not the point.

          • variable

            Clinton won the vote by millions. Her campaign wasn’t tone deaf, she was one of the most wildly successful candidates in history. In any other Democracy she’d be president with a huge mandate.

            Sanders who voted against gun control and supported the F-35 development for decades is no less “evil” than Hillary, so let’s ditch the black and white view of politics you are pretending to.

          • variable

            This is a very good point. It’s only the privilege of the elite class (or the straight, white, male) that thinks that revolutions (for or against whichever side you are on) can possibly bring about anything but incredible injustice. Clinton’s weak paeans about Kissinger are pretty sad descriptors of a fascist when you have a real fascist in power that is doing everything he can to implement a racist government and enrich himself at all of our expenses.

            90% of the arguments against Clinton were paid for and perpetuated by right wing muckrakers trying to destroy the Clinton’s. Without those all that propaganda the weak sauce nonsense about saying nice things about Netanyahu and giving talks to Goldman-Sachs sound miserably impotent in the face of standing aside and letting a narcissist racist who is bragging about how rich he gets by breaking the rules become president.

          • It makes me sad that the Dems, as usual, took away from this “the opponent cheated” when the far more influential problem was “People don’t trust New Democrats anymore, because they’re sell-outs and not on the side of anyone with an average income.”

          • loganbacon

            GFY.

          • Mark Bunster

            Show me how.

          • sibergrrl

            Oh Jesus this again. Do you people actually have no discernible sense of humor and simply exist to ruin it for the rest of us? Why?

          • Debbie Matthews

            Nothing like a sad sausage mansplaining ourselves to us.
            Thanks, dude.

          • Mark Bunster

            Never rebuttal, only ad hominem.

          • atalex

            “Never rebuttal, only ad hominem.” Says the jackass who tosses around words like “evil” to describe people who don’t meet his purity standards.

          • Victoria Wroblewski

            Don’t let the front door hit you on the backside when you leave.

            And feel free to take a couple of garbage pizza cinnamon rolls with you when you go.

        • Mary Jo Mohr

          And, sadly, YOU BE YOU…. jerk…

      • SouthPortlandMainer

        You’re an asshole, Bunster.

    • Tapati McDaniels

      In support of HRC’s honesty, she actually rated better with Politifact’s meter than other politicians. As compared to DJT, no contest. http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/lists/people/comparing-hillary-clinton-donald-trump-truth-o-met/

      • me

        she’s at 61% unfavorable. she’s over

  • Jeni ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Burns

    A friend just commented on my Facebook post of this; you countering his bullshit recipe with your own (misogyny vs. goodness) would be amazing, we think. Although, by your description of the flavor, canned rolls would beat Battali’s recipe.

  • Elinei

    This is a wonderful piece of writing. In the interest of properly fueling my own patriarchy-smashing activities, might you share the pizza dough recipe?

  • Karen Moline

    You are utterly, wonderfully BRILLIANT.

  • Lisa Eaton

    Brilliant all the way ’round. Thank you.

  • Pam Dierking

    If you need to erase the memory of these awful cinnamon rolls, check out Joy the Baker’s recipe!

  • onamission5

    Some of the more insidious and persistent weapons-grade sexism I’ve encountered in the workplace happened while I was working as a baker, so this post speaks to me. Brava!

    • Snakeheaded Banshee

      I would never allow a black person in my home or anywhere near my family. It’s just common sense.

    • Snakeheaded Banshee

      And that goes double for Jews and fairies. At least blacks can be used for manual labor.

      • Snakeheaded Banshee

        Hi, Jeff. Or is it Peggy? Nancy? LE, Mad Gastronomer, Baby Raptor, Dom Saunders, Daniel, et al, ad nauseam? Got bored impersonating other disqus commenters in an attempt to make them look like the bigot you are, I see. Finally found an account of yours I hadn’t blocked yet? That will be shortly remedied.

        • Snakeheaded Banshee

          Lol. Who cares?

        • Snakeheaded Banshee

          Let’s see who else on this thread will respond.

  • Sam

    Screw Mario. What’s your recipe for cinnamon rolls? That’s what I want to know.

    • lthake

      thats exactly what I was thinking!!!

    • Tapati McDaniels

      Me too!

      I want the matriarchal recipe for the ultimate cinnamon rolls that enable us to not only survive but to thrive and overthrow these f*ckers.

      • PegAloi

        I posted this above, too:

        My mother used to make bread dough from a recipe she got from our next door neighbor. Then she’d make it in an old fashioned bucket bread maker (a metal bucket with lid that lets you mix, rise an knead in one container). Once the dough was raised she’d spread it out on a floured counter, pour melted butter on it, the sprinkle brown sugar on it, then cinnamon. Then she’d carefully roll them into a cylinder, then slice them, and place in a buttered round glass pie dish, let them rise for a little while, and bake them. My god they were amazing. Though I have a small baking business of my own and make a lot of my mom’s recipes (and have a Facebook group called “Recipes from Mom and Dad that anyone can join), believe it or not I have never made these. They’re kind of sacred to me. But here is the bread dough recipe:

        Bread

        Dissolve one large yeast cake or 3 dry yeast packets in 1/2 cup warm water.

        Add: 2 Tbsp sugar, 1 Tbsp salt, 3 Tbsp oil, 2 beaten eggs, 3 1/2 cups warm milk (i can evaporated milk plus water to make 3 1/2 cups–in the “old days” people always kept evaporated milk on hand!)

        Add flour to form dough and knead well. Let rise until doubled in size (usually in an oiled bowl covered loosely with a cotton towel). Form into loaves and bake, or, MAKE CINNAMON ROLLS. Let rise again before baking.

        • Tapati McDaniels

          Thank you!

          • PegAloi

            You’re welcome!

        • omg.

          I need to try making this, sometime. 😮

        • Gwen

          Rule #1 about recipes: don’t share one you haven’t vetted yourself. That evaporated/warm milk shit is a sign this bitch doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

      • Maryvbowman

        cooks Illustrated never disappoints.

      • sarcasticcupcakes

        Pioneer Woman, peeps!

        She even has alternatives: brown sugar/orange marmalade, or pomegranate jam and chunks of dark chocolate.

        • Gwen

          Pioneer Woman is crap. She’s not pioneering, she’s not cooking like one, either. But enough retards like you are left to watch that shit.

  • You’re amazing.

  • soniasimone

    Brava brava brava brava brava

  • Religion Scholar

    So edgy… much wit. I mean, to decry sexism while lionizing a professional coattail-rider who also excuses and enables her sexual assaulting husband – wow!
    You, dear lady, are a total edgelord.

    • Taylor

      not a single person is surprised to read this comment. as always, women get blamed for shitty men.

    • Everywhereist

      I keep forgetting that men aren’t responsible for their own actions, but their wives somehow are. Thank you for the reminder.

    • Joe

      You’ve provided an excellent demonstration as well. Thoughtful of you.

    • Fenrox

      “I could already tell, Richard wasn’t going to be a very good Religion Scholar.”

  • Barbara | Creative Culinary

    The beauty of this dissertation makes me glad that Batali was so stupid as to send that recipe. Absolutely brilliant!

  • Mirit Cohen

    Wow. Amazingly well written and so on point. You speak for me.

  • wikipediabrown

    this is the most brilliant thing i have read in about, what, a million years????

  • Marisa Dobson

    Bravo. You’ve earned a lifelong fan here.

  • This is amazing. Utterly, utterly amazing.

  • Brilliant writing; definitely the headline of the week! Unfortunately, the images aren’t showing up in your post. I’d really like to see them!

    • Danny

      I had the same problem with the photos on a Mac (both Safari and Chrome), but they show up on Windows (Chrome).

    • Everywhereist

      I think I’ve fixed the issue – Google photos couldn’t handle the volume of traffic, so I’m just hosting them directly on the site now.

  • Taylor

    This is an incredibly written post and I don’t know who you are but I elect you as our leader.

    • ForksAndFootprints

      I second this nomination.

      • Dizcuzted

        The motion is carried!

    • Tapati McDaniels

      I was looking for the author’s name, thinking this blog was a group project, then finally I clicked on this:
      http://www.everywhereist.com/about/

    • Monica Sivek

      I agree

    • D’Fwan

      I loved it too!! My only issue was the Wahlberg/Williams money comment. Wahlberg had a contract that says he got paid for reshoots. Williams’ contract was negotiated so that she wasnt paid for reshoots (the 1k might have been a per diem for food and drinks during those days). You can’t call BS on poor contract negotiations – also, Wahlberg had more scenes with Plummer than Williams did. This article makes it sound like just because he’s a man Mark Wahlberg got 1M and Michelle Williams gets 1k because she’s a woman. It’s not true.

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      • canoelover

        So MW’s agent screwed up?

        • AndyMatts

          Probably the studio screwed up giving Wahlberg that kind of power over a production.

        • D’Fwan

          The agent and the client (Michelle Williams) are to blame. She’s not a silent puppet who just does what the agent says….the agent works for her. That said……I would hedge a bet that Williams isn’t as big as Wahlberg in terms of star power. If it was Andy Dick playing the Wahlberg role…..none of us would be splitting hairs about this.

      • ingamarie

        I know nothing of the two contracts referred to….but seriously? You believe that the woman involved could have got the same money as the male involved…….if only she’d negotiated a better contract??

        I don’t think your understanding of SYSTEMIC sexism….or the pervasive cornering of the capitalist market that characterizes patriarchy is very deep. Only where unions have been strong, and successful, have women received equal pay for work of equal value. Teachers in my country still have that kind of contract….but in the private sector, or the movie business????

        Men still rule….and sharing the wealth is no part of their Alpha dominance games. Exploiting the weak, the marginalized, people of colour, women and children….capitalism couldn’t survive without it.

        • Charlie Brown

          Here’s how selectively adjusting a statement works and I’m just going to quote you: “Men still rule……capitalism couldn’t survive without it.”

          Of course that takes the context out of it…doesn’t portray the full picture or the full statement you said. It changes the entire meaning of your statement….but my quote is accurate. My point here is that context is extremely important and today’s climate of politics, media, etc continuously removes the context from statements to elicit reactions and emotional responses.

        • D’Fwan

          The system needs to change. The fact is, that she could have said yes or no to the movie…..she could have said “I want x, y and z……” and either they agreed to the terms, or they dont. The terms of contracts aren’t based on “Well, what would make ingamarie happy here?”. They BOTH had an opportunity to discuss their contracts. That’s how the business works. Does it suck, yeah. Does it need to change….YES….but again…..see my comment where I use Angie Jolie as my example…..she has the type of career where she would have made more than Mark W in the scenario. Agree and sign the contract, or disagree and walk away. In MY world….women DO rule….and women CAN negotiate terms. It’s not about sharing wealth….it’s about being the best and getting the best. I stand by your comment in terms of people of color. That needs to change, but I don’t feel bad for either of these rich white people…one white person made a million less because he negotiated his contract differently. Boo hoo. End of day, they’re still rich, and no POC had a starring role. That’s the crime here.

          • ingamarie

            Yes, the system needs to change…and its the American system, so depending on your nationality, you may know more about that than I. But if you are second guessing the woman in this case, assuming you know what she should have and could have done…and implicitly blaming her for not having done it…than I fear you may be a part of the same reactionary crowd that holds a secret contempt for women.

            The fact that you know what she should have done…and then insert what would make me happy? before going on to assert that THAT’S HOW THE BUSINESS WORKS….makes me suspect that you are part of that inchoate minority that is comfortable telling people you don’t know what they should have done, in circumstances you weren’t privy to…LARGELY BECAUSE YOU HARBOUR A SUBCONCSIOUS RESENTMENT OF WOMEN, PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO IN YOUR EYES HAVE DONE BETTER THAN THEY LIKELY DESERVE.

            What would make Ingamarie happy here is for commentators to stop arguing that systemic discrimination and harrassment don’t exist…or would disappear if the women in question simply DID THE RIGHT THING…

            What would make me ecstatic, is if commentators like you would drop your old neo-liberal mantras. Imagine tacking these lines on to your argument that discriminatory contracts are the fault of the person discriminated against: I’TS NOT ABOUT SHARING WEALTH….IT’S ABOUT BEING THE BEST AND GETTING THE BEST”

            Think about that one D’Fran: it’s the rallying call of Trump and his bunch of billionaires. It’s not about sharing the wealth…it’s about being the best????? And trickling down their ill gotten goods to the poor women, commentators suggest we should be talking about instead. AS IF!!!! As if those abandoned souls will see any help from the likes of DT and his billionaire oil executives and CEO’s of companies that openly cheat workers out of the overtime and other benefits.

            Change the subject all you want: Wherever there is injustice, those who hate injustice should be standing up now. IT ABSOLUTELY IS ABOUT SHARING THE WEALTH. But its also about getting over the hang-over many of us have, from worhipping the casino capitalists. Most of whom, obviously, are men. Men with an inordinate amount of power…..and all sorts of courtiers to justify it. In one way or another, your arguments being one of many rationalizations we will see in the months ahead.

          • D’Fwan

            TL:DR – I think you’re wrong, and you also don’t have a clue how contract law works. I respect you though. You lost me at the part where you said I harbor a resentment about women who have done better than I think they deserve. I don’t know how you gauge how a celebrity deserves something. I honestly don’t care. I rarely go to movies, I don’t care about Hollywood. It SOUNDS like you’re the expert on all things celebrity. I can’t speak to that. I don’t read US Weekly or People, so imma jus let you do you, and I trust when you’re saying. You’re clearly the expert. xoxo

          • aer

            1) Certainly it is possible to make time to discuss all of these issues. I happen to be able to manage to get irritated about rarefied sexism problems in between getting angry about our criminal justice system and voter suppression.
            2) With respect to contract law, certainly you could say that since it was in the contract there’s nothing to be done for it. But it is laughable to suggest that systemic issues don’t contribute to the power differential at the bargaining table. We don’t know the quality of the representation for any of these parties, but you can expect that the studio’s ideas about what a reasonable outcome would be are shaped by how they value their female actors (and actors of color, in other situations). We like to assume that these are some very scientific calculations because capitalism is oh-so-efficient — but the reality is that a big boss may be going partially with his gut when he decides what it is “worth” to get these actors on board. His lawyer may be operating under similar assumptions. And on top of that, they know they can rely on the artificial depression of women’s wages to give them even more leverage — she’ll take this because she has to! It applies equally to the kind of contracts or pay you get offered at any level of the capitalist machinery, not just fancy contracts for fancy people.

          • D’Fwan

            I’m not saying systemic issues don’t contribute to the power differential at the bargaining table. I know they do. I loved this, and I agree with you, and I appreciate you writing something so thought out and calmly, and not calling me a c*nt – like some people. Thank you! <3

        • D’Fwan

          You sound passionate and intelligent. If we got together and used this rage to help the homeless, instead of trying to help a clearly helpless rich, white, millionaire lady star…….maybe we would really make an impact on the world and do some good……but lets argue about these rich people and forget the homeless. because ew…….homeless people dont matter…right? It was sub-zero in the northeast, and there are people on the street. People with NOTHING, not even a coat…..and THIS is how you’re gonna be a savior? I hope it works, and you get Michelle her 1M. I’ll be at the food pantry helping out, like i do. Let me know how it goes.

          • Royal Blue

            So you just moved the whole point from how women suffer from blatant sexism in this country, and yes many women become homeless and broken because of that, to a discussion about how we should be helping the homeless instead ?!?! Seriously ?

          • D’Fwan

            Yes, you can help homeless women instead of riding for some hollywood celebs. You’ve clearly never been homeless. You can complain about the important stuff, like rich affluent movie people. That will help eventually.

          • Melissa

            The subject was pay inequality. She spoke up, which could put her career at risk. The more women speak up the quicker the changes. You see a woman of privilege and I remember her dealing with the death of Heath Ledger, and now raising a daughter without a father.
            Even with sexual harassment rules in place it was still rampant. Celebrities speaking out trickled down and empowered the office worker or intern to speak out. Celebrities get a bad rap for speaking out, as if they aren’t real human beings with opinions and emotions. I understand your frustration. There are hundreds of issues that don’t get the exposure or funding they need. You might want to refresh your memory about Comic Relief and the millions of dollars those celebrities raised for homelessness and healthcare for the homeless

          • D’Fwan

            I’m talking about the rest of us. What WE are doing. I know the heath ledger storyline. They were broken up, and im sure it was hard for her, and her incredibly rich, white privileged child, that had to hurt. But me……I’m going to choose to focus my shit on helping non rich, non privileged, I can’t understand all these people goin round crying for millionaires. We’re DYING, people. We ARE DYING, and everyone else is focused on whether one millionaire gets more millions. Wake UP!

          • Melissa

            But how many of those rich privileged people raise money or focus attention to the overwhelming number of needs in the world. Most of us are just a paycheck away from becoming homeless and pay and gender inequality is a factor. Lack of funding for mental health is another major factor for homelessness. She at least shamed Mark Wahlberg into giving his earnings to the defense fund for women facing sexual harassment and misconduct. We can no longer count on our government to help. I share the same frustration with each mass shooting and every death from domestic violence. What I do see is all the money that Elizabeth Taylor and Elton John raised for AIDS, the houses Brad Pitt built in New Orleans after Katrina, and recently all the people that Jose Andres fed in Puerto Rico. If Michelle Williams calling out inequality in pay means a higher pay check for other women then more power to her. Focus on Mr fat cat real estate mogul Donald Trump to open a homeless shelter

          • D’Fwan

            Michelle isn’t calling it out. Someone else brought it up. You can circle back to the orange cheetoling all you want. Thats not how to end a conversation, by bringing up your cheeto in chief. I swear, that’s all you ameriCANTS know how to do in order to change the subject, you turn every conversation into Trump and ignore the original message. No wonder you elected such an ignorant POS, you’re all fellow ignorant POS’ – stop the conversation, and talk about Trump! Well done.

          • D’Fwan

            You know what….I think helping the homeless…homeless women, homeless kids, homeless people of color……..SHOULD be our priority. I am saddened and disappointed that we’re arguing over two rich, successful people who can have multiple homes if they don’t already. Families are freezing, parents are turning to drugs, people are living in cars, or UNDER BRIDGES and we want to fight over what rich white people are making more millions for being more important than us and our brothers and sisters. I cannot listen to you. Go back to reading US weekly and watching the Kardashians, there are plenty of us folk that will pick up the slack. SMGDH

          • ingamarie

            It’s a standard ploy. If you don’t want to talk about something…..like endemic, systematic discrimination against women…..all women really…….in the area of employment…then you put on your moral hat, get on your sanctimonious high horse, and change the topic.

            But here’s the kicker all women should be one to: If anything, most of these topic changers, especially if there’s a dig at successful women built into their attempt to capture the conversation, are no engaged friends of women…and they don’t advocate for us….homeless or mansion secure, young or old, university trained or unskilled.

            I can often guess which side of the fight for 15 many of them will be on. And unions? don’t get me started.

          • random_observer_2011

            I work in a large organization in which pay is tied to position and grade and women are employed at all points in the hierarchy including 6 of the last 8 years of my supervisors and it has been grand.
            In the public and regulated sectors and even the wider private sector, wage discrimination on the basis of sex has been illegal for many years in Canada. And yet the apparent problem of a pay gap remains and I am mystified.
            I concede that, for example, I don’t know how the case law has developed on it- perhaps the courts have demanded a high test standard for this accusation.
            But that would leave me even more mystified. Seniority, experience, qualifications, education, performance, hours put in are all valid grounds for pay discrimination and not themselves hurdles that would pose any difficulty for women my generation [X] or younger, who have been told all their lives to pursue work and career and organized their lives that way. Any woman with a valid claim to have been pink-collared in her life and work choices is at or near retirement age by now.
            Where the issue is some form of employment based entirely on at-will contracts [I gather this is spectacularly more common in the US], self-employment, or by-the-job contracts like entertainment, what is there to be done? Getting rid of at-will contracts or reducing their prevalence where a job can reasonably be said to be intended to be a permanent position would benefit everybody and have follow-on effects in this area. For the more precarious forms of contract employment, I don’t see many options. If you are in a business in which selling yourself directly or through an agent is a core element of how everyone is paid, how to prove that sex-discrimination has occurred as opposed to negotiation-failure?

          • adamsbiggestfan

            “Any woman with a valid claim to have been pink-collared in her life and work choices is at or near retirement age by now.” Oh, bless your innocent heart. Plus, how does an arbitrary “retirement age” figure into it?

          • LA Nwa

            I’ll be at the food pantry, because I can’t afford food!

          • D’Fwan

            I’m sorry. I’m glad there is help. And I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. It will turn around. <3

          • FlightlessBird 2.0

            The fastest growing demographic for homelessness and poverty is elderly women.

            Because of the gender pay gap they’ve not been able to save as much (if at all) for retirement, and they rely on savings more because they live longer than men.

            The two conversations are not mutually exclusive, but connected.

            I get you don’t like the Williams argument, because she’s already wealthy, you think. But she is who the media and society want to talk about, not the little old ladies dying in poverty. Sad, but that’s the way it is, we need the media to inform society on this. She highlights the same problem as those without faces: negotiating power is a part of why there is no equality in pay. So if you silence her story, we’ll never hear about those in poverty and homeless because of inequality in pay.

            Food for thought, I hope.

          • Samantha Jones

            So she’s ENRAGED because she passionately and intelligently defended her position?

          • Tanya Ehlert

            How about we focus on the fact that women no matter their SES should have the right to get paid appropriately for the work they do. Regardless of her address or employer – equal pay for equal work- might keep more single moms out of homeless shelters.

          • Jon Hendry

            Michelle Williams has high-priced agents to negotiate the terms of her employment contracts. She’s far better off than the average woman. If her agents fail to get her a good deal, she can take it up with them.

          • Livia Jones

            Michelle Williams has the SAME agents as Mark Wahlberg.

          • Jon Hendry

            Same agency. Different agents.

        • Samantha Jones

          Thank you for pointing out the obvious…the inequity started at the negotiation stage not at contract implementation. And no, I don’t think she COULD have negotiated the same contract.

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        • Ed Sweeney

          So according to the #1 google rated ‘movie gross by actor’ site, boxofficemojo, Wahlberg is #35 and Williams is #396 for box office draw. Is there no chance that had something to do with their ability to negotiate a deal?

          D’Fwan, I really like all of your posts. The world needs more D’Fwans.

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      • Everywhereist

        Actually, I think we can, if the root of those contract negotiations is that a woman gets less.

        • D’Fwan

          If a star wants to do a movie and say “here are my terms, I want more money than the rest of the folks” and they get that, what does it matter? He’s a name. Angelina Jolie or some other big name female could pull that off too. If the cast is all female and Marysue Bigstar wants the bigger check and she gets it, is that sexist? No. She’s just the bigger name and the bigger “get” for the film, thus she gets the coins. If Williams was the bigger star, she could have played the game too, she’s not garbage (i imagine), so i dont think she would have done the same in that situation……but in any event, the BIG name in that film is now Plummer……he is bigger and better than both Mark and Michelle. <3 My REAL issue with this film is that there are no major people of color cast. Now THAT is the problem here, not that two white people made more money than one another. Y'all wanna complain over this, but you don't want to look at the racism in front of your movie screens.

          • Jon Hendry

            Likewise, Lindsay Lohan could try to negotiate for a deal like Mark Wahlberg’s, and her agent would be laughed out of the room. The same would likely happen if her agent asked for Michelle Williams’ contract. She couldn’t even get an audition. Not because Lohan is a woman, but because she is hugely unprofessional and hasn’t worked in ages.

            Pay in Hollywood is multi-dimensional. It isn’t just male vs female or based on number of lines or amount of screen time.

          • D’Fwan

            Watch out. Even if you’re a woman, and you say something like this you get accused of being a closet woman hater, or you have a deep resentment for women, or hate seeing women in power, or whatever the above poster was trying to say. Anyway, I’m just saying be prepared to be told that your facts are not as important as their opinions.

        • JunkScienceIsJunk

          I think there’s more going on than just the gender. For example, I actually know who Mark Wahlberg is.

          I think D’Fwan also makes a good point, that advocating for a millionaire is not exactly the biggest battle worth fighting. An argument could be made that Williams (I had to scroll up to remember the name) has also been blessed with fortune that she, like Wahlberg, should consider herself extremely fortunate to have. Let’s not forget that INSTRUMENTAL to her fortune, and also Wahlberg’s and Weinstein’s fortune, is that the public pays billions each year to construct an economic system (that many Nobel laureates in economics have criticized, by the way) that is designed to artificially prop up the entertainment industry at the expense of consumers. Put simply, the millions of dollars that these two entertainers have are the direct result of government policy, and therefore, of the public.

          If you want to talk about the VERY REAL gender wage gap, let’s pick a better example. Williams isn’t it.

        • Jack Davis

          If it were just a matter of proper negotiation then there would be many many examples of women having advantage over men, as well. The shoe would ‘fit both feet’– ‘the playing field would be level’ — ‘good for the goose….’
          and all that!
          Yep, it’s clearly Ms. Williams’ fault.

        • Jon Hendry

          But the woman has high-priced agents to negotiate for her.

      • AndyMatts

        Not quite accurate. They both had similar re-shoot clauses. Walberg had veto power over casting changes. Since the entire movie required re-shoots to replace Spacey, he had the ability, because of that negotiated power, to torpedo the entire production.

        He leveraged that for big cash. Cold-blooded to exploit the Spacey situation like that? Sure, but the implied sexism that people are trying to cast over that really does not fit.

      • sethblink

        I too took issue with this sentence, but the piece is not about this moment in history. It is about how the writer has experienced it, so I am perfectly happy with her interpretation even if it differs from mind. Reading about these events through her filter has allowed me, a man, to understand better than I did before how this all feels to a woman.

      • FirstKnowTheTruth

        Great points. God and the devil are always in the details!

      • Butch Brock

        Could it be that Mark Walhberg’s have grossed more money?

      • loriann morris

        D’Fwan you couldnt be more wrong,,,,1. he and his fellow actors,,get paid,,on a sliding scale,,and 2. agents make up contracts to support their clients,,,so when it comes down to it,,3. it is like,,ok who is hot and who is not,,,if sales are gonna be good,,when paying men or women,,on a sliding scale,,if your working you drown in it and are hot,,,hot,,,hot,,, ,,,if your stale,,and havent worked in forever,,and your agents seeing any rolls they like for you,,time to change agents,,,nes pa?,,you cannot not blame any agent for what the movies exec. offer their clients,,and if you want to work,,–work,,get out there and make it happen,,no one peson and or actor get’s paid the same,,for it is the body of their work,,that sell’s them and effects their pay,,do an idie,,and low budget film,,work,,and the roles will come,,and if they dont,,work harder,,and always have a second source of income,,everyone dose it,,,you wont be the last and will always be the first. i am not telling anyone to like what i am saying,,but keep my name out of your mouth,,this is just an opinion,,and mark wahlberg,,gave his hole pay for the reshoot of shooting alternating circumstances,,things once again,,,that is out of agents hands,,,and you have to go with the flow,,why one has this clause in their contracts,,if they are doing another project and on another movie show or producing,,you need to get paid,,she could have done the same,,but bowed out and didnt take charge of her own back and career,,to make sure their work shows and pack up plans,,and their is always something that comes up,,you gotta protect,,and or have a clause like mark has,,it is just that easy,,he is not why the pay isnt fair in any way shape or form,,,,side note :::::{Mark Wahlberg Donated his whole reshoot monies to ,,#timesup,,$1.5 million,,he is one of the kindness men i have ever had the pleasure of knowing along with his Mom,,and all of his siblings,,and causes,,always the constant giver,,when they made him they broke the mold,,and his brother’s ,,sister’s and his Mom and the whole Family!~:::::},,honored to call them my friends,,and will defend their constant efforts to help everyone,,in everyway,,possible,,God Bless,,i have no idea what mario did ,,but guilty til proven innocent,,i truly hope you read the whole thing for you really need to get facts straight,,and Darling Summer,,i dont know details but will look now,,the old saying goes,,,”if you did something wrong learn and dont make any kind of mistake like any of it,,define you,,it is just something you do,,,not who you are,,but as far as abuse in any form,,no second chances,,just my opinion,,lot’s of love moi,,,x

      • MormonMominDavis

        They here the same agency representing them. Why did the man get better representation?

        • D’Fwan

          He doesnt just let the agents and lawyers do what they want. He has a voice and he says “I want this, and I want that” and he either gets it, or he doesnt. It’s a negotiation, and he’s involved….and Williams is involved in hers as well. She can say she wants some creative control over casting. If she does, and she doesnt get it, she can either sign on the dotted line, and do the movie….or she can say no…and move on to the next project.

        • Jon Hendry

          She literally said she was happy to be a part of the film and would give back money.

          http://www.etonline.com/michelle-williams-volunteered-give-her-pay-all-money-world-reshoots-94019

          “When this idea was hatched — that we were gonna go in and try to rewrite history — I was on the frontline,” Williams explained. “I was like, ‘You can have my salary, you can just take it, I don’t even do it… that’s not why I work. If that’ll help you, you can have it, you can have my break and you can have whatever and I’ll just be there waiting.'”

          When the actor goes into negotiations with that stance, there’s not much the agents can do. And there’s nothing wrong with an actor taking that stance instead of a more mercenary one, if that’s how they feel about their career.

          Williams and Wahlberg clearly have different priorities when it comes to acting. It doesn’t make any sense at all for outsiders to complain about an actor’s compensation being too low when the actor has essentially stated they aren’t in it for the money.

          At most the film’s producers can be accused of taking Williams at her word about the compensation she wanted.

      • Debra

        BIgger stars get better contracts – men or WOMEN. It’s that simple. If a lesser known actor wants to work they take less pay. That’s how the business works. Who is Williams? Vanessa – the beauty pageant queen? Wahlberg is a big star and a great actor. It becomes a problem when we are blinded by reality.

        • inkcoffeechocolate

          Michelle Williams is actually an Oscar winning actress. A big star, as it were, and a great actor.

          • JunkScienceIsJunk

            Winning an Oscar does not make you a big star. I couldn’t tell you a single thing Michelle Williams has been in. She’s not a household name.

          • inkcoffeechocolate

            Perhaps not your household.

          • JunkScienceIsJunk

            That’s right. People who pay fairly close attention to modern film know who she is. Whereas you don’t have to have ever watched anything Mark Wahlberg has been in to know who he is. He’s a household name. She’s a B-list actor. It’s a pretty wide gap.

          • D’Fwan

            Four time oscar nominee…..she’s never won an oscar. She deserves one though, and Im hoping that changes this year. Her storyline outside of her movie is enough to generate oscar buzz, and the academy loves a storyline.

          • Tiny Tina

            Oscar nominated, not winning.

        • D’Fwan

          Willians is Michelle Williams, she’s one of the costars of All The Money In the World.

        • Royal Blue

          Oh no. You can’t whitewash that away. For decades it’s been a well known fact that “big” female stars on the same footing as “big” male stars made much, much less money. Their only hope many times was to engage in sexual favors to try and score bigger pay in their contracts.

      • It’s worth pointing out (from the article) that Wahlberg and Williams had the same agent.

        • Everywhereist

          No, they don’t. They have agents who both work at the same agency. They do not have the same agent.

        • D’Fwan

          They know what they’re getting into. They don’t fly blind going in.

      • LA Nwa

        She’s in the SAME union Wahlberg is,and that is less than scale!

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      • Katherine Larsson

        Here’s the really shitty part. They both had the same person negotiating the contract. Throw that into this recipe!

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    • Julie Chancerelle Ziemelis

      LOVE THIS!! Thank you…so true, clever and sad all at once.

  • Owns_Six_Fedoras

    All images but the first are broken, as of 8:45amPST.

  • Sue

    This is great writing because it made me alternately want to laugh and punch something.

  • Louis Altman

    Perfect article in soooo many ways. A perfect combination of humor and pathos, with recipe a perfect metaphor within a metaphor about the human condition and the weighty challenges women face regarding sexual assault and intimidation. The energy and self-awareness, contextualizing the complexity of the writer so well—how her tenacity relates to her absorbing the oppression she so expertly recounts. And it is clear how amazingly she extrapolates her own experience as a descriptor of what women face at large in society. Amazing. Just amazing.o

  • Elane O’Rourke

    I read this a while ago and I’m still crying. Thank you.

  • Nia Vardalos

    I want a good cinnamon rolls recipe and the demise of this sexual inappropriate behavior. If I had to choose, I’d go for the latter and just find a Cinnabon.

  • Taylor

    Yeah yeah yeah we know we know you hate women, we understand.

  • Melissa

    I am new to your work, but already a huge fan.

  • Jimmy ValenTime

    this is the best epsiode of black mirror yet!

  • This is a brilliant and highly entertaining essay. Thank you. Sorry you had to write it.

  • Taylor

    why do you think i care what you thought about this article?

    • inc0g

      My bad didnt mean to reply to you thought i was replying to ‘religion scholar’ I dont think you care about what i thought about the article

  • Cat L.

    [orson welles clapping gif]

  • Jim Hedger

    This is astonishing writing Geraldine. Seriously. You’ve set a new standard for other writers to meet.

  • Kristen Flowers

    Fan-Fucking-Tastic. Bravo. The only solace I get is knowing those rolls will end up in the trash, decomposing into something disgusting when your writing goes viral, touching people’s lives everywhere.

  • Danny

    I’ve read this twice and both times I laughed out loud.

  • aeqr

    This is just perfect. I feel compelled to apologize for all the pricks that you’ve had to encounter (and for Mario’s terrible recipe). #StayStrong

  • Glorious. Tea just shot out my nose, for the first time in 2018. I’m glad this was why.

  • Lori Felling Stone

    I love this essay. Well done.

  • Darren Kloomok

    Love it. I shared this with my daughter; is that inappropriate?

  • This is wonderful, Geraldine. Absolutely wonderful.

  • Kestrel Blackfeather

    > Donald Trump is President, so I’m making
    > the goddamn dough by scratch.

    So brave! So courageous! So insightful! Gosh darn it, Donald Trump is president, so I’m going to use punctuation in this post!

    • Kestrel Blackfeather

      Oh, and that Michelle Williams thing? Yeah, she offered to re-shoot scenes for free.

      http://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/hollywood/michelle-williams-did-her-all-the-money-in-the-world-reshoots-for-free-4997037/

      “I hated that this man’s time and expertise and gentlemanly-ness was going to be kind of for naught, so when I got the phone call about the change of plans I was thrilled. They could have my salary, they could have my holiday, whatever they wanted. Because I appreciated so much that they were making this massive effort,” explained Williams.

      • jeffysmom

        Actually, she thought that was the deal for everyone. She and Mark have the same agency. The agency neglected to inform her that Mark had a $1.5M deal to reshoot. Sexism? I’d say.

      • Everywhereist

        She was under the impression she was saving the movie. She wasn’t given all the information.

        • Mycroft Holmes

          or maybe she is a shite negotiator…

  • PRLaura

    Thank you.

  • Verble Gherulous

    This is one of the damnfinest essays I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for writing this and sharing it!

  • This is the best thing I’ve read in ages. I loved Every. Fucking. Word. It obviously resonated with me on quite a few levels. It made me laugh, made me well up and made me angry all over again. Amazing writing.

  • It honestly feels like he only shared that recipe as a setup for you to write this article. Fantastic.

  • dgtvbjky

    “I’m not a huge fan of cinnamon rolls, per se”<—Thats where I stopped reading.

    • jeffysmom

      Well, then, you missed out. I feel sorry for you.

      • dgtvbjky

        (of course I read the whole thing, I’m just a cinnamon roll fanatic)

    • Spoiler. It’s not about the cinnamon rolls.

  • kristibug

    I am dumbstruck. Loved this.

  • Carole L

    Great post!! Brillilant… it made me laugh..it made me angry…and then tears!

  • Scott Lance

    I was at the mall today and saw the Cinnabun had a #metoo sign in the window, lol

    • Jeri Casper

      Your mall still has a Cinnabun? So jealous!

  • Pamela

    The only part that I liked was “One of the cinnamon rolls has a fucking erection.” The rest was rather boring.

    • Rivka

      Your comment is rather boring.

  • Irene Ens

    I would also like to prematurely profess my love for you. This is really excellent – nicely done.

  • Sandra79

    I love everything about this! And now I’d rather like to have your recipe for cinnamon rolls, because I’m sure they’re a ton better!

  • myfingersaresore

    Epic. I hope that anger carries over to the voting booth for every election henceforth.

  • James Cagney

    What evil monster would make up such a horrible recipe

  • janeyouignorantslut

    Fuck your fucking bullshit cinnamon rolls, Mario Batali.

  • Shawn EH

    Did your husband try any, or did he decide discretion is the better part of valour?

  • ArgentMom

    Amazing writing! Wish some people could resist temptation, as well as you resisted straying from recipe. I know it is wrong but going to do it anyway….

  • SynDolly

    This is amazing and I would love to share it on my radio show on http://www.cjsf.ca‘s SpeakUp.

  • ckokopuff

    Don’t even get me started on the chocolate version of these…as always, brilliantly done.

  • Mark Nash

    Achingly sad and beautiful. Thank you.

  • Christopher Michael Westfall

    WOW! This is powerful. VERY VERY well written, I was literally on the edge of my seat.

    Not that the rolls themselves are relevant other than a metaphor, but here’s a link to the best cinnamon rolls you’ll ever eat. They’re great in the raspeberry-lemon as written, but you can easily alter it to make them standard cinnamon rolls too:

    http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/raspberry-swirl-sweet-rolls

  • Maagmagirl

    You seriously need to post *your* recipe for cinnamon rolls. They must be amazing. Please!

    • Gwen

      If she had her own, she wouldn’t do this shit.

  • Doc Brown

    I hate Donald Trump, a lot…. but when you refer to HRC as “most qualified Presidential candidate in U.S. history” that’s simply just not true and part of the reason why Trump got in; and I sincerely believe furthering that mentality is actually detrimental or I promise I wouldn’t have taken the time to write this.

    • Everywhereist

      Nope. Sorry. She was the most qualified.

      Perhaps you think that to be qualified, you need to be likable. And no, people did not like Hillary. She’d been in the public eye for 25 years. The Republican party had a quarter of a century to drag her down. And they did. But that does not make her unqualified. Any suggestion otherwise is patently wrong.

      • TheRedExclaimer

        I absolutely agree. She was the most qualified…ever!

  • Brian South

    Oh. My. God. Thank you for this.

  • Mycroft Holmes

    you are a hateful, glass-completely-empty, no this wasn’t good writing, ungrateful bitch. The rolls looked great. Only a man-hating drama queen could be so vile.

    I’m not saying you deserved what you got over the years, but I am saying I understand.

    • Everywhereist

      this is the closest human contact you’ve had in months, isn’t it

      • Brendan_M

        I’m so glad I came to this blog to find this exchange I saw a screenshot of on Twitter. The incoherent vitriol added to the original comment is more sad than funny, alas, but I read the amazing piece above and the many correct opinions in comments, so I am happy.

        And now I feel I should do some baking. I’ll make my grandmother a chocolate cake or something.

      • Mycroft Holmes

        No. but this was the closest you’ve ever been to the truth. I relish in that…that mansplaining was applied to you like a brush and you heard the truth from a man and you are now bathed in it, like all that creamy frosting on your face.

        Do you hear that??? That sound… that horrific sound of all the social justice whiners, crybabies, people who want others to do all the mental and emotional heavy lifting for them…

        I hear them crying out in agony like that woman famously screaming when Hillary didnt win…won’t win…ever. Millions of social justice whiners crying out, and then.. suddenly,,, silenced with the hammer of irrelevancy.

        Men are not responsible for your pain. You are.

        By the by, I’m pretty sure Mario knew some of you feminists were gonna make them and voluntarily put all that sweet cream on your face.

        Love, from Mario… Molto Mario lol.

        You are a moron.

    • jeffysmom

      You should come out of your hole once in a while and take a look around… oh, never mind, stay there. We’re better off without you.

      • Mycroft Holmes

        im so sorry for jeffy…

        • jeffysmom

          Don’t worry about him. He is an amazing human being.

    • I like how you named yourself after Sherlock’s brother, because he is a massively sociopathic dickhead as well. Good choice.

      • Mycroft Holmes

        Mycroft isn’t thus in the literature though his portrayal by Mark Gattiss is stunning. I prefer the old BBC with Jeremy Brett. There, Mycroft was benevolent and his only crime was patriotism and patriarchy.

        You shouldn’t make insults about sociopathy like its a hammer. There are those who suffer from it. It’s not an insult and you make fun of the millions of people who suffer directly or are victims of those who suffer from it.

        In short, you are a liberal insensitive prick… not surprising.

        #metoo.

        Liberals.. where the MEN are guilty of misandry

        • Fenrox

          Its funny that the guy so hurt by a funny intersectional article that he couldn’t help himself from attacking the writer of the article is somehow stunned and lashing out at the people noticing his rude behavior.

          You break into a space, attack someone, then demand that everyone who sees you be sensitive to your possible afflictions, then berates that same audience for being mean.

          Are you immune to hypocrisy? Oh god that’s it isn’t it? A lifetime of being terrified of people realizing you are a hypocrite made you a hypocrite!

          • Mycroft Holmes

            talk about needless victim complex.. or perhaps you DO need it since it is the foundation for all your bullshit.

            First you make light of the original article in order to loft some kind of absurdam type argument. Lame. how dare you respond to satire so viciously lol… shame!! whatevs.

            Then you bullshit yourself saying I BROKE INTO a space. Cunt… i responded to a bullshit article on the web. I broke in NOWHERE. its public and free to respond. it’s called DISQUS for a reason you shitpile.

            Then you strawman me by accusing me of needing your sensitivity to my “possible afflictions”

            And then you thelma/louise yourself off the argumentative cliff with some drivel.

            this is why republicans will win the next 10 election cycles. you are all a bunch of shouldn’t breed idiots.

    • Joe

      Thanks for providing a convenient demonstration.

    • Progress

      Go jump in a lake.

    • Rivka

      I am assuming that you are a liberal feminist making fun of the other side…right? Because no one who wanted to portray their own side well, (as we all do), would write as poorly as you did in this comment.

  • Sasha

    YES, YES, and yet again, YES! I think I’ll make the damn rolls and let them burn to ashes in the oven!

  • Aviva Rosenthal

    This is fantastic along the lines of Thelma and Louise; I don’t know if I can have a conversation with people who haven’t read it. Bless you, and sharing.

  • tartntiny

    Absolutely brilliant. Fuck everything indeed!!!!

  • OddMan

    Damn good writing.
    Thank you.

  • David Peterson Harvey

    I followed the links through articles to his original apology because no one can be that insane, right? Surely this woman is overreacting.

    All I have to say is I’m sorry; he’s really that crazy and, if anything, it’s even more awkward to read than what people describe.

    I’m not making his cinnamon rolls. I’m waiting for you to post a good recipe. I won’t give that fella any credit to his name again.

    • Shiari

      Maybe you should spend a moment thinking about why you automatically assumed a woman was overreacting.

  • Charlie Nations

    This is fucking fantastic.

  • Matt

    Fabulous post. I loved it! You are talented in the ways of the kitchen and writing. Bravo!

  • metapede

    Thank you for writing this. It’s amazing. If you ever have another conversation about compensation where someone asks you why you need the money, you should say, “because I fucking deserve it.”

  • You. Rock. 🙂

  • Kayla Sweeney

    You are fucking amazing. Thanks for this, a woman needs some inspiration now and again to keep from beating her fists bloody in response to the rage-inducing bullshit consuming our society. A slice of sanity restored. For now.

  • Mark MacKay

    Brilliant! An interesting spin on forced-feeding. I think of the alternative when suffragettes were force fed in British prisons. I would prefer the author stuff these rolls in Mario’s mouth to pause his false apology. Keep up the good cooking.

  • emmalita

    This was my introduction to you. I am sad for me that it has taken me so long to find you.

  • jeffysmom

    Thank you for this piece of delicious writing. I’ve never read your work before, but believe me, I will be reading everything you write in the future (and probably go back to posts I’ve missed). Loved it.

  • NT

    This is brilliant!

  • Mike

    Good for you, shining more and more light on the first world problems that annoy you so thoroughly.

    • Joe

      Misogyny is a global problem.

      • Mike

        Yes, just last week I heard of a Cameroonian woman whose dying words were “Damn the Patriarchy” as she passed away from lack of food or clean water.

        • Joe

          I’m sure she didn’t say that in English, but her lack of food or clean water is most likely related to misogyny.

          • Mike

            It’s a joke

          • Joe

            One that tries to deflect from the role misogyny plays in women’s lives, globally.

    • Everywhereist

      ha ha ha ha ha ha, I am not explaining why sexism isn’t a first-world problem to a dude with Hemingway’s photo as his avatar

      • Mike

        I’m not explaining why you’re wrong, either. That’s why I’m right. And I, too, can be right without any semblance of an argument. Why, you ask? Because. Just because.

  • Jenny

    Hilarious and razor sharp…loved it!

  • msgypsy

    That roll does not have an erection. It is giving the patriarchy the finger!

    • thepinkservbot

      why would a cinnamon roll devised by a sex criminal be giving patriarchy the finger

      • msgypsy

        The one that has a cylinder sticking up in the middle. The author said it had an erection. I’m saying it looks more like it’s giving the finger. And since the baker is not a sex criminal I’m surmising it’s giving patriarchy the finger.

  • Vermont Devil

    This is the greatest.

  • PegAloi

    I am a baker and a Hillary supporter and a fed-up woman and #MeToo and I love this so much I am laughing and crying and screaming and jumping up and down and really craving a cinnamon roll right now but I will NOT follow this cretin’s recipe because I watched my mom make delicious cinnamon rolls from scratch a hundred times when I was a kid and I KNOW damn well pre-fab pizza dough is not how you do it. Well done, well done, I want everyone to read this. And I am gonna buy some yeast and get baking.

    • Mallory Thompson

      Love your article, but now I want YOUR recipe for cinnamon rolls! Do you have one?

    • Tapati McDaniels

      Recipe! Please!

      • PegAloi

        My mother used to make bread dough from a recipe she got from our next door neighbor. Then she’d make it in an old fashioned bucket bread maker (a metal bucket with lid that lets you mix, rise an knead in one container). Once the dough was raised she’d spread it out on a floured counter, pour melted butter on it, the sprinkle brown sugar on it, then cinnamon. Then she’d carefully roll them into a cylinder, then slice them, and place in a buttered round glass pie dish, let them rise for a little while, and bake them. My god they were amazing. Though I have a small baking business of my own and make a lot of my mom’s recipes (and have a Facebook group called “Recipes from Mom and Dad that anyone can join), believe it or not I have never made these. They’re kind of sacred to me. But here is the bread dough recipe:

        Bread

        Dissolve one large yeast cake or 3 dry yeast packets in 1/2 cup warm water.
        Add: 2 Tbsp sugar, 1 Tbsp salt, 3 Tbsp oil, 2 beaten eggs, 3 1/2 cups warm milk (i can evaporated milk plus water to make 3 1/2 cups–in the “old days” people always kept evaporated milk on hand!)
        Add flour to form dough and knead well. Let rise until doubled in size (usually in an oiled bowl covered loosely with a cotton towel). Form into loaves na drake, or, MAKE CINNAMON ROLLS. Let rise again before baking.

  • Samizdata

    Absolutely brilliant.

  • Mr. Smith

    It is sad that you will never know how much I admire you.

    Also, I am taking it as no accident that his recipe resulted in cinnamon erections covered in jizz. A creative “up yours” at least.

    • Everywhereist

      Ditto. It is extremely unfortunate that our friendship, by definition, prevents me from telling you how much I value said friendship. Instead, I call you assface and adore the people that love you, and hope that’ll somehow transfer to you.

      • Mr. Smith

        Content am I to bask in your reflected esteem.

  • TorontoSarah

    OH, I laughed…then cried at the truth of it all…but laughed again. Thank you.

  • Spec-freaking-tacular post.

  • Bjørnar Tuftin

    So funny. 😀 so terrible! ]:-(

  • Farley Bernholz

    How do I love thee???? Let me count the ways, Sistah !!!!

  • NancyRing

    Excellent.

  • Martha Rivers Porado

    Just…yes.

  • Ginger Blossom

    Wow! It brought together the sexual harassment incidents, mistakes and “compliments” of my younger working years and combined it with the OMG moment that I wasn’t the only 19 year old being sexually harassed. This is wonderful writing because it brings humor to an unmistakeable tragedy. I don’t think there is a woman alive who hasn’t had one “compliment” they could have done without in the workplace. Thank you for sharing your writing and details of baking a recipe that was served with a half-baked apology.

    • Ginger Blossom

      In clarification, I do know now how pervasive workplace assault is and has been for women. What struck me was how well you described the shock and aloneness you feel when it happens. It is realizing that none of us forget because it was an assault not a innocent mistake. It is misogyny in action, hatred expressed to women.

  • Caitlin O’Leary

    Dear Everywhereist, I love you. Signed, Women

  • Nicholas

    I’m yours.

  • dennehypr

    Brilliant work – damn funny too. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world. I am now jumping over to go check out your book because hey… you are good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, I like you.

  • Everywhereist

    Do you think that a man apologizing for abusing women is the one with the open wound? Do you think he is the one who is down? Because I don’t.

  • Everywhereist

    Nope, she is. She is the most qualified person to have run for office. She had the most experience of any candidate to have ever run for the office of President. She was not likable. That is the issue. Being likable and being qualified are not the same.

  • You’re my spirit animal!!! Bravo on an amazing piece! You’re a brilliant writer!

  • Kathleen Huebner Olson

    You’re joking, right? That’s not how it works.

  • Jason B

    Wow, what a pathetic world you choose to live in…

  • Jon Groebner

    Loved this! Just awesome. Hats off.

  • Rachel_Mirelle

    Genius! I love you.

  • Erica Graham

    This must be the best thing I’ve read in the new year. Maybe ever. Bravo!

  • KingAdrock

    I stopped reading at “the most qualified Presidential candidate in U.S. history”.

    • Brendan_M

      I have a feeling most of you people stopped reading years ago.

      • KingAdrock

        “you people”

        Well, seems the racist alt-right’s joined the party…

  • Cee

    As a baker who does believe baking is love, and as a woman of a certain age who is so f*cking sick of this whole never ending story, I wept reading this. Not only do I want these misogynists out of my pants, feeds, workplace and zeitgeist, I really really want them out of my kitchen. Thank you for taking one for the team and making those hellish rolls, burning the sage for the rest of us.

  • Sarah McKay Sheehy

    I’ve come back to read this 3 times today since a Facebook friend posted it this morning. I can’t wait for some free time so I can read more of your writing – this piece is brilliant. So glad to have found you today.

  • Josh Wolf

    “There are no shortcuts” yes there is, you can buy the pizza dough at the store. Work smarter, not harder.

    • Brendan_M

      I’d explain the irony of this comment, but anyone who’d make it wouldn’t understand.

      • Josh Wolf

        Oh you poor thing.

    • NinjaMama

      The point? You missed it.

  • Rachel Rush

    “The misogyny runs so deep that the calls now come from inside our heads” – sigh… The more fabulous intelligent women like yourself point out things like this, we can start to un-do the construct. Keep on amiga <3

  • This is brilliant! I don’t say that very often, but it is fabulous.

  • Mbaumb

    Good read.

  • TheRedExclaimer

    This is the BEST thing I’ve read on the Internet this week! So funny. Those rolls didn’t sound good at all in the pathetic apology letter. Thanks for making them.

    @DeeIbdulJackson

  • L Blake

    I really needed this in my life today….I laughed so hard…bout to pass out..Brilliant!

  • Diane Johnson

    I am curious why you choose the picture to illustrate punching the dough be the hands and arms of a black woman. I require the writers I respect (and agree with and appreciate their perspective — I liked this article) have an awareness of as many aspects of their narrative as possible. Ugh, really? Good piece of writing but don’t have unconscious racist memes included in your future articles please. Its important to be consistent and pay attention — if you’re paying attention to sexism and patriachy but not to (unconscious) racism you’re displaying insensitivity.

    • Meewunk

      That’s the arm/hand of the author, who appears to be white, with a shadow, not the arm/hand of a black woman.

    • Everywhereist

      Hi Diane,

      All of the arms and hands pictured in the cooking are mine (my husband took the pictures for me). I am a white woman. I did not intend to include any racist overtones in any of the photos. My apologies for any confusion.

    • NinjaMama

      You cannot possibly be serious.

      • Diane Johnson

        Yes I am but you are obviously someone who does not understand memes and the subtleties of imagery.

        • NinjaMama

          I am, but in this instance you have literally zero basis for your outrage.

  • Franchesca Judd

    This. Is. Gold. Writing is on FLEEK. I am literally 95% crying, this is so good and 5% so true.

  • C_Shell

    I laughed, I cried. The stunned incredulity I felt when I read Batali’s “apology” and saw that he had kindly provided a recipe as a peace offering (“pay no attention to the man behind the curtain … LOOK OVER THERE!”) cannot be adequately described.

    Everyday is such a fresh hell, mere words cannot express how much this helped my psyche today. Thank you.

  • Razzle

    Took me a moment to get past the jarring statement that you’re not a fan of cinnamon rolls, but that deviance aside, this was glorious and incredibly sad.

  • Sue Gross

    You should be posting your own recipe, naming it “Well, Actually These are Cinnamon Rolls”

    • JJK

      Or “#NotAllCinnamonRolls”! :0

    • AngryWarthogBreath

      “A recipe to provoke discussion of ethics in confectionary baking.”

  • LindySez

    I love this. I thought how weirdly odd it was to include a recipe in your apology, and now I know why. Mario, You had an erection and a lot of white stuff dripping about and thought, why not? Cinnamon Rolls! Cum. Let’s get them back in the kitchen where they belong. Yeah…

  • Meh

    God bless you for delivering such an poignant message while having the strength to get yourself through to the irritating process of baking this asshole’s ‘cuisine.’

  • John M Carvalho

    Brilliant. Biting. Elegantly written. Thoughtful insight. Best thing I’ve read in weeks. @Alethurgy

  • PalestraJohn

    The problem is that HRC was by no means the most qualified candidate in US history—she was a flawed and lazy candidate who wasn’t willing to work to defeat the most evil and unpopular candidate who ever won. She just believed it was “her time” and allowed the execrable Trump to become President. Maybe if HRC worked as hard as this author, she would have won. But it’s not the fault of the electorate or Mario Batali that she lost. It is HER FAULT.

    • Everywhereist

      I don’t think anyone is blaming Mario Batali that Hillary lost?

      Also, Hillary works hard. She works really fucking hard. All the time. I do not. That’s the wrong argument to make, because while I appreciate that people liked this post, I wrote it in 20 minutes.

      • PalestraJohn

        I understand that. But Hillary ran the worst campaign in American history and lost to a guy who would have been beaten by any other Democratic candidate, including the one she defeated by using strong arm tactics in primaries where she continually lost if independents were included. And I am tired of the excuses and those who pretend that she was the “most qualified”. Why? Because she parlayed her marriage into a Senate seat and then ran for President twice and lost? What has Hillary done that millions of American women have not also done? But the ongoing excuse train is ridiculous and harming the need to get the dope she lost to out of the White House.

        • CommonSenseIsNotCommonAnymore

          Hillary ran the “worst campaign on History” and still managed to have 3 million more votes in the end. Imagine that.

          People still trying to blame Hillary, instead of blaming the people that voted someone like Trump is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. Trump is right about one thing: America stopped being great, but that was a long time ago. Maybe around Bush. Maybe before that. Obama tried hard, but ultimately failed. Electing Trump is proof that America reached rock bottom.

          • PalestraJohn

            Of course people who voted for Trump should be ashamed. But that isn’t the point. Hillary ignored what was her obvious weakness and, if she read 538 and other analytical blogs, should have realized Trump’s only chance was to narrowly win the Midwestern states that gave him the election. Hillary made no effort to win those states–even as the polls tightened. She never apologized nor explained the “deplorables” comment which was widely misunderstood. She gave conflicting explanations for the e-mail debacle. Because of her behavior towards accusers of her husband, she was uniquely unable to take advantage of the fact that Trump was a sexual predator. Because she took almost $1 million from Goldman Sachs, she was uniquely unable to paint him as a friend of the corporations and big money interests. Sure, she won the blue states by large margins but we don’t live in a democracy. You have to win enough of the purple and smaller states to win the Presidency. And she had a 97% chance of doing so with her margin of popular vote victory. It took a terrible campaign to lose to Trump. And yes, we have reached rock bottom. But it was her duty to prevent it and she failed. She let all of us down. And you have to acknowledge it.

          • CommonSenseIsNotCommonAnymore

            Allegations after allegations, nothing substantial. She had a smear campaign going on since she entered politics. And those naive voters voted for Trump, who was caught on tape with despising material that should have swerved him from the White House, that alone.

            The main culprits were the Trump voters. In any civilized country, Trump would never be President even believing everything about Hillary Clinton.

          • PalestraJohn

            I agree that the “scandals” were nonsense–but she never got out in front of them, which is a fatal weakness as a political candidate. She kept changing her story on the e-mails, and never addressed why she gave a false reason for the Benghazi attack. Sure, for fair minded people, the e-mail issue and Benghazi are nothing compared with Trump’s awfulness. But it reinforced her image as someone who will say anything and do anything simply to obtain public office. I still don’t like many of her positions as a neocon and strong advocate of the War on Drugs. But she was whip-smart and compared with Trump, there was no doubt I would vote for her. I’m explaining to you, however, that she didn’t do what she needed to do–what Obama DID–to win. You’re not listening. Excuses about the electorate are ridiculous. The electorate voted overwhelmingly for Obama—many of them the same midwestern white blue color voters who turned and voted for Trump. That was Hillary’s fault that she lost them, and with them, the election.

    • NinjaMama

      Wasn’t willing to work? Oh, for fuck’s sake.

      • PalestraJohn

        Her trip to Wisconsin for her Excuse Tour was the first one she made since she won the nomination. Maybe if she had gone there and not felt that the election was in the bag, we wouldn’t have the awful Trump

        • badzeitgeist

          That’s just insanely naïve. Have you ever run for, or managed, a major campaign – a statewide or Congressional even? There will never be enough resources to do everything everyone wants. Money, time, and most of all the candidate is scarce. Public polling, internal polling, the newspapers, the pundits *all* suggested there were states with smaller margins than Wisconsin. To the point that part of the problem was that Wisconsin was relatively lightly polled. It isn’t like she was just hanging out at home walking in the woods. She was in Florida, she was in North Carolina, she was in Iowa, she was in Colorado, etc. Hell, she worked a *lot* harder than Trump, who for the first half of the campaign refused to spend a night away from Trump Tower. But of course the woman takes heat for effort even when she works harder than the man.

          • PalestraJohn

            She didn’t work nearly as hard as Obama, who did what it took to win as a BLACK MAN. You really think it was harder for a woman? No way. She just played prevent defense, believing the polls and disbelieving the mountain of evidence that she was in real trouble among white working class people in the Rust Belt–something guys like Michael Moore were screaming. Bernie or Biden would have eaten Trump for lunch in those areas—Obama went to halls where people were hanging him in effigy. She stayed in safe loving crowds. It was a terrible campaign and it has nothing at all to do with being a woman and everything to do with being a terrible candidate.

          • EchoGirl

            Plus, Wisconsin’s been solidly blue in the last two presidential elections. I know people knew voter suppression (not in place in 2008 or 2012) was an issue, but given the polling margins, I doubt they realized just how much of a difference it was going to make.

      • Peanut head

        Unnecessary manslpaining

    • Rivka

      I missed the part where this article was about Clinton.

  • Charlie Eh

    I was lead here by Dan Savage (not literally, but via Twitter) and have to say this was inspiring. As an ex-pat American living “in the quiet apartment above the crack house” it pains me to see all these roaches crawling out from the rocks, each exposed by the shining light of people that have had enough of their shit.

    As the house baker, I looked at this “recipe” and cringed… you are much braver than I am to have made these abominations and braver (more foolish) still to have eaten… how ever many you consumed.
    The fight against these cretins will not be in the streets but in the homes of “regular people” and in the voting booths. Keep fighting the good fight with wit and intelligence and hope.

  • Mallory Thompson

    Love your article, but now you having me craving cinnamon rolls! But I would rather make your recipe. Do you have one?

  • MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel

    One of the funniest goddamn things I’ve read in my entire life. I stand in awe!

  • Brendan_M

    Who in history had the depth and diversity and extensiveness of experience that Clinton had? I supported Bernie in the primaries and I’ll never forgive her support for the Iraq nightmare, but her resume was fucking incredible and I sure as hell enthusiastically voted for her in the general.

  • Katherine Walton

    What I want to say has already been said, so all I shall add to the discussion is <3 <3 <3 <3 <3.

    Thank you!

  • This is fantastic.

  • Alexandra

    Beautiful writing.. I’m laughing and crying at the same time

  • act_on_love

    We have never met. But I now consider you a friend and mentor. I really love this beautiful, righteously outrageous piece of writing, and I’m sending you my deepest admiration and respect, and I hope you write the BEST COOKBOOK EVER because you are clearly channeling brilliance and I bet your pastry is flaky as hell.

  • GM

    that was the icing on the…roll

  • ChicagoPete

    What a wonderful post!

  • Net

    After reading this, I will now go buy your book. Because, what woman couldn’t? Thank Batali for this major screw-up of a recipe.

  • Max Magen

    As a baker I’m impressed with your technique. As a reader I’m overjoyed by your style. As a man I’m embarrassed, but I am that almost every day.

    • Mark Dowd

      Just embarrassed? I’m regularily morified by the shit other men get away with.

  • Obinson

    I LOVE YOU! I will read everything you write from now on, and I will buy your book when I pay my credit card balance!

  • sheilaby

    This tepid, childish read filled with grammatical errors and these comments are why I will never declare myself a feminist but, instead, a humanist. Holy crap, people. Read some actual literature.

    • CommonSenseIsNotCommonAnymore

      You’re so woke. Teach me.

  • Reese Kellett

    Ahhhhhh. That felt so good. I’m literally just shaking my head and I have this overwhelming feeling that I just inhaled a ton of actually good cinnamon rolls. Fucking pizza dough. Of course. Just cut yourself.

  • wndola

    You made me weep at the realities in my own life. The anger, the exhaustion and the inability to escape it. It only gets worse with age as I saw with my mother and am now starting to see with my own career. Is it the fate of all women that as we get older we get tossed aside no matter how many times we have proven ourselves and end up scrambling a hustle to pay the bills instead of having the respect and stability we deserve from years of surpassing goals and making strong connections?

    • adamsbiggestfan

      Some women, and some men.

  • sambycat

    You. Are amazing. This is fantastic. Thank you.

  • Michelle T

    This is brilliant! Thank you making the rolls… and my day.

  • Every1BeCalm

    I absolutely loved this.
    You are brilliant.
    But then I read the comments of the assholes and I felt sad again. Please consider deleting the asshole comments so that we may have this one little spot of unity.

    I’ll be back for more!

  • Carole Di Tosti

    Well done. I particularly love the one sentence cracks…between the descriptions. Totally agree with how women are so beaten down, that they internalize the nullifying commentary. I have written about this extensively as it relates to appearance, weight and image. What you are writing about here is FASCISM. Misogynistic, paternalistic fascism which the current miscreant in the WH embodies perfectly. This oppression by males that is “their due” is completely political, though few women see it as such. But it translates to women in few positions of power, anywhere and subject to all sorts and types of character and appearance assassination. When women attempt to defend themselves? They are referred to as Feminazis behind their backs; blind, deaf and dumb to their own fascism which is truly horrifying. I have my own brother using that word, albeit as my brother, he says it to my face.. For a fairly intelligent person and good person, he is also a fascist which is very upsetting. But these mores are almost irrevocable, and trenchant; unless one calls them out and as you have done so beautifully here, ridiculed them and do it again, again, again, again, this blindness abides. The point of humor indicates you may have healed. I unfortunately am so enraged, the humor in my writing is largely sardonic and moves on the rims of bitterness. An older 75-year-old female literary agent (I believe she was on her way out of the profession) thought the tone I used for a book was too cynical. For me, such cynicism was freeing. Needless to say, she had no idea that the fascist mores of appearance, sexual harassment and male privilege even existed. And with the older, older generations 70s-80s and in various geographical locations, this stunned cluelessness is rankly prevalent. It is sad when mothers and older cousins make nihilistic, denigrating comments to their daughters out of abject stupidity without realizing that they are even more oppressed than the daughters they attempt to bring up in such folkways. Women have been their own worst enemies. You indicate how. Thanks.

  • Peanut head

    OMG-I LOVE YOU!! What brilliant writing. You’re a genius. Thanks for this. Made me laugh out loud.

  • Cathy Cagle

    You rock and I am grateful for your bad ass attitude.

  • Nella Citino

    Genius.

  • marciglass

    Thank you.

  • Sandra McKenzie

    I love your writing! Also, the “you should take it as a compliment!” bullshit that every woman or gonna be a woman has heard since age 13 or so… Grrr… And people wonder why women don’t complain about sexual crudeness until it’s years too late. (Also, I bake, but depend on Maida Heater’s recipe for cinnamon buns. Her recipe actually works.)

  • Jukesgrrl

    Fantastic essay! Why isn’t the author’s name on it in huge letters??

  • Zeph

    “most qualified candidate in US history” hoo this cracked me up and the rants only got funnier from there. Let it be known that I’m not a fan of Trump by any means. But saying that Hillary was qualified, and implying that her being a woman was part of said qualifications, is hilarious.

    • Everywhereist

      No one said that her being a woman made her more or less qualified, but reading comprehension is not proving to be your strong suit.

  • Jules Margaret Taffe

    OMG! You made me laugh and get angry at the same time. Women beat themselves up all the time! And, I was laughing because my lemon bars turned out like shite last week and I was agonizing over what a horrible job I did (what a waste of time)! Great job on this piece. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me! Mwah!

  • dyna

    Exquisite. As good or better than the rolls had any right to be.

  • John Snyder

    I’m glad you found the strength not only make these cinnamon rolls, but to then write a blog about it. It’s that kind of fighting spirit and never-say-die attitude that has always helped the disenfranchised rise above their oppressors.

  • lucascott

    “I make my own, because I’m a woman, and for us there are no fucking shortcuts” and this was the point when I stopped reading. excuse me for not being ‘a woman’ because I feel no shame in taking shortcuts when I bake/cook.

    • Bethgael

      You have problems with the term “metaphor”, right?

    • Everywhereist

      um, no, you see, I was trying to explain that for women we have to work harder than men in a lot of fields of work … it doesn’t really have to do with cooking? really, the entire post isn’t about cooking?

  • Gina F.

    I’ve been reading your blog for a long time . . . I’ve never admired you more than today.

  • Metal

    She has issues.

  • BoGardiner

    Wonderful.

  • Brooke Jones

    after i read the last few lines, i started crying. im too scared to dress how i want because i know ill get attention that i dont want. thank you for writing this. #metoo

  • George Hesselberg

    This is above and beyond. Perfect – and necessary – tone.

  • Andi Berlin

    Yup

  • Absolutely LOVE this Geraldine. Thank you x

  • Kristi Arnold

    Beautiful. And now I want (good) cinnamon rolls.

  • Dr. Jo

    Brava!

  • Kelly K

    Wow, this is a truly amazing piece of writing.

  • Destroy Progressives

    Liberals are insane.

  • sarahdohack

    Powerful. “Thanks” is not enough verbiage for this piece. I wish I were polyglot, so that as the piece picks up speed I could switch to other harsher languages.. maybe wind up in German.

  • Tom Cheetham

    hilarious and tragic. i nearly cried. just brilliant.

  • Dawn Miller

    Somehow, I lost track of you and this is the perfect way to find you again. Thank you so much for writing this.

  • Yvonne Ferden

    Wow, that’s very profound!

  • Ann O’Mynous

    Thank you for baking these shit rolls from this fucked up excuse of a human, you amazing woman.

  • John Montagna

    Fuck Mario Batali and his shitty recipes and his pretentious Crocs shoes and everything else about him.

  • SusanMc

    Great job. Thank you for doing this and thank you for writing so well about it. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

  • Mark LaPierre

    I am filled with admiration for the incredible wit, pathos and style you gave voice to here. I love this writing! (The first I’ve read of yours to date.) Thank you for sharing this. I read it aloud to my wife and we laughed and winced together.

  • J. McFarland

    Wow. Yes to each damn word. Thank you.

  • Sue Broverman

    This is both a brilliant critique of the state of harassment and the dangers of untested recipes. I think you have invented a new genre.

  • This is brilliant

  • Kwentolin Baird

    Yep

  • LeanForward

    The cussing ruined your credibility fir me

  • Timothy

    This is perfect, even if the rolls are not! Neither am I a huge fan of cinnamon rolls, especially shitty ones. Thanks for providing some mini catharsis…with frosting!

  • simplewords

    This is very offensive. “Jesus fucking Christ”. Seriously?

    • Everywhereist

      Yeah, that’s not really what I think the biggest issue is right now.

  • Rolf Knecht

    This is awesome reading – spot on. I shared this with my fellow chefs. Way too many douchebags working in our industry who don’t appreciate the fact that there is absolutely no difference in between my work and the work of my female colleagues. So there should be no difference in treatment or pay.

  • Debbie Matthews

    Wow. I’m at a loss. That was amazing. Wow.

  • This is the best blog entry I’ve read in years. The metaphor was perfect….and the photos were poignantly perfect. Thank you.

  • David Colman

    Really, truly fantastic piece of writing. I get so sickened by these timid, polite, PR- and lawyer-vetted non-admissions of guilt, but to issue a half-assed apology and a half-baked recipe seems like the ultimate mea notta culpa. I am glad you were able to take the ingredients and create an incredible angry dessert soufflé. Brava brava brava!

  • You are awesome and so is your cooking discourse.

  • Funny bittersweet writing … but nothing there justifies the repeated “… and think it’s our fault when it doesn’t work.” comment. What’s up with that?

    • thatBruceguy

      You should ask a woman what’s up with that.

  • thatBruceguy

    Incredible writing and it sounds like a truly shitty recipe. It’s like “how to make cinnamon rolls so shitty that no one will ever ask you to bring anything to a potluck ever again.”

  • sarchasm1

    Best damn grudge bake, EVER!

  • Chris Steele

    This would be funny if it weren’t so sad. I truly feel sympathetic for this woman. And I think probably some of her problems are the fault of the horrible, sinister, oppressive Patriarchy (TM). But a somewhat larger percentage are down to her. If you sabotage your cinnamon rolls, by not even following the recipe quite right and furthermore passive-aggressively refusing to use your own expertise to finesse it and improve them, then you will have shitty cinnamon rolls. Kind of a metaphor for this woman’s life I fear. If she were to ask my advice, I would say try to find some joy in life. The world does not guarantee it to you, in fact the world is mostly trying to grind each of us, woman and man alike, into dust. You have to find your peace and make your life, no one will just grant it to you because you demand.

    • Peanut head

      Of fo fux sake mate- give it a rest

    • Allyson_et_al

      Literally none of the women who can relate to this piece wants your advice. Not one. But thanks for telling us how we should respond to our own fucking oppression.

    • Everywhereist

      Actually, I did follow the recipe exactly as written. That’s the entire point. I followed it exactly as written and IT WAS WRONG.

  • skillette

    I read your stuff all the time, Geraldine, and I love it and love you. This is the first time I have not laughed. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I chuckled! But like the oceans of icing drowning those inferior fucking “apology” rolls, I can really, truly FEEL you in this– the real pain, the real rage and bitterness, the real exhaustion– the REAL “shithole” situation we are in. And I love you all the more for it. Brava, courageous you. I hope you went out and got yourself an insane fucking cupcake. – Rachael (aka Chrissy’s friend) <3

    • Everywhereist

      Thanks, Rachael. This means a lot. <3

  • shazza

    The thing is, he doesn’t ever apologize to his victims, to women, in this letter at all. He “made many mistakes” and is sorry to have “disappointed” his friends, family, fans, and team. And he tacks on a recipe like he’s giving us a pat on the head. What a vile POS.

    And your writing is terrific; thank you for it. I do fervently hope that women are beginning to turn the corner on self-blame, though. The era of victim blaming must be past. It simply must.

  • Jim Smith

    Wonderful, start to finish.

  • Sarah Matichuk

    This was the best and most hilarious thing I have read in a long while. Thank you so much!

  • Ren Curry

    I’m so in love with this clever writing~ This was my first read and I’m sure it won’t be my last.
    Thank you for being so awesome.

  • Carla Jamie Perez

    I am you, You are me …this is straight out of my mind and the minds of millions of women around the world. Truth is our fortress! Keep telling it and more of us will too! Then …MAYBE – we can stop eating all the GODDAMN FUCKING CINNAMON ROLLS!!

  • lpenarts

    That’s wonderful writing–and obviously, as you showed, a f**k’n bad recipe.

  • William T. Shears

    God this is such a shiny gem of writing. I wish I was her husband.

  • BestinShow

    As a woman, I am surprised at the article and at the responses that it has engendered. 1. Hillary was NOT by far the most qualified candidate. She never was that qualified – she rode her husband’s coattails and then never accomplished much in any of her roles (except promoting herself). Unfortunately, too many women think that’s the model of the best we can do. 2. So much whining and feeling sorry for one’s self – the writer has let men run all over her, and apparently continues to do so. “he gets to cut corners”, “I will blame myself”, “I’ve used too much dough”, “over and over until it broke me”, “I’ve rolled them too tightly”, “I hate them, but I keep eating them”, “any output less than perfect will be blamed on me”. An admitted expert baker, the writer collapses and can’t even bake a decent cinnamon roll. She knows the recipe isn’t good, and yet she follows it anyway. Instead of recognizing her own talent, and making a better cinnamon roll, she follows a bad recipe, and then because of her “feelings”, can’t even do it correctly. Sorry, but the writer is LETTING a man, not even a good man, have too much control over her. Too many women like to say how strong and capable we all are, but look what happens when this “strong and capable” woman gets a recipe from an ass-hole of a man….instead of just using the opportunity to highlight all the things wrong with the recipe, she goes ahead and follows the recipe and blames herself for all the problems. Women will never get their just due until we are able to stand up for ourselves and do more than stand dumbstruck. The writer should be beating up on Batali, instead, she is beating up on herself. Women want to be taken seriously, but too many of them, just like the writer, want to be able to talk tough, but continue to act weak. The writing is clever, but the message is muddled with the lack of strength depicted by the author

  • foppa

    I love you so much for this. It’s funny, but it hurts, too. I shared my #metoo story with my father because he couldn’t understand why I stopped speaking to him after he voted for Trump. I bared my soul and detailed my rape to the one person I never, ever wanted to discuss it with, to help him understand how much it can hurt, how much it can undermine your self-confidence–no, your very sense of self–when they act like sexual misconduct is just some minor thing.

    He bought me a Trump calendar for Christmas. A “Countdown to Trump Leaving Office” calendar. He grinned widely. Isn’t that funny?

    No. Actually, it’s kind of unfunny.

    You know what else isn’t funny? RAPE.

    You know what else won’t be funny? Languishing in some fucking cheap-ass nursing home wondering why none of your kids gives two shits whether you live or die.

    My roommate suggested we burn the calendar. I might dance around it naked, just for fun.

  • Sara Miles

    You are fantastic!

  • Linda Brisbois Brown

    Thank you. Stunning piece of literature. I’m buying the book.

  • Kathryn Roitz

    This was amazing. You captured the anger and grief and bitterness perfectly.

  • sarcasticcupcakes

    *standing ovation*

  • Susann Codish

    Perfect. Spot on. Brilliant I don’t have enough superlatives. I’m 60 years old and this resonates through my bones. I can trace each paragraph through every year I worked outside the home. So glad to be a freelancer now.

  • As usual, Geraldine, this is brilliant. I’m living in a happy little expat bubble in Italy and, for the last couple of months, have managed to stay oddly well-insulated from the latest depressing sexual misconduct happenings. This is the first time I’ve heard of the accusations against Batali, and upon reading the article you linked, all I could do was say, “Of course. Why wouldn’t there be a recipe for cinnamon rolls? Because fuck.”

    A few years ago I wrote a piece about how I was harassed by a boss for 3 years without realizing it. I cringe a bit at the writing now — there are things I would change — but I’d be honored if you would read it. So many men (and women) ask, “Why are these people coming out now? Why didn’t they say anything at the time?” And I think my experience represents one reason of many why people don’t say something while the harassment is happening. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-gard-/i-was-harassed-for-3-years-and-didnt-even-realize-it_b_6151272.html

    Keep doing what you do. You have support.

  • Allyson_et_al

    I am roiling with negative emotions. I’m furious and sad and sorry and terrified for my teenage daughter who is going off to college this year. I’m also grateful for this piece. But mostly I am so, so tired of these men and their comments and their attitudes and their predatory behavior.

  • Michal Ilan

    This is amazing. Thank you.

  • As someone who knows they’re privileged in a lot of ways… I appreciate how deeply uncomfortable reading this has made me, and what that says about the background radiation women women have to deal with in everyday life.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ce9be5c8432b9cf9fee61fab9ae7405f1ebd05001fb5ab7414c0dc8314d85fc.gif

  • Christian Behr

    It’s written perfectly… and she made the damn rolls. I was hoping near the end that he had a moment like Mr. Miagi or Yoda where there was some hidden deeper apology or something. But the “real” of the writing was the wisdom. The second guessing and following the damned instructions written in an apology for being a bastard… I about fell off my chair about the roll erection. And the rage about pay… I grew up with a single mother who out-performed everyone hands down… and sometimes slipped that men made more. I couldn’t imagine anyone so stupid to take a chance on losing someone for treating them in this manner… and I didn’t imagine TWO companies could make the same mistake. Just thank you for sharing all of that ( especially the blurted truths after the well constructed pops ).

  • Judy Caulfield

    BRILLIANT. THANK YOU.

  • Tekkie Gal

    How funny!
    Well, I wouldn’t go through all the trouble to punch out socio-cultural angst, but the article is positively entertaining. After analyzing the recipe, I figure I can get cinnamon pizza from Marco’s, Pizza Hut, Papa John’s and use my time catching up on more reading or wrapping up reports-because as a woman, I empower ME, and I accept that I make lousy dough anyway. LOL! Ok, maybe I’ll ask a friend or hit the frozen section.
    Batali and his recipe with his apology is tragic. His businesses are the yeast of his issues (yeah, I did). His actions, then his manner of response is truly indicative of a failure of a human being.

  • brenyoung

    Well done

  • Carolyn Solomon

    Excellent article. Thank you.

  • Karyn Moskowitz

    Thank you so much for this article. I am going through a hard time right now and this helped support me in a time of need.

  • manuela

    … great read, thank you for sharing this well written story with us, had a good laugh as well.

  • Kathryn

    Your husband used to be my geek/blogger crush, but you have taken his place in my heart! (don’t tell him, you know how men get )

  • Connie V. Carlson

    This. So much, this.

  • squee3313

    This is the greatest thing I’ve read today. Where can I send you delicious cinnamon rolls?

  • Kendall Allen

    This is so wonderfully done. I’ve read it three times. Maybe it’s been said — but you honestly should do this as a one-woman show.

  • Cheryl Feltman Sohn

    Hahahahahahaha. I couldn’t stop laughing! This is awesome!

  • Brandy Blackshear

    This made me absurdly happy. Thanks for taking one for the team!

  • PalestraJohn

    Removing honest comments about your political comments just keeps you in the bubble. Enjoy the 100% love-in. Very Trumpian tactics.

  • Diane Roberts

    This was awesome!!! I laughed until i cried…!

  • DD

    So irreverent. Naughty words and everything!

  • eliz.

    The only way cinnamon rolls can smash the patriarchy is by putting one on either side of your head and being all Leia.

  • just1guywhocares

    wow…okay….maybe this chick should move to oh I don’t know Iran, Haiti, Africa and see how men treat her there…does she realize that she is a one woman commercial for guys just saying screw it…

  • Jim O’Brien

    Thank you for writing this!

  • Michelle

    I’m awed by your writing and your insight. Thank you for putting this out into the world.

  • GuruMike

    This is an amazing entry. Also, I looked up the recipe. It calls for 2 cups of powdered sugar!

  • Donna Grant

    AMAZING!

  • Tony McGuire

    I love the ascerbic wit but stop acting like women gain power through the acceptance and/or lessening of power from men, it comes from unifying and creating a unique and feminine culture based on women. I say this as an Anishinawbek (Ojibway) man from lands where women were not above us but equal and we had a male culture, a female culture and many other little cultures all mixed up.

    The issue many women have is that they think it is okay to cry or feel bad because of men who create those emotions purposely, remove that type of thinking. Smile when a man tries to demean you and demean him back, when he wants to war with you? War back, lose everything because of him because when other women see you losing everything and fighting with no tears in your eyes, they’ll join in to help you.

    Men like myself will also. http://www.theymedia.com we’re an indigenous film company portraying native women and men on screen in culturally appropriate ways. Also the article was funny eeeeeee

  • Shannan McNair

    wow. thanks for this. Clever and disturbing as is life. Keep punching that dough and writing pieces that make us feel as if someone understands.

  • Martha Howe

    So well worth the many wasted hours perusing Facebook looking for gems like this!

  • Joni Van Bockel

    Thank you for this! <3

  • Greg

    That was delightfully well written. How can anyone mess up writing a cinnamon roll recipe? I think the recipe was the work of PR Interns. Or Dark elves. There really isn’t any way to tell. I will be digging deep into this website’s archives though.

  • johnnyglock

    I bet any moenyif Mario Batali made those buns they’d be fucking awesome. It’s hard to make a recipe the first time. Everyone fucks up. Don’t sweat it. You’ll get it eventually.

  • pheloniouspunk

    GREAT!

  • This is masterful. I could commiserate so many shared experiences with you, including my own piece of cake story. Keep on baking, lady.

  • Patrick Nottingham

    I’d like to comment something witty, but the whole situation has me saddened. Sorry for my gender’s behavior. Thanks for the both funny and sobering assessment of the apology recipe and the reason there needed to be an apology in the first place.

  • This is a great piece. (Pun intended)

  • johne2

    More of this please. I dunno if I’m actually supposed to laugh, as a guy, but I’ll say this. You’re an amazing writer. I aspire to this quality of work. Thanks for sharing it.

  • Gar

    This article was fantastic on so many levels. Thank you for posting!

  • SouthPortlandMainer

    I love you.

  • Liz

    This is a FABULOUS post! Thank you for sharing- can you send us all your favorite, and actually good, cinnamon roll recipe? 😉

  • Kingston Kennedy

    Don’t know if I’m suddenly name-blind but I can’t find the author’s name anywhere. Please help.

  • Tana Martha Esther Pesso

    I love your writing and view! I even bought the book because you had the funniest pop up ad I’ve ever seen, so wanted to reward you for that.

  • CJ

    Great writing. I felt every single atom of your anger. I didn’t know about this particular sleazeball beforehand (in my defence I live in the UK and am trying to stay away from Facebook, and there are so very many of these sleazeballs blinking in the light of women’s righteous fury right now) but then it’s not just about this one sleazeball, it’s about them all, isn’t it?

  • nangi

    YOU ROCK

  • Eliska Adema

    ‘ . . .it’s our fault when it doesn’t work’. That phrase kept niggling at me until I realized that it’s my main gripe about healthcare. I went over 35 years with an undiagnosed heartbeat that would drop below 40. I’d feel like crap, often pass out, ended up in the ER numerous times, often by ambulance. Even though paramedics told ER staff that they couldn’t find a pulse when they loaded me in the ambulance, I would get sent home with a diagnosis of everything from vertigo to anxiety to ‘all in my head’. After the problem was finally diagnosed, and a pacemaker implanted, I was told that the odd sensations and shortness of breath I experienced several years later was ‘my imagination’. Of course, it was a woman pacemaker tech who discovered that the pacemaker leads were fractured, causing faulty signals to be sent to my heart. I’ve ditched primary doctors and cardiologists who reacted badly to my query ‘If I were a white male coming in with these symptoms, would you still say it was ‘in my head’.

    • Todd Davis

      Idiot. Let’s relate sexism to your heart problems…everything is now sexist.

  • Courteney Brown

    “You didn’t follow the recipe! How very dare!” they shout; you’re supposed to keep your mouth shut and follow the goddamn instructions. And then as they shove the rolls in their mouths, “You can’t possibly have done this yourself! What other celebrity chef did you copy from? Ramsay? Oliver? Flay? Puck?” as if the knowledge didn’t come from the thousand times you’ve made cinnamon rolls before, whether from your grandmother’s recipe – never written down, she showed you just how to do it – or modified out of Julia Child’s amazing brioche dough. “And of course it’s only cinnamon rolls,” they scoff. “Baking’s the only place a woman can survive in a REAL kitchen. And it’s probably the only thing you know – you couldn’t pull off an éclair or mille-feuille or a lighter-than-air sponge or the chimerical celebrations of gastronomy that come out of a restaurant’s dessert section. Did your boyfriend/husband/dad/etc help? He must’ve kneaded the dough for you…”

    …Second time today I’ve wished for a ‘thank you/congratulations/this is great/but I’m sorry for the necessity of it’ expression.

  • sybann

    This was fucking awesome.

  • Andrea Allan

    Thank you for this! It is just perfect! I was blowing up on my FB newsfeed and I had to check out why…. totally understand now!!!

  • Sarah Cotter Hogroian

    Do you know that McAfee keeps blocking this post? It has that annoying red and white danger-danger-danger motif going with a “Whoa! Are you sure you want to go there?” I’m so glad I did. You’ve got a new reader and non-stalkery fan.

  • Marshall Penelope

    laugh crying

  • Bridget LaMonica

    Very well written, filled with the kind of biting wit we need at a time like this. A dash of humor but a heaping helping of reality.

  • Emily Claire

    do you have a cinnamon roll recipe your recommend?

  • marsya

    I love this post. Thank you. I’m sorry the cinnamon rolls weren’t very good.

  • Eliza

    I love you. Oh and Rand is the luckiest man in the world. Well… it might be a tie between Rand and John Legend.

  • SSipe

    Brilliant!

  • Congratulations on: #1) writing a brilliant fucking post (do not read any sarcasm in this comment, I truly mean that) and 2) for taking the time to make these rolls, knowing that you were correct from the get-go, and that they’d taste like shit.

  • Jordan St.John

    May be punching down the dough, but punching up everywhere else.

  • James Mostowski

    I never really paid much attention to Mario and as soon as I saw him running around in “Crocks” in one of his series, I stopped watching. It surprised me to hear of ‘hetero’ harassment for some reason. The recipe in question is S#!t and your commentary is priceless. I’m glad that “BoingBoing” pointed me in your direction and I look forward to following you in the future.

  • Maribel Andonian

    This is priceless! I can just see her punching down the dough as her anger escalates. I can relate.

  • Nikki Rouse

    This is perfect. Thank you.

  • GaryWGoodwin

    This is awesome. A little bit of rage, rolled around some righteous indignation, slathered with witticisms.
    I would suggest some marzipan. (Crushed nuts).

    • Space Marine Lysana

      Did you just tell a baker what marzipan is? And by the way, it’s almond meal with sugar or honey.

  • GirlfriendMD

    this is probably not the place to post this but it speaks VOLUMES to me.
    As a doctor, I’ve always had jobs working for men. Two months ago, I started at the Women’s Clinic at the local VA. Two days ago we had a “retreat” where we all got to know each other better, and there was a time for offering concerns, obstacles and ‘opportunities for improvement.’ I spent about 10 minutes talking about how much I loved the clinic, but the truth is that the orientation to a) working for the federal gov’t, b) working at the VA and c) working in this clinic was sorely lacking. There were so many things I didn’t realize I should have been doing, things I wanted to do but couldn’t, or things I just didn’t know how to do. I got home that night and was thinking “oh, they’re going to think I’m so angry. I should apologize for my tone.”
    Yesterday and today, I told several colleagues that I was sorry if I came off as angry or aggressive. Literally, every single one of them said “Were you angry?” Or “you weren’t aggressive, you pointed out a real problem that we need to address.” One of the other doctors today asked me why I would worry she would think I was angry or aggressive. I said that, well, every time I’ve brought up similar problems in other jobs, I’ve been labeled as angry, aggressive, or confrontational.
    She laughed and said, “We appreciate your assertiveness here. You pointed out a problem, it’s a real problem, you weren’t rude confrontational at all. And you offered solutions!” Then she smiled at me and said, “you always worked for men, didn’t you?”
    This post today, after that experience this week? Well, it all seems to go together like savory pizza dough and overly sweet icing to make cinnamon rolls.

  • Wow. Excellent.

  • Avery Freeman

    I’m sure your husband loves you.

    Not that you need men for any validation of any sort…

    but seriously, he loves you…

  • Chris Jones

    THIS MADE MY DAY! Brilliant, and yea, i’m gonna make it to because…..fuck everything! Love it~thank you!

  • The sarcasm in this is so sad and so true 🙁
    “Maybe if you spent less time whining about men who want to fuck you (which you should take as a compliment because who the hell would want to fuck you, anyway),”

  • Nancy Schatz Alton

    I now want to read everything you have written. I’m a writer and I wish I wrote this. That’s my highest compliment. Thanks for speaking for women everywhere.

  • Megan Streight

    So so good

  • Marlene Mills

    Love and respect, Geraldine.

    • Everywhereist

      Back atcha.

  • Dave Coulson

    I’m a man, with my own misdeeds and failures to apologize for, but every day I am shocked at the unbelievably cruel, ignorant, stupid things I find out that women have to endure from men, particularly men in positions of power. It reminds me of all the millions of other ways that the institutions we trusted, and the leaders of those institutions who have usually been men, have not only failed us in spectacular ways, but have done so with a shocking inhuman cruelty.

  • G.l.Janice Boyes

    Dear Lady, respect yourself. You should have just put that recipe where it belongs. In a fire or a garbage. You are better than that and You can make killer cinnamon buns. To even try his dumb recipe was counter intuitive. A waste of Flour and –did I see Wine?– Should have drunk the wine and ignored his recipe. Love you gal. Jan Boyes

    • Everywhereist

      I do respect myself.

  • Jonathon E. Stewart

    Genius. I felt like your husband, reading this incredibly-crafted piece. Laughing, dancing at first, then increasingly somber, solemn as the metaphor rounded out. Thank you for this. Beautifully articulated.

  • Baleful1

    Pretentious, opportunistic, self-indulgent crap.

  • ronmoule

    Beautifully written.

  • Ryan Hooper

    Let me inform you that you literally face no more sexism in your gender than men do now. You can go die for all I care. Ok people call you fat. It’s true. Don’t complain about stuff like that and instead go outside for once instead of complaining about some bs that you can support in no way shape or form. I bet your rolls turned out bad because youre ability to cook is so dismal not even batali can fix it. Oh, by the way did I menting that 12% of rape accusations are proven to be false? That is over 8,000 false rape allegations A YEAR. So go cry in your small corner af your room where your husband left you and cry to yourself, but don’t involve anyone else or blame this stupid patriarchy bs. I think I made my point very clear.

  • Thuyen Nguyen

    I hope this movement keeps momentum and women and better of men out there put the fear in chauvinist jerks that keep running the show and enabling other same jerks to continue the show. As gay men, we are also marginalized and oppressed by double-standards ultimately pushed forth by straight male dominance. They care more about what we equal tax payers do with other consenting adults than to make their peers accountable for taking “locker room banter” into reality. So i hope women keep men accountable and keep striving for true equality and proper representation. And other women stop celebrating aggression and power as an attractive quality in men. It’s not, it’s making such monsters. The rise of the matriarchal to Eden the centuries of patriarchal monopolis what will help us move i to more modern times. So sick of this “good old boys room” mentality.

  • Mike K

    I feel sorry for this author. She, like most people, has given into the mindset that everything’s just unfair. Men are evil, women are helpless victims and she has a platform to grandstand on.
    This is why Trump won, because millions of people such as her believed in this flawed way of thinking. They thought “oh a woman(any woman) running should win.” The token vote of “my turn.” Despite being under criminal investigation glossed over by her friends, despite STEALING the nomination from a man(after all hes a man, he deserves less right?), and despite defending rapists to calling blacks super-predators she was the most qualified correct?

  • Susan

    This is great, I’m forwarding it to everybody I know.

  • ingamarie

    What’s most amusing to me is that this character thought including a recipe in his apology might convince a few weak minds that really, under all his bad behavior, he was ‘just one of the girls’. It may point to a kind of womb envy in predatory men, that we overlook.

    Perhaps for some of them, they do believe their bad sexual moves are compliments….and that espousing female values….or confessing that you do occasionally indulge in female activities (baking is almost an archetype here)…will exonorate your sexist, sexual bullying.

    Women are a lot like dough you have to admit: so squeezable!!! And men, so shut out for the most part, from that soft, resiliency!

    Time to ‘pity the perpetrator”? No doubt.

  • Cindy Chupack

    This is so good. So poignant and beautiful and perfect and funny but not funny at all because it’s true. It’s savory and sweet. You are a fantastic writer.

  • Margaret B. Moss

    Amazing piece. I found myself saying, “YES,” out loud after each punch line. I’ve found a new ambition — to write this well.

  • AndyMatts

    Gotta say, I don’t think you were very bright here.

    I doubt most people bothered reading Batali’s apology. It seems like the usual, manufactured by PR pros crap.

    Mario probably figured that anyone reading the whole damn thing was very invested/pissed.

    So he puts the most horrible recipe he could concoct at the bottom as a big “FU”. You fell into his trap.

    😀 Hilarious and witty writing. Loved it!

    • Everywhereist

      I didn’t fall into anything. I made the fucking recipe as written, realized it was shitty, and kept making it.

      • AndyMatts

        You see that huge smiley face I threw in after that comment? It’s my understanding that this is usually recognized as an indication that someone is joking around/being facetious/remarking tongue-in-cheek.

        Is there some even more obvious indication I should leave in the future?

        I’m a bit disappointed that someone with your obvious gift for wit and snark was blind to that.

  • sethblink

    Brilliant.

  • Beautifully written. Thank you for writing this.

  • tkahle

    I am so glad you are back.

  • Lita Brooker

    Brilliant. Just…brilliant.

  • Space Marine Lysana

    And you still badly mansplained marizpan to a baker who was protesting sexism while making bad cinnamon rolls. Go think about your life.

    • GaryWGoodwin

      Sorry. No offense meant. I knew she would know about marzipan.

  • ty111

    Fuck yeah

  • Ken Long

    Brilliant! And you have a book?

    Fine, take my money.

  • Even after all the really great pieces of yours I’ve read, Geraldine, this one is in a class of its own. Impressive and impactful!

  • Anne Saniuk

    My husband forwarded this to me because he thought it was hilarious. He said he laughed out loud reading it. We had a discussion about this and I tried reading it to him as I heard it in my head. He didn’t like it.
    He’s a great guy but has a huge blind spot about things like this. Am I wrong? Is this post hilariously funny? Anyone?

  • Gwen

    Dude, I’m sorry you fell victim to Bartelli’s final “fuck you” to women: a fucking terrible cinnamon roll recipe.

  • A Cartwright

    Thank you.

  • Alice Thompson

    Bitter, angry, powerful.

    You made your point… I applaud your feminist rage.

    Honestly.. this is the FIRST TIME I have seen bitter and cynical create an article that worked to make it’s point in a more powerful way than sweet reason.

    I am blown away.

  • PsueDunhym

    Holy shit, this was amazingly written.

  • Lisa Tibbitts

    This is very well written. I applaud you!!!! I don’t know why he included the recipe. Maybe as a gift to women who like recipes? Maybe because he wanted to demonstrate he has a feminine side as a token? Either way I am guessing it was in ignorance over the implications of his actions. For myself, having experienced many of the same things you have experienced I am looking forward to seeing women saying out loud, “Get your hands of me!!!” and laughing at men who make sexual jokes as though they are attractive and their attention is flattering. Saying, “That would never happen with you,” or more politely, “I am not interested in you in that way,” to set clear, unmistakable boundaries, is what will empower the woman having the experience as well as the women witnessing her reaction and it will serve to silence and leash the men with their own insecurities. It is time to stop asking others to make safe places for us as though we need permission to be safe. Demand clear boundaries by controlling the situation yourself. Believe me, anger will not change anything. Peace!

  • Debra

    Great post, so funny but so true (most of it). You state what goes through all our (female)minds constantly. But what you are not seeing is that not only are men to blame but women are too. Women treat women the same horrible way. I would say absolutely worse, except for the sexual advances. No man cares how you bake that recipe, it is the women in your life that cause you to worry as you follow the instructions. You can not look at people as a man or woman – you have to be above the lot. Look equally and you will see for example the most corrupt presidential candidate in history ran in 2016 – so all the preparation and experience did not matter to the majority of the American people – SHE did not win. I look forward to a credible honest female candidate in the future.

  • The Earplug

    Yo this was good

  • Your post stirred something in me, from the depths of my core. All I wanted to do was focus my rage and snip off the top of that erect cinnamon bun. Vengence is best served cold. Unless you’re a cinnamon bun. Then it’s clearly a sticky mess thrown in the bin.

  • Tracey March

    So good. Thank you.

  • Pat

    I loved this blog post, Geraldine! You crack me up! You have a new reader!

  • Beverly Porter

    What an amazingly clever, funny, and on point post. Huge congrats. You are awesome!

  • Leo Sevigny

    Bravo and Perfect.

  • Bill Murray

    Hello Geraldine, I loved your article about the Batali cinnamon apology rolls. As I read it and looked at the pictures my cynical mind sought a solution as to why he would include this in the letter. I posted it on Facebook, it’s long, so here’s the link if you choose to read it. http://www.facebook.com/Yanamamo/posts/10211068175768831 Thanks for your great writing, I look forward to reading more.

  • Patricia L. Schall

    I was this post as I was making steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast. I almost wanted to drop everything and make the cinnamon rolls. Loved the metaphor.

  • Patricia L. Schall

    I read this post as I was making steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast. I almost dropped everything to make the cinnamon rolls. Loved your metaphor. Lively, engaging, funny writing.

  • Rebecca

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. (You can read that first line if you’d like, but it was aimed at the Universe for leading me to your site. And now I’m off to buy your book.) I wish I could follow you on Twitter, but it seems I totally disarticulated my account and buried each piece separately in the back yard approximately 300 days into Cheetolini’s reign. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Go ahead – that last part was yours.)

  • Awesome!!

  • LarryW

    Sorry, I can’t get past the offensive, obscene language in this posting. Very offensive. And you think men treat *you* badly? What are you doing to your own readers?! If you can’t make your point without liberal use of profanity, you don’t have a point.

    I have never in my life seen a man act with such disgusting sexual aggressiveness, as the stories you mentioned. I don’t doubt for a second that they happen, but in 35+ years of work life, I’ve never seen a man touch or speak to a woman so inappropriately. Maybe I just got lucky and have worked in a more civilized environment, or maybe the offenders are really good about only acting that way when no one else is near.

    If you want to destroy the good in someone, *keep accusing them of things they didn’t do*. And that’s exactly what the “3rd wave of feminism” has done — men, including what you would consider GOOD men, are now afraid to speak to women as anything other that platonic colleagues, for fear of being accused of sexism or harassment.

    • Everywhereist

      Larry, if my language is what is offending you, then you are focusing on the wrong thing. If that is the most offensive thing you found in this post, then I can’t even begin to tell you how skewed your priorities are.

      You’ve never seen a man act with such disgusting aggressiveness? That’s because you weren’t looking, Larry. It happens all the time. Sometimes it happens in private. And sometimes it happens in wide open spaces, but men like you don’t see it because you’re too busy being offended by salty language.

      No one is accusing anyone of something they didn’t do – but the fact that you make that leap says so much about you, Larry. If women speaking up about harassment makes some men afraid of women, that’s not the fault of women.

  • Thank you!

  • Cecilie Wian

    I love you for this. For making this shit, so nobody else have to.

    And for making it the way you did for all the right reasons.

  • Omg this was so good, funny while succinctly still talking about the serious issue at hand, that takes skill!

  • Jack Davis

    I post this to the women below vehemently ‘dicussing’ Michelle Williams’ pay situation. (D’Fwan and ingamarie)
    This is Exactly what the patriarchal setup has trained us to do.
    Do you see any men impassionately involved in this argument? Only us Ladies, destroying e/o bit by bit. Convincing e/o that
    there is wrongheadedness.
    While they ‘wonder’ why there’s a female backlash at misogyny.
    Pick your battles more wisely. Pick your battles with the right people.

  • rainyknitting

    LOVE this.

  • AngryWarthogBreath

    I saw John Kovalic link to this, saying “I assumed this was going to be a “Ha-ha funny” article. Instead it is powerful as hell.” I didn’t quite know how one got “powerful as hell” out of inappropriate cinnamon roll recipes, and yet, here the fuck it is. I have since gone on to back-read a great deal of your blog and am now very strongly considering ordering your book. Thank you for writing the goods, and even when dicks are dicks and try to prevent you from speaking out (ahem Twitter), I hope you never stop and never hold back.

  • AngryWarthogBreath

    Oh, God, a Woody Allen adaptation. “I love it, but to make it more relatable, we’re replacing the cinnamon rolls with two underage teenage girls and the baker with a brilliant, troubled artist named Woody Allen. Also I think Mario Batali should get a cameo about how wonderful he is because he’s been having a hard time lately.”

  • steviesun

    This is a stroke of genius analogy.

  • Mohan Prakash

    What a nice recipe you shared with us. It looks incredible rolls.. great pictures. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    http://www.incredibletaj.com/same-day-agra-tour-by-train.html?

    id=1

  • Lol, just read Taylor’s comment – haha, add in my vote!
    I came across your post via Links I Love, Jodi Ettenberg. So very glad I clicked and read. I see me in so much of that rollercoaster.

  • writebrainrd

    Love this blog. It is not about who is president or who holds the head chair in the board room. It is about who we are as intelligent, witty and tremendously wise individuals. Many men can’t stand this. I hope we don’t blame their mothers. But, yes, for years we just thought disrespect was the path we must walk, as men were crowned with the right to be wrong.

    I must make these rolls, but I’ll leave off the icing. It’s just too much coverage for a chef who has been humiliated and caught without his orange Crocks. How long will his shame linger? Has he learned from this Mia Culpa or does he think a sweet roll will heal our hearts?

  • Joey From South Brooklyn

    Mario forgot to add the one ingredient he’s known for! Sexual Harassment!

  • Everywhereist

    No, they don’t. They have the same agency. That doesn’t mean they have the same agents. That’s like saying we were on the same flight because we both flew on Delta yesterday, but you went to New York and I went to Miami.

  • thatgirlinnewyork

    I still say Batali phoned in his “apology” with the typical, unvetted recipes so many celebs offer up. Some might call it benign neglect, but neglect isn’t benign when offering up a sincere apology–never mind they usually don’t include a recipe to soften the edges. He dared us to make those #FuckingCinnamonRolls knowing he never actually made them himself, and because he gambled no one would complain about the actual recipe the same way they hadn’t complained about the sexism in his kitchens. He never calculated someone would bitch about it so publicly and delightfully. Well done, @Everywhereist:disqus #FuckYouPatriarchy

  • shaun rosenberg

    This was wonderful – I’m so sorry you got anything but compliments for it

  • What a solid, and poignant post. Thanks for sharing. And for what it’s worth….#IBelieveYou and your voice is a beacon for many who are still being oppressed by either their partner or society.

  • Tanya Ehlert

    I actually hate baking, but I loved the metaphor. Thank you for this post. I admire you because weak men fear you and naive women don’t get you. You are my kind of people. Keep up the great work woman, bravo! I look forward to reading more.

  • Beelzebubba

    Brilliant!
    Don’t let the assholes get you down. The Internet gives losers both a megaphone and a curtain to hide behind, but guess what – behind the curtain there’s only a loser with a megaphone.

  • Lexacat

    You rock. I just read this and immediately ordered your book and I can’t even wait! I’m so looking forward to reading more of your writing. I’m going to go check out the rest of your blog now!
    Thank you for this powerful piece. His recipe sounds awful, and I believe you could make better cinnamon rolls than that swine batali with one arm behind your back. Thanks, and again, you rock.
    Cmon folks let’s buy her book and remember to go back and leave a review- support writers! 🙂
    https://www.amazon.com/All-Over-Place-Adventures-Travel/dp/1610397630?ref=silk_rvp

  • DVH

    The recipe omits the rising step after the rolls are made which is a BIG error in my opinion. This is an “All Recipe” kind of error, not the kind I would expect from a chef. Especially one who is offering an apology.

  • Jean Reynolds

    You convinced me. I bought the book.

  • Kym DeCorte Cowett

    I hate that I relate, I hate that I’ve been reminded of the time a boss (a man) broke me to tears once in a similar way. But I also love to bake, and I love that women every where are woke and I also loved this extremely entertaining and meaningful read. Thank you

  • moonbeammairgold

    Better off making zeppoles with that leftover pizza dough.

  • This is amazing! I love your writing style and step by step pictures. I want to go make some proper cinnamon rolls now! And protest and shout and all of those things.

  • busyness

    This. is. fabulous. The writing. Not the reason behind it or the recipe. The post is tasty and a great balance of ingredients.

  • Larry Bain

    For people who think about Mario Batali, and there are far more than any self respecting civilization should tolerate, I hope, like me, I will never think about him again without thinking about his cinnamon rolls

  • ElvisisMyName

    Why would you make these when there are wonderful cinnamon roll recipes out there? What a waste of time and ingredients just to make a point that Batali is a yokel. PS The icing needs butter in it.

    • Everywhereist

      It’s almost like I was trying to make a fucking point.

      • Emily Engelman

        Well you’ve wasted your time here on elvis whats his face
        ElvisisMyName

  • Stacey Glenn Bradley

    Amen, sister, to everything. Love your writing style 😉

  • Sharon Tully

    Sorry do not like the f word and once I saw God name in vain I quit reading. Wishing you a blessed life.

    • Everywhereist

      Aww, thanks, Sharon.

  • Mardi Grant

    ah!! someone who drifts into sarcasm while baking! I’ve found my soulmate! you go girl!!

  • Amjean

    The recipe may or may not be good (its not yours so the credit or blame doesn’t fall on your shoulders) and your article is somewhat
    amusing – except for the lies you tell about President Trump. Why you liberals think you can elevate your stature by slamming Trump is
    sometimes beyond comprehension. It only makes you look stupid. Selecting your reading material from only the New York Times
    and your viewing material from CNN or MSNBC gives one a false perspective. Try going to an aggregating site such as Lucianne.com
    and an information site like ConservativeTreehouse.com. On Lucianne you will see articles from both left and right. The Conservative
    Treehouse, however, is only a conservative site. It does, however, lay out the facts on issues that will boggle your mind. Try it!
    After all, you tried the cinnamon rolls of a supposed sexual offender.

    • Everywhereist

      I tried the cinnamon rolls of a supposed sex offender and you’re embracing the Presidency of an admitted one! Yay!

  • Sabrina Lozano

    I don’t read cooking blogs. They are too long, usually include some sappy story. Actually, I’m sick of blogs. But this was so well written, funny and to the point at the same time. I read the entire thing. Loved it. I think I need to make cinnamon rolls.

  • Carolyn Levi

    Amazingly poignant and well-written <3

  • SilverCityStarr

    To bake is to transform. And you have transformed bitter realities into deliciously dark humor. Well done, in more ways than one.

  • Barbara Williams

    I loved this article. You created a dish that included all of the ingredients for shitty cinnamon rolls as well as a little gut level descriotion of what it’s like the be on the demeaning end of misogynistic crumbs thrown at women who “should”recognize them as the gifts they were intended to be. Ah, how we women need to accept the gift of shitty cinnamon rolls and smile while we swallow. Thanks!

  • sharon flores

    Bwhahaha!

  • Very well fucking put.

  • Tiny Tina

    This is stupid. The crux of this article has nothing to do with Michelle Williams and Mark Wahlberg and who fought for a bigger paycheck. The point is that Batali posted an article having people use pizza dough for cinnamon rolls and people consider him a serious chef. Hopefully that hurts his standing in the culinary world because we all know his sex assault charges won’t hurt him.

  • Robert Gaudet

    These stories always make me cry. Because as a man, no one has ever insulted, or harrassed, or physically attacked me.

    Seriously though, why do some women confuse the fact that suffering is a feature of existence with “systematic oppresion”?

  • How did we end so off-topic here?

  • Abhishek Yadav

    I am in fact thankful to the owner of this web page who has shared this wonderful article at at this time.
    Dstance MBA in india

  • Sertanejo Com orgulho

    Sem duvida fica uma delicia, eu publiquei uma Receita de Torta Holandesa com Doce de Leite aqui ficou perfeito
    https://receitinhascaseiras.com/receita-de-torta-holandesa-com-doce-de-leite/

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On Instagram @theeverywhereist

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  • No filter. This is just what Sintra looks like.
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