Someone Got Drunk And Then Designed This Bathroom.

Posted on
Jun 8, 2015
17
Posted in: WTF

When we were last in South Africa, I used the most amazing toilet ever (we saw other stuff, too, like penguins and spring bok and geckos. And yet, this post is about toilets).

I also used one of the weirdest toilets ever. It was in the house we rented in Camps Bay, which is not too far from Cape Town. The house was lovely – here’s the view from the deck that was in our bedroom:

Pretty swanky, right?

But, to quote that oft-used travel proverb, the bathroom was where things got weird.

Here’s the toilet and the bidet, which are positioned nice and close together, in the event that you and your spouse wish to utilize them simultaneously while holding hands. I suggested to Rand that we try this, and he said no because I guess he doesn’t love me very much.

This wasn’t the weird part, though.

Actually, if you look straight at the bathroom, it all seems pretty normal and frankly, kinda great. There’s a nice big sink, and a tub, and behind that frosted glass panel at left is a shower.

But then you step back a little further …

Huh. That’s kind of weird. What’s up with the wall at the right?

And a little further still.

Uhhh …

And you find yourself directly in the middle of the bedroom. There was no separation between the two. Just one big room, the entirety of which occasionally smelled liked crap.

Though my husband and I have been together for 13 and a half years, and the secrets between us are few, this layout was not ideal.

“You reading your book over there?”

“Yeah.” 

“You look comfy.”

“I am.”

“That’s great. I’m going to need you to leave.” 

“What?”

“I need to drop a deuce, so you need to get out of our entire bedroom.”

“Okay. For how long?”

“For me to be done, or for the air to clear? Because those are two very different numbers, Rand.” 

I’m guessing this interior design abomination came about because the architect wanted to eliminate the the most annoying part about using a toilet: the whole “opening the door and stepping inside another room” aspect. Or maybe he was just bummed that he couldn’t poop and bathe in front of an audience.

Or perhaps he just wanted to jump directly from the bed into the bathtub, because he was playing that game where the carpet was lava.

Whatever the case, hats off to a man who didn’t let “being drunk or maybe on drugs” stop him from getting the job done.

Leave a Comment

  • María Teresa Moreno Pitti

    That’s hilarious! I enjoy your posts so much

  • Andi Plummer

    Laughing out loud at work. What the eff. Best line ““For me to be done, or for the air to clear? Because those are two very different numbers, Rand.” “

  • Haha I have seen this as well. Which design school/school-of-design-thought said this was a good idea? I have also stayed in a hotel room where the bathroom was a glass box. Not opaque glass but clear class, and the toilet was in clear view of the bed. Luckily I was by myself otherwise it would have been awkward.

    • I had the exact same experience. Well, not quite. There was one big difference: I had my girlfriend with me. But I just decided to make the most of it and embrace the awkwardness. Lots of eye contact and stuff like that. Such a lovely experience.

  • Laura Perez

    OMG what kind of design is that? Hilarious!

  • Celia Yarwood

    I’m so glad you are posting regularly again. Too funny.

  • In some flats in Berlin you can still (I don’t know what or when this “still” stands for) find the shower in the kitchen. Good times.

  • Lara Kaya

    You are the funniest writer, reading you has brought me so much joy. When at work, I’m literally pinching myself in order not to laugh my ass off !
    I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog, please keep writing this kind of love letters, your husband is not the only one enjoying them 🙂

  • Well if that won’t cause a case of severe constipation, I don’t know what will!

  • YESSSSS my husband and I stayed in a VERRUH FANCY resort where this was (almost) the case. WHAT IS THIS?? Although at least there was a glass door? As if that somehow helps? It FEELS more enclosed? I don’t know. It was terrible. The glass wasn’t even all the way to the floor or ceiling, so it’s not like it would contain smells or anything.

    I don’t ever want to use bowel movements as a way to get closer to my husband.

  • karin

    Here’s a quote from my review of a hotel in Mexico:
    As noted in so many other reviews, the bathroom set up borders on ridiculous. The shower door is clear with a frosted outer rectangle. The toilet “room” door is frosted with a not frosted outer rectangle and the door is only about 3/4 height. The two sink mirrors are free-standing sunburst shapes and, if you have long arms you could lean across the sink and bop your husband on the head while he’s LYING IN BED.

    We’re been together 19 years and I felt uncomfortable using the toilet while he was in the room – there is literally no privacy and this would make for a very awkward roommate situation.

  • You’re officially my new favorite person.

  • 1. I’m so glad I found your blog; you are amazing & I want to be you. Wait, what?
    2. I was in Miami this weekend and a friend of mine (my childhood best friend, sooo, thankfully we’re close) roomed together at a trendy hotel where the toilet and shower were basically in the room with CLEAR DOORS. When did architects and designers decide that bathroom activities required an audience and zero privacy? Sure, in theory, showering with your partner watching I guess is sexy but…NOT REALLY THOUGH. And the toilet? NO. Put that thing in a soundproof, bulletproof, completely covered separate area. Get outta here. Amazing post!

  • Gwen

    stoooopid. LOL

  • Isabella

    ahaha unfortunately this is becoming on fashion in many hotels…. crazy!!

  • braqueish
  • Rand just sent me the link to this blog and I just finished reading this post and chuckling to myself. Yeah, the standard in most SA homes to to maximize space, and I imagine that adding one door or wall here or these just takes up so much space. Hence why Open plan houses are the defacto typa dwellings. I guess your situation in that hotel accommodation was an “open plan crap”. 🙂

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