Reason #17: It’s probably a bad idea if I’m left home alone.

My husband travels. A lot. There are days when I forget where he’s gone. Someone will ask, and I’ll stare blankly for a few seconds, before answering, “Um … California?” I live terror of the idea that I’ll be involved in a car accident, after which a doctor will ask me a series of questions to make sure I haven’t completely lost it.  And he or she will ask me where my husband is, or what day it is, and I won’t have the faintest idea (because I also never know what day it is). Then they’ll lock me up someplace quiet and bring me Jell-O in plastic cups.

Which actually wouldn’t be that bad, or that undeserving.

Obviously one of the reasons I travel is in order to be with Rand, and I rarely take trips without him. I can’t actually sleep (and his side of the bed usually remains untouched) when he’s out of town :

I didnt even pull the comforter down ...

I didn't even pull the comforter down ...

But I also travel with him because, when left a home to my own devices, I keep doing things that are evidence of my own crazy.

For example, I wrote this, and seemed to think it was hilarious. Personally, I imagined two military personnel (one high-ranking, one low) having this exchange:

Rand: I dont get it.

Rand: "I don't get it."

When I showed it to my husband, he quietly shook his head and hugged me. Which is often how it goes.

And then there was this, which didn’t even happen as a result of Rand being out of town. He just stayed at work late, so I had this greeting him on the floor when he came home:

Its a potato. Saying yo.

It's a potato. Saying "yo."

It then prompted this exchange:

Rand: Why is the potato saying “yo”?

Me: Damn it. I thought you were going to ask why it was on the floor. I had an answered prepared and everything.

Rand: Okay, fine, why is it on the floor?

Me: Because potatoes grow in the ground, so, you know, the floor is closer to home.

Rand: That was your prepared answer?

Me: Yeah.

He then asked again why it was saying “yo”, to which I replied, “I don’t know … doesn’t that seem like something a potato would say? You know … ‘Yo … I’m a potato’?”

Right?

He’s currently in Palo Alto (I think. He might be in San Francisco) for the day, and fortunately he’s coming back tonight so I don’t have to try and fall asleep without him. In the meantime, I’m trying to think of something to do before he gets back. I was considering putting thought bubbles on all of our family photos with sayings like, “I LIKE PORK.” and “I will never forgive his affair with CHEWBACCA.” But after the potato incident, that might be too predictable.

Full list of categories:  Random Musings » Why I Travel
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Comments (7)

  1. 1
    Trisha says:

    I have only two comments:

    1. Geraldine, jell-o in plastic cups is the BEST because you don’t need utensils to eat it – you can SQUEEZE the cup (slowly of course) and just slurp it before it dribbles down your hand. Don’t knock plastic cup jell-o.

    2. For Rand (even though he probably won’t see this)…DUH, dude, what ELSE would a potato say! I think it makes perfect sense. It’s silly to expect multi-syllabic phrases from a potato.

    I’m not even going to ask about those white spots on your comforter.

  2. 2
    Geraldine says:

    Re: the white spots – That’s actually the sunshine pouring in through the trees (and our blinds – see the slats?). Which is way more romantic and way less disgusting that you probably originally thought.

  3. 3
    Trisha says:

    Sunshine. M’kay.

    Totally more romantic, way less disgusting, substantially less fun.

  4. 4
    Siiri says:

    Less predictable, endlessly funny: write odd phrases on the inside band of his underpants with permanent marker….like they’re talking to him.

  5. 5
    Laura says:

    a) This is probably not funny and too technical and maybe you already knew this, but were just trying to be funny and I’m ruining it, but if you don’t know what day it is or where your husband is (although they would never ask you that – they want you to be awake, alert, and oriented to person, time, and place (that’s AAOx3 in medical shorthand) so they’ll ask you who you are, what day it is or something like who the president is, and if you know where you are) they won’t give you jell-o, they’ll give you a CT of the brain.

    b) I don’t know what is wrong with Rand b/c both the fish joke and the potato are absolutely hilarious. Maybe HE’s the one who needs the jell-o.

  6. 6
    Geraldine says:

    Laura – thank you. I am glad you found both of them to be hilarious. I was beginning to worry about myself. Now I am concerned about Rand.

    Why wouldn’t they let you have Jell-O if they were worried about your brain? That’s weak.

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