I Get Fired From My Fake Summer Job For Demanding Cake.

Posted on
Aug 21, 2012

Rand and I have been home a lot this summer.

This is in part due to the fact that we hate to leave Seattle when it’s finally sunny here, and partly because I needed to let folks dig around in my brain. (You know how it is – when people have been digging around in your brain, you want the comfort of your own bed and an endless supply of pajamas. Also, pudding. Lots of pudding).

The nice part about being home for the summer is that I am able to catch up with all those friends who live in Seattle, but who I rarely see. Like my friend Mike. Here is a photo of the two of us, and our respective loves:

We decided to do awkward prom photo poses. Mike’s the one wearing plaid who isn’t Rand.

Mike’s pretty fantastic. He recently got a book deal, and I am seething with jealousy incredibly proud of him. This past summer, we’ve had the chance to hang out a couple of times. I should have seen him more than that, but I keep forgetting to turn up the ringer on my phone, and I miss his calls. That’s what happened yesterday. Mike needed some help with something, and I was busy sitting on my butt and surfing the internet (which, obviously, is important work, too.)

Later, we discussed the event via text. I have decided to share it with you:

Me: Shit. Just got your call.

Mike: Yeah, thanks a lot. You know, if you want to be my assistant, you have to answer the damn phone!

Me: Sorry, Mr. C! It won’t happen again.

Me: Don’t fire me! Where else can I find a job that pays only in cake?

Me: Parenthetically, I demand to be paid in cake.

Mike: Yeah, how about you get some work done before you try breaking into my cake vault.

Me: “Cake vault”? Is that what you are calling it these days?

Me: I would hardly call it a vault when everyone knows the combination.

Mike: … you’re so fired.

Me: You can’t fire me! I quit. Wait, no. I should stick with being fired so I get one final paycake.

Me: Have it sent to my home, please.

Mike: Yes. I will throw it at your window.

Me: That is in no way a problem. I love window cake.

Me: Hey! Are you free for lunch sometime this week?


I have yet to hear back from him.

Leave a Comment

  • I have the same problem—well, not the brain tumor/surgery thing. I have the put-my-phone-on-“silent”- during-the-night-so-my-“Words With Friends”-notifications-won’t-wake-up-my-husband- who-has-a-real-job-and-forget-to-put-it-back-to-“normal” problem. But, I’m a Baby Boomer. I remember when people (even assistants) weren’t expected to answer their phone 24/7 or even 8/5 and somehow the world didn’t stop spinning on its axis. So I get vaguely annoyed at people who expect me to be permanently “on call” — even if the pay is as good as cupcakes.

  • Janet T

    You and Mike have obviously bonded over a love of cupcakes (I checked out his book deal announcement- even his elephant character loves cupcakes)

    I keep my ringer off on my cell, it just vibrates now- so tired of the constant communication. (Why does everyone have so much to say these days?) I rejoiced when the laws went through about driving and talking on the cell. Everyone said- get a hands free device- I said; now I can crank up music and sing along again without worries or guilt. (Mostly guilt)

    One final paycake? Priceless.

  • Mike’s awkward prom smile just made my day. Very funny picture! And I love that text conversation.

  • Tragic, very tragic. I hope Mike does pay you in cake for the time that you took answering his texts… 🙂

  • I have an interview for a fake summer job today (more specifically: a volunteer substitute teaching job) and your post makes me feel better. Even if I don’t get this volunteer job, I will always have cupcakes to cheer me up.

  • Your comments are bright and funny, but the font they have to use is SO hard to read, being CAPS (I realize my emphasis on the word CAPS will not show up — now to emote the important of that word when all the letters….).

    PLEASE (this was also in caps) can you change the font to upper and lower?

    Love your blog. Glad to read you are OK now. 😀

    • …that should have read “commenters” but if it implies your blog comments are bright and funny, so be it. 🙂

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • Four flights in five days. So sleepy. Finally heading home after a wonderful few hours in Ashland seeing @demeritt's incredible one-man show.
  • Why yes, I did run off to Ashland for a hot minute with the most handsome man in the world. What did you do today?
  • Thank you, Minneapolis, for reminding me that we can be pretty, even in the rain.
  • Stumbled upon these paranoid stone benches in MSP and they are speaking to my soul.
  • And to think, all this time I've been telling myself I pecan't.
  • Packing. Home in shambles. Accidently broke my own arm off of this wedding gift a dear friend made us. The symbolism is not lost on me.
  • This absurdly handsome man bounded across the stage in his "Nevertheless, She Persisted" t-shirt and talked about how he doesn't always adhere to gender norms, and that's okay. #soproud #inbound17 #latergram
  • Oh, okay, fine, I'll keep him. (Off to the Inbound conference, where I expect to trounce this fool with my speaking score.) #thisagain #randaldineselfie #selfiesonaplane
  • I sent @randderuiter to the housewares store by himself and this happened. I am the luckiest woman in the world. #christopherwalken #davidbowie #bowiepillow #walkenpillow
  • Super honored to be a part of @booksonthesubway - If you are in NYC, keep an eye out for All Over The Place! If you see a copy, feel free to take it home and read it (just be sure to return it when you're done!) #bookstagram #bookworms #booklove #booklover #booksonthesubway

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.