I Tried Soylent. It Didn’t Go Well.

Posted on
Jul 17, 2017

Last week, I decided to try Soylent.

For those unfamiliar with this “food” product, Soylent is a high-protein drink designed to appeal to lifehackers, dieters, and doomsday cult members who are maybe a little shy and don’t want to come out of their bunker for communal meals. It has an incredibly long shelf-life, and provides you nutrition without all the pesky side-effects that food usually has, like chewing, tasting like something, and being an excuse for human interaction.

As a bonus, it also apparently gives you raging diarrhea, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Because I’m a blogger, and continually told that my life has relatively little value, my body becomes fair game for “creating content”. In the past I’ve tried Paleo, quit sugar for a month, and engaged in a series of workouts designed for double-jointed 19-year-olds who were probably genetically engineered in a lab inside Lululemon’s headquarters.

The point is, since I’m a woman who writes things on the internet, I’m continually told by trolls to “Drink bleach and die.” So I thought, Why don’t I drink something that is marginally better than bleach and instead of dying, I’ll write about it? Thanks for the idea, trolls! I hope you take a moment from your non-stop rage masturbation to reflect on how much I appreciate you.

So … What IS It, Anyway?

It’s a drinkable meal replacement created by computer developers with absolutely zero background in nutrition or culinary sciences. According to the company’s own website, this was the moment of inspiration that led the founders to create Soylent:

Living off a diet of frozen corn dogs and ramen, they grew frustrated with the effort and cost associated with purchasing, preparing, and consuming food that was neither healthy nor enjoyable.

Now, you can understand why I was slightly concerned about ingesting something developed by guys who felt that the prep work for corn dogs and ramen was too much for them. Also, please explain to me how much time and effort is possibly spent purchasing those food items. You can literally buy them at a gas station.

Let me be clear: my body is not a temple. Today I’ve consumed a spoonful of raw cookie dough, and two slices of blueberry pie. At the time of me writing this, it is 9:57am. My eating habits roughly resemble those of someone who is high, because I am, in fact, often high.

But all of it was homemade and goddamn delicious. The point is, I derive a lot of joy from food because I’m not a sociopath.

Soylent takes its name from a 1960s sci-fi thriller starring Charlton Heston (the website maintains they actually got the idea from the book on which the film is based. Sure, guys. Sure.) In the movie, there’s a massive food shortage, and Soylent is the food replacement that everyone eats, and the most popular flavor is Soylent Green, which Heston’s character discovers is actually made from human flesh.

I’m going to repeat that, in case that paragraph was so batshit crazy that your brain rejected it. The inventors saw a movie in which people are unknowingly eating processed food that is made from humans and they thought “WE SHOULD NAME OUR PROCESSED FOOD AFTER THAT.”

Are we all on the same page of this ludicrous book titled Oh My God, What is Happening? Great.


The Experiment

I decided to replace two meals a day with Soylent every day for a week. That’s fourteen bottles.

It did not end well. It didn’t even begin well.

Soylent comes in a variety of flavors with ambiguous, litigation-safe names like “nectar” and “cacao.” There’s a caffeinated variant, if you want to avoid a high-maintenance lifestyle that requires you to drink coffee. Or, for you DIYers, you can buy Soylent in a powdered form, in case you like your Soy Protein Isolate Meal Replacements to have a more “homemade” touch.

I ordered a 12-pack from the Internet, and a few days later it arrived on my doorstep. The box said that I didn’t need to refrigerate Soylent, and that pregnant women should consult a doctor before drinking it, and you shouldn’t have arguments with your spouse within earshot of the package because it will anger the Soylents inside. Also, you are cautioned not to drink too much of the stuff. No, really. The actual label of the product tells you to maybe not drink it.


I was somewhat concerned because now even Soylent itself was like, “Hey maybe this is a bad idea.”

I mean, I can eat an entire bag of Fritos and at no point does the packaging say, “Whoa. Maybe slow down and consider some carrot sticks.”

I took a look at the ingredients and it was basically a list of characters from The Hunger Games.

Copper Gluconate. Manganese Sulfate. Pyridoxine Hydrochloride. Mmm, oat fiber. Never one to pass up an opportunity to drink canola oil mixed with rice starch, I started the project.


Day 1.

9:37 am: I take my first sip. Soylent tastes like milk left over in Lucky Charms, minus the sweetness. It’s thick; like swallowing cold pancake batter – and has a vaguely oaty taste to it.
9:41: Holy crap this bottle is huge.
9:43: Current mood:
9:50: You know, it isn’t that bad. I could do this for a week.
10:01: Finish bottle
10:01: Run to bathroom.
10:10: This is probably just my body releasing toxins or something.
10:24: Lots of toxins.
11:15: Oh my god, so many toxins.
11:30: Okay, just did some research online and apparently Soylent doesn’t relieve you of toxins and the thing that I’m actually experiencing is what is commonly known as “explosive diarrhea.”
12:43 pm: I think it’s over.
12:45 pm: Nope.
1:04 pm: I live in the toilet now.
1:16 pm: Help me.

2:14 pm: There is absolutely no way I’m drinking another Soylent today.
5:04 pm: I have a raging migraine, which I think is maybe an improvement?
7:00 pm: Internet search history includes: “Soylent side-effects extreme flatulence” “Can Soylent kill you” “Soylent diarrhea help” “Jeff Goldblum shirtless”
Bottles consumed: 1
Emotional state:

Day 2.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, yeah right like I’m going to drink another Soylent today. I have to meet with a mortgage broker.
Bottles consumed: 0
Emotional state: So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’m wondering if maybe humans have been eating real food since they started existing for a reason? And if maybe two guys with zero background in nutrition, the culinary arts, or food technology should not be designing indigestible science projects? I don’t know, just spitballin’ here.


Day 3.

No, screw you, I’m eating nachos.

Bottles consumed: 0
Emotional state: Intense anxiety at the prospect of having to consume another bottle of Soylent.



At this point in the experiment my husband intervened and pointed out that I wasn’t so much “drinking Soylent for a week” as I was “drinking a single bottle of Soylent and blaming it for three days of subsequent farting.”



Day 4.

10:01 am: I am cowering from the fridge, which has historically been one of my best friends.
10:31 am: I open up the second Soylent of my life. Peeling back the wrapper, I am reminded of Pandora opening her box. The box, in this instance, is my poop hole.
10:37: Everything is fine.
10:59: My intestines are just a shaken bottle of soda at this point.
11:02: I sit and watch my husband eat a bagel. I have never hated him more than I do at this precise moment. Soylent isn’t made of people. It’s made of resentment and broken promises.

I think he knew that I was planning to kill him.

11:33: I finished the bottle. It took me an hour and it was mostly unpleasant, so it’s basically like the first few times I had sex except it took 58 minutes longer.
1:00 pm: I have not pooped and it feels like a triumph.
2:15 pm: Ask husband if I have to open up another Soylent. Him, with a pitying look on his face. “I think so? For, like, science or whatever the hell it is you’re doing?”
2:20 pm: Open up my second Soylent of the day.
2:27 pm: Life is meaningless.
3:09 pm: Oh, good, it’s taken me so long to drink this thing that it’s now room temperature
4:43 pm: I’m basically engaging in a game of chicken with my sphincter at this point.
9:24 pm: After a evening spent eating actual food, I find myself doubled over with cramps. Intense, unprecedented, I feel like the diner scene from Alien but the thing that pops out of my abdomen is going to be a bottle of Soylent cramps.

(Yes, I am well aware this is from Spaceballs. You didn’t want the gif from the real movie. Trust me.)

10:06 pm: I have openly started weeping.
11:22 pm: I can’t sleep because I’m scared I will die.

Bottles consumed: 2

Emotional state: Anger, frustration, and intense fear that eventually gave way to resignation as I accepted the inevitably of my own death.


(Writer tip: If you put “Conclusion” somewhere in your article, people will think that you are a legitimate journalist even if your work is literally full of gifs that suggest vigorous bowel movements.)

I’m all for convenient food. I’m super psyched about any food that I can eat with one hand because that means I can use my other hand to hold more food.

The problem is that most of what we eat nowadays isn’t even food to begin with. Everything has been so processed that it bears little resemblance to the living organisms that created it. It’s true of even meat and vegetables.

But Soylent takes things a step further. I’m used to seeing a weird list of ingredients on junkfood wrappers, but a Soylent box only has two or three recognizable ingredients, and it’s supposed to be a meal.


Some websites tell me that your body needs to get acclimated to Soylent and after a while the diarrhea dies down but I feel like that should not be a threshold you have to cross in order to have breakfast.

In the end, it came down to two simple questions:
Do I enjoy having my butt turned into a poop geyser that I’ve affectionately nicknamed Old Squirtful? No.
But is it worth it for the convenience of not having to chew? Also no.

I’ll leave Soylent to those with stronger stomachs while I keep enjoying actual food that’s a little more complicated to prepare. But hey, at least it’s still food.

Also published on Medium.

Leave a Comment

  • “I’m going to repeat that, in case that paragraph was so batshit crazy that your brain rejected it. The inventors saw a movie in which people are unknowingly eating processed food that is made from humans and they thought “WE SHOULD NAME OUR PROCESSED FOOD AFTER THAT.” LOL

    • Stephen Clark Ausstin

      Food can be an experience. It can be rich, and filled with all the positives you mentioned. Food can also be a weapon of self destruction. A crutch to lean on when you have none of these positives, and not a helpful one.

      Food can be engineered to make you crave it like herion, or seem so delicious when in fact it’s just unimaginable poison that robs you of reproductive abilities and fills you with carcinogens. Plenty of food and meals are designed to be grab and go with no care whether you eat one or 1000. Plenty of companies that could care less if their products contribute to compulsive eating, obiesity, heart disease, anxiety, a variety of cancers, or diabetes.

      I meal prep myself, which means I make bulk meals generally with fresh never frozen produce, tubers, and poultry or fish. The idea is that it makes it easy to make a better choice when faced with cake, big Macs, or one of any number of tempting morsels, because I know I have a meal properly portioned and ready when I need it. I suspect these gentleman were trying to design a alternative along that ilk.

      Your article was funny, but you seem to be a person at balance with your passion. A programmer might sit at a screen hacking away at a problem for 21 straight hours before breaking. A obese person may feel craving as powerful as any biological drive can be. They are not at balance. I liken your experiment to a person who has never tried a tobacco product in their life slapping a whole pack of nicotine patches on their arm to learn how to quit smoking.

      • Mo

        Or like a person who’s never tried tobacco, smokes a cigar, then feels like crap after the second inhalation.

  • Pat Johnson

    So funny, hope you are feeling better! 🙂 (imagine laughing crying emoji)

  • I’m betting at some point, you suggested that Rand try a bottle of this wonder elixir. I also suspect you might have offered him a few other suggestions – most of which you wouldn’t want to put on your blog!
    Now… since you presumably still have 10 bottles of this wonderful stuff squirreled away, don’t you think it’s time to perform a mental inventory? Who has really pissed you off lately, who’d be naive enough to accept a gift bottle of instant-weight-loss? 😉

  • Andres Ospino Sem

    This is exactly the reason I read your blog! I am always looking forward to the posts that qualify as “makes you laugh so hard, milk comes out your nose” and I was not disappointed. Thank you for your sacrifice in the name of science :).
    BTW, I am sorry if anyone feels offended about the representation of Soylent on this article. (Queue Steve Buscemi playing the world’s smallest violin).

  • Tom Levine

    Soylent is an awesome and convenient way to replace a meal when you are too busy or dieting. It never makes you feel too full, and gives you boost in energy. I’ve had a subscription for a year now. Yeah, it doesn’t taste like much, but that’s how it’s marketed. If anyone has any interest in the product watch some youtube reviews instead of this whiny, childish piece of writing.

    • Mo

      “My use-case is universal.”

    • Mr. Smith

      Yes, by all means, if you want to know more do your research. But, trigger warning, if your own opinions are so fragile as to be unable to withstand gentle mockery, the Internet might not be for you.

      • Tom Levine

        No shit, idiot. Hypocrisy alert, you only replied because you must have felt offended. You are your own enemy. That comment was to do with the piss poor quality of this article. It sounds like it was written by an adult baby.

        • Mr. Smith

          Hahahaaaa! Thank you for so vehemently making my case.

      • Everywhereist

        I blocked that user because I am okay with being verbally abused, but oddly, when people (besides me) do it to you, it makes me angry.

        • Mr. Smith

          I grant you right of first-refusal, in perpetuity, on verbally abusing me. Ours is a healthy relationship. Also, you’re pretty great.

  • Ebehi

    This was pretty pointless.

    You don’t like the idea of soylent to begin with, but you decide to try it. OK.

    You try it and get diarrhea. Instead of calling the company to complain that perhaps there is something wrong with your batch, you try it a second time just so you can confirm what you already wanted to believe about soylent anyway, that it’s terrible.

    Of all the articles that have talked about soylent, both positively and negatively, this is one of the least informative. Because, guess what? You didn’t actually give soylent a try. You just saw an opportunity to make fun of a product that you don’t agree with. Anyone who actually wants to learn something about soylent would gain nothing from reading this.

    • This was pretty pointless.

      Not as pointless as your comment.

      • Ebehi


    • Mr. Smith

      Are you new? Do you just do Google searches for “Soylent” so you can release your preloaded “outrage” on whomsoever besmirches its good name? Ease up, Stan.

      • Ebehi

        Actually, Google suggested it to me. But OK.

        And I don’t really care if someone speaks negatively about soylent. I have no stock in the company, after all.

        I do think the title of the blog post is disingenuous because she doesn’t really “try” soylent. As I pointed out above, this post has no useful information about soylent, but I’m sure it is of value if you are just interested in reading about bowel movements.

        • Mo

          It’s a personal account of one person’s experience with the stuff. For someone who doesn’t care about who’s speaking negatively about the product, you certainly felt a need to give advice on how she got her feelings and informal methodology wrong.

          She was skeptical of the product, yet tried it anyway. Turns out she had good reason to be skeptical about it.

          There are plenty of places to learn about Soylent if that’s your concern-troll for the day. Some information is from the manufacturer’s glowing descriptions. Some from articles about product recalls.

          When other food reviewers write about reacting poorly to a particular food product, do you write in and tell them to keep trying it?

          • Ebehi


          • Mo

            You left out “… Mom. Now get out of my room.”

          • Ebehi


            OK Mo. Now get out my room.

        • Mr. Smith

          If you spend any time on this blog at all, you’ll see that this post is right in line with the author’s style and sensibility. It’s a personal take. The title shouldn’t be taken literally. Except that she did drink a couple which I think qualifies as “trying.” How many times do I have to have anal sex before I can consider it “tried.”

          • Ebehi


          • Mr. Smith

            No, seriously, how many times? I kind of need to know before tomorrow.

        • PdxOregon

          She did try soylent. It gave her the shits. Did you really expect her to keep drinking it? As Mr. Smith asked how many times would count in your mind as being an acceptable try?

    • PdxOregon

      This article is the least informative? Debatable but let’s just pretend you’re correct. Are you really looking for in depth science or nutrition writing from a travel blogger who writes about museum trips, her husband, not wearing pants, and her love of cupcakes? Just takes a bit of critical thinking skills to figure out which sources are good for various types of info. Are you going to look to Ray Charles for info on how to paint a picture? (No is the answer in case you are wondering). You would ask him for advice on music. Duh.

    • bourgeoisie

      It’s a personal blog, man, not a nutrition journal.

      You realize you’re literally doing the same thing with this blog post that you accuse the writer of doing with Soylent? Surely you realize that right?

    • Brandi

      You get that this is a comedic blog, right? Not a scientific journal, not a health guidance site, and sure as skippy not a “safe space” for people who need reassurance that their special drink isn’t made fun of. Have a double tomorrow, you seem to be a bit backed up, yourself. 😀

  • HeroicSlug

    Hmm. Well, I think it’s delicious and convenient, but to each his own.

    Fun fact though, stay on it for about two weeks straight and you start to feel like your body just switched from unleaded to jet fuel. So much energy.

    • Everywhereist

      Friend, if I stayed on it for two weeks straight, I’d die.

      • Peter

        Might I suggest that the emerging information about the staggering complexity of the human microbiome might be related to your experience… we have more gut-bacterial cells than human ones in our body and they actually affect our food preferences, allergies, hunger levels, AND how we digest various foods… it’s rather shocking, frankly. (“fecal transplant” actually WORKS?!?!)

        • Everywhereist

          My stomach behaves entirely fine under virtually all circumstances.
          I try a product that is known to cause gastrointestinal distress.
          You suggest I get a fecal transplant.

          This is next-level mansplaining. Keep your shit to yourself, Peter. No one else wants it.

          • Not So Fast

            He mentioned “fecal transplant” as an example that microbiomes matter. He was NOT suggesting you get one. Not sure how that could have possibly been misinterpreted that badly. Perhaps it was womanmisunderstood after having been mansplained. 😛

          • aphyde

            Poo, poo. She’s FUNNY, is the fucking point, and you are not.

          • Vitor Castle Age Goncalves

            Our bodies are the problem. Not just yours. And bacterial flora has a huge impact on the way each one of us react to food and medication. It even impacts how for example chronic illnesses manifest on each person. Peter gave you a piece of generic scientific information and you react like if it is a personal attack. I wonder if you really cope as well as you state with the real trolls.

          • Not So Fast

            Apparently, science really pushes her buttons lol

        • PdxOregon

          The human digestive system is a wonderously complex mechanism but in general I think if something gives you major shits its probably a good idea not to ingest it. Seems pretty simple.

          • Not So Fast

            I agree.

    • Atlas

      So much energy? Eat meat and vegetables, same thing.

  • Cloverfield

    That is absolutely how the digestive tract works when some people consume maltodextrin. Google the side effects.

    • Peter
    • Omega192

      If it’s as soon as it enters your body then you’re probably allergic/have an intolerance to it. Entirely possible the author is, but then that’s like someone who is lactose intolerant complaining ice cream gives them explosive diarrhea.

      • Cloverfield

        It is an issue of sensitivity (not allergen/intolerance). Seriously, you should do a little research on how they determined levels to put in products so as not to cause *most* people to have the ‘runs’.

        • Omega192

          I don’t follow, “food sensitivity” is just another name for “food intolerance”. It just means the reaction doesn’t involve the immune system, only the digestive system. If you don’t want to take my word for it, the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology says the same here: https://www.aaaai.org/conditions-and-treatments/conditions-dictionary/food-Intolerance

          Could you direct me to whatever research you’re referring to? All I could find was this overview from last year: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4940893/

          It pretty much said since it breaks down into glucose, too much of it is a problem same as sugar. It mentioned carbohydrate, protein, and fiber content is important to balance. Soylent has 36g of carbs, 3g of dietary fiber including 1g of soluble fiber and 20g of protein.

          That overview also mentioned studies that suggested maltodextrin increases the sensation of fullness and I can anecdotally confirm that. The first time I ever had a bottle of Soylent for breakfast I skipped lunch because I just wasn’t hungry yet. More recently I’ve had a bottle at 2pm and it’s kept me satiated until 6pm. I can’t say I’ve found any other 400 calorie food that’s made me feel that way. I’ve been losing weight because it’s substantially cut back on my snacking and I quite appreciate it for that.

          If it’s not for you, no skin off my back. If anything that just leaves more for me :]

  • I’m a health writer *expert advice incoming*>>>that’s processed shit.
    I’m glad you dumped it.

  • Ash Singh

    Thank you for making me laugh so hard this morning that both my husband and dog gave me weird looks and edged away. I’m a doctor and have always thought it insane that someone with zero nutritional knowledge decided to create a meal replacement. How was this allowed to happen and why are people buying it? I also hate how this was marketed as a brand new thing instead of something that has been around for ages (see Ensure & Boost) and was created by people with actual expertise.

  • Stephen T. Robbins

    Try Meal Squares for a week. They’re kind of like Soylent, but real food. You can even put butter or cream cheese on top.

  • Peter

    your bowel movements were likely more anxiety-related. for the rest of us not desperate for attention and thus prone to exaggeration, the digestive issues plagued the first formulas but have since been fixed in 2.0 for the vast majority of people.

    • You sure about that? Lot of recent for lum posts about, um, similar experiences still popping up around the web.

      • Peter

        anecdotal evidence disproportionately reflects dissatisfaction with a product. in other words, way more people are likely to complain online when things go awry, than to praise online when things go as expected

        • PdxOregon

          Yeah of course people like to vent online and perhaps that isn’t representative of the whole but that doesn’t negate the experience of those users. Lets imagine an extreme example. Your mom goes into the hospital for cardiac surgery and ends up dying. She is the first patient of that doctor’s to die. Do you just say oh well no one else has died? No because no matter whose fault it is she is still dead. One can examine the reason behind the death-carelessness or random occurrence or whatever but that doesn’t change someone dying. Like I said extreme example. Geraldine tried soylent and it made her very very sick. She didn’t claim no one ever should drink it. Not sure why this gets everyone’s panties in a bunch.

      • Peter
    • Mo

      Speaking of “desperate for attention.”

      • Peter

        I don’t have a blog I’m promoting nor a livelihood I’m trying to base off it, so yeah. Feel free to ignore me, because I don’t care. I’m a programmer and have plenty of work to do without self-promotion.

        • Mo

          Of course you don’t care. That’s why you came here to specifically diagnose and insult a stranger. To add to your no-doubt heavy workload.

          She wrote a comedic personal account that somehow threatened your fandom of a questionable product.

          Enjoy your Slimfast.

        • PdxOregon

          So anyone who has a blog is desperate for attention? Hmm good to know.

    • Everywhereist

      Ha, oh, okay, thanks for mansplaining my shits to me, Peter.

      • Peter

        Ah yes, because every time A Guy tries to come up with an alternative explanation to A Girl, it’s a “mansplain” (even though this is how Most Guys tend to talk to *each other*… you know, with a goal or explanation in mind, not just chitchatty “let me tell you how I’m feeling about it” bullshit… See, I can be sexist too!). I wonder what you’d term it if you didn’t know I was a guy?

        • Everywhereist

          I’m sure you hate that word, Peter. Because I’m sure you hear it a lot.

          • Tech Elitist

            With this amount of knee-jerk man-hate, I’d be surprised if you weren’t a beard for your emasculated androgynous husband! I so wish that I could resort to sexist ad-hominems to easily dismiss some sassy twat I slightly disagree with. Oh wait… I just did. Feels great, I’m sure. Go ahead and ban this account too, because that’s how you deal with ideas and people you fail to comprehend: You ban them. Enjoy your fake bubble of fake reality, and I feel really bad for your husband who has to put up with this oversensitive toxic bullshit.

        • Perrie Campbell

          You seem to be taking a lot of incoming, LOL. I will agree with you on “mansplaining.” Once someone trots that out, I stop listening.

        • adrienne

          It’s pretty clear that Everywhereist is older than 18, given that she’s married and shit? So why are you calling her “A Girl”? She’s not a girl.

          • Not So Fast

            Man/Woman, Boy/Girl, Guy/Girl (because Guy/Gal is a bit antiquated). If you’re trying to discuss things in generic gender terms, A Male and A Female are not great either. Let me ask you this, why is it so important to distinguish between these terms based on some arbitrary age? I could care less if someone calls me A Boy while discussing a topic about “boys and girls”… So what gives?

          • adrienne

            “a woman” would be the correct way to describe Everywhereist, little boy.

          • Rebel Worldview

            Only “little girls” are still sensitive about stupid crap like this. I’ve barely seen an intelligent comment from a teensy little helplessly sensitive girlbaby in here yet*, all I see is misinformation and fearmongering (and a tiny handful of humor). Guys might be dicks sometimes, but at least they (generally) try to get the facts straight (except for that one guy up there who claims potato chips are more nutritious).

            For such a WOMAN, Everywhereist sure is acting like a big womanbaby, AFAICT, and enjoys bashing people who are making the minorest of suggestions… just because they’re fanboys (sorry, fanMEN and fanWOMEN). 😛

            *do you see what I did, there?

    • PdxOregon

      Peter so you read one article written by someone and can diagnose their medical issues? Wow thats amazing! Seems pretty clear to me, tries new product and ends up with massive diarrhea so might be the product. Tries product again and same result so yeah kind of seems clear the two are related. Plus I know many people whose stomachs get upset from being nervous or anxious but I don’t know of anyone who has had explosive diarrhea from it.

  • Ian Thomas

    I’m really tired of these kinds of articles popping up on the web. Soylent is delicious, high in fiber and good for you. You never wanted to give it a fair shot. You just thought it would be funny to attack something others enjoy. And then accuse anyone who calls you out as a masterbation troll. Well done. Very clever. You win.

    • You never wanted to give it a fair shot.

      Pretty sure you meant to say “fair shit”.

      • Mo

        And “pooping up on the web.”

    • It is DEFINITELY high in fiber.

    • Everywhereist

      Actually, Ian, I said that I get a lot of trolls who tell me to “drink bleach and die” often followed by “you cunt”. Those were the people I was referring to as masturbation trolls. Not people I disagree with.

      Rather than think, “Holy shit, women on the internet get a lot of abuse” you decided to – wait for it – get profoundly offended on behalf of people who have told me they want me dead. And then you proceeded to get snarky and angry because I made fun of a drink you like. Which is hilarious.

      • Ian Thomas

        Hey you’ve got a valid point. I am so sick of internet trolls, especially when they target women. It’s disgusting. If you wrote an article about that I would like it and leave a comment with my support. 🙂

        • itstoospicy


      • Ian Thomas

        I am offended on behalf of Soylent drinkers everywhere 🙂

    • PdxOregon

      I’m really tired of these kinds of comments popping up on the web. Someone has a different opinion or experience than you and you can’t handle it. Well done. Very clever. You win. Just kidding! What I meant to really say is get a grip.

      • Ian Thomas

        Let’s be clear…the writer of this hit piece did not have this experience. She had an agenda going in and wrote an article reflecting that. She bought a case of Soylent so she could take the photos to support her article. But it is bogus. Either she did this for the cheap laughs (see memes above) or she was paid by “Big Food” to do this. Either way, it is a false narrative designed to scare off would-be consumers of an excellent product. And let me guess…you are either her Mother or best friend/lover from college right?

        • Everywhereist

          Oh my god, you just accused my blog of being “fake news.”

          I HAVE ARRIVED.

          • Ian Thomas

            Ok…I keep laughing out loud at your comments on here. I think I will subscribe to your blog and just skip the Soylent articles. haha

          • Everywhereist

            Also, JOKES ON YOU, because no one would sleep with me in college.

        • PdxOregon

          “The write of this hit piece did not have this experience”. So you are calling her a liar? I highly doubt she lied. What would she gain by lying? If she was a stockholder in some soylent rival she might have some reason to lie but highly doubt this is the case. She tried it & it made her sick, why is this so hard to believe?

          And FYI I have no relationship to her. Never met the woman just laughed at many of her posts.

          • Ian Thomas

            It’s all good Mr. or Mrs. “I’m an airport in Oregon”. Maybe next time she can try some Oregon recreational and do a blog post about that.

        • bourgeoisie

          Big Food, you mean like farmers who grow fruits and vegetables and grains?

          You *do* realize there’s a wide range or options between lunchables and soylent, right?

          • Ian Thomas

            No. I didn’t realize. I’m not a member of the bourgeoisie.

        • Brandi

          It appears you’re pretty new to her blog, but if you’ll look around, she’s just as vocal about all the things she loves to eat. And for someone who loves to eat, which do you think she’d opt for first: cheap laughs at the expense of stuffing her face with tasty goodness or with something that’s going to make her intestines explode five minutes after consuming it? If you think this is the vehicle that the oft-feared Goliath “Big Food” is going to use to stomp down poor little David, aka Soylent, you’re really overthinking this. (No offense, Geraldine…I’m confident you could totally be part of a billion-dollar, worldwide plot like that if you wanted to.)

  • I, for one, really enjoyed this piece! I am quite surprised by the number of people who seem *personally* offended over your opinion and experience…

    • Thabata Regiani

      I am laughing at that too! So many people pulling out their swords to defend soylent. Are they being paid for it?
      Bodies are different, if you enjoy soylent, good for you.

      • John Denver

        Hi –
        This blog post popped up on my Google Now feed after I started researching and wanting to learn more about Soylent. So that’s how I ended up finding this blog. via Google automatically. Maybe that helps explain why Soylent folks are showing up here – the provocative title lures anyone interested in the topic to click & read it.

        (& the hilarious writing is what hopefully makes people enjoy the read. 🙂

        • Grumpy Cat

          Who cares? You’re dead.

        • I read your first sentence as:

          This blog post pooped up on my Google Now feed

          Yes, I am easily amused. However, given the theme running through this post, you gotta understand why.

          Hey, since you’re back from…wherever you were at, I thought I’d pitch a Weird Al style rewrite of Annie’s Song, but instead it’s Allergy Song. It goes something like this:

          You fill up my sinuses
          Like a nose full of ragweed
          Eyes running and itching
          Let’s not do that again!

    • BenTheGuy

      What’s funny to me is how many people have attacked me and acted offended because I drink it and like it.

      • Schlachtwerk666

        Whatever you say, mansplainer.

        • Not So Fast

          I had no idea I walked into a feminist man-hating blog

          • Everywhereist

            Huh, look at that. You have the exact same ISP as the other person leaving abusive, vitriolic comments. Ah, well. I’m sure that’s coincidence.

          • Rebel Worldview

            Which comments? And hey, comment-furor gets you more blog views, doesn’t it? lol

          • Ben was right to object to that insulting remark

          • Jesse Chow

            I think Not So Fast is making a point about how BenTheGuy was falsely accused of mansplaining. And I don’t think it’s abusive to call someone feminist or man-hating, just as it’s not abusive to call someone misogynistic.

      • Olivia esddms

        😀 I love it too. Powder, with a bit of cocoa added. Tasty :).

      • Soylent is awesome. I drink it when I lift weights and am much less sore afterwards.

    • MJ Richards

      This was HILARIOUS! I don’t know how I cam across it now but the laughter was well worth it. Laughter IS the BEST medicine. As for these folks….sorry, I’m with the blogger. Real food is not that hard to make and personally, I’m worth it!

  • aulderyan

    Are you fucking kidding me – most nutrient rich??? Only if theyve only eaten cardboard up to this point in their lives. One bite of salad has that shit beat.

    • Drew
      • Michelle Topham

        ROTFL, it’s literally chemicals you’re consuming. Too funny that you actually think a label with vitamins and minerals on it tells you you’re getting good nutrition — particularly when each one is a miniscule amount of what you actually need in a day (the RDA is garbage, always has been). And for another thing, it’s an obvious lie. Absolutely nothing on the planet gives you the same percentage of nutrients all at the same time — were you not suspicious when you saw 20 percent, 20 percent, 20 percent — LMAO. These guys selling this junk are nothing but con artists. But, like my dad always says, there’s a mug born every minute 🙂

        • NRGuest

          You do realize literally everything you eat is made of chemicals right? Even that organic salad is nothing but a bunch of chemicals.

        • Glen Raphael

          It’s not a lie if they specifically *designed* it to have 20% of almost every nutrient. Since they are explicitly fortifying it, if the numbers don’t come out pretty close to 20% they can just add *more* of specific supplements until the numbers are right. So it’s no more surprising that they (approximately) hit a “20%” target for most vitamins than it is that, say, Flintstones Vitamins mostly hit a “100%” target.

          Note: the FDA allows all the nutrition label claims to be off by up to 20%. So they’re probably rounding off to the nearest 5% to make the label so pretty.

        • Not So Fast

          Oh where do I begin…
          > ROTFL, it’s literally chemicals you’re consuming.
          Yes. Since everything is chemicals, everything you can possibly eat is ALSO chemicals. Please read: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/chemical-is-not-a-bad-word/

          > Too funny that you actually think a label with vitamins and minerals on it tells you you’re getting good nutrition
          The FDA, by law, requires these labels to be accurate, and makes these recommendations according to (hopefully) the best information available. Take it up with them, not with this guy.

          > RDA is garbage, always has been
          Baseless accusation without evidence (feel free to provide it; you have all of human knowledge at your disposal thanks to the Internet and Google). See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reference_Daily_Intake

          > Absolutely nothing on the planet gives you the same percentage of nutrients all at the same time
          This is literally the naturalistic fallacy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naturalistic_fallacy

          > were you not suspicious when you saw 20 percent, 20 percent, 20 percent — LMAO

          No, because they simply took the US RDA of 100% for each, and divided it up into 5 pieces (since 5 Soylents a day provides a standard 2000-calorie-a-day diet). 100/5 = 20. Ergo, math. I know, it can be hard.

          > These guys selling this junk are nothing but con artists.
          Another baseless assertion without evidence. You’re GREAT at these! At least you’re great at something, because it certainly isn’t “rational evidence-based discussion.”

          > But, like my dad always says, there’s a mug born every minute 🙂

          Apparently, he birthed one.

          • aphyde

            He really, really didn’t birth one, honey.

      • vitamins aren’t the same thing as getting micronutrients from actual food, smarty pants

    • Dustin Stewart

      No, it doesn’t.

    • Peter

      evidence > bullshit, you lose

      • Everywhereist

        Hey Peter, I’ve had about enough of your language, mansplaining, and all around shittiness as I have of Soylent. Banning you for abuse to my community members.

        • Not So Fast

          @aulderyan:disqus goes “one bite of salad has that shit beat”
          @Lectrick:disqus’s response was (after @PostDiluvian:disqus listed the actual nutrition information) stating a fact, using the exact same language.
          Overreact much? Once you see mansplaining, you’ll only see mansplaining, even if someone is correct who so happens to be a male, but thank you for your overt sexism

          • oneWEIRDword
          • oneWEIRDword


          • itstoospicy

            “overt sexism”

          • Not So Fast

            I guess we should also call rape “mansexing,” since it’s even more predominantly a Man Vs Woman Problem than simply being assertive and condescending (which should not be tied to 1 gender, anyway… this seems completely obvious to me, but apparently not to brainwashed assholes)

          • Everywhereist

            Um … because “mansexing” doesn’t explicitly sound non-consensual, and rape does?

  • Brian Racer

    You had me all the way up to “rage masterbation”, everything after that immediately became null.

    • Because of all the naughty thoughts?

    • Mo

      Spelling that word is indeed difficult when you’re angrily typing with one hand.

      • Schlachtwerk666

        While the other is holding “the Rage Master’s baton”?

  • Yosho of Jurai

    That made for a really amusing read, although I do feel a little guilty about laughing at such discomfort.
    I do hope you managed to stay hydrated during that… ordeal 🙁

  • The ingredients are really bad.

    • Olivia esddms

      Which ingredients are really bad? All are commonly found in normal food. Soylent has a rather low glycemic index, meaning it does not spike blood sugar very much, avoiding the “crash” many quick meals lead to- something I am very grateful for.

      • Most of the ingredients aren’t bad.. but it has lots of soy and maltodextrin both of which have bad reports on it, especially for women and their reproductive system. You could make a smoothie like that yourself with protein powder, blueberries, almond milk, etc.

  • Mo

    “Well, actually….”

    — every awesome MRA bro chiming in to tell the author how she should feel.

    • Drew

      Is the author not insinuating how others should feel?

      • Mo

        Is that what you came away with after reading this? Are you not insinuating something, yourself?

        Oh, look. You upvoted your own post. Question answered.

        • Oh dear Lord, he really did.

          • Mo

            Participation Awards for everyone!

          • Drew

            Aw way to hit on the sound bite of the year! Have you ever considered the fact that participation awards were created for the entitled parents and not for the children who could give a shit about an award and were just happy to be a part of something?

            “Look at this snowflake, lol cuck”

          • Mo

            Which category are you?

          • Drew

            I identify as a 26 yr old non-binary cuck/snowflake.
            It was my parents’ generation whose butts were hurt by their own emotionally devoid baby boomer parents that asked for participation awards to save my generation from mid-life crises that are so prevalent in theirs. Now we just cry for safe spaces at 26 instead.

          • jonesybabble

            And any questions you had about Drew are answered.

          • Drew

            Hang on counting up your imaginary points to judge your worth brb

          • jonesybabble

            Take your time, hell take mine and somebody else’s as well.

          • Drew

            Taking my time currently, brb.

          • jonesybabble

            I await, your knowledge blessed upon me, will be most welcome…..that or I watch Roseanne re-runs…so speed it up.

          • Drew

            Just using the frothy mixture of fake internet pointz as second hand lube like everyone else seems to be.

        • Drew

          No, I was directly responding to your sweeping generalization of a comment. Lol. I upvoted my own comment because the internet points you’re using to jerk yourself off mean actually nothing. When you’ve done any cohesive amount of research on nutrition and can cite your ad hominem with journal articles, I’ll take something you say seriously.

          • Mo

            And when you’ve found a better way to tell the author that she doesn’t understand her own feelings or experiences, or that she’s expressing them wrong, you might be ready for grown-up conversation.

            Hint: There’s no better way to do any of those things. Give yourself another award for staying resentful.


          • Drew

            Your perspective is so abhorrently skewed, I feel I may not be able to bring you back from the abyss here. Let me spell it out for you: I WAS COMMENTING ON YOUR COMMENT. I HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT TELL THE AUTHOR HOW TO FEEL. I POSED A QUESTION CHALLENGING YOUR SWEEPING GENERALIZATION AND INCREDIBLY PRESUMPTUOUS COMMENT.

            The implications of writing any article for shock value are inherently that of a biased perspective, even if just reporting objectively and experientially. The tone, diction, and nuance of what has been written CLEARLY indicates a negative opinion, to which most people here have clung to and even ignited their torches and sharpened their pitchforks. This has nothing to do with my ego or my will for the author. All I said. ALL I SAID. was, “did the author not insinuate how others should feel?” DOES EVERY AUTHOR NOT IMPOSE THEIR PERSPECTIVE IN THEIR WRITING? And couldn’t everyone benefit from not being a presumptuous twat?

      • Everywhereist

        No, Drew, I can assure you I don’t give a fuck how you feel one way or the other. 😀

        • Drew

          Aw, that’s so cute. Edgelord extraordinaire taking time to comment on anyone who has a difference of opinion by invalidating it! Killer!
          Look, when you create something this public, your writing has a tone and nuance that is picked up by impressionable readers and devoted followers. I quite genuinely don’t care about your opinion either and was commenting on how quick this person was to dismiss a non-parallel opinion. I posed a question meant to incite critical thinking. If we follow the thread to this logical conclusion, I promise you that you’ll have all the evidence you need to see how much critical thinking goes on here.

          I don’t think I’m right. I just know that confirmation bias doesn’t help anyone.

        • Drew

          By the way – being that traveling is the cornerstone of this blog – I was wondering how much a ticket to ride on the coattails of your husband’s successful SEO business is? Do you recommend coach or first class?

          (I realized this way late, and after reading several of your comments on this blog it seemed like you were always up for a little ad hominem jousting, so I figured I’d give you one for the road) 😀

          • For years, Geraldine paid our rent and all our bills while I took home little to nothing from Moz. Recently, she sold and published a book with a very nice advance for a first-time author. I shouldn’t have to defend Geraldine’s financial contributions to our marriage to a stranger on the Internet, and you shouldn’t assume.

          • Drew

            Sorry to bump this, but…
            Rand, honestly– I respect the hell out of what you did with Moz. For what it’s worth, before this post I knew Moz as an incredible achievement in an overly-saturated market. Now I’ve discovered that it seems to have been founded on the same instability that most of us encounter whilst attempting to navigate our way to success. That said, my position wasn’t regarding financial contribution; it was merely what it seemed this blog and her writing’s success stemmed from: her traveling with you (via your success). I’m certain you’re both fine people, and no, you shouldn’t have to defend anything, but you did. And you did it with a kind, professional, and poised demeanor that speaks volumes about your character…and hers. Unfortunately it feels a bit rehearsed, as if it isn’t the first time you’ve had to answer for her in this way. I certainly envy Moz and your (combined?) achievements, but I don’t envy that kind of dynamic in a relationship.

          • Mo

            Speaking of “feeling a bit rehearsed.”

          • Everywhereist

            Envy what dynamic? People who love and support and care about each other? If Rand’s answer sounds rehearsed, it’s because it’s not the first time I’ve been attacked by people like you, who assume that they know more about our relationship than we do. I find some perverse amusement that you’ve chosen to attack me, Rand defends me, and then you say, “Man, this sounds rehearsed – I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that.” That’s some expert-level gaslighting, Drew.

            I have no idea what your problem is or why you’ve chosen my blog to voice your vitriol or abuse, but it is not welcome here.

          • Everywhereist

            So, let’s be clear: you come to my site, you attack me, and then you tell my husband you don’t envy a dynamic where the couple defends one another?

            Congratulations, Drew. You are an expert-level gaslighter, and a huge asshole.

      • PdxOregon

        I don’t think so at all. She said this is what I did and this is what happened. How is that telling others what to feel? Are you really that impressionable? If so you might want to avoid the internet with it vast difference of opinions on topics.

        • Ian Thomas

          Gooble Gobble!!

          • Drew

            I hope this is the sound of me eating dick because you literally are an onomatopoeia god.

        • Drew

          Haha, no I was genuinely making a comment on a comment about what this person’s sweeping generalization of other people’s perceptions are. If you’re willing to accuse “every bro” of something, then why wouldn’t you be critical and unbiased enough to examine the initial implications. Also I am impressionable and I cry every day about internet fights.

      • Minyassa


    • Not So Fast

      Yes, because every valid counterargument is inevitably an “MRA brosplain” IF that person is male AND the recipient is female.

      Please, cut it out with this sexist BS, or explain to me how you would actually separate valid (but perhaps pushy) counterarguments from actual misogyny, because this conflation you’re doing is helping absolutely no one.

      I have no idea if you’re female, but yeah I just brosplained you if you are, I guess. (Do you see how idiotic this line of thinking is yet?)

  • Your writing + GIFs + Reality = GOLD! I laughed so hard. Yeah, I fell for Soylent when it came out. I still have a ginormous box of the powder crap in my garage. Pretty sure it’s no longer good, even by their standards of “good.”

    I’m bookmarking this article. Just the GIFs alone are enough to lift my spirits!

  • Mao

    lol raging diarrhea! Feel better!

  • Dustin Stewart

    Sorry to hear you had a ‘shitty’ experience! The raging, soylent-induced diarrhea is pretty rare, AFAIK, but it does happen for some folks. I’ve had a pretty good experience with the powdered version. Think about it this way; some people can’t handle Mexican food, some people can’t do soylent.

    Also, that ‘warning isn’t meant to imply that you shouldn’t eat too much of it, it’s supposed to mean that they’re not saying you should go all-soylent, but you can if you want to.

  • Me too!!! Raging diarrhea!!! It sucked I’m never drinking it again.

    • Mo

      I’m waiting for one of the critical commenters on this page to explain how you did it wrong, too. 😉

    • Everywhereist

      Wait, have you had *your* diarrhea mansplained to you as well? Or are they just doing it to me? 🙂

  • Katy

    Wow. You’ve attracted a full posse of SFSSs (super freaky soylent supporters). This was not a soylent product review people!! It’s called
    comedy – learn about it. Thanks for making fizzy water come out my nose. You rock, Geraldine. You’re even like a scientist.:) Keep it up.

    • Ian Thomas

      Gooble Gobble! Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us!

      • jonesybabble

        And what grade are you going into this year ?

        • Olivia esddms

          He’s joking. Like the author. Deadpan.

  • Shorter Omega: “Hey. Have you tried not shitting? Also, I’m being pedantic about a cultural touchstone because I read a Wikipedia entry on the plot of a book nobody read when practically the entire Internet is familiar with the movie.”

    • Omega192

      Haha, sure, if that’s how you’d like to take my comment. You’re right though, how dare I not be ignorant of the book and just assume everything has to do with the movie loosely based on it.

      • bourgeoisie

        The movie is the cultural touchstone, not the book. It doesn’t matter that the book came first.

  • Christian Dean

    This article is hilarious and I think people should be able to make fun of things for the sake of comedy. Hopefully people recognize it as such. I like soylent personally, I’ve used it on and off for over a year and I’ve only ever experienced feeling ill when I also drink beer on the same day as a soylent.

    • Mo

      If only more people could understand that “this is what happened to me” doesn’t equal “this is true for everyone.” There’s an interesting number of humorless commenters reacting defensively on this page.

      It’s almost as though they all have a personal stake in Soylent’s producer.

      • PdxOregon

        Completely agree. She had a bad experience and didn’t like this product but nowhere does she say it should be banned or no one ever should be allowed to drink it. People really need to calm down.

      • Pierce Wetter

        Humorless commenters reacting defensively? Hello Christian, how are you enjoying your first day on the internet! 🙂

    • Naum Rusomarov

      What happened to the old style emergency oatmeal and an apple?

  • Food as an experience isn’t that important to a lot of people and really is just another chore. Soylent helps simplify that.

    Soylent: liquid nourishment for Zombies.

  • Dave Neary

    I love your writing! I was right there living it with you. Thank you!

  • NRGuest

    What’s with all the chemophobia here?

    FFS people, take a basic chem course and maybe you won’t be so scared of ingredients lists anymore.

  • karin

    Poop and diarrhea is never not funny. Add in gifs and I’m super glad I was on mute during a conference call. Also, wow. Had no idea there were so many Soylent cultists out there in the world, much less active readers/commenters on your blog. More poop posts!

  • Rockvole

    If you have diarrhea after eating Soylent it could be Corn Allergy or Vegetable Oil Allergy

    • Even if she does not react to, um, eating corn or vegetable oil in any other context?

      • Rockvole

        I admit it is not black and white particularly for “vegetable oil” since it could be one of many oils. With lower amounts you may only have loose stools. This is a good website I have seen discussing the problems with vegetable oils.

        • I mean, I’d be willing to believe that the processing is a big part of the issue – the way that we process vegetables to turn them into syrup or oil definitely changes how our bodies digest them in potentially problematic ways.

          • Rockvole

            Id say your reaction is enough to warrant trying an elimination diet for a couple of weeks. I’ve seen many comments like – I’ve been suffering for 10 years before I discovered x food is causing me this problem. If you feel better on an elimination diet then you can decide if its worth trying tools like my app on the http://www.foodaversions.com website or see a dietician / naturopath.

    • Schlachtwerk666

      This makes some sense to me. When I eat corn, it’s like the gif’s in this article. All of them. Woe is me.

  • disqus_Tu3Ite5vZu

    I personally love Soylent (though I’ve only had the cacao flavor) but this article was hilarious nonetheless. I never had any digestive issues aside from a little heartburn.

  • Mr. Smith

    Clearly the makers of Soylent have never heard of Ensure. Soylent is the young dude’s version of a drink for old ladies.

    Instant oatmeal too confusing? Jaw too weak to eat an apple? Lack the upper body strength to open a can of soup? Try Soylent!

    I can’t believe nobody is hiring me as a copywriter right now.

    • Mo

      Well, you know. Mommy isn’t around to make a sandwich for bro who’s on Twitch.

      • Schlachtwerk666

        “Twitch ain’t fleek, brah.”

    • PdxOregon

      I thought about ensure too when I read this article. Also thought about pedialite (not sure of spelling) which was made for real medical reasons. I haven’t done research about this product so not sure how much scientific research was put into soylent.

      • Not So Fast

        > I haven’t done research about this product so not sure how much scientific research was put into soylent

        They have a blog at blog.soylent.com, the earlier entries explain the nutrient breakdown and where they got that information from, they have been improving it (or trying to) ever since.

    • BenTheGuy

      Ensure has a lot of sugar, not quite the same thing. Just because they are both marketed as meal replacements doesn’t mean they are the same thing.

      • Hedge685

        Look at the Soylent label…MaltoDextrin, Rice Starch and IsoMaltulose are sugars.

        • ricandersen

          Not all sugars are equal.

      • Tizzie Lish

        Ensure is for gaining weight in very sick people. It is not intended to be food for healthy humans who can eat, um, actual food.

      • stubyourtoe

        Ensure uses pure table sugar. Maltodextrin is a complex carbohydrate not the same as raw processed table sugar. Isomaltulose has a very little impact on insulin. Very low glycemic Index and Load in Soylent. Try drinking 2000 calories of Ensure everyday and you’ll be in the hospital by the end of the month. You also must factor the cost difference. 2,000 calories of Ensure versus Soylent powdered version isn’t even close in costs. A months worth of Soylent powder is $215 whereas a months worth of Ensure would be around 400-500$… not very cost effective

        Ensure isn’t designed to replace every meal. As for Soylent, if the one that did the article did a bit of digging, they would had discovered that Soylent is now designed by a chief of nutrition at St. Lukes Hospital in NYC. He specializes in diabetes and obesity.

        Starch is actually good for you. Your immune system needs it to function properly. I have a primary immune disorder and a resource book for those with my disorder actually recommends eating starchy foods.

        If it wasn’t for ensure, I would have major issues with my weight. I’ve been living on it for 3 years now and I feel good. I do some body building (mildly) and have gained some muscle mass.

        If you don’t like the taste of Soylent, cool, but don’t flat out misinform people that don’t know any better.

        As for pooping issue, the writer should have read the instructions stating that she should start slowly. A quick change in diet causes those sorts of issues. As for my poops, they are regular, a 4 on Bristool scale 98% of the time.

    • starskeptic

      I use Muscle Milk – very low sugar.

    • Monsieur Oblong

      My wife broke her jaw and had to drink some ensure at the hospital to try to get nutrients. A friend hooked us up with a case of soylent and her first words were “wow, this is actually…. doable! It’s not like that ensure shit!”
      She drank nothing but soylent for the first few weeks. Switched to the cocoa one once we had to actually buy it ourselves, and it’s actually pretty good! No ass effects but maybe that was the opiates.
      Just kidding. Actually she’s still doing soylent for breakfast even though she can eat real food, because it’s faster and her typical breakfast is still a bit hard to get through in this phase of recovery.
      I started having the occasional soylent and even bought a case of the coffee diff when it was on sale on Prime day.
      Anyway, so at this point we each have it multiple times per week, zero side effects, and it’s quite convenient.
      I get the hate (and the love) but it’s worth checking out for yourself to see if it’s compelling. I know a handful of people who have consumed it and none of them report diarrhea. YEMV (your excretions may vary).

      • bbum

        You mighta hit the magic formula; combine the first week of Soylent with opiate consumption! They balance out!

      • Lambchopsuey

        In college the first time, I had to have my jaw wired shut for a coupla months, so I was on the Ensure diet (this was LOOOONG before Soylent was invented, except for the “Green” variety and that was unavailable, I assume). Ensure is obnoxious because it’s SUPER sweet – that may be where Soylent had an advantage over it. As I’ve gotten older, I have less and less tolerance for things that are too sweet…

  • Keldroc

    So many Soylent stans. Nobody’s going to take your fucking nutrient goo away from you, you weirdos. This is just how normal people react to it. Move along.

    • Ian Thomas

      Come on! Just try it…you can be one of us! One of us! One of us! One of us! Gooble Gobble! Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us!

      • Schlachtwerk666

        Yes but if I do, am I really looking at a month of literal shitstorms before my guts quell their rage and adapt to this drinking-caulk?

        • Olivia esddms

          Nah. Just, for the love of , eat more fiber before starting, and start slow.
          Unless you’re extra sensitive or something, in which case… get faster internet to netflix your way in the bathroom?

  • Brett Minor

    First time reader and I think I am already a fan. I’ve never heard of Soylent before this and now don’t feel like I missed anything. Plus, I love the comment section. A lot of people don’t seem to understand that you are just being funny. I look forward to more.

    Transformed Nonconformist

  • John Denver

    New Soylent drinker here.

    This was a funny article – a bit heavy on the poop gifs for my taste – but really funny, laugh out loud, and have to share funny.
    For better or worse, was the first article I sent to my so to get her to think about Soylent. She enjoyed your writing so much she also wants to check our the rest of your blog as result! Keep up the great writing!

    As for Soylent, this article does not really add much to my initial questions about the product:

    a. wanting to try a few before ‘committing’ to a subscription. (Unfounded, the soylent.com site lets you adjust your subscription however you want including cancel.) Guess they could offer a variety pack to allow people to sample.

    b. possible dietary / gastro adjustment issues. My first few drinks so far have not resulted in any negative effects to speak of. Maybe a little heartburn but that may be my other lifestyle choices. So I am still a little tentative on this point.

    I am only interested in using it for 1 meal per day ( breakfast ), not replacing all food. The initial results of trying the new caffeinated coffeist brand were really positive for me – I felt great, like maybe some small nutrient was missing in my diet that it provided – or, more probably, a new minor stimulant ingredient I had not come across in my diet. And its caffeine totally replaced my coffee consumption for the day. So this stuff has potential for replacing a meal plus coffee for me. Exciting potential.

    So – despite your article! – I remain excited and optimistic about Soylent.

    • Olivia esddms

      Actually, the Gi issues moght have to do with the soy. Soy (otherwise safe in all forms according to science) is known to cause minor (or less minor lol) GI issues for some people.

      Some people can get used to it, others- not so much. It depends.

  • Everywhereist

    Who said that I abhorred the idea of not having solid food? Milkshakes aren’t solid.

  • Amanda Yanchury

    Fake sweeteners like sucralose give me migraines. I have to avoid them like the plague. Maybe you also have an intolerance!

  • oneWEIRDword

    BAHAHA! I’m going to buy a batch and feed it to all the catnip taking over my garden

  • Michelle Topham

    Hahaha very funny although, good God girl, why did you keep drinking the stuff 🙂 Literally nothing but chemicals and horrendously awful for your body. Give these guys a few months and they will be smothered in lawsuits and wishing they had bothered to eat real food 🙂

    • Ian Thomas

      Come on Michelle! Give Soylent a chance…you will love their coffiest flavor. http://amzn.to/2ug8KIG

  • Tabitha Mills Dotson

    I suffer from severe constipation sometimes…I think I need to keep a bottle of this on hand!

  • Andi Plummer

    Holy Crap. 111 comments- is that more than your brain tumor post?! I have never heard of Soylent (except for Soylent green is people) and now I know I will never try it. Why do so many people care about Soylent?? Well kudos to you for having to endure Soylent diarrhea and apparently it has after effects of word diarrhea from angry commenters too.

  • Julianna

    I actually love Soylent and I thought this piece was hilarious. Soylent has done wonders for my life. But then again, I have the kinds of digestive problems that make heroin addicts cringe, and I’m aware that most people’s experience with anything edible is probably different than mine. Probably best not to let an internet blog (no matter how well written) dictate your diet anyway. 😉

    • Naum Rusomarov


  • Kenn Schjødt

    So cool and funny 🙂

  • Everywhereist

    That’s a joke, kitten. That was a joke. And you responded to it with crazy hostility.

    Don’t worry: you aren’t a sociopath. You’re just an asshole with no sense of humor.

  • Furious Strong

    “Wait, you’re blaming what you drank for bowel movements an hour later? I’m pretty sure that’s not how the digestive tract works. More like 6-8 hours.”

    That’s exactly how diarrhea works. It makes your digestive system move much faster than normal.

    I’ve never tried Soylent and I don’t plan to, but consuming an all-liquid diet with maltodextrin and sucralose would probably give me the shits too (I have chronic digestive issues, but not everyone who can’t tolerate Soylent has those issues).

    Btw, Soylent’s had to be reformulated several times because it caused severe indigestion in many customers: http://gizmodo.com/soylent-hopes-its-new-formula-won-t-give-you-uncontrol-1790157886

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The saddest thing about Soylent, to me anyway, i that there are already formulated liquid diet products, designed by professionals,for medical purposes, that are, AFAIK, actually cheaper than Soylent.

      But code bros know how to do it better, because….??

  • PdxOregon

    I’ve read the comments on this article and all I can say is…WOW! I see this type of “discussion” quite frequently and it really gets on my nerves. First of all nowhere in the article did Geraldine claim to be a nutrition expert or say that due to her results no one ever anywhere on the earth should drink soylent. Instead of yelling at her maybe go yell at one of those psuedo health gurus who has little to no training-looking at you famous celeb who has a website that rhymes with poop.

    And the other big point to this all is something I was taught from childhood, but clearly some others weren’t, and that point is that not everyone likes the same things. SHOCKING!!! So buck up little campers because sometimes people don’t like the same foods, bands, clothing, or sports teams you like and that is ok. Guess what? I don’t like beer. I think it tastes terrible and I’m not drinking it. Tried it and nope not for me but I’m not stopping anyone else from drinking it. I have many bands I like a lot and could listen to for hours but if you tell me that said band makes your ears bleed and you would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard I’m ok with that. The reason I’m ok with that? Because I’m an adult and I get that not everyone needs to like the same things. This isn’t high school and it would be nice if people would stop acting as though it were.

  • shubham varshney

    A very well-written post, i enjoyed it while i am reading this post, hope you have changed your mouth taste, thanks for sharing this post.
    Golden traingle tour ranthambore

  • Ron Russell

    I’ve been drinking the stuff (coffiest mostly) for years. Literally years. Be happy you didn’t try the powder, that gives you really bad gas. For what it’s worth, your body does become accustomed to it after a while. VERY entertaining writing though, and even as a proponent for Soylent I loved it.

  • Why I read blog posts…… So I can learn things that will prevent me from trying Soylent even though I’m most definitely not pregnant or breastfeeding.

  • bourgeoisie

    Have you literally never had a cup of coffee in your life?

  • BenTheGuy

    Guess it’s not for everyone. I have a bottle for breakfast every day, and haven’t had any problems. I love the money I save, the time I save, and the calories I save.

    • PdxOregon

      So nice to see a reasonable comment on this post. Seems like people have lost their minds since she didn’t like soylent. You on the other hand stated a different opinion like a normal mature human being. Yeah! (And I really don’t mean that sarcastically. Just feel so many people online are jerks so thought I’d give someone who isn’t a jerk some positive feedback, hope that doesn’t sound too weird.)

  • McG

    So. Ummm…

    Thumbs down?

  • ripple947

    Soylent Green was released in 1973, so it is not a “60’s movie.”

  • Ralph_Gizzip
  • Welches grape juice.
    I cannot drink it, and be more than 3 steps from someplace to spray.

  • I love you. That’s the hardest I’ve laughed in a disturbingly long time if I think about it.

  • Gunnar Thalweg

    Very funny writing. I am sorry you had to suffer, but you got a great story.

  • Trollinator1000

    OK after seeing picture of the husband I’m beginning to suspect the source of the bowel issues is more related to what a complete goofball he is than the soylent.

  • Wounded

    Girl, you can write! My wife and I are in tears after sharing your post. Thank you for removing Soylent from our bucket list.

  • John Born

    You are hilarious. Please keep writing.

  • Kelly Walters

    This article made me laugh out loud. I know these things affect everyone differently so what’s the big deal?

    • PdxOregon

      I was wondering the same thing when I read the comments. You’d think people were ready to start world war 3 because one person doesn’t like soylent. People are crazy.

  • starskeptic

    Given your experience, they should have gone with the name from the original novel…

  • starskeptic

    “…the diner scene from Alien…”
    “I’m telling you my sandwich was right there!

  • Jeff McCabe

    Wait. This is the stuff Carl Jr uses to make its bacon cheeseburger?

  • Funny stuff!

  • Sean

    Thanks for TOFTT. I saw the guy who makes this on the Colbert Report and was curious for a minute, but went on the company web site and even people on the forum there who want to support it were like, “Maybe the next iteration’ll be palatable/digestible.”

  • Kallia Adventures

    I laughed out loud. Have you tried FitPro Go! protein shakes? They are the ones I’ve had the most success with. I understand the stomach issues are frequently due to an ingredient called Carageenan (which frankly, I’m scared of, and FitPro Go! does not have).

    Full disclosure: I am in no way affiliated with FitPro… I’m getting tired of writing out that d*mn name. You get the idea. Good lucK!

    • starskeptic

      Aside from possible gastronomic side effects, carageenan is nothing scary – it’s a seaweed extract used as a thickening agent.

  • Arawhon

    Man, reading the various comments of the pro Soylent folks, with some of them I get the distinct whiff of someone paid by a PR firm to advocate for the product. It’s the way they talk about its pros and how awesome of a product it is, like they have to meet certain specific talking points. Otherwise this was a hilarious article.

  • little gator

    Oat bran has that effect on me too. And soy gives me(and lots of other ppl) migraines. I’ll be fine eatign whole oats,but never with added oat fiber.

  • Suilebhan

    Loved this piece. You are a blogging goddess. May the trolls be visited daily by their very own “Old Squirtfuls.”

  • Ratmonster

    For years I have sought a way to turn my bunghole into a spewing liquid turd geyser! You have shown me the way. Thank you thank you thank you!

  • Joe Dokes

    Soylent Green was released in 1973, not the 1960s.

    • starskeptic

      The novel was released in the ’60’s so, I’m giving her half credit; but an edit wouldn’t hurt.

  • Audra

    So funny. I would never touch it, but speaking of finger foods… I drove through a barbecue place last night on the way home from work. I hadn’t eaten in about 24 hrs. I got 1.5 lbs of beef brisket, ate with one hand, it was so succulent and creamy and good. After about 3/4 lb, I was completely stuffed. I couldn’t ear another bite. Fast food doesn’t have to be cheap and nasty. I’ve even eaten boiled eggs in the car before without peeling the shell, and it was really no more difficult than eating an apple.

  • Rachel Cassidy

    Are you sure you don’t have a soy allergy? One of the many side effects are stomach problems and migraines.

  • aphyde

    I personally move digestive products through in the 10-hour range, exshully, but maltitol = Express Train to Shit Island. I’m sure other people have other reactions to other sugaroid chemicals.

    Funny how you are wrong about pretty much everything but blah blah blah anyway.

  • Matthew Webb

    Paragraph 5 is still the best passage in this piece. lol @ trolls with testosterone imbalances.

  • PdxOregon

    Overreact much? Most people do in fact derive a lot of joy from food. Food rituals and preferences vary from culture to culture but food is frequently the center of many social occasions and has been for hundreds of years. Funny that this point makes you angry.

  • PdxOregon

    Thanks for your input doctor!

  • Friday Frida

    Oh God, I love this, I am also on a blogging quest to research alternate foods. I live in Sweden though and soylent doesn’t ship to Europe, with I am now so so grateful for. So I am trying other brands, that actually all have statements like, only real food, and ingredients I can understand. This makes me a little less scared for what lies ahead. Also I have a sensitive stomach. Yay! Well I have something important to do on saturday so Im waiting a few days before I try… again… since I wasn’t feeling so great after the first day. I wonder why. Thanks Frida / http://fridayfrida.com

  • Olivia esddms

    Poke. Ya sure you’re not allergic to something in soylent?
    Also, as with a lot of new food that one has never consumed before, the body rebels. Soylent is best adjusted to slowly. That’s why I love powder, and the old, good, metal, 250 calorie scoop. It’s the perfect size for a small thermal mug.
    I had unpleasantness at the beginning, but then my stomach was like “yeah, chill, it’s fine, move along, nothing to see here.”

  • TheLostVancouverite

    Awesome read; people on the bus probably thought I was strange for laughing out loud so much…

  • psghosh

    Thanks. I almost passed out laughing several times and now need to explain to my 10yo daughter why without letting her read the article…….

  • psghosh

    It seems like soylent is like those “cleansing” supplements you can buy that are supposed to clean out your intestinal tract (aka shitting through your ear until what looks like a tapeworm comes out)

  • sorry, but soy protein isolate is poor form of protein. it’s cheap, that’s why it’s used. soylent doesn’t use high quality whey isolate, nor quality carbs.

    Something like Legion’s Atlas is a higher quality food.

    • res_proxy

      I’ll have to look into that, thanks!

  • Pierce Wetter

    I enjoyed both of these articles. But if people didn’t mansplain to you, you wouldn’t have been able to write the second one. So really, mansplaing is a positive force for good in the universe.

  • Dirk Lenz

    Wait a minute. Trump’s ‘Fire and Fury’ threat against North Korea could be a perfidious food aid program?

  • Pat Cannon

    This may be God recommending a colonoscopy.

  • Clément Collier

    Sorry but I couldn’t resist. I just couldn’t. But it’s what you want anyway. You won. Anyway, today I learned :

    1 — You can throw unfiltered unstructured thoughts on the internet and call it writing. Then complain when you are called out on it. I have “Stop telling bloggers they aren’t writers” as a suggestion, and no I’m not going down that rabbit hole, thank you. The good thing is that I can use this to make me feel better and call that comment a writing. Why not after all ?

    2 — You can pretend that you tried something after only 2 instances if it ever becomes hard or annoying. Change is not supposed to be easy. Next time I’m asked to change on something I find hard or annoying I’ll be sure to link this article.

    3 — Some people at an advanced age still find jokes on poop and shit funny. The humour is lost on me, maybe I’m not sophisticated enough ; or I just left kindergarten on time like most people.

    4 — When someone comes around to call you out on the vast exaggerations and mischaracterisation of what you just wrote you can just call it mansplaining and be 100% right all the time, like magic.

    I actually had to google mansplaining. I was aware of the term but I tried really hard to ignore all the headlines about it ; felt like another controversial nonsense. Well I’m glad I did but now that I’m “enlightened” I don’t know what to make of it. Pondering whether I should change my profiles to a woman name and throw it around every time someone is trying to explain his opinions that I disagree with.

    The worst part is that when people (this does include woman, yes) do that is that they choose the most charitable option to conduct the argument : instead of declaring you proper dumb and dishonest they try to believe to you just misunderstood and proceed to an explanation, as simple as possible to be certain of the required information symmetry for a proper argument. The you go on and insult them ; they should have chosen option one after all.

    As to what concern Soylent, I couldn’t care less about them, they don’t even ship to EU. Which is too bad because now I am interested in testing it just to see how much of an exaggeration this “report” is. I have experience with similar competitors and can’t see it being that much of a problem. Unless you are blowing things out of proportion and blaming the food when you had a bad diet in the first place.

    Not that I’ll judge and actually I am the kind to only eat pizza and ice cream for a week then switch abruptly to a 100% vegetables based diet to pretend I hate healthy foods. I get the exact same symptoms (minus the over exaggeration). Turns out this is what you get when you eat too much fiber at once without your body being prepared for it (am I mansplaining ?). If I take too much coffee, it sends me directly to the bathroom too. And if I sustain an oignon based diet, my farts smell so bad that my cat just leave the room. However I wouldn’t blame the food, just me for being too stupid to maintain somewhat of an equilibrium in what I eat/drink.

    The comment on the labels is the definition of playing dumb. Do you drink alcohol ? Because it clearly says it will kill you so I’m not sure how you can reconcile that.

    The claims you have on nutrition makes me wonder if every one of your meals has been carefully crafted by a professional nutrition scientist. If not, I don’t understand your complaints about a product engineered by someone who probably did a whole lot of research on the subject and is probably better informed than you will ever be ? Unless I’m unaware of a special pedigree you hold ? That is leaving the fact they actually have a real scientist on the payroll.

    Nobody ever suggested that you should eat the stuff at every single meal ; just when it is more convenient. Depending on your situation it may be more or less often, but suggesting it would prevent you of sharing a meal whenever you wanted is just disingenuous. Also we don’t all live a very glamorous life where there is always someone to eat with us for a large amount of time as well as having the cashflow to sustain eating out all the time or the time capital to actually cook decent food. I mean I like to cook a lot, I do a lot of time. I actually worked as a cook. But truth is when you are alone and don’t want to blow one hour just to cook something decent you only other option is pre-processed pre-packaged food. At this point it can’t be any better and it’s barely half as convenient while being at least twice as consuming. Anyone claiming they can cook something edible out of raw ingredients in less than 30 min is a liar.

    Oh I know this is supposed to be a satire and I am completely OK will a well written, well targeted satire. This is not it.

    I just had to post a reasonable argument. Sorry.

    I hope you writing will get better. Ease up on the GIFs. I wish you luck.

    • uglybagofwater

      Did anyone bother reading this manifesto?

  • lefdef

    There was one version of soylent that made me really sick and I stopped drinking it for a year. But I’m drinking Soylent cacao now for a few months with no issues.

  • PaulaDEEN

    This is my new favourite; I hope you take a moment from your non-stop rage masturbation to reflect on how much I appreciate you.

  • Halloween_Jack

    I don’t have a problem with Soylent in concept–there are all sorts of people with all sorts of issues regarding food that could use something that’s nutritionally complete and easy to prepare–as I do with the reality of the basic product. I ordered a week’s worth of Soylent to see if the hype was justified, and almost immediately suffered intense bloating that didn’t get better. I also questioned the pitcher that came with the order (this was the original kind of Soylent that you had to mix yourself, not the premixed kind); the pitcher was far too tall to fit into my fridge unless I took out a shelf.

    Some of these problems are no doubt because of Rob Rhinehart’s own personal idiosyncrasies; some of his writings betray what seems to be a bad case of “picky eater” syndrome, in that he displays a general distaste for most food. The original Soylent post (which seems to have been taken down) makes a number of outlandish claims for the health benefits of what is supposedly just the minimum RDA for various nutrients, but it would make sense that Rhinehart felt better all around if he finally started correcting longstanding nutritional deficiencies. (Rhinehart shows a similar lack of awareness in how different he is personally from most people in other matters; he tried putting an experimental shipping-container-based home on an LA hilltop in a neighborhood that was resisting gentrification, and was shocked when it was broken into, trashed, and tagged with grafitti.) The basic concept of Soylent is better served by the community Complete Foods, formerly DIY Soylent, in which people tinker with and exchange recipes for nutritional shakes/smoothies that meet their particular dietary needs.

  • Jonathan Baker

    I suspect the megadoses of artificial sweeteners. Does it to my digestion far too often. Especially since taking a strong antibiotic for an infection, my intestinal flora are weaker than they used to be.

  • Karen Smith Henson

    Definitely made me laugh, but also wince in places, as I used to have major issues with certain foods after my gallbladder was removed at age 18 (issues which were weirdly mostly fixed when I had gastric bypass surgery at 35, so…yay?). One thing that often set me off, though, was sucralose, an artificial sweetener that I noticed on the list of Soylent ingredients; it can have unfortunate digestive effects on sensitive systems, and I avoid anything with Splenda in it to avoid the gutwrenching liquid apocalypse it produces.

  • Mark Weinrib

    I just want to sat Brava! One of the funniest things I have ever read. So sorry you had to live it. Soylent is a travesty that is looking for a problem to solve

  • Eve-Marie Hughes

    Is it bad that I read this post and thought “hey, I should try this for the chronic constipation/IBS!”? Then I remembered my 3 bouts of Norovirus over the summer and thought “nah… maybe not”. But still – laughing like crazy and you pulled me out of a monstrous bad mood – so thank you!

  • Dante Falakos

    I’m sorry I laughed at this because I’m sure it was not fun to experience. I only hope tragedy + time = comedy because I laughed so hard I snorted water 🙂

  • porsupah

    By way of a unicorn chaser to this “foodstuff”, I can recommend this rather beautiful retrospective on Pixar’s “Ratatouille”:


    (This was my introduction to The Everywhereist. I’ll definitely be following hereon!)

  • Daphne

    This is hilarious… in all honesty though, you should check if you have a soy sensitivity, cause that’s what happens to people that do (although usually not quite so violent a reaction, but that was a LOT of soy)

  • Stuart M.

    I just came back from a visit to my dad for 10 days in his assisted living apartment complex where all meals are included. I always put on 6 to 10 pounds in the roughly ten to fourteen days there because the highlight of his day is eating the three meals. “Here, eat this!” and “He wants a cookie too!” were words often heard during these times. I started drinking a Soylent for breakfast and another one for lunch and having a regular dinner. EVERYONE tells you to drink it cold and with plenty of water. Yes, storing it does not require refrigeration but drinking it cool is very pleasant, in my opinion. Every one or two sips of Soylent should be followed up with a sip of water. I don’t know why this is. When I didn’t do that at the beginning, I did get a headache. The quantity of Soylent liquid (plus the sips of water) and the 400 calories in Soylent 2.0 were just right to totally satisfy my appetite until the next meal. Yes, my dad gave me a lot of grief, “What!? What do you mean you’re not eating anything!?” But he got over it. I slowly drank the Soylent while talking to him and I was surprised several times when he finished his bacon and eggs, mixed fruit, English muffin and large tomato juice before I finished the Soylent. My weight? I didn’t gain a single pound this time. Yes, I have become the proselytizing convert. Several people at the facility asked me what I was drinking and I gave them a taste. Soylent is plant-based but obviously heavily processed to make it either in powder or liquid form. Still, I think as the world population creeps up to 10 billion in the year 2050 and probably 13 billion in 2100 (W.H.O. projections), the soy-based nutrition in Soylent makes it perhaps THE MOST ENVIRONMENTALLY SUSTAINABLE food imaginable. Forget meat, forget “organic food,” these are very wasteful uses of our limited agricultural land, land which will probably shrink due to global warming. I have no idea why the author of this article had such a bad reaction to Soylent. I think it’s wonderful.

  • I drank Soylent for 9 months and NOT ONCE did I have anything approaching diarrhea. It’s awesome. But I think I would rather have explosive diarrhea than read this author’s annoying, self-obsessed whines.

  • David Lee

    Is it okay that I laughed and laughed at your misery? In fact I read the story twice. And I think people were wondering why I was snickering and giggling and snorting in my office. And I have Solyent and I’ve had a similar reaction from 1/2 bottle, so I’m going to have to work myself up to a full bottle. Someday.

  • sanityfortheloveofdog

    I enjoyed the article-disturbing & funny. One problem, or two, I guess: Your husband’s shirt and glasses are causing me to experience an existential crisis. Please make him stop.

  • Robert Maule

    Banned in Canada: https://globalnews.ca/news/3827075/soylent-no-longer-sold-in-canada-after-cfia-says-it-doesnt-meet-rules/
    I’m so lucky to live here, and to have read this article before the ban was in place. I would eat a product called Soylent, for irony, but its gotta taste good.

  • wishicouldsurf

    Holy shit, this is hilarious.

  • Artor

    You need to temper your Soylent intake with a bag of sugar-free Haribo gummy bears.

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • Take note: if you ask your husband if you can move to NYC roughly four dozen times, he will start to cave a little.
  • Incredible reading by the love of my life to a packed room at NeueHouse Madison Square. So proud of you, @randderuiter, and the amazing emcee work by @michaeliconking.
  • Re-posting this photo that @wilreynolds took of us and his youngest near the beach outside of Lisbon. We're back home now, and I can't decide what I miss more: this little guy and his brother, or Portugal. Actually, scratch that. I know.
  • This place looks like a damn fairy tale.
  • Lunch with a view of the water, and some of the best seafood of my life.
  • The entire drive from Sintra to Lisbon looks like this. It's just miles of blue sky and rocky beaches.
  • No filter. This is just what Sintra looks like.
  • This street artist does amazing collages of animals from hunks of discarded plastic he collects (part of an effort to raise awareness about some of the most vulnerable victims of pollution). They're all over Lisbon, but we managed to get a close up view of this one.
  • Thousand watt smile on the little dude, and I am done.
  • Those eyes though.

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.