Traffic: the true test of any marriage

Posted on
Aug 26, 2012

I think the true test of any marriage is how well you can handle being stuck in traffic together.

If you can spend the afternoon staring at the same vehicle in front of you while you crawl across the interstate at 4 mph and you don’t end up strangling your spouse with a sock by the end of it, you can probably get through anything. If you encounter gridlock so heinous, people in neighboring cars actually get out to WALK THEIR DOGS, and you contemplate abandoning your rental car and your beloved to run into the woods and live amongst the hill folk, but you don’t do it because you would miss your husband and processed foods too darn much, then pat yourself on the back. You have a solid relationship.

That’s just how I see it.

Of course, I’m biased. Rand and I have sat through a lot of traffic jams. Like we did the weekend before last – we were in Colorado visiting friends, and got delayed by an hour both to and from the airport.

Rand entertained himself by falling asleep for part of the ride.

I sort of wishΒ IΒ had thought of that, but it’s probably best that I didn’t, since I was the one driving.

I’m only pretending to steer in this photo. The car wasn’t actually moving.

Instead, I kept myself busy by reading every single sign that we passed. I even photographed them.

Don’t worry about me using a camera while driving. The car wasn’t moving. Not. One. Damn. Inch.

And had time to do dramatic interpretations of each one for a drowsy Rand:

“Wake up and take a picture of me pretending to be a sheep!” / “Wait, what?” / “Stop asking questions and just DO it.”

Guess how I acted out this sign:

Answer: I farted.

It’s funny: despite being stuck motionless on the road for positively ages, we actually sort of had fun. Rand noted that it wasn’t all that different from sitting together on the couch, watching an awful TV show.

He was right. Hell, there weren’t even any awful commercials to fast forward through.

I attribute the success of our drive to six things:

  1. Snacks
  2. A really awesome soundtrack (thanks to several CDs we brought with us, each one masterfully curated by my husband)
  3. Refusing to jump ship car
  4. Appreciating the time you get to spend together
  5. Staying calm
  6. Occasionally making out

And if you think about it, those are the same things that make our marriage work, too.

That’s why I say if you can sit through traffic together, you’ll be just fine.

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