12 Things I’ve Never Said Regarding Air Travel

Posted on
Jan 16, 2012
Posted in: Air Travel, Top Ten

The other day, Rand and I were talking to one another, which is something we do when we aren’t sleeping, eating, or staring mindlessly at our keyboards (Yup. Our lives are full of romance. ENVY US). I can’t seem to retrace the steps of the conversation to how we got where we did, but at one point, I said one of those crazy, unprecendented statements that causes everyone to pause and reflect on how weird the discussion has become.

It was not precisely this, but something like it:

“I’m just saying, it’s hard to watch the ballet of manhood that is NFL football and not objectify the players like cheap pieces of meat.”

At which point my husband stared blankly at me and said, “I don’t think that combination of words has been uttered together before by anyone.”

This got me to thinking about other combinations of words that had never been uttered together – at least, not in certain contexts. Like, all the seemingly not-that-unusual combinations of words that I have never, ever said in relation to commercial flying. I’ve never commented on how I well prepared I was for a trip. Or how my in-flight magazine was positively riveting. In fact, I was able to come up with a whole boatload of expressions that never left my mouth when talking about air travel:

  1. Oh, thank goodness. I have the middle seat! I LOVE THE MIDDLE SEAT.
  2. Man, this food is delicious.

    It tasted better after I seasoned it with the salt of my tears.

  3. These security measures are so darn efficient.
  4. That TSA agent was as gentle as she was attractive. (Note: I can actually see how this could be said, albeit not in a complimentary way).

    Rand getting gently caressed.

  5. The stranger who is seated next to me is being incredibly respectful of my personal space.
  6. He also smells wonderful.
  7. Aww, did you see all the wonderful people who jumped up to help that woman place her bag in the overhead compartment? Humanity is great.
  8. I love flying. We should do MORE of it.
  9. You know, they really give you TOO much legroom.
  10. I can’t believe how little we paid for these tickets.
  11. I think wearing just socks to the airplane lavatory is a great idea!
  12. Yay! We landed early AND we have a gate!

I know, I know. I probably sound like a spoiled brat. Hell, I AM a spoiled brat. I have it easy. I get to travel the world, and I get to do it with him:

He always helps me with my bag. He always offers to take the middle seat. And he smells really, really good. My life is pretty charmed. I can’t complain. In fact, I’ll never whine about air travel again!

Actually, no, that’s not true. Never complain about air travel again? I … I really can’t believe I said that.

Leave a Comment

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • I didn't do nearly all that I set out to do today. But I had a lovely dinner thanks to this man and some excellent out of town guests. So perhaps the measure of a day isn't always about that damn checklist. (Maybe. Ask me again tomorrow when all the stress hits me. 🤔😅)
  • You can't expect things to look *exactly* like the picture in the cookbook. But sometimes they do anyway. #alisonroman #diningincookbook #diningin #cocoabananabread #instadesserts #baking
  • Here it is, folks. The paperback edition of my book is out today. The hardcover came out more than two years ago, so it's wonderful to know that this story of mine still has life and is, gasp, still selling copies. Don't miss the book that Lauren Graham called "the travel companion you'll be happy you brought along" and that some guy on Twitter said was "immature and stupid." It's available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Indiebound. #bookstagram #summerreading #bookworms
  • This lady. ❤️❤️❤️ So proud of her.
  • HAPPY LAUNCH DAY!! I really want to curl up in bed with this amazing novel today, but I can't - for an amazing reason. Because I'm going to be at the Lake Forest Park location of Third Place Books tonight, discussing it with the author, my dear friend @andreadunlop. Lady, I'm so proud of you. ❤️ ❤️❤️ #bookstagram #summerreading
  • Baking in an AirBnB is always an adventure. I didn't have a measuring cup for the flour so I eyeballed it, and had to use a wine bottle as a rolling pin to make these handpies. Not my best work, but @demeritt and @randderuiter seemed cool with the results, so I'm going to accept that sometimes good enough is, well, enough. 🥧🍴
  • "I hit the jackpot." That's how I once heard Michael J. Fox describe his marriage years ago, and it stayed with me. I've never found a better way of describing our relationship than that. Bells ring. Lights flash. Coins spill everywhere. Now, where's my complimentary breakfast?
  • Someone sent Rand socks with his face all over them, and he's really bothered by this but I'm gonna rock the hell out of them.
  • I told him to stop looking at the camera.
  • Eating junk food on the ferry with this guy right before dinner is kind of the dream.

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.