– Friends, let me tell you something: steroids are terrible. Many of you are probably wondering why a perfect physical specimen such as myself would need to resort to steroids in the first place. After all, my body is temple (albeit one dedicated to sloth and cupcakes). The answer is, simply, brain surgery. Steroids are commonly given…
Brain surgery was not what I thought it would be. As ridiculous as it sounds, going into it, I convinced myself it wouldn’t be a big deal. I know, I know. How does one actually convince themselves that brain surgery isn’t that big a deal? I don’t rightly know, but believe me when I tell…
Last week, Twitter … did something. I don’t actually know the machinations of it, to be honest, and I’m at the point where I’m a little too fatigued to care. I heard whispers of something amiss. That Google could no longer crawl the site; that people were getting notifications that they’d exceeded their daily recommended…
When you are my age, everyone starts caring about your uterus. Not in a fun way, where they send it text messages or memes featuring shirtless Jeff Goldblum circa Jurassic Park, but in a very critical, “what the fuck is wrong with your downstairs human factory and, by extension, you” kind of way. Because if…
Occasionally, my brain will spit something out, and I’ll read it afterward and think, “Hey, this isn’t terrible.” If I’m in a particularly optimistic mood (usually achieved by listening to too much Springsteen and eating baked goods), I’ll start to think that what I’ve written is sort of brilliant. And if the baked goods are…
“I can’t figure out what this is.” “It’s … slimy.” “I can’t cut anything.” “Cut? I’ve just been using my hands.” “Speaking of hands, Geraldine, keep yours to yourself.” “GOD DAMN IT, JON. Lisa, I swear, I’m not touching him.” ————— I have heard that if you take one sense away, the others rush…
My brain is a weensy bit fried. I’m in California, so blogging will be a little slow/light for the rest of the week. I’m visiting my aunt who just had heart surgery yesterday (and since I know you guys will ask, because you are thoughtful like that, she is doing wonderfully. Thank you for your…
– In case you were unable to gather it from yesterday’s post, Guinness is a big deal in Ireland. Okay, calm down. Yes, I realize there is far more to Ireland than Guinness (trust me, I GET IT). I’m not trying to upset anyone. I don’t mean to overgeneralize or to come off as a…
(My apologies for the gap in posting. I had intended to get up several blog posts yesterday, but instead I systematically poisoned myself.) – After the fussing and fueding that accompanied our Ireland trip, Rand and I decided to institute something we call “date night”. I know some of you are reading that and wondering…
Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
by Geraldine DeRuiter
Available Now!
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