Father’s Day Cards for Broken People.

Posted on
Jun 21, 2015
Posted in: Random Musings

Father’s Day is always kind of tough for me. My dad lives in Germany, and has since before I can remember, so we don’t usually spend the holiday together. Normally, I just call him, and we have the sort of awkward exchange that only two people with virtually nothing in common – except for a ton of genetic material – can have.

I’ve considered sending him a card, but the ones from the store are woefully lacking. They all apply to dads who play golf, or can’t cook, or who really, really like to fish. Or they’re super saccharin, and I would never in a thousand years send something like that to my dad, because he’d think I’d lost my mind.

Unfortunately, though, there aren’t any cards that say “Thanks for putting me through college and not openly disputing my paternity.” Or, “Thanks for doing the best that you could, considering you don’t really like children.” Which is a problem, because┬ásometimes that’s what you really want to say to your dad. So I made a few Father’s Day cards for the rest of us, whom Hallmark has forgotten.

Some of you may find these depressing. Or a little sad. Others will hopefully find them funny. They are for that last group.


























And a shout-out to all the single moms out there:


Happy Father’s Day, Dad. It was nice hearing your voice today.

Also published on Medium.

Leave a Comment

  • Colleen Sweeney

    This really resonates with me. I am not particularly close with my dad, and buying him cards is like pulling teeth.

  • Allison

    This resonated with me as well. While I love my dad, we don’t have a conventional relationship and I would never feel comfortable picking something for him from Hallmark. These gave me a nice chuckle!


  • Dan Cottam

    Geraldine, good gosh, with all that you put out there about yourself, you are truly fascinating to say the least. Your mind is a creative playground for so many to enjoy, be consoled by, feel connected to, and often times smile with. From my son Brendan (who you know in passing from Phili / Boston) and me…thank you!

  • lena_scott

    That last one, especially for me. I mean, my oldest son totally wished me a Happy Father’s Day on Sunday. When I asked him if he’d called his dad yet, he said he would get around to it…. One year he said I was the best momma daddy….which is sort of an extension on what he used to tell me when he was little—You’re the best mommie EVER! Usually I would say thank you and pat his little head and feel a bit sorry for him that he didn’t know better. ­čÖü Eventually I learned to take his feedback as wise, because the Kid Review comes from first hand experience on their part and they meant it. If I felt like a crappy mom and the worst person on the face of the planet, (I wouldn’t say anything to them about it but maybe it was the look on my face) then they usually would be the first to bustle up to me and declare that I was the prettiest and best mom in the world. I love those guys and I’ve learned to take their compliments and job performance reviews to heart. It always makes me a bit sad when the boys call me momma-daddy, or say how glad they are that I am not like that icky so-and-so and how happy they are to have me— but when dad steps out emotionally you fill in the vacuum as best you can. I personally feel that there is no replacement for what a great dad can do, and those are hard shoes to fill—so hopefully they have in their lives great guy role models that can demo what it means to be a great guy. They seem to learn what not to do, however, from not great examples—-which I suppose is just as effective. The Don’t Be Like THAT Guy Teaching Model might get a bit old, but if they can learn from ours (and other’s) mistakes and build great relationships, then they’ve learned what they need to learn to thrive. To be fair, he HAS stepped up in some unique ways, but they miss having their daddy person, even though they are men now themselves. There’s still time for him to get it right.

  • Colby Raley

    This is amazing!

  • Rachel Offord

    Looks like it’s time for you to diversify into cards. How about “Thanks for fucking my Mum so that I could exist…”

  • Ok, I cannot believe I never saw this till now. We must have a lot in common because I feel like I wrote this!!! Except — my “father” was actually worse. But, all the feels and not feels about Father’s Day? Yeah. Got those exactly.

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