WTF Wednesday: My family is trying to kill me.

Posted on
Nov 17, 2010
Posted in: Random Musings, WTF

I love my family. And I’m fairly convinced that at least some of them love me. Nevertheless, it seems that several of them are trying to kill me, or, at the very least, trying to ensure that I will get so hopelessly lost that I will never, ever be able to find my way home.

During my last trip down to San Diego, I decided to head down to the Arabic grocery store located not terribly far from my Auntie P.’s house. I had been there once before, and I had found it magical. Sugared nuts, dozens of different types of feta, a variety of pistachio- and walnut-studded cookies and pastries – it was incredible. The only thing the place lacks, for obvious reasons, is a hearty selection of pork. Oh, and the staff seems to hate everyone. But other than that? It’s a delightful place.

My aunt had accompanied me last time I went. She goes there fairly often (at least a few times a month), but despite this, she got us both terribly lost when trying to get there.

“I thought you go here all the time,” I said.

“I do.” she replied. She nevertheless had no idea where it was.

We finally made it by circling a few blocks, and eventually giving up and calling my uncle.

So, on my subsequent trip to California, several months later, I had figured that Auntie P. would be able to tell me how to get to the store. So I asked her, and she rattled off directions like a pro. I was so proud of her.

Of course, I didn’t believe for a second that she had the directions right, so as a precaution, I asked my uncle. Sure enough, his directions differed greatly from my aunt’s. Here you can see both of their directions. My aunt’s are on the top, my uncle’s at bottom.

Here’s the rundown:

  • Auntie P. gets off to a good start: She gets the name of the store correct!
  • She tells me to take 8-East – so far so good!
  • OOOh – bit of a set-back as she neglects to tell me to get on 805-South.
  • She tells me to take the El Cajon exit, which is correct, but since it’s off of 805-South, I’d never have found it.
  • Auntie P. instructs me to turn left, which is correct.
  • She tells me that the store is on 35th and Wilson. The big problem with that? 35th and Wilson don’t intersect. I’d have gone mad driving up and down 35th, not realizing that Wilson runs parallel.

Of course, in the grand scheme of things, she got pretty close, but that’s not the problem, really. The problem is that certain members of my family give directions with absolute certainty, even when THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY’RE GOING.

Seriously. WTF.

Leave a Comment

  • This made me laugh. I think I’ve been to there before! I should give directions next time, haha. I recommend trying the mint-flavored yogurt drinks.

  • Poi

    haha she gets an A for effort!

More from The Blog

On Instagram @theeverywhereist

  • I first met Chad around the time I had brain surgery. He'd just gone through the same experience with a very different diagnosis. He went on to have SIX more brain surgeries and was part of a litany of clinical trials for his brain cancer. Through it all he was funny and brash and so painfully honest about his experience. He was also instrumental in helping me finish my book - I sent Chad a chapter every month while working on my manuscript. He joked that I'd enlisted a dying man to help me meet my deadline. I hadn't emailed him in months, and just found out today that he passed away right before Christmas. It was a long time coming, but I am still blindsided by the loss.
...
Goodbye you wonderful, brilliant, exuberant asshole. I knew you'd break my heart.
  • Thirty-three years later, and she's still my hero. One year later, and I still miss her. #PrincessLeia #CarrieFisher #CarrieOn
  • Same house. Same nieces. A decade later. (My heart hurts.)
  • My New Yorker piece spoofing Lin-Manuel Miranda went up, and he saw it. So today was pretty neat.
  • Her name is Pippin but I call her Porkchop.
  • He asked me if this photo of him as a kid looked like him.
...
Me: Hold on. (Scribbles on phone.) Yes. Now it does.
  • Downtown Flemington is obviously haunted but still super charming.
  • I can't deal with this. #toocute #babytequila
  • Philadelphia in the snow is breaking my heart.
. . . . 
#snow #Philadelphia #independencemall
  • Finally got to meet Niko. This is the closest I came to getting a clear shot of the little squirmer.

All Over The Place

Buy my book and I promise I'll never ask you for anything again.

BE AWESOME. BUY IT.