The Everywhereist

When I am hungry while traveling, things go downhill very quickly.

I become snappy and irritable and overly-sensitive. In a town like Munich, this can be problematic, because German isn’t exactly a delicate sounding language to begin with. Even when folks are being courteous (which they often are in Bavaria), I want to respond to them in one of two ways, depending on my level of hunger:

1.) Weep.

2.) Scream, “OH, YEAH? Well ‘ENTSCHULDIGUNG’ TO YOU, TOO, ASSHOLE.”

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Sometimes eating at chain restaurant won't leave you feeling dirty and sad inside. Really.

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In high school, I ate fast food nearly every day.

While my colon now involuntarily spasms at the thought, I lunched at Burger King on Mondays through Fridays for the better part of my junior and senior years. And yet, miraculously, I was far thinner than I am now. It was clearly a superpower of youth, one that I am unable to explain. In the words of Madonna, life is a mystery.

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I keep trying to figure out exactly how to write about all the restaurants we visit in a city. New York seems particularly overwhelming, because every place you look up seems to have a few hundred reviews on Yelp. Everything consequently averages out to about 3 stars. It is, in short, impossible to know where to eat. And, for me at least, it’s impossible to shake the feeling that something better might be just around the corner. Thankfully, we lucked out on our last trip. With the exception of this dinner, we ate at some low-key, generally budget-friendly places, and I’d return to nearly all of them.

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Please excuse me if I am a bit more frugal than normal for the next few weeks. If I start frantically clipping coupons and hoarding pennies, do not be surprised. If I pass out, please get me a cookie, as it means I have sold too much plasma.

It’s all Norway’s fault.

While we were there, we found that Oslo had dethroned London as the most expensive city in the world, which isn’t all that surprising. By comparison, London seems downright reasonable. New York seems dirt cheap. I haven’t noted too many specific restaurants, because really, it’s a crapshoot. But hey – you don’t go to Norway (or anywhere in Scandanavia) for the cuisine.

Here’s a rundown of some of the meals we had, and their prices. Try not to let your mouth hang open like a trout. Because I did that, and apparently it’s not a good look. (more…)