The Everywhereist

I am sick.

Like, wrapped up in a promotional Snuggie given to me after one of my husband’s speaking gigs sick. Like, contemplating which TV show to watch that won’t include too much conflict or plot development, because my NyQuil-addled brain won’t be able to follow it sick. I need to go back to bed. But I don’t want to start off the year by slacking, so, since the epiphany is still two days away, I figure I can still write about the holidays, right? At least until Thursday?

So, in honor of squeezing every last bit of life out of Christmas, here are ten pictures from our San Diego holiday trip. Enjoy.

1. Ocean Beach holiday decor, Newport Ave.
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2. “MY GOD, you have soft hands.”
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   "I work in tech." - Rand

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When you’re a kid, familial roles seems permanent and immutable. You are one of the children, though you don’t necessarily regard yourself as such. The definition you carry is far less important than the one you’ve designated to others. Parents and aunts and uncles – these make up the grown-ups. They are caregivers and disciplinarians, and seem incomprehensibly old – even at the age of 30. Grandparents are a subset of this, though slightly different. Fewer rules. More chocolates.

My Auntie P., my mom (holding me) and my grandmother. In this picture, my mother is younger than I am now.

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1. Horizon Airlines plane, Santa Barbara Airport

Something about walking on the tarmac makes me feel like an international woman of mystery ... who flies Horizon.

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2. Spotted near the Danish town of Solvang, CA.

What? Just because you murder and pillage doesn't mean you don't like little umbrellas in your drinks.

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I am not an exhibitionist. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but let it be known – my sleeve is staying right where it is. I don’t tend to show that much skin. There are a few exceptions to this rule, of course, when I have been know to throw caution (and my pants) to the wind.

Specifically:

• Any time before the age of 3. I was young, and I didn’t know what I was doing. We’ll just leave it at that.
• A slumber party during middle school when we mooned passing cars from the balcony. I was drunk on pixie sticks and peer pressure.
• The incident last year at a friend’s house that is simply referred to as “the flashing of the Argosy cruise.”
• Whenever it’s laundry day, and the only outfits I have to wear are relics from my skinny college days. These happen more than I would like to admit.

And that’s it, really. I’m far too prudish and self-conscious to reveal too much of myself in public. I haven’t been seen in a bikini in years. It’s just not something I do. So you can imagine my shock when, at the Santa Barbara airport a few weeks ago, we saw this … (more…)

Sometimes, I find it’s very easy to predict what I’d like.

For example, if you took me to some sort of cake exhibition that required us to wear pretty clothes and comfy shoes, I would enjoy that very much. On the other hand, if you made me listen to “comedy” of Dane Cook while sampling flavored mayonnaise, I might pray for a swift death. I think I am uncomplicated in this manner. But sometimes, sometimes I will like or dislike something passionately, and it’s difficult to foresee.

So when my husband was driving me to Buellton, CA, because I was curious about why it was the split pea soup capital of the world (a distinction which I find equally dubious and hysterical) and he saw the signs for Solvang, CA, he immediately suggested we go there instead.

“You are going to love Solvang.”

Again, it’s one of those things that I doubt anyone could have predicted: that I would like (nay, ADORE) the cheesiness of a small Danish village in the middle of California. But I did. Of course, it helped that they had actual danishes, of the frosted variety.

Something is awesome in the state of California.

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The other day, my friend Kim and I were defending our tendency to wash out and re-use Zip-loc plastic bags. Apparently our hoighty-toighty significant others find it “gouache”.

WHICH IT SO IS NOT. Those things are expensive (besides, we’re saving the planet). In middle school, we only had the fold-over closure plastic sandwich bags in my house, and oh, how I envied the popular girls with their Zip-loc bags, which seemed the height of opulence to me. The would walk into the cafeteria in their crisp Esprit outfits, their pristine-white Keds squeaking against the floor, and pull the pricey plastic baggies out of their lunch sacks, filled with treats like Pringles or strawberries. Now that I’m finally able to afford such luxuries, there’s no way I’d just throw them in the trash.

It’s just that – well, I love saving money. Don’t get me wrong – I love spending it, too. But it’s just sooo much fun to get things on sale, to peel back the sale stickers on something and see what it would have originally cost someone crazy enough to pay full price. When I was a kid, bargain shopping came out of necessity – and I learned to be really, really creative while on a budget. Personally, I think I did well even if, in retrospect, I looked insane at times …

The Everywhereist in band class, circa 1993. Notice I'm rocking a kid's Power Rangers t-shirt.

Basically, I ended up dressing like Alicia Silverstone‘s character in Clueless. Which, depending on how you look at it, is either really cool or really tragic. (more…)